After the comments back and forth surrounding the Dr. Ortiz thread I felt the need to vent some on a separate thread.

I won't rehash what was already said on that thread. I will simply state my thoughts and how I am dealing with it all.

I was very offended by the comments of both Dr. Ortiz and Dr. Pleatman. I addressed those on that thread.

When thinking about my own personal demons I reflect on what got me so mad and upset over those comments. I realized it was one more thing telling me that no matter what I try it won't work. I will forever be fat. My insecurities came out when both their comments seemed insensitive and detached. This pissed me off as an RN and it pissed me off as a patient.

This anger does me NO GOOD. I just need to redirect these feelings of failure with the band in a more positive light. I know I have lost weight with the band. I see this. I feel this. But I am focusing on now that I don't have the band anymore what will I do to keep off what I lost. It is hard to see past one minute of one hour of one day.

I come here for support and understanding and compassion to get through the rough times. I don't come here for seemingly uncaring surgeons to suggest I 'get over' losing the band. Yes it might have been an unfortunate mistake for him to have said that and he might truly be sorry for the comment. But I just simply don't think he gets how damaging that statement could be.

So, I am rambling here and alot of this might not make any sense at all. This is more for me than anything else. Sort of a cathartic exercise.

I am really struggling on a day to day basis. I get up and eat my breakfast and do really well till around 2 or 3 pm. Then it all falls apart. I am travelling right now and that makes it harder to stick to the Nutrisystem diet. I am struggling to get in my water. I was doing so well the first two weeks. I even lost 6 lbs on it in the first two weeks. Now I am away from home and really worried I am gaining back the weight. I am so upset with myself right now. I have struggled to keep honest and to be accountable. That is hard to do. I eat really good then I screw it up. So I start the day all over again the next day telling myself "today will be different" and it isn't.

The one thing that worked for me was having the Band. Now that is gone. So, I am on this roller coaster of eating right and eating junk every day. My body is not liking it either. My joints are aching, my back is more sore than usual, headaches are returning, I have noticed my ankles are swelling more along with my fingers as well. All this was going on before I was banded. So does this mean I am regressing? YES!! And this is what scares me.

I am so happy for Michelle that she has moved on and facing her demons as best she can. I am struggling with this same issue.

To those that supported and said such sweet things on the Dr. Ortiz thread I am proud to call you part of my band family.

To those that expressed a differing opinion, I respect your statements but walk a mile in my shoes first before making a suggestion that by me raising a couple of questions and making a couple of comments would run off any doctor.

To those that have had really great experiences in Mexico, I am truly happy for you and I pray that you continue to have those great experiences. I would not wish what I have gone through on anyone friend or foe.

To those that are new and just starting the process, do your homework. Know that if you chose Mexico please have local aftercare set up. Otherwise know that if you have an emergent situation you will need to go back to your band surgeon. This could raise some difficult issues you will need to face rather quickly that you hadn't thought through.

I really care about each and every one of you guys. I would offer my support and understanding and can assure you of me being non judgmental.

The only thing I ask in return is that I receive the same of which I have on many occasions and most likely will in the future as well.

G-nite family.

Just wanted to tell you Penni that I haven't talked to you very much, but I have much love and respect for you!

I am appalled at the comments in the Erosion thread by some, and you are right on with everything you said!

I am VERY proud of you and DeLarla!!! You two are the best members of LBT and I don't know what I would do without you!

Penni, I addressed this in De Larla's thread. There are some people on this site who I love to see post threads and you are definitely one of them. I didn't read the thread but I have complete respect for what you say and I defend your right to say it. Keep posting and I will keep reading. I love all of your posts. Some people just CAN"T agree to disagree. I am here for you! Grandma you rock!!:dance: :dance:

Penni,

Being new I could wish I could say some words of wisdom, but I am in the dark about all that Happened before i got here ... All I can do is thank you for being such a inspiration :bananajump:

Donna

Paul's post on the other thread is award-winning quality. He was able to find the words I've been trying to say all along. When I lash out at Mexican surgeons, it's not specifically the surgeon; it's the lack of quality standards, it's the impossible commute, it's the lack of a lifelong partnership. Sometimes things set me off like a firecracker, so I lose my cool and start clucking.

Sorry for the hijack, Penni, but if you haven't read Paul's superior contribution to the other thread, now's a good time.

Penni and I learned the hard way by going to Mexico. We both got screwed badly in many ways. If we had surgery in the US, we'd have easy access to a legal system that would help us seek justice. Consider us samples.

Now's time to pull Penni out of this nonsense of swollen fingers. Penni, between the two of us, we've lost an OBESE PERSON. Get up off your butt and do the Honky Tonk Badonkadonk if you have to. Make sacrifices if you must. Instead of staying in hotels with room service menus, grit your teeth and stay with a thin family member or friend. It only takes a day or two to get back on track, so go somewhere that will help you, not hinder you.

It's easier to say than do, but you've been strong before. Call your trainer, find some motivation. Step away from the beads and towards the treadmill!

Lisa you crack me up. Paul's Comments really made my day. I done some heavy soul searching and recommitted to myself to win the battle.

I have done all the damage I can do here in Tucson at the Bead Show so I will head home early and begin my journey to get healthier and back on track.

Still waiting to hear from Biggest Loser as well. LOL!!

Susan thank you for the sweet and reasuring comments about me voicing my opinions and still showing respect. That is something I try to do with each post because I know how hurtful and powerful words can be.

To everyone that has shown me how much we are all a family here I am in tears each time I read your posts. You guys are the greatest and no one will be able to pull me away from this forum.

I, like Lisa, do not like to see the type of reactions on the other thread. I might have contributed to that as well and for my part I am sorry. But I am not sorry for expressing my opinions. I will continue to do just that.

Penny,

I just wanted to thank you for telling the doc off for me. I hate anyone trying to tell me what is best for me, I guess I think I know what is best for me and I will decide on how and when I will procede. I think you are the same kind of woman.

That's the part most doc's don't get....I AM IN CHARGE OF ME...I pay doctors to help me to on my journey. Go figure a surgen suggesting more surgery$$

I am also glad that you and all the others that have eroded have stayed on the board, we need each other! I wish I knew how to help you with your continuing weight loss...wish I knew what to say that would really help.

All the best to you, sending love. Trish

(((Hugs Girlie)))

Penni Im sorry that your going through some tuff time's I' did not get to read the thread but no matter what I would suport you hands down,as you have been a leader among the LBT family!

some time's I' wonder if Im, only a mouth full of food away from being over weight again.... but then again for my self even if I had to walk on broken legs I would just keep the weight off.

I no you can do it because your head strong you will be fine good luck sorry about your problem.JOHNQ

Penni, you know I have got much for you. I know it is a struggle being without the band..All we can do is take it one day at a time. Yes I have put it behind me and Iam putting all of my energy now into maintaining this weight loss. I will not lie there are times when Iam sad or upset I lost my band but it does not consume me..my appetite is consuming me right now :bananajump: and quite frankly that is enough! LOL, thank god for my hoodia, it is helping. Just know Iam here for you, you can call me anytime. We can do this ! You can do this! You have lots of love and support here...

Just some FYI: I got a personal apology from Dr. Pleatman. It restores my respect in Dr. Pleatman that he acknowledges he could have said something that hurt my feelings.

Thank you for the apology.

Thanks Michelle. We live so darn close to each other, we really really need to get together soon.

Wow, he didnt give me an apology. Go figure. Punk.

Just kidding! *laughs*

Susan you crack me up!

Pennie, Lisa, Susan, Alex, other - I've been on the forum for 3 weeks only but you 'regulars' (banded or un-banded) are so important to me as a newbie who hasn't even had a fill yet. Your experiences are immeasurable.

Susan and Alex - you guys are right on the money!

Pennie reading your post scares me - I see myself in it. Let's face it whatever psychological reasons (or lack of) there are for obesity - it results from food addiction. I feel no different than a druggie and sometime feel what I really need is a 'detox' program where they lock me up and don't let me till I'm clean. But your post also reassures me that I am not alone in this.

Lisa, it's a lot easier to hear "Get up off your butt and do the Honky Tonk Badonkadonk if you have to. Make sacrifices if you must." coming from a ex-obese person. I know that you know that :bananajump: it's easier said than done. My million dollar question to you is: How do I make my mouth do what my mind already knows".

Because usually even if I'm full and have the best intentions and will power when I see IT (whatever I want to eat at that point in time) I tell my brain to shut-up and tell my tummy to make way - there's more yummy food on the way. My obedient tummy 'makes space' and what do you know I start to believe I am eating because I guess I am hungry. This belief is real hunger. :help: .......I know I'm rambling!!! But since this is a support group......................

Anyone else play these mind games with themselves then later kick themselves for losing?

* justamom *

Penni, Just wanted to let you know that I support you and believe you had a right to be offended over the Dr.'s comments. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself(you remind me of me) LOL.. I respect and admire your courage and hope that you will find something that works for you so you can continue to lose weight. You are a fighter and you will get through this. You have my love and support.

Just some FYI: I got a personal apology from Dr. Pleatman. It restores my respect in Dr. Pleatman that he acknowledges he could have said something that hurt my feelings.

Thank you for the apology.

.

:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :bananajump: :mad: :grouphug: :target: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :target: :target: :target: :smash: :mad: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:

Hi Penni,

Hugs from TX. Yes, I still have a band and NO I couldnt possibly know how you feel being bandless but I do understand fear.

FEAR has been controlling me since I had an accidental complete unfill following plastic surgery. I have been gaining weight and I wont weigh myself. (DENIAL)

FEAR is a terrible way to live. Fear of gaining, fear of not having a band, fear of an eroded band, fear of gaining all of the weight I lost. Gosh, all this fear sucks the wind out of my sails sometimes. It is part of what controls all of us obese and formerly obese on a day to day basis. It is a horrible way to live and folks that have been obese, ostracized and mentally abused by others are their own worst enemies. Allof us DO remember what it is like to have not have a band, the love for food and all the other demons that have been grabbing all of us by the ankles on a day to day basis. I do feel your pain and I hope that you know that everyone here is thinking of you and wishing the best for you.

Work your way through the loss. Not everyone can jump back after such a terrible experience. Take as long as you need and dont compare yourself to others as we say frequently here on this board. Allow yourself time to grieve the loss and then move on when you are ready. Ya got friends here girlfriend so say whatever you need to say to work your way through this.

Hugs,

Babs in TX