I'm starting to get nervous! I've already been trying to cut back and watch what I'm eating and slowing down on sodas. I know this is all things I'm going to have to do, so I'm taking the steps now so I don't go into shock when I actually HAVE to do it. I know I get to skip a couple steps like sleep study and gallbladder since I've already had my gallbladder removed and am already on a CPAP machine. I'll have to go through a 3 month Dr. supervised diet for my insurance.

I just I'm just rambling on and on. I keep thinking...what if I do really good on this diet and the insurance says, you can do it on your own??? I've got over 200 lbs to lose and I've gotten to the point where I KNOW I can't do this alone. I've started and dropped Weight Watchers more times than I can count...

My husband doesn't really approve of WLS, but keeps saying he will support me in any decision I make for myself. But I have noticed that he is not very open to me talking about it. He doesn't stop me, but I can just tell he's not really listening to me. Although I do believe he is making an effort. I will have a big support system in my niece, who is hopefully coming to live with me before my surgery. I also have a cousin who had lapband about 10 years ago, and she's a big support as well, although she lives 400 miles away but is always a phone call away.

I know this surgery (or any other WLS) is not a cure all and that it will be like a walk in the park to lose weight afterwards. I know I will have to work harder than I've ever worked at anything in my life. But I worked very hard to have my son. And if I went through that, I can go through this so that I can be the mother I want and need to be to him. I don't want to be a mother on the sidelines. I want to be right in the middle of it!!

Right now, I don't go to movies or concerts or ballgames or anywhere like that. I'm too big to fit in the seats. I can't go into a store and buy clothes. I have to order my clothes online. I have a horrible time finding shoes due to my feet being so wide and fat. I even have a hard time finding socks for goodness sake!!

Those are all the reasons I'm doing this and more. I want to be off my CPAP machine. I'm afraid I'm beginning to have high blood pressure. I don't want to go on meds for that. I want to be able to go in a store and buy an outfit. I want to be able to take my son to the park and actually PLAY with him instead of sitting on the bench watching him. I want to be able to go to a concert and not worry about fitting in the seat or crowding out the person next to me.

Thank you all for your time in reading this and letting me vent. I actually feel better now that I got this off my chest!

Good luck with your journey!