OK, I'll admit it - I'm absolutely fuming.

Someone sent me a Pvt message here on this forum and without saying who did it, the title alone got my blood boiling.

Lap band failure

I have just read a post from you about how you have not lost all of the weight you wanted after 5-years of being banded and I would like to talk to you about that if you don't mind.

Um, actually I do mind.

The writer goes on to basically say (not in exact words but I'm basically paraphrasing) "I know you're a LapBand failure so maybe you can help me. You've been banded so long and haven't made it to goal yet. I'm not banded yet, but I want to make sure that this doesn't happen to me. Can you tell me why you think you were a LapBand failure?"

Grrrrrr...

Does it occur to this person that I have enough on my plate without being tagged in such a negative way. I've had many, many Ups and Downs with my Band Journey but I've made my decision to not continue to drag the detritus (oh, go look it up) of my whole journey along with me every single day - on here or in my life. So maybe it just doesn't occur to me that I'll have to hear about this everytime I truthfully say that I was banded so long. I almost liked it better when my original surgeon had mt be pretending to be a new Bandster - maybe part of the reason was that neither he or myself wanted to have to deal with the weight of bearing being considered a Five- Year-LapBand-Failure.

Yes, that's the word that the Private Message Writer used.

I'll admit to having a Remedial Band, but make no mistake - I'm clear on who failed who in my Journey - or what failed who in the case of my questionable Old-School original LapBand. I don't need to beat myself up about the mechanical failure of a silicone object.

So do the increasing number of now-bandless Forum members also find inquiries from the curious as to why their bands failed (oh, if it were always that simple) or what they did to cause the bands to have to be removed? How idiotic are the questions that the Forcibly Unbanded must have to endure - if I'm experiencing this, and I've still got the little Silicone Freeloader?

Attention, Newbies:

Actually I find myself really not wanting to be associated as the World's Biggest LapBand Failure, so no more inquiries about how to avoid my fate (as if!) are necessary, thanks.

As usual:

Happy Band (And Life) Journeys To All...

Wow.

If you, who have had such great success are being labled as a failure, what does that make me?

Sussess and failure are so subjective. What one person considers to be failure is another person's success.

I'm sure there was no malice intended 'Sho. Some people simply have no clue what their words come accross as.

I think because you have worked harder than most people have had to proves anything but failure.

I think this opens up somethin wider though. Failure. I know that probably everyone who's gotten the band has tried everything possible to lose weight before banding, and none of those things worked. Perhaps they were worried that the bad would be yet something else that didn't work for them.

Interesting though that I never get such PMs...

I guess I am a failure too, or a mechanical failure. I dont think people use thier words correctly. That person was probably not trying to be mean, but they just didnt say it right what they wanted to know I guess... just my thought.

I am so sorry you got the PM. Some people just don't realize they hurt feelings by their words. No one who shows up here is a failure.

Keep up the good work and please continue to "show up" for the journey.

Wow, I can see why that hurt but I agree things don't always come out the way we intended - esp in email. I think people are sometimes so desperate when they come to considering the lapband that their fright, etc. causes them to say dumb things??? I know I am always looking for support, encouragement, information from others here and I hope I don't offend but if I do, please tell me which is maybe what you should do to the person - in a nice way - youd probably feel better letting him/her know how their message was interpreted, etc. mary

I'm sure the person in question didn't mean to be hurtful, NewSho, and since they've apologized the ball is entirely in your court. Only YOU can choose how to feel about an unintended criticism, and clearly no pain was meant here.

"Failure" is completely subjective. I consider myself a whopping LapBand success, and my BMI is higher than yours. It wouldn't make me angry if someone were to send me the same message; I'd just assume they know nothing about my personal situation and didn't know what they were talking about.

No reason to fume, not at all.

Sorry, you had to deal with the negativity. Some folks come across wrong, even if they didn't mean to....I don't see, not getting to goal, as a failure. ANY weight loss or maintained is a sucess in my book!!

Shawn

Yes, I guess so.

It's just like when you think you're chugging along and makind some progress - having something like this was a setback. After the initial shock of reading what she wrote, I replied to her and told her how hurtful it was, and she did apologize

I'm going to move on.

Happy Band (And Life) Journeys To All...

I think the only person who can be labeled a failure is the one who gives up all attempts at losing weight. The amount of pounds is not the measure of success... it's staying and fighting for the longterm and you've proven you're a fighter.

well, even then, I don't know that even if they give up, can they be labled as a failure?

