what is wrong with me??????
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It has been two years of one thing after the other to get a date for this surgery. I just told my friend today at work that I have finally given up and I wasn't going to persue it anymore, then I come home and I saw that the hospial had called. I don't know exactly for sure but last I heard a month ago they would call me with a date. Now I am freaking out scared. I've gone through hell and back to get it and now it may be here, why am I soo scared. I'm scared it's too drastic, of the way I will look, the attention I may get, if I will make it out safe, if I will be sick and never be able to enjoy the foods I love. You name it I've thought about it tonight. I'm 42, 5' 5" and now 245 pounds. I've been skinny minny my whole life growing up, then once I put it on, I've battled with it for 20 years now. Losing and gainning and now been this big for long it has become normal to me, and I'm scared of being small again... I no this makes no sense right?