:angry :angry :angry :angry

I have to vent this morning because I couldn't even sleep last night. I will try to be brief about it. Yesterday, I had a pre-op appt with doc. My mother babysat my kids and I was really feeling good after the appt because I spoke with three patients in the waiting room at my doc's office and they had excellent results with their weight loss. Anyway, I mentioned to my mother and she began to lecture me about how I had to take care of the things I ate after surgery, otherwise, I would get fat again. Mind you, my mother went into great detail about the band, restriction, etc. I had never been this specific about the band with her, so how did she know all these details? I assumed my sister had briefed her about the surgery, and that's ok. My immediate family were the only ones that knew about my surgery, or so I thought. I specifically told my mother not to tell anyone about it, and now I find out that she told a relative, who briefed her about my surgery. To make matters worse, when I asked her about it she denied it and became very defensive. I am hurt and very angry because I trusted my mother and now everyone in town knows I'm having sugery even before I've had it done. Now I feel like I'm going to be under a magnifying glass. Any comments on this? I don't think I'm wrong for feeling this way.

I hate that!! And there is something to be said about mothers and there coments, approval, disapproval and eyes!

Not only do I have one I am one!

When I first had the surgery I wanted NO ONE to know. I had been thinking about having it for months before I even mentioned it to my husband. I told my sister first and then eventually my mother. I told her I didn't want the rest of the family to know. Well I found out in December that everyone knew.

Last night she asked me how the food has been going. I told her I've beenhaving a tough time. I could hear the disaproval in her voice. But she is supportive and said it sure isn't an easy thing.

You will lose and you wil eat less because you have no choice.

I'm sure your family will turn out to be great cheerleaders as mine have become.

Try not to fret. Do for you what you have to do. They obviously love you and are concerned.

Don't forget this online family is the best!

Morning Gracie, Some questions:

1) Is your mother overweight? If so, the surgery will be a huge hot button for her and there could be some jealous.

2) Do you come from money dear? If not, there is still a "cosmetic surgery is only for the wealthy" stigma out there. Wait, I know this is not a cosmetic surgery per say, it's about your health but an awful lot of folks who are not having this surgery think of it as cosmetic.

3) Does your mother often brag on you and your siblings? If so, she could be doing some bragging about your surgery (see #2).

4) Does your mother like to be the center of attention? See 2 & 3.

5) Is your mother normally negative or is she just a worrier?

I feel your pain girl, it's not that I didn't want people to know as much as I wanted to choose who I told, but between my mother and my 21yr old step-daughter I swear everybody who has ever met me or either of them knows my business...If you fix it let me know how.

Good luck with your surgery and remember the surgery is for and about you...Your mother is dealing with her own stuff and using your experiences to do it, that's about her not you.

Tammy

Thanks for the replies Jack, sunsett, and Tamyrn. Everyone makes a valid and very important point. The surgery is for me and my health, and who really cares what everyone else thinks or says. My main concern is myself, DH, and kiddos.

In response to Tamryn, it's a little of all of the above for my mother. She is known for spreading her children's business all over the front page of the newspaper, whether it be good or bad. Oh well, I guess I just need to ignore her and go on about my business.

Yes Gracie, do what you have to do and don't let anyone discourage you. That is exactly why I only told my husband and I have been banded since April 4, 2006. GOODLUCK on July 11, 2006, and keep us posted!

Let it go, you are having your surgery in 4 days....relax and release. You are having this surgery for you and no one else. You don't have to disucuss any of it with anyone. If they ask, say oh I don't remember discussing my weight loss with you. Oh your mom told me, well you need to ask her those questions in regards to MY weight.

Good Luck honey.

I guess I would feel a bit hurt if it was with me, but now it's done, so no use in making a big fuss about it.

Anyway, it's exactly as Jack said and you have to focus on your top priority right now: your BAND! - this is your priority right now, correct?

and you couldn't care less about what other people will think or say about your surgery or your weight loss process! We all know that others, at some point in our lives, will always be judging us on something we say, something we do, something we wear, or even our new haircut, so it's better not to pay much attention to that (unless we're talking about someone who's really important to us, of course...)

niki

I vote with Jack. Sum this up as an experience. I have had both positive and negative comments, mostly positive. Just know that your mom probably cares but she doesn't know what to truly think. LIke most they just see our current patterns, what diets we have failed on, etc. etc. It will all work out. In the meantime, just try and stay focused and negative. Show your mom the after care diet if you are concerned that she "knows it all". Other than that, I would try and limit talking too much about it. The lapband is a tool and its not an easy road. You have all the time in the world to be successful and this too shall pass. Good luck and stay positive.

