sometimes men are just idiots...dont mind me I just need to vent

So a little back story... I'm getting sleeved up on September 14th...I'm American and my Fiance is Turkish...we are living in Istanbul together and for the most part thngs are ok with us. His sister will be getting engaged on September 22nd (turkish engagements are a huge thing and planned ahead...no surprse for the girl usually) His family lives 8hours away by bus (1hour by plane)

My fiance just cannot understand why i wont be able to travel to see his family a little over a week after surgery...i explained to him this is a MAJOR surgery, I explained i will be on a special diet, oh...he also doesnt want to tell his family i am having surgery (which is fine with me cause they are so nosy)

So help me out...tell me what you guys were going through in your frst 2 weeks after surgery...how soon did you go back to work? Maybe if give him some ammunition then he will understand:)

(fun side story for you: he thought i could have the surgery on a thursday and just return to work on monday like it was no big deal...)

Hi. I had my surgery July 11th and am still off work. I go back to work on Thursday, which will make it 2 weeks that I was off total for the surgery. I didn't have any problems from the surgery -- no pain, no nausea, etc. And I still feel these 2 weeks are necessary to recover. This is major surgery. Your body needs time to recover. You need lots of rest and sleep. You will be very tired and will not feel like traveling and being around a lot of people, IMO. I hope this helps your case.

Istanbul was Constantinople, now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople. Sorry, every time I hear or read "Istanbul" (fairly frequently since I do a lot of shopping at a local Turkish market) that song pops into my head - can't help it.

I had 4 weeks off from surgery. I returned to work on a Tuesday (4/24). It wasn't until the previous Thursday (4/19) that I felt anywhere near "good".

Could I have flown for an hour a week after surgery - yes. Could I have done an 8 hour car trip - yes, with good roads and very frequent breaks. But I would not have felt good.

Most of my first week I felt very good. The first 3 - 4 days after surgery I was out & about all day, shopping, walking around town/stores/city/etc. And then just before the start of week 2 "the fatigue" hit. I couldn't do anything without having to stop and rest, and I don't mean a minute or two. I mean 10, 15, 20 minutes. Just getting showered & ready to leave the house required about 7 breaks. I couldn't do a full trip to the grocery store. Heck, a few times I couldn't even tolerate standing in line and had to leave DH there to go sit down somewhere.

That fatigue lasted most of weeks 2 & 3. It got a lot better quickly, then very slowly continued to improve.

I was off 3 days and flew back home from San Diego during that time - definitely NOT recommended, I can't imagine doing and international flight that long post-op that soon.

Perhaps you can make an excuse that you are having "lady parts" surgery? This quite often enough, especially in some mid-eastern, eastern European cultures to stop the questions.

Idiot man checking in here.

Really, a week after surgery, I'm not so sure about the 8 hr bus ride. But if you're willing to spring for the flight it shouldn't be a problem. I was on a 4-5 hr flight 72 hrs after my surgery with a layover.

The biggest problem I see is this type of celebration is typically celebrated with food and the pressure to eat is often pretty intense. So the keeping it on the downlow poses its own set of obsticals.

I wouldn't have been able to do it. I was so tired and in pain because I had so much swelling. Also, you HAVE to take care of yourself. You don't need to be lifting anything (not saying you would be) but you need to be careful with your body. You will be on liquids for 2 weeks after and then soft foods in week three. Your energy levels will be down. I say take care of yourself and hopefully he will understand. This is major surgery and some people have major complications. Small percentage but some do. I say don't do it. Sorry for the negative Nelly attitude but we have to be real. Good luck!

Thanks guys for the advice! After talking to him and explaining what all of you said he agreed it wouldn't be a good idea...

i'm already stressed about the future and eating smaller portions with his mom around...she doesnt understand the words "no thank you, i'm full" she makes a face like i've insulted her