I've given up trying to lose weight. At least until after I get some kind of resolution with my tumor.

I think as long as there is a band, I'm hopeful. Sure, it's not doing a whole lot of good for me right now, but there is always the future. I know that there aqre a lot of reasons people decide to put their weight loss journey on hold, sometimes our lives become so... beyond our control that we have to say "enough" and go on to something else. Be that moving one for a week, a month or a year. But that doesn't mean that we will never return. I think that is one of the beautiful things about the band.

Personally, I would just ignore a PM like this and move on. Keep your chin up and let go of the anger this PM brought.....it's not worth it!!!

Even though the person apologized, it was poor taste to say such a thing. I have my doubts that a person that is truly MO would use such language knowing the discrimination that goes along with it. Perhaps they wanted to rock the boat. Afterall, things have been going so smooth around here lately....at least from my perspective.

Just let it go and know we are PROUD of your accomplishments and appreciate you and want to share in your SUCCESS!!!

New Sho I want to say I am positively in awe of how upbeat you have stayed through many years of difficult situations. You still keep plugging away in the face of adversity. THAT TAKES COURAGE AND PERSISTENCE.

I understand you were upset by the PM that was sent to you. However I went back and read your original posts and you do say the SURGEON considered you a lapband failure. You also said in one post that you were coming out of the lapband failure closet.

Now I realize you were venting about a difficult situation. Someone else (probably new to researching lapband) would probably truly desire to understand why you would make that statement. They might consider it rather tacky to just put the question on an open forum.

I am not trying to be mean or anything like that. Truly I am not so please don't be mad. I really do admire your courage.

Myra

I think that this is a huge lesson for all newbies. Getting the band doesn't mean that the pounds are going to melt off of you and life will be glorious. It is just a tool. Life is hard at times. And our struggle to become healthier and thinner is a HUGE journey. Sometimes it takes one or two years, sometimes 3-5 years, sometimes longer. We didn't gain this weight overnight. It doesn't come off overnight either.

Life is hard. That has been my struggle for the last couple of years. I was banded over 3 years ago. In the first 8 months or so, I lost 80 pounds. Then life kicked my bottom until there was no tomorrow. After a couple of years of therapy and regaining 55 pounds, I finally was able to get back on track. I lost those 55 pounds and have dropped 6 more. I am about half way to being where I want to be. Not skinny, but just much healthier.

I am sorry that those words hurt you. I would have reacted the same way. And I am sure that her words were not meant to offend, but to help her succeed. I just hope everyone understand that this is a huge journey, with a ton of lessons to learn along the way. And it takes time. For some, it will take longer than others. But that does not mean we are a failure. We are just taking longer to learn those lessons that we need to learn.

Hugs!

Just wanted to say I am sorry that this situation has happened... Today is a BRAND NEW DAY.... SIEZE THE DAY!!!! Smile, people luv ya

To my way of thinking, even if I did not loose weight with the band, I do believe it would at least keep me from gaining at the rate I was. I was on a path to oblivion, and Now I know more about myself than I could have imagined. Getting food out of the equation for me was purely phenomenal. I'm 100% glad I had it done.

...I understand you were upset by the PM that was sent to you. However I went back and read your original posts and you do say the SURGEON considered you a lapband failure. You also said in one post that you were coming out of the lapband failure closet.. Myra

That's true, Myra, my surgeon basically did call me a failure. I think he sees HIMSELF as a failure - the band failed me, I didn't fail it. I'm clear on that point. If it continues to fail me, I'll move on to something else if I need to. But I will not view myself as a failure. Why? I don't call myself a failure because I have never lacked for determination. I have the same fierce determination now that I had to research Weight Loss Surgery, to get myself approved (before I had a surgeon) and lay on that Operating Room table twice - and I applied that determination to try to succeed with it. If I'm not a success, fine. When I used that terninology I was referring to the idea of having the band not do all it could for me. But a peer calling me a LapBand failure was a bit much.

And yes, I am not near where I'd like to be weight-wise, but to be frank, having someone that potentially weighs 100+ more than I do now call me a failure really seemed crass. It's bad enough from a normal-weight surgeon but from another patient who hasn't even started? OUCH.

But although I stand by my feelings, hopefully one day I'll be at/closer to my personal goal so comments like this wouldn't even be something that could affect me.

Happy Band (And Life) Journeys To All...