Hi all, I'm a newbie to this site. Had my surgery last June of 2009 have gone from a high of #277 lbs down to a low of #196. Hovering around #200 and doing real good. My question is my wife and I go to our regular Omelet House on Sunday mornings and I eat her crumbs off her plate and am stuffed.lol. Something like that, And I've a great experiance with my sugery and I look at so many people that I say to my wife there,s a candidate for this surgery, there,s another one, not in a judge mental way but share with them whats available to them if they wanted it. And how much better there lives could be and maybe happier about them selves. I do this all the time. Your thoughts,thanks IFEELGOOD

I think it's wonderful that you are happy with your decision to have bariatric surgery and want to share your experience, but unless someone asks, I think it's rude to just go up to a total stranger and suggest they have bariatric surgery. It's difficult enough to feel good about ourselves when we are overweight without a total stranger commenting on it publicly. Personally, I'd be terribly offended and would likely tell you off over my scrambled eggs and bacon.

Perhaps you could have a shirt made up that says "I lost 77 lbs and feel great! Ask me how!" and let those who are interested ask. Otherwise, I wouldn't presume total strangers want my opinion on their weight.

I have thoughts like that as well. I would never in my wildest dreams go up to someone and say it, but I certainly think it. My thought process is kind of "Wow, I totally know what its like to be there and to feel hopeless about my weight...that ill always be fat. Hopefully they'll figure something out - whether its surgery or diet and exercise or therapy...I just hope they find a way to get through it". But as the above poster said, I wouldn't ever say it.

Btw, we were banded around the same time

I'm assuming you meant you'd 'like to' tell them, not that you actually do? At least I hope so.

For many people, WLS is not even a possibility. It's hard to save money for WLS when you barely make enough to feed your family, put a roof over their head and clothing on their back.

Also, and I'm sure this isn't a popular view...but WLS is not for everyone. Too many people go into it thinking it's the 'magic pill' and once they have it, all their weight will mysteriously start dropping off. Heck, you can see that right here in this forum...people 1-3 weeks postop starting threads about how upset they are and wishing they never got this surgery because they haven't lost anything.

WLS only works if we're willing to work...and many of those obese people you see riding carts in the grocery store or heading up to the all you can eat buffet in a restaurant don't want to give up their food. Sure, they want to be thin and not be in pain or on all those meds...but not if it means giving up their third helping or all the junk food.

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I am sure you would never say anything to a stranger, but I don't think it is odd that, because of your success with WLS, you would want others to be as happy as you are. Lately, I have had a lot of lessons about "perspective". An example would be this morning as I did my mile at the track. I saw 2 new women walking the track, rather slowly. They were very heavy and yes, the thought did cross my mind that perhaps WLS could be life changing for them as it has been for me. But, then perspective popped into my mind. First, it may be a major success for them that they are even out walking. Second, although I have gone from a size 26 to a size 14/16, I am by no means thin -- I feel great, and at 5'8" I look pretty good in my clothes (my legs are long and slender -- I carry my weight on top -- uggghhh), but next to my thin-all-her-life sister who is 5'6" and weighs 119 lbs, I look pretty big. It's all relative, you know?

My best friend (since we were 5 yrs old) has been heavy like me all our lives. Last week I asked her if she wanted to walk with me in the morning, she immediately said "absolutely not!" and gave me a flimsy excuse about not tying her exercise to another person. Mind you, she's been "talking" about exercising for 2 years now -- hasn't started yet. It kind of stung when she was so abrupt about not going because I was thinking in terms of having time with my best friend, but I know she wasn't trying to hurt me. So, as much as I would like to see her get healthier and lose the weight, I have to respect her choice to do it her way -- no matter what the result.

I understand how you feel. When we are happy we want to share our happiness with everyone! But, as we all know from experience, weight loss is a touchy subject.

All the best to you as you continue your journey!

~F

Not in a MILLION years would I comment to a stranger about their weight! There are places in MA/NH where that could cost you your teeth. I have had people ask me at the gym how much weight I've lost. I tell them that I lost 80 pounds with diet and exercise and have lost an addition 22 since having LAP Band surgery. One woman at the gym commented that her friend had two LAP band surgeries and finally had bypass. She seemed to see LAP band intrinsicly being a failure. Yet she went on to say this woman after having bypass gets sick from eating to much fat or sweets. Hello! To me looks like this woman needs therapy. Food choices are emotional. So how much of the LAP band failure was from her eating badly? From the conversation it sounded like she went to my surgeon for the second surgery because he is probably the best in the area. In regards to inviting friends to exercise with you I think that's dicey. While I enjoy a outdoor walk on occastion. I am not an outdoorsey person. I know it irritates my sisters because they love doing outdoor stuff. I don't like the cold or the heat and they love to walk in the summer and fall. Long boring hikes that I don't know when we will finish. Usually in the woods and uphill. My very thin nephew tells my sister "You know I HATE walks". Just not his style. My mother's best friend say's I'll go to the pool with you. Buttt she wants to go at like 10:00 AM. My mother goes at 5:00 AM; so she says fine be there at 5:00 but I'm not waiting until 10:00.

I have those thoughts pretty often and it makes me wonder how often folks who had WLS used to think it when they saw me. I just have to trust that they'll either find a way out of obesity or choose not to and not think about it any further. My dh is almost 400 lbs and despite seeing my success he claims to have no interest in the surgery. I think he'd rather hang on to the hope that one day he can take it off and keep it off all on his own as opposed to owning up to the fact that this problem is bigger than him.

