I haven't been around as much as I used to but I thought if anyone could help me get through these rough patches it would be you all. A few weeks ago we found out my husband had lung cancer and it scared the hell out of me. I have been with this man for the last 12 years and have known him since my freshman year in HS. He and my kids are my life and I don't know what I would do if I lost him. Since then I just can't seem to stay focused on me. I haven't been eating the best food choices, I haven't been exercising the way that I should and every other thing that I KNOW I should be doing I haven't. I know that this should be a wake up call for me but in a way it seems like things have become the opposite. I mean sometimes I feel that if he's sick then why should I be healthy....when he's not. He has come to terms of this much better then I have and honestly I'm scared of what could or will happen. Has anyone been through anything like this? If so, how did you handle it or come to terms with it? I feel like my back is against the wall and there's nothing I can do......

Oh, Lioness, how rough. Please know that I'm pulling for your husband to come through OK. What an ordeal this must be.

As for you, I don't think you do yourself or him any favors by beating yourself up about your own behavior. You know that it's important to be healthy and strong to help him get through this tough time, but that doesn't mean getting angry at yourself because you seek some comfort in inappropriate foods from time to time. The beauty of the band is that it will still be there when you're able to concentrate on using it once again. In the meantime, someone else in your family needs your attention, and you can give it to him better if you're not getting down on yourself too.

Take care of yourself and your husband. You both need lots of pampering during this period. Good luck!! :eek:

Carmen,

There are never guarantees. When my husband had a heart attack (which he survived), our daughter said that in her head, she kept thinking that there had been a mistake with the phone call...that I would be the one to suffer life-threatening illness or disease, and he--younger, physically active, dangerous job, etc.--would simply have an accident. She was in shock because she had aways assumed, based on doctors' diagnoses, which of us was more likely to be the first to be in an ER due to illness. But you never know. You don't know how long you'll have him...nor does he know how long he'll have you. And you probably want him to do whatever he can to be with you as long as he can. And he likely feels that way about you, too.

If you were in an airplane going through a drop in pressure (like your life is right now), you would put YOUR oxygen mask on first and then see to the masks of your family members. If you didn't do yours first, you might not be able to help them. The same logic applies. Even though you may be feeling very terrified and alone and even angry or potentially abandoned, when you can, you should try to tend to your needs first in order to be of assistance to the others. And, forgive yourself when you rely on old methods of comforting yourself.

Sue

I just want to tell you to hang in there! I had my first child in June of 2002 and in Oct of 2002 my husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He went through surgery and 30 rounds of radiation and is now doing wonderful. We have been married for 9 years, together for 12 years, and I, like you, don't know what I would do without him. But, there is a reason for everything, I know that is hard to believe, but there is. You hang in there and be there for him. He will need you and you will need him. Take care of yourself and like Alexandra said, the band will still be there when all this is through and you can concentrate on your weight loss, but right now there are other things that need your attention. Hang in there and you and your husband are in my prayers.

Carmen -

My heart goes out to you, and I send you all my best wishes and prayers that everything turns out okay for you and your husband and family.

There are support groups for your specific situation, and I hear that they can really help. The emotions you are feeling right now are all perfectly natural, and your means of coping with the unknown in the only way you know how is to be expected. However, getting information and becoming involved with others in the same situation is an additional coping mechanism that may give you more coping strategies and help focus your energies in a more nurturing way for all of you.

Wishing you all the best -

Carmen,

I haven't had someone as close as my husband but one of my good friends was diagnosed with colon cancer that has spread. He is only 42. I am amazed at how well he is taking it and how upbeat he is about how he is going to beat it. He told me about a great web site that helped both he and his family to deal with cancer. The web site is www.choosehope.com. I took some time to read through it and it does seem to offer a lot of support for not only the patient but the caregiver, family and friends. One of the things that really stood out after reading your comment, "I mean sometimes I feel that if he's sick then why should I be healthy....when he's not.", was this advice listed under caretaker, "Take care of yourself and develop your own support system. Eat well, exercise, and treat yourself gently."

