Today is my one year anniversary of having surgery. Not just one year ago today, but at this very moment I was in surgery in San Francisco. My last meal as a person with all of my original parts was homemade bruschetta. I have lost 114 pounds since that morning and there are times, often, when I am unable to grasp what that means. I am also more intimidated by my own decision to have surgery now then I was at the time of surgery. I had researched bariatrics for years before making the decision but sometimes now when I think about it I am alarmed that I actually did something so monumental. I have zero regrets, does any of this make sense?

I am not to goal yet. The morning of surgery I weighed 294 pounds, this morning I weigh 180.8 pounds. 30.2 pounds away from surgeon's goal, 51.2 pounds away from personal goal. According to my surgeon I should have hit his goal by my 9th month so there are some frustrations but I continue to make an effort, be accountable, and progress in my recovery.

When will I feel "normal"? Will I ever be un-selfconscious in a crowd? At what number will I feel like a thin/not fat person? How do I tell a potential romantic partner, do I tell a romantic partner? How do I react if someone tells a fat joke? As a currently fat person? As a former fat person? Not at all? And if I see myself as a currently fat person and speak to a fat person as a compatriot, will they think I'm a condescending ******* because they do not see me as fat?

I don't have the answers to these questions yet. I am still excited about losing weight, very much want to get to goal, and am thankful that I did this, even if now that I am no longer super morbidly obese it is easy to recriminate myself with thoughts of, "oh I could have done this without surgery if I had been dedicated enough."

And a very special thank you to the denizens of this site, and the site itself; without these arrows in my quiver I would not be celebrating this joy today. Thank you.

I think you summed up a lot of what many of us have thought. This is so much more than a surgery and a way of eating. There is a definite emotional and pyschological piece to all of this.

Congratulations on your success to this point. You have done so well. Good luck with your continued journey!

Globetrotter, great post and congratulations on the weight loss. I had my surgerversary 2 weeks ago and I share many of your thoughts. I can't believe l did this either. I'm happy as hell that I did but it still feels unbelievable. When I see people who haven't seen me for a while, they are always shocked. Usually they ask how I managed to lose almost 90 lbs. Usually I tell them. It feels so weird because now I'm a skinny chick saying I had weight loss surgery, which somehow doesn't compute in my head (though that is the goal of surgery of course). I too feel like a fat person passing most of the time. I go to OA and one member asked me if I had ever had a weight problem. I laughed. I guess she thought I was an anorexic or bulimic, rather than a former fat person.

Best of luck. I think you can get those last 30 lbs off. You've come so far already.

Congratulations on your loss and anniversary!

I'm almost 9 months out and also struggling with the same issues. I would like to be further in my weight loss efforts (don't we all?) but seem to somehow have gotten stuck on the slow loser train (not complaining, hey I'm losing!) but of course would like to hit -100lbs by my anniversary which really doesn't seem do-able at this slow rate. I also wonder how do I keep remembering WHERE I came from. The whole formerly fat/still fat, when do I feel skinny stuff is so crazy. I guess it's all relative. On days when I do feel fat I have to remind myself how I felt 75lbs ago, but yet there is still work to be done.

Anyway I just wanted to say that I'm struggling with many of the same issues you are! As for the romance part I'm married and my hubby is also sleeved (he is 4 months post-op) so I don't have to worry about that, but I guess my advice would be to follow your instincts. I don't think you need to spill your guts (reveal surgery) the second that you meet someone new, but guage things as you progress and see what feels comfortable. I imagine the worst case senario would be to meet someone (and not tell them about surgery, etc.) and hear them speak disparagingly about someone due to their obesity. Good luck with that Globetrotter, I wish I had an easy answer for you!

Congrats again!

Today is my one year anniversary of having surgery. Not just one year ago today, but at this very moment I was in surgery in San Francisco. My last meal as a person with all of my original parts was homemade bruschetta. I have lost 114 pounds since that morning and there are times, often, when I am unable to grasp what that means. I am also more intimidated by my own decision to have surgery now then I was at the time of surgery. I had researched bariatrics for years before making the decision but sometimes now when I think about it I am alarmed that I actually did something so monumental. I have zero regrets, does any of this make sense?

I am not to goal yet. The morning of surgery I weighed 294 pounds, this morning I weigh 180.8 pounds. 30.2 pounds away from surgeon's goal, 51.2 pounds away from personal goal. According to my surgeon I should have hit his goal by my 9th month so there are some frustrations but I continue to make an effort, be accountable, and progress in my recovery.

When will I feel "normal"? Will I ever be un-selfconscious in a crowd? At what number will I feel like a thin/not fat person? How do I tell a potential romantic partner, do I tell a romantic partner? How do I react if someone tells a fat joke? As a currently fat person? As a former fat person? Not at all? And if I see myself as a currently fat person and speak to a fat person as a compatriot, will they think I'm a condescending ******* because they do not see me as fat?

I don't have the answers to these questions yet. I am still excited about losing weight, very much want to get to goal, and am thankful that I did this, even if now that I am no longer super morbidly obese it is easy to recriminate myself with thoughts of, "oh I could have done this without surgery if I had been dedicated enough."

And a very special thank you to the denizens of this site, and the site itself; without these arrows in my quiver I would not be celebrating this joy today. Thank you.

Hey Globetrotter,

Congrats on a year out and an amazing weightloss to date.

I am on the same page re goal and year anniversary... my body has just stopped losing, regardless of what I eat! The last three weeks I have gone into 'semi maintance' frame of mind because I wanted to take away the pressure, frustration and disappointment of not being at goal a year after surgery... I haven't lost and I haven't gained a pound since that day... the same as when I was counting carbs, tracking cals and being extremely vigilant in what went into my mouth. DOn't get me wrong... I am not having a massive 'pig out' - as that would be impossible - but I am eating what I want three times a day!

I think I will get back in the grove soon though... I feel a lot more positive and I hope my body will play ball a little more... our amounts to goal weights are very similar.

I wish you the very best in the final stretch... good luck and good health.

Oh and as a foot note... you are not a fat person now... enjoy it! =]

I imagine the worst case senario would be to meet someone (and not tell them about surgery, etc.) and hear them speak disparagingly about someone due to their obesity.

I came back to read this again and decided if I feel this way then the answer to the "fat" joke question is that it is NEVER okay to put someone down because of their weight.

Wow globetrotter, you've done fantastic! And so much of that weight loss was under difficult environmental circumstances! I'm impressed with how well you've done. Congratulations