WOW, IFEELGOOD here, I guess I must have struck a nerve on this topic, and I guess I didn't really convey the point to well cause never in my mind did I infer that I would strike up a conversation with a complete stranger that they needed to do what I had done.lol. In fact I hardly tell friends and long aquantiences of what I had done unless they say how great I look and whats my secret on my weight loss. I just tell them and what was involved and let it go at that. WHen I had it done I told my boss I was on a list to get a date for surgery and he is like #450pounds and kinda joked that maybe we could do the buddy plan. He said how come, My Dr. says that there is nothing wrong with him. He's got a couple of little kids and smokes ontop of things, Nothing against smokers but I believe this guy is a walking time bomb. But to this day I think he really resented the fact that I said that to him. I guess we should all ignore the #900 gorilla in the room. After I lost about #30 he said infont of everyone at work that he didn't see any difference. OH well. He went on to get a knee replacement, It failed. no comment. My Dr. said that he has patients who ask for special appointments at like 4am because they are affraid that people might be driving by and see her car parked out front of the office and know that she had the surgery Done. So I've been warned about how touchy people can be about this topic. So I haven't asked to leave my favorite breakfast hang out yet. Interesting topic and tanks for some of you defending my crazy thoughts.lol. PS Happy & healthy Holidays to everyone.IFEELGOOD.

I have those thoughts pretty often and it makes me wonder how often folks who had WLS used to think it when they saw me. I just have to trust that they'll either find a way out of obesity or choose not to and not think about it any further. My dh is almost 400 lbs and despite seeing my success he claims to have no interest in the surgery. I think he'd rather hang on to the hope that one day he can take it off and keep it off all on his own as opposed to owning up to the fact that this problem is bigger than him.

Hello Beernut, You have a perspective I never thought about, that is how others who had swl befoer me thought about me before my surgery. ANyway I wasn't judging anyone who hasn't but I know I was sick of being sick and thats what it took to motivate me to move ahead with the proceedure. Funny thing is when someone asks about what I had done and could use some help I tell them what a typical day is like for me you should see the look of horrror in their eyes. I'd rather die they say. And I don't say what I think. OH yes by the way I new to all these abbreviations and was wondering what "dh" means. Still learning here. thanks IFEELGOOD

Yes, I too have had those toughts. But like you, I am thinking that I would love for those folks to have the happiness and success I have had with WLS.

But, as others have said, just because someone is overweight, it doesn't mean they WANT to lose weight. I have a dear friend who is well over 400 pounds. She has admitted to considering the surgery but boldly says she doesn't want to give up food. Clearly her priorities and mine are completely different.

Post surgery I also had problems watching certain food shows like "Man Vs. Food". For me, a person overcoming food addiction, it was like a drug addict watching a show where people were getting high. It just made me sick.

I'm a chatty person by nature and can talk to anyone. So no matter where I am I seem to end up talking about my weight loss inadvertantly. I'll be shopping and be so excited about a purchase that I'll say..."I'm just loving this skirt. I just recently lost 80 pounds and I'm excited about shopping for the first time in 10 years." Sometimes the listener is overweight, sometimes not. It doesn't matter. I'm not saying it because I think they should have the surgery but who knows, maybe they know someone who is considering it and they can say..."Hey, I just met a person at the mall who said they had that surgery and loved it." You never know how all the pieces will fit together in someone's life and help them.

I think you'll know when it's appropriate to say something and when it isn't. But yes, I think those of us who have had positive experiences with our lap-bands want to share that positivity with others. We don't want to see others suffer as we have but we must remember, to each his own.

Trust methese people know they are fat or overweight and do not need any of us telling them unless they ask. They are dealing with all the things we were, just trying to fit in to the world without drawing attention to theirselves.

Even when talking to a friend you have to come off not judgmental. Not I know better that you. Some people when they lose a lot of weight just go crazy and think the are much thinner than they really are. Wearing things nobaby should be wearing. Look in the mirrow, before you go out!

Cheri

Trust methese people know they are fat or overweight and do not need any of us telling them unless they ask. They are dealing with all the things we were, just trying to fit in to the world without drawing attention to theirselves.

Even when talking to a friend you have to come off not judgmental. Not I know better that you. Some people when they lose a lot of weight just go crazy and think the are much thinner than they really are. Wearing things nobaby should be wearing. Look in the mirrow, before you go out!

Cheri

Hi there and thanks for you inputs, Large med small I agree with you I hate man versus food. I almost get sick watching that show also. Funny I do realize now how many food commercials there are, it's no wonder we use to eat all the time, I still say UMMMMMM this looks good, or that looks good and the wife says yea both your bites.lol. True. And you are right Cheri about losing weight and looking in the mirror after dressing before going outside. I was so happy to get into my 70"s wardrobe, But my wife although happy for me and my weight loss she wouldnot go outside with me in my bell bottom pants and platform shoes. I think it was my gold medalion. It was a little over the top.lol. Just kidding I had boots not platform shoes. Just because it fits doesn't make it right. Well I'm g;ad to see I'm not alone with my thoughts. Funny thing is I'll order a smallorder say 1/2 order of biscutts and Gravy on Sunday morning and get the strangest look from the waitress, ( some have known me