I hope this helps. Take care of yourself and your family.

Carmen,

I'm really sorry to hear about what is happening...but remember...you need to take care of yourself during this so you can be strong for your husband and family...perhaps losing isn't the biggest priority right now...which it shouldn't be...but remember that you need to remain strong...

My father was diagnosed with osteogenic sarcoma when I was 11 and he lived many many years with it...I can definatley understand where you are coming from...have faith love.

Eat to stay healthy and strong and try not to worry about the rest of it,as far as diet goes.You have enough to worry about now.I hear that exercise is a natural stress helper,maybe help you sleep, and would also give you some alone time which is important,just to get away from it all for a bit.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

Take care,

Chantal

carmen,

i am sorry you and your hubby are going through this. you both deserve to be healthy! there rally isnt anything i can say or do to help you but i will be thinking of you and your family.

i agree with the others...dont beat yourself up over some poor food chioces. you have alot on your plate. take care of your hubby, the band will be there!

((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

michelle

Carmen,

I'm very sorry to hear about your husbands illness. I understand where you are coming from and I feel your pain. It's very difficult to follow a lifestyle change that we are trying to do while someone we love and care deeply for is going through what your husband is going through. My 15yr old son, Bobby has Osteosarcoma. He was diagnosed with bone cancer last July. It has been a long hard year. Many treatments later, still 3 to go, and alot of prayers and I hope we will soon have an end in sight. God willing he will have beatin' this and will soon be on the road to a more normal life. I've said a prayer for your husband and yourself that they have caught his cancer early and with the miracle of medical science he will be cured. The quote on the bottom is my sons favorite. He recites it often to everyone who asks how he's doing. He has a great inner strength and is an inspiration to everyone he meets.

You need to take care of yourself so that you are strong enough to take care of him at his most difficult time. Eating right is the only why to be strong enough for the road you have ahead of you. Good luck and God Bless,

Dawne

• Dr. T. Paul Singh
  
• Albany, NY
  
• Jan. 12, 2004
  
• Heaviest/surgery weight/weight now/longterm goal
  
• 302/284/257/150
  

Pain is temporary, victory is forever!!!

:mad:

Carmen --

Just to echo the message of others -- taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for him! And try and let go of the guilt about you being healthy (there are many support groups for family members of cancer patients).

Here's a story of hope -- my mom has breast cancer that spread. After undergoing intensive chemo last year, she was put under hospice care after Dr.'s said there is nothing more they could do. The hospice nurses told us she had only a few days to live.

She rebounded to the extent that the Dr.'s said there was no explanation for it and could only describe it as a miracle. The message here: Prayer, a patient's will to live and the love and support of their family and friends goes a very long way!

Hang in there!

Elizabeth

I really want to thank all of you for all your support and kind words. I had been feeling really down and out about my husband....but I am much better now. I figured that he is enough of a mess right now and I need to support him and not worry about not doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I love my husband and I don't work without him. Good news though. The docs say that since he is only 33 the chances of him kicking this and recovering are alot better than someone who is older......a little ray of sunshine in a dark gloomy sky!!!!So as of right now I am trying to take it one day at a time. I am not going to beat myself up over not exercising today or eating 1 more cookie than I should. I am going to enjoy my husband and 4 kids and know that my band is there whenever I need it!! Thanks again everyone!!! :kiss

I often want to punch my %#$^& husband in the face. But five minutes later the horrifying thought of not having him makes me go and kiss him on the forehead. Love him while he's here. My husband is young and healthy but he smokes. I'm like Shirley MacClain in the beginning of 'Terms of Endearment' when she climbs into the crib to make sure baby is breathing. I do that with my husband in his sleep - listen to his chest. He smokes, I eat. We're both in our 40's, which makes us prime targets for heart attacks. I think about losing him all the time and it scares the heck out of me, so every night I talk to my Maker and do a little meditation in hopes of preparing myself for times when my loved ones are called away by their Makers. Until then, love them every minute you got 'em, and like the banana says, "dance like there's nobody watching."