Hopefully this will be of some reassurance to you, but I have never received a negative comment of any kind, ever. I told everyone, and have been completely honest and out there about my surgery and my reasons. I have never felt I was under a microscope, I have never felt that I had to defend my food choices, and the results speak for themselves. If anything, I have been an example and someone others who are suffering from obesity can ask questions of about lapband, and I think that is definitely a worthwhile thing. In fact, after I started talking about it, two other people at work started talking about their weight loss surgery also.

Do your own thing, I'm sure you are aware that your mom likes to talk, so you probably suspected she'd talk about this anyway.

This is about YOU.

You know I was in the same boat. I told my mom, sister, and DH. Then my mom went and told my dad (their divorced) and sister-in-law. I was going to tell my father eventually but did not want to at that time. You know its weird, The people in my family who I thought were going to give great support (the fat ones) some of them have been totally against me having this done and leturing me on eating right. One in perticular is about 400lbs and swears she can do it on her own and would never have surgery.. If she can do it why hasn't she? I have to just politly say Oh well I can't do it and I am sick of failure. And this is what is right for me. Do let anyone get you down. you are doing what is right for you!!! Good luck...

We have a saying in my business.(network marketing/home based).

"Don't take financial advice from your cousin in the trailer park."

Do you catch my drift?? Your fat relatives surely can't give you sound advice on nutrition and health???? shake it off and consider the source.

You know when I started my home based business and left my $70,000 RN job, all of my broke friends said. "You are crazy". The doctors that make $500,000 per year, said, " GO GIRL GO". Guess what? My broke friends are still broke and I make ALOT MORE THAN $70,000 and have fun doing it with NO STRESS.

Here's the bottom line.

"IF YOU BUY FAT MENTALITY, you buy FAT LIFESTYLE"

you deserve more.... God created us to be the head not the tail.

Good luck GIRL!

I was the same way, and it got out because someone told someone who told someone.... In the long run it was ok, because I didn't have to hide anything or come up with storys. It is what it is. You will get + and - reactions, just be cool. This is YOUR ride. You're doing what you think is best for you.

Overlook your mom. She just worries about you, all moms do it, it's in our blood. Be at peace, sweetie! Your surgery is coming, relax, take it easy and take a load off those shoulders, you have enough to worry about without thinking about what everyone else thinks. YOU live in YOUR body, not them.

I also think Jack hit it right on the head. Its out there now, now you dont have to worry about who you told or didnt tell..... like you said, "now everyone in town knows", so that is no longer an issue. It also sounds like she got pretty straight forward information is she understands the restriction and told you all about the surgery you are having. I also told everybody I know (and some I dont know) and never, not once, had somebody say to me anything negative. If you look for negativity you are sure to find it, same as if you are positive about what your doing, You will also recieve positive feedback from others. You dont need to defend or worry about your decision, just be happy and go with it, you'll see others being happy for you simply because you are! Good Luck

I'd be a bit mad too if I didnt want everyone to know.

My mother did that to me. We knew we were having a boy when I was pregnant with my first, found out at the 20 week ultrasound. We told family only and then my mum went and blabbed it to her friend which may not have mattered only someone knew someone knew someone else and pretty soon EVERYONE knew we were having a boy.

In your shoes, I would be very angry as well. Unfortunately the cat's out of the bag and there's nothing to be done about it. Instead of letting it fester, talk to your mom. Don't expect her to apologize or anything because obviously she doesn't feel she's done anything wrong. But if I were you, I'd sit her down and let her know that her actions have hurt and disappointed you. Don't be accusatory,just let her know that you no longer feel comfortable sharing your most personal and sensitive information with her. You love her, but you won't be able confide in her the way you used to.

And leave it at that. Don't argue, don't get upset, just let her know how her actions have affected you.

Hopefully this will be of some reassurance to you, but I have never received a negative comment of any kind, ever.

I'm with you, Mouse. I didn't tell everyone at first, but then I was outed by the mother of a friend of my daughter-in-law - a woman I've never evern met. But she knew that a woman she sometimes ran into at bridge tournaments was a friend of mine, so she asked her, "Did you know that your friend Carlene had Lap Band surgery"? It's just grist for the gossip mill and not much you can do about it. Now that it's out, I'm kind of glad. I don't have to think up stories or excuses, and I don't have to tell lies (I am the world's worst liar). And like Mouse, I have not heard one single negative comment. Everyone has been super supportive.

The other day my (grown) son said, "Mom....you are sooooo thin." You miss a lot of those good strokes if people don't know you had surgery. They sometimes wonder if you're sick and don't say anything about your weight loss.