Today I realized that I have completely isolated myself from everybody in my life. Not that I am Miss Popular with lots of friends, but those closest to me, my family. Its the first real holiday, the weather is beautiful and I am sitting here in the house feeling sorry for myself. I am not surprised I didnt receive any invites out. I have turned them down and faked them out so many times in the past that I would stop asking me too. My food addiction had me so wrapped up that I shut everybody out. All I needed was a pint of my caramel overload ice cream and I didnt need anything or anybody else. Even my daughter bailed on me today. Who wants to be stuck in the house with a boring fat mom???

I am so ready for this phase of my life to be over. I am ready to become who I really am. I am ready to live. Even tho I have been here all day, I have only eaten fruit. I am tired of losing to this thing. So even if I am not out with friends or fam (which would only really consist of pigging out and getting drunk) I still wont lose this battle. This addiction and lousy attitude can kiss my ass, because slowly but surely I AM WINNING!!!!

Try not to be so hard on yourself...regardless if its weight, relationships, money, job etc, there are always things that we feel we could handle/manage better. It doesnt make you a loser if you having difficulties, it does however make you human. The fact that you recognize there is a part of your life that YOU think is lacking or is not where it could be, is a fantastic realization. The next step is to build the plan. Look at your outcome, say it out loud and write it down, then work backwards on how you get there. In your situation you may say, my outcome is that I regularly spend time with family/friends in social settings and truly enjoy myself. Now working backwards, how do you get there. Lets see, you would need to WANT to be more personable. But you can't be personable while you are self-conscious about your food addiction. looks like the food addiction needs to be kicked. How can you do that? Well there are a few ways, conventionally, fighting your cravings and eating more healthy (you are snacking on fruit, seems like a great start to me) and less conventionally, the VSG will allow you to be afforded a tool to help with your cravings, help you lose weight, help you disconnect your phantom hunger and emotions from binging or just eating the wrong things. Now of course I am simplifying this, but it doesnt HAVE to be difficult. The most difficult thing is striving for an outcome that you either A. dont know exactly what it is and/or B. not having a plan for attaining it. YOU CAN DO THIS and you have a BOARD full of people that will help and keep you accountable.

Dont give up hope and remember that this day, today, is Monday. Its Monday May 30th 2011. Its ONE SINGLE DAY in your life. The greatest part about this and every other day, its only 24 hours long and then you can (unless you are bill murray in groundhogs day) try it ALL over again tomorrow.

I have faith in you, now have faith in yourself and you are set!

Good luck!

JG

I think JG is right!! I know exactly how you feel. I've done this for years, too. I will shut everyone out either because I allow my weight to define me or because the depression I feel is so heavy that I just can't fake being alright. It is so hard facing life sometimes and I'm sick of not wanting to face it. That's why I'm taking this journey. I'm worth it and so are you. I feel like I have been trapped in this body like a prison for years and until I escape it, I'll be at it's mercy! Give it to God...he already knows your pains and hurts!

I hear you and feel your pain. Since my date was postponed last week I have been fighting major depression. Lol from Mrs. Positive. But I am ready to take my life back and this surgery will help me get there!!! I am walking in faith each day and even breath to breath sometimes. This is how we learn and grow. We will get there!!!! Hang in there and know we are with you!!!! Joan

Thanks guys...I appreciate your encouragement!!! Joining here was the best decision I have made since deciding to sleeve!!

Joan, I hope you are feeling better...