I have a cousin who is just as heavy as I am. We are both over 400 pounds. I have only been able to carry one pregnancy close enough to term for the baby to survive. I am a good mom, own my own home, support my son without the help of dss, except for health insurance because my employer did not offer insurance. I have tried and tried to have more children. I have been pregnant 8 times. They all die. My doctor tells me every time that it's because I am overweight. Today I had to watch as my just as fat as me cousin gave birth to baby number 8. Her and her husband are homeless more often than not, sleeping in her mothers spare bedroom. They don't work. Their kids are always disgusting and injured. Right now her 2 year old has a broken arm. How come I am too fat to bring another child into my clean, loving home, but she can have 8 kids that she doesn't take care of after they aren't "cute" anymore? GRRRRRR

Sorry, I just needed to get that out somewhere.

The answer: life isn't fair.

I have struggled myself, so although your experience is yours alone I do have an idea what you are going through. I had a hard time watching the kids have babies as I struggled to carry one to term. It seems like a punishment almost--like you don't deserve babies if you are too big but every other bad thing you could do is ok.

I am sorry for your struggle and your loss. It takes quite a woman to continue to try...and know that she may have to pack a lifetime of love for her child into a few short months and that she may never be able to hold her baby. May God bless you and comfort you through your struggle.

I am sorry for your struggle. The answer is that being able to conceive and give birth is no guarantee of parenting skills...and neither is the inability to do the same an indication of being a poor parent. Every child deserves the best, sadly some don't get it.

What a burden you are carrying. My heart goes out to you. Although there is no way to ease the pain of having lost children, I hope your weight loss will help you in the future.

I know you didn't go this way in the post and I am reluctant to bring up something that is unrelated to your very real and painful situation, but I feel I must. Is it possible that the injuries of your cousin's children may be from child abuse rather than neglect? If you suspect that, I encourage you to call your state's version of a child welfare department. No child should be subjected to the physical and emotional pain of abuse.