Okay so I have been with my bf for just a little over 5yrs and it hasn't been the best relationship ever but no relationship is perfect! I even lived with him a few months in 2010 it was an ugly relationship and I HATED it he was so demanding and controlling! It wasn't a pretty life! i couldn't take it so i left him. Moved back in with my parents and well we r still together i don't tolerate the same things as before i have grown up and matured so much. He has changed so much hes getting his life together and i know hes really trying i dont want to marry him he wants a baby so bad and i don't!! not yet n not how our relationship is or our life's! but he doesn't care if we are not financially stable i think hes just really trying to find a way to tie me down forever!! and that is not going to happen in my books!!!...... I do love him and i care so much for him but sometimes i think that hes just not the one for me .... some days I am such a b***h to him he irritates me just by looking at him he annoys me and it hurts me i feel like i'm so evil!...i don't love him like i use to he killed that love that i had for him its so hard to leave him tho. Someday's i love being with him he makes me laugh and im comfortable with him but he knows how i really feel and hes really trying to make it work. I just feel like hes a weight on my shoulders and hes just bringing me down and i cant move on with my life because i care to much about him ( by moving on i don't mean relationship wise i don't want to be with another man or get to know any man in a romantic way at this point in my life or the near future!) i feel like i want to do something with my life and better myself n he just brings me down with him i cant move on! i am getting my surgery AUG 28th! super excited..But my bf says its dangerous and that hes scared that something will happen during surgery n I know hes trying to scare me i was sopposed to get the lapband b4 i moved in with him in 2010 and i didnt do it cuz of him and now hes trying to do the same thing. He swears im going to leave him and is so negative hes so insicure he is a 450lb guy he big too so hes been a big part of why i let myself go so bad! im 349lbs im 51lbs away from 400!!!! i have always been a big girl n loved myself n my body but this is waayyy to much! everyday get harder for me! I just don't know what to do I can't let go and when i try he wont leave me alone its so hard to let go of someone after being together so many years! I just feel like if i leave him what if i regret it!??!!WHAT if he is the one?!? IDK how to really determine these things!

Vixkey' date=' Kudos to you for recognizing that the relationship was not healthy and ending it quickly. Either ignore the texts or change your number, but make this a clean break for both of you. HIS issues do not have to be your issues.

You literally have enough going on with the mental and physical issues surrounding your sleeve without dealing with someone who is toxic to your health.

I think SML hit the nail on the head when he said that post-WLS patients often end bad relationships once the patient starts seeing that there are options out there. Too often we allow ourselves to stay in a so-so relationship because we feel that we can't get or don't deserve better.[/quote']

Yes you are right.... Thank you Ur advice is really appriciated thank u so much

It took a lot of courage for you to end the unhealthy relationship. It also takes a lot of courage to go through with the life changing surgery you're about to have. It won't all be smooth sailing and you need to focus on you, your health, your life.

Sometimes changing your number because of one person isn't easy, so many other people, companies, opportunities need to reach you through that number. You can, however, have his number blocked from calling you. It's free. Not sure of the code, but your local phone company can tell you.

Like Lyssa said, his issues don't need to become your issues. He's probably feeling really desperate to get you back right about now. The best thing you can do for you (and him) is to make a clean break.

Please know that we (on this board) are here to support you. Vent anytime. Good luck to you on your journey.

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It took a lot of courage for you to end the unhealthy relationship. It also takes a lot of courage to go through with the life changing surgery you're about to have. It won't all be smooth sailing and you need to focus on you' date=' your health, your life.

Sometimes changing your number because of one person isn't easy, so many other people, companies, opportunities need to reach you through that number. You can, however, have his number blocked from calling you. It's free. Not sure of the code, but your local phone company can tell you.

Like Lyssa said, his issues don't need to become your issues. He's probably feeling really desperate to get you back right about now. The best thing you can do for you (and him) is to make a clean break.

Please know that we (on this board) are here to support you. Vent anytime. Good luck to you on your journey.

Sent from my iPad using VST[/quote']

Thank you I'm actually in Arizona visiting some family so its good to get away from home(cali) I'm here for 2weeks so its good to get away specially from him....

Hello ,

Try to spend sometime working on u and making your self feel good cus once u get your self right everything will fall in place .. Take care ... And good luck

Hello ' date='

Try to spend sometime working on u and making your self feel good cus once u get your self right everything will fall in place .. Take care ... And good luck[/quote']

Thank you!!!!!

Vixey, I was 14 years old when I "got" with my boyfriend..it was a bad relationship. I married him 7 years later and had a child thinking it would help him grow up and we would be a family....after two failed attempts at rehab for him, endless fighting and everything that goes along for 7 more years, I was done. I was also almost 30 years old by then...honey don't let this age you. Break free completely, and you will know when you find your BEST friend and your heart is filled with love. You will not have to ask yourself "IF" he is the one you will just "KNOW".

Btw, I remarried my best friend, we have a son and have been married very happily for almost 18 years now. Excited to grow old with him.

I hope you concentrate on you and your overall health. In time the pain will pass, as will those pounds from your body.

Best to you.

Why are you still with him? Ask yourself that question and be honest in your answer. The first years should be a honeymoon and all love and gaga. You started out rocky. That's a huge red flag. Sometimes we get comfortable and are just afraid to make a change even if it's clearly for the best. You owe yourself too much to settle.

Don't ever allow anyone to control you. Being in a relationship so you don't have to be alone is the worst thing you can do. I'm guessing you don't love him, but you love the idea of what you thought he might be and you don't want to be alone. Drop all the dead weight- especially him. If you aren't getting emotionally and mentally healthy too-, then what is the point of trying for physical health? It won't work if you don't have all 3.

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U did the right thing by leaving. I have never looked at my husband and couldn't stand him. I love being around him all the time and never get sick of him. When ur with the right one u will just know and there will be no question about it. Good luck to u. U will love ur sleeve and ur new life. Find a good career to support urself and a man will come along eventually.

Diddo to what several people have said. Live ur life dream big and step outside the box. Do not waste precious time on something that is not right for u.

P

Want some straight up honesty, no drama?

You two are used to each other and it's comfortable. You know what to expect. That's not love, it's a habit.

He found you, he'll find someone else.

You both need to get healthy, not just you.

FYI this thread is pretty old- 2012.