I feel so bad. Okay, I joined two dating sites, match.com and okcupid (which was recommended by a friend). You see, I've been overweight since I was 9. My teenage years were spent alone at home, unless I had extracurricular activities, and not out and about like normal teenagers.

I've had two (maybe) boyfriends:

One in junior high and freshman year of high school. I don't really count him since we acted more like friends than anything. He's my best friend now.

The other I met online. We started out as friends but eventually he asked me out. Thing is, he lived in California when I lived in Illinois. We met once when he flew to see me graduate. We broke up right before I was flying out to see him because I found out he was cheating on me. Let's just say he doesn't count either.

Now to the real point of this post...

Problem is that even though I've had two guys in my life... I've never been on a date! I'm so socially awkward, it's scary. I feel so over my head. Well, I started talking to this one guy from the site. We're going to the movies on Tuesday. But also... he's big. I feel so bad... He seems nice, if a bit needy, but he seems... unhealthy? I just didn't have the heart or confidence to say no. It's not like I have real experience when it comes to dating. But that's why I feel so bad! I am being shallow! I am acting the same way others did when they saw me. No one wanted to date "the fat girl." No one gave me a chance because of my weight.

I am being a total hypocrite.

Thanks for the advice and stories guys! I never was going to back out. Thing is, he told me he's never had a girlfriend and he's been very clingy...

I just feel like I shouldn't have to settle just because of my previous size. Sure, I know I'm not going to get a hunky, man-of-my-dreams guy the first time. I'd have to say my ideal guy would be tall (at least 3 inches taller than me would be nice!) and average. Some of my friends are into big guys, but I'm just not... Even when I was heavier I wasn't, but I'm not into over-muscled guys either.

I'm still going to give him a chance. I'll just see how it goes.

I have never been into super skinny or big guys. I don't think that it's superficial...it's personal preference. You can't help who you are attracted to...good luck!!!

Littlebits