I'm in dire need of venting...so here goes:

I started entertaining the idea of weight loss surgery a couple years ago. When I decided to actually go for it after nothing else has worked for me, I told my mother that I was really wanting to do the sleeve after a lot of research, reflection, and talking with my therapist. ( As a nurse, I really want all the facts/figures/statistics I can get.) Anyway, I asked her not to tell anyone; that I'd rather keep it "on the down low," so to say, because I felt/feel so embarrassed about needing it in the first place. Come to find out down the road, she went and told my father, my sister and her husband, and other members of the family whom I did not want knowing any of this.

I've been dealing with all of the crap that they've been throwing at me and how they think I should just be able to do it on my own and just use will power. Well, if it was that simple, I wouldn't need WLS... Tonight, however, was probably the worst it's been. I stopped by my folks' house to pick up a couple things, and as I'm leaving, my father tells me I need to "forget about this whole surgery thing," it's a "huge mistake," I "don't know what I'm getting myself into," and he thinks that -I- think that this will be a "cure-all for all my problems." Oh, and my personal favorite, that I'm "stupid for doing this big mistake and no one he knows thinks it's a good idea." This man is ignorant and impossible to talk to about anything. He's done zero research and doesn't even know what I'm going to have done for goodness' sake.

I feel utterly alone in this journey since no one close to me is willing to support me or be there for me. It's bad enough that my family has always been the type to degrade and insult me for my weight/health in the first place. So when I actually want to really do something about it, all I get is more grief; and I'm sure I'll just get more and be reminded that I "took the easy way out and have destroyed my body permanently because I don't have willpower."

Anyway, thanks for listening/feedback/empathy...

I'm sorry to hear you're getting so much grief from your family. Maybe you just need to step back and stay away from them for a while. do what you feel is right for you then just let them know the final outcome.

Now that I've had the surgery, I don't care what other family members think because it's a done deal!.

We're all here for you!

I feel so sad for you. NO ONE should have to do this alone. And isn't that what family is for? Especially our parents? Maybe educating them a bit would help. Or perhaps telling them how you feel in your body and how the weight is affecting you both physically and mentally would help. Maybe they are stubborn and set in their ways and don't really understand how it's making you feel. But either way, this is why this forum exists so we can get the support and information we need.

I really wish you all the best. And I really think you are doing an amazing thing for yourself. Don't give up!! <3

Thank you

Maybe your father is scared of a possible complication & can't just say that. I would suggest that the best way to "battle" this is to counter their concerns/fears/complaints with data. I've encountered quite a few people (even medical staff) that really don't know anything about WLS. Not that I'm blaming them. It's just been something that they haven't had to deal with directly, so just like anything else not really personally relevant.. they may know a bit here/there.. but honestly not what the path is like.

If they don't want to listen, well.. that is unfortunate, but you need to make the right decision for you & your health. If they can't understand that, then it's something that they need to come to terms with.

Wow your dad sounds like my "Vovo" (grandfather) old world and well... ignorant.

The best thing about growing up and moving out of your parents house is the ability to be able to walk away from any craziness. Do that now!

Love them, because they love you the best they can. But you know what's right for you at this point. And they will come around I'm sure! I didn't tell my mom until it was a done deal! They may be worried and don't have the ability to articulate it..

Have a friend step in and be your person to lean on while you go through this. And draw strength from the people here too!

Good luck to you,

Laura

Parents, family and friends are used to fitting into a role in your life. Now you're ready to rock the boat, and they don't like it. They want everything to stay the same, that's all. It's the fear of the unknown. They may be part of the reason you have the weight on you to begin with -- a shield from their criticism. It's OK to move into the adult world and not need their approval anymore. We're all here to support you with no judgment.

Thank you so much.

Do it for you. Let your success, confidence, and happy/healthy life speak for you.

Amanda Rae