am i the only one out here that has an eating disorder and a lapband?

i was binging/purging before surgery but i was obese. i decided to get the lapband to help me lose the weight that the binging/purging wasn't helping with.

at my 2 year anniversary i weighed 175 and my surgeon told me that i had reached the 60% goal of my weight loss and i probably wouldn't lose any more.

here i am coming up on my 4 year anniversary and i've lost an additional 47 pounds bringing me a weight of 128 (and a total of 85 pounds lost).

unfortunately, 3 years of my weight loss has been my becoming bulimic and/or anorexic... depending on my mood.

i can't seem to make myself stop losing weight. i've been to a therapist but it was so stressful that i lost even more weight.

my next step is to try medication to stop the urges and if that doesn't work i'll have to break down and get unfilled.

i just wondered if i'm alone in this?

If feel so sorry for you. Must be a terrible going through that. I think you might not have found the right therapist. You should feel comfortable seeing them. You could always take someone you love and trust with you. I had my husband go through 3 years of therapy with me even though it had nothing to do with our relationship to make sure I was always honest with myself maybe dumb but it helped me.

I think all of us who get banded have an eating disorder of some kind right? Just not to the extreme as you have gone. I will be praying for you and hope that you find the inner peace you need.

Cheri

I am so sorry that you are going through this and am happy you decided to post here.

Would you consider going to a different therapist, specifically one who understands eating disorders? You'd likely be more comfortable with one who does. Please be confident there are professionals who care about you and can help you. You do not have to struggle with this on your own.

I like Cheri's suggestion about taking someone with you that you love and trust---at least until you know you've found a therapist whose style fits you well.

I agree with both statements above, I am actually surprised when you were screened before surgery they allowed you to have lap band. Developing eating disorders can be come very common with post of WLS patients. We all have our situations of obsessive compulsive in some area or another and that is one of the big reasons for good therapy follow up. Please seek some help, your life and health depends on being healthy and stopping the self distructive behavior. Because you willing posted this on a forum tells me you are asking for help and maybe ready to face your fears and seek help. Please talk to someone who you feel safe in sharing your feelings with before it is to late.

Youre not alone! Im realsing that despite not being bulimic, anorexic and just n overeater rather than a binger, my attitude towards weight and my body is far from healthy. I got really skinny while i had cancer and i loved it. Everyone around, my doctors included, were freaking out, and i definitely used it as a form of manipulation, at the same time i was terrified that i would be made to eat. My oncologist put me on Ensure, which i lied about drinking. I wanted to keep the control and the feeling that low weight gave me. I'd gotten to 145 under my own steam, which is a BMI of 21 for me and held it for years, but that was never good enough. As i got better and treatment finished, my BMI returned to around 21, i look much better, but i think Im huge, i feel disgusted with allowing myself to gain, feel totally out of control and swing from starving to overeating (as much as you can with a band). I'm always planning to lose weight i don't need to lose and worrying about not being able to hold onto the weight that I am (although I've done it for almost five years now). Ive also done my share of excessive exercise, including running in th heat ten days after a huge bowel resection with a new ileostomy and then wondered why im back in hospital being treated for dehydration. I refused to eat the low residue diet I was told to eat because it was all white carbs then ended up getting bowel obstructions that I had to be hospitalized for as a result. I almost enjoyed that because it meant four or five days of bowel rest - which meant nil by mouth for two whole days and a few days of liquids. Great - weight loss.

People see me as driven and dedicated but its more than that. Back late last year, I was getting extremely depressed and feeling away out of control, realizing that I was ruining my enjoyment of life by being so focussed on a weight problem I don't even have. I was also completely hormonal (had had a very brutal radiation induced menopause) and although I'd resisted strongly earlier in the year I allowed my colorectal surgeon to refer me to I a Psychologist (a post cancer specialist) but im not really honest with her because in truth i fear changing and letting go of the control and in reality, my instinct that therapy is not for me was correct. Im just not ino the corny stuff shes suggesting - yoga and affirmations and relaxation cds, I find it stereoptyical bullsh*t to be honest. But I know that I do need to address this and relax a little and just enjoy life again, but I won't get anything out of therapy if I don't a) respect and value what it an achieve and be honest and make an effort to change.

Dear Kalipso2, You are not alone! Feel free to express yourself as so many folks here have fears of becoming bulimic too! I had a slippage and my family was sure that I was becoming bulimic, but I just could not keep anything down! Since getting my band readjusted, I have had few occasions of purging my food. They say that Sharon Osborne had her lapband removed because she was either feeling like, or becoming, bulimic! I think that a therapist would be helpful, but maybe visiting with us here will help you, too! Good luck. Karen

I was so obsessed with weight loss that it consumed my life till the point of me purging everything I ate, unfortunately in the long run I had to get my bad removed. I am still obsessed with weight gain I was down to 103 pounds and I still thought I was fat. My family and friends kept telling me how sick I looked but I just didn't see it. I am now almost 4 months out without band and been so depressed with weight gain. I'm at 115 to 118 and I feel like a slob. I do everything in my power not to eat anything but the weight is still there. I don't know if I'll ever be happy with myself but I pray to God some day I could look in the mirror and say I love myself no matter what, I have a husband of 26+ Yes and 3boys and I should be happy they love me know matter what. What in the hell is wrong with me. ???