My name is Jodi and I live in North Carolina. Although I never had a real weight problem into my early 20s...somewhere along the line I got married, had a child and gained a TON of weight. My pregnancy was terrible and ended with the dreaded toxemia (sp) that is contributed by being overweight. I have tried every stupid "diet" out there with no success. My husband and I ride horses and it is so embarrassing to ride knowing that I look like a blob up there. I have also started teaching my daughter (5) to ride and we cannot ride double because I am too big. I have been reading all the post and have scheduled to go to a info seminar on the 27th of Dec. I have not told my husband and thought maybe I could do all this without him knowing but after reading, I know that would be difficult. See, he's not real real good with words and in his mind he thinks if he talks down to me enough about being fat, I will just lose weight in a snap. I love him very much and wish I could be that person he married years ago. I'm scared to know my actual weight these days but I'm thinking 230 lbs. At 5'4", thats alot of weight to tote around. I want to get myself under control so I can enjoy life again. I want to have the desire to actually "get ready" to go somewhere. I hope some of you can relate and give me some guidance. I look forward to meeting each of you!

(((Jodi)))

Welcome! You are not alone in your feelings. I too was not really overweight until having kids and after years of "trying" to lose the weight on my own, I am about 60 pounds higher than when I started. I always had that extra 20 pound battle or so, but marriage and having kids put me about 70 or so pounds heavier than that!

Don't be hard on yourself. This is not something you did wrong. Life happens and we all deal with it differently, but no amount of badgering from our significant others will make us lose the weight for good, you need to do this for yourself! Congrats on making the appt for the info session. I made mine in September, without any real thoughts that I would have this surgery, but I liked what I heard. I have learned so much from everyone on this board and have gained confidence in my decision. My husband is a man of few words too. Specifically he tells me "do what you want to do" but I don't get much more out of him than that. I guess that is his way of being supportive. He has watched me for the past 10 years go on diet after diet, swearing this was the last one. I can't imagine he has a lot of faith in me, as I haven't got much either. He doesn't say that, but I would assume that to be the case. Deep down inside though, I know this is it. Something clicked and I am so excited to start this new journey.

I hope you find everything you are looking for here! Best wishes!

~Kay

Kay...thanks you so much for the reply. Seems like I spend days saying what the heck happened to me? Some days I feel so motivated and others I say who cares, just be fat. I know that is wrong but thats just how I feel. I hope this is the answer to my prayers.....

Jodi!!!! You are not alone! I myself just signed up forthe seminar as well on the 28th! We can do this together.. I'm the same # as you, same height.. ect... emai me anytime and we can chat! I have not told my husband or family either but I know.. I just know I can do this:) and you can too!:nervous

I'm here for you!

Welcome Jodi

my wake up call on how my x hubby thought about me and my weight was when i heard through a mutual source that at work he was laughing at me with his workmates and calling me a 'big fat slob who sits on the couch all day eating chocolate' man did it hurt! I had lapband surger two weeks after we separated and have never looked back...funny thing is now I am looking Way better he wants me back...my thoughts...if you couldn't love me the way I deserve when I was fat then why would I go back to you now that I am starting to look fantastic...I got sick of the sly comments he used to make about my weight when we were married...he used to really speak down at me and stopped taking me out to his friends place etc cause I guess he was embarassed about being seen with me...Now that is a horror story and I sincerely hope that it never happens to you...Sounds like your plans to have lapband to try and control your weight is very timely...I wish you all the best with your progress...keep us posted. I feel for you and totally understand what you are going through.

becky

Hi Jodi, I too am in the same boat as you. although I am also pregnant.... I am wondering, is there anyone out there who has managed to have the surgery and not tell their husband.....?? I know it sounds deceitful but when you have a husband who just thinks you should be able to click your fingers and not be fat anymore, it is hard. I have bought it up once and he said it was a lazy, easy way out - I completely disagree with him but am unsure what to do.... Anyones input would be greatly appreciated!!

Thank you for all the encouragement...I too wonder if anyone has been able to pull the surgery off without their spouse figuring out. I'd imagine it would be tough with the incisions and unless he was completely oblivious I think it would be impossible. I am very excited to go to my seminar. Although I catch myself second-guessing myself after reading some of the topics concerning the post-op life of giving up certain foods (hard to imagine), I snap out of it knowing that this is the right thing to do.

Hi Jodi, good luck with your informational seminar. I hope your husband will be supportive. Its a great journey. Good luck.

I don't know of anyone personally who managed to keep this from a spouse, or even anyone who tried. Your life during pre-op and post op is a definite change, I cannot imagine it...but I wasn't in a position it was necessary either. That being said, if you really feel this is something you need to hide from your DH's, then maybe you need to talk to someone else, maybe during your psychological exam, and get a feel for how you will likely respond emotionally to their reactions to surgery, and how your life is bound to change following surgery..And i don't mean what foods you can't eat. I personally cannot eat dry chicken or yeasty donuts, everything else works fine. I was in a very abusive marriage for awhile, and I know men put you down, in an effort to build themselves up. If it is truly simple a lack of ability to verbalize their feelings, then they should be willing to attend a therapist with you, and help you along, or at least listen to your options, as opposed to putting down the idea with no thought involved. My ex saw me as fat, and ugly, and knew no one else would want me!! Ironically he saw me as that when I was only 180 pounds, and at 5'9" thay makes me fairly thin, in actuality---but he beat me down with words as well as fists.

TRY talking to them, and I hope they shock you with their supportiveness, if they don't, you may have problems bigger than the band alone can help---and need to realize it can only do so much even with weight.

Good Luck to you all, I hope these men just shock your socks off!!! And endup being wonderful support!!

Kat

I think that if you catch him in a good mood or right before he needs something from you, (you know what I meen) then he might be willing to hear your viewpiont. Give yourself time to sit a talk about it, ask him just to listen for a minute before interjecting his opinion. Let him see the forum and all the good things that come out of it. Have him go to the seminar with you and ask lots of questions. We sometimes rush to a NO answer when we don't understand and sometimes we don't understand because we don't give ourselves enough time to learn. It will be GREAT if you both can go through this together after all two is better than one in the support system.

Take Care

Sand Pirate :bandit

I would try it only if he's an absolute doofus and totally unobservant about you and how and when you eat and if he lives on another planet. Also, I don't think I could have gotten by with spending $20,000 and DH not noticing that for sure!!

Seriously, it requires a lot of support and encouragement....and someone that will be close to you for the rest of your life needs to know you have a foreign object implanted in your body for future medical situations. Because that thing is in there to stay!!

I'm looking forward to my seminar and hope I can work it out for my insurance to pick up mist the bill (I HOPE)...thank you for the kind words and will keep you all posted. Glad to know I am not alone.