Guess how I feel today...

A dollar for the first person that gets it right!!!

Laura, I am always on the board, but don't post a lot. I read a lot of your posts-I honestly thought from your profile picture that you were in your 20's!

Congrats on the weight loss and congrats on the new car, what kind of car is it?

Nope you guys are all wrong... I have lost 70 something pounds I have ONLY 20 something to go, and I feel just as fat as the day I started this.

I know I can look at pictures of before and "see"

The difference but a lot of times I don't actually feel it or see it in the mirror.

Today that picture is of a 47 year old woman who stayed up until 2 am last night, by the way fighting food cravings from 9pm on. Woke up at 7am drank some coffee and grabbed some clothes laying around, threw her hair in a bun, no make up. To run out the door to pick up her son.

I took the picture because I feel like ****! I feel fat and gross (the same way I felt before)

I didn't even have to worry about "**** I have to leave the house what do I have that fits" ( out of my two pairs of 22 size pants)

I was able to grab anything. All the while, playing the "your fat" loop in my head.

There are days that I make this so hard on myself. Some days I think I've got this down, I'm on top of the world and think good girl look at you! But I must admit I have more moments of being hyper critical of myself.

I see all of your before and afters (or during) and I want to look like you.

I want to see myself, I try to see myself as being successful... But it escapes me sometimes.

if i had been up until 2am fighting food cravings then up at 7am on 5 hours of sleep i'd feel pretty pissed off too.

I'm sure I'm not the only person on this board that looks up to you. You say you want to look like us? SURPRISE - we want to look like you! 70lbs is a HUGE accomplishment, we want that kind of success.

Stop beating yourself up, you deserve better. You're an inspiration to people, start saying that in your head instead of that negative stuff that's in there now.

Laura you are GORGEOUS even sleep deprived! You are a highly intelligent and successful woman. So why do you talk so mean to yourself? 70 something lbs gone is AWESOME! I hope to get there soon myself. Even if I get to my goal of 100 lbs gone forever I will still be over weight. Kinda sucks when you lose a ginormous amount of weight and yet are still fat. I think I will always be fat in my mind regardless. The hardest part sometimes is just to be kind and loving to myself and turn off the negative, mean-spirited self-talk. It's a habit that helps nothing and no one. Hang in there woman, you are doing great!

pre-surgery weight 325; surgery date 2/28/2013; surgery weight 307; 8 weeks past-op weight 281.4; 12 weeks post-op 274; 4 month post-op 266.2; 5 month post-op 262.6

Umm Laura, you know I adore you! You pick me up & make me laugh all the damn time.....YOU are so helpful to many of us!

When I 1st saw your pic, I was like...WOW, I can't wait to look as good as her! I see..... FEROCITY & BEAUTY! And I'm not talking about the Porsche!

XOXOXO

You know what, thank you for letting us in on your "down" moment. It's hard to be positive 100% of the time. I will echo what others have said though. You are truly an inspiration to a lot of us here. Since I've been on the boards, I have gotten a lot out of your posts and you are someone that I would say to myself "I want to be like her!"

I hope your day has improved as it went on!

That is an awesome goal gift! *jealous* as per your mood, you look look like you endured it rather then enjoyed it.

You look attractive in thepicture. healthy and in shape. skinny. Not sure how or why you characterize yourself as any other way. 20 lbs away? That is so close!

Are you kidding me? The car is a goal gift? Sorry but you're gonna have to pick me up next time we go to the F2F support group, or at least give me a quick ride before we call it a night!

Lynda

I think you know my fav thoughts on this' date=' but I'll say them again:

[*']What would you tell your best friend? (Thanks cognitive behavior therapy!)

[*]You can't hate yourself thin. (Thanks Elina!)

[*]Self soothing doesn't have to be self-destructive. (Thanks Writer Girl!)

Lynda

Lynda,

You are so right on all three points! Thank you my friend.

Laura' date=' I am always on the board, but don't post a lot. I read a lot of your posts-I honestly thought from your profile picture that you were in your 20's!

Congrats on the weight loss and congrats on the new car, what kind of car is it? [/quote']

20's? I officially love you

Welcome and I looked forward to reading your posts!

Oh the car is a Porsche boxster (can you say mid life crisis)

if i had been up until 2am fighting food cravings then up at 7am on 5 hours of sleep i'd feel pretty pissed off too.

I'm sure I'm not the only person on this board that looks up to you. You say you want to look like us? SURPRISE - we want to look like you! 70lbs is a HUGE accomplishment' date=' we want that kind of success.

Stop beating yourself up, you deserve better. You're an inspiration to people, start saying that in your head instead of that negative stuff that's in there now.[/quote']

Don, I saw that we were both up late last night...

Next time lets talk each other down.

Yes that "stinking thinking" has got to go!

Laura you are GORGEOUS even sleep deprived! You are a highly intelligent and successful woman. So why do you talk so mean to yourself? 70 something lbs gone is AWESOME! I hope to get there soon myself. Even if I get to my goal of 100 lbs gone forever I will still be over weight. Kinda sucks when you lose a ginormous amount of weight and yet are still fat. I think I will always be fat in my mind regardless. The hardest part sometimes is just to be kind and loving to myself and turn off the negative' date=' mean-spirited self-talk. It's a habit that helps nothing and no one. Hang in there woman, you are doing great!

pre-surgery weight 325; surgery date 2/28/2013; surgery weight 307; 8 weeks past-op weight 281.4; 12 weeks post-op 274; 4 month post-op 266.2; 5 month post-op 262.6[/quote']

Chelenka,

Yes it's that fat person in my mind that bullies her way to the surface some days!

I love so many, and I need to set a bit of that love aside for myself because I know in my heart that I deserve it too. But boy that's a tall order some days!

And look at you! Your weight loss is great!'

Umm Laura' date=' you know I adore you! You pick me up & make me laugh all the damn time.....YOU are so helpful to many of us!

When I 1st saw your pic, I was like...WOW, I can't wait to look as good as her! I see..... FEROCITY & BEAUTY! And I'm not talking about the Porsche!

XOXOXO[/quote']

Molly girl,

You know I adore you too

I want you to start looking at yourself and seeing your beauty now, everyday.... Because trust me its there already!

Are you kidding me? The car is a goal gift? Sorry but you're gonna have to pick me up next time we go to the F2F support group' date=' or at least give me a quick ride before we call it a night!

Lynda[/quote']

Maybe not. it was just speculation on my part.

How can I buy a goal gift when I'm not at goal yet?

Ummm... Never thought about a goal gift...

But something tells me being at goal is a pretty good gift in itself

Don, I saw that we were both up late last night...

Next time lets talk each other down.

Yes that "stinking thinking" has got to go!

Never hesitate to reach out to me anytime - if nothing else, I can try to make you laugh by sending you ridiculous threats via PM.

Before WLS, I promised myself a bike if I could get under 200 lbs. I got close, ordered the bike and promptly gained 20 lbs. back. But I rode the bike anyway. It's a lot easier with more than 100 lbs less of me. I guess goal is a good enough gift on its own. But I had lots of gifts and mini goals along the way. I was just looking at the list the other day.

lynda

You know what' date=' thank you for letting us in on your "down" moment. It's hard to be positive 100% of the time. I will echo what others have said though. You are truly an inspiration to a lot of us here. Since I've been on the boards, I have gotten a lot out of your posts and you are someone that I would say to myself "I want to be like her!"

I hope your day has improved as it went on! [/quote']

I try and stay positive, because at the end of the day I am so grateful, yes GRATEFUL! That I was able to have this surgery and given one last chance at health. But I think we all know it wasn't only food that got us to morbid obesity...

And I'm taking a deep breath right now, knowing that I have to continue to not only eat well, but also work on those negative loops that have played for so many years in my head.

Never hesitate to reach out to me anytime - if nothing else' date=' I can try to make you laugh by sending you ridiculous threats via PM. [/quote']

Don after that last threat, I promise NEVER to pout again!! *shivers*