Lost In The Journey
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I got my band on 3/9/09, things went well and I finally felt that I was in control. I'm not sure how much is in my band, but I had a few cc's in with the surgery. I have had 3 fills, there was an unfill last July because it just tightened from my stupidity. I got stuck real bad and didn't know I should have gone to liquids or soft foods for a few days. I just continued with solids and more and more frequently to get stuck. This caused irritation and swelling, thus I was tight. Then I was stupid again and didn't get a fill until Oct. For this I gained about 9 lbs and I have been fighting ever since. Currently I am at 181 and very angry with me. I am not hungry! So by the guidelines I don't need a fill. Today all I have had is a cup of coffee and some water. When I get up, I feel that I am not going to be able to eat. Most days I try to get in a protein drink and the meal I do eat always has the protein first. I wait and wait, but nothing to eat interests me. I used to look forward to my grilled chicken and wild rice, now it just doesn't matter. What is really strange is that I have always been able to eat bread, if it's sliced and toasted I'm good. Dinner rolls not a problem, even a sub rolls go down. Yet, I can take a bite of a pickle and I am done! I can eat something for lunch, but can't eat the same thing at dinner. It has always been this way. I take B6, B12, Biotin and a multi vitamin. My husband is angry that I am really only eating once a day, and that is to stop the dang headache. To add to my problems, I now have upper dentures and chewing should be easier and I thought it would help me with this, but I don't think so. I had hoped it would open me up to something other than chicken. My port is also tilted and while the fills don't hurt because they send me to radiology, I have an appointment next week with the nurse, hopefully I will be able to get a fill soon. I don't feel like a failure, but I am very disappointed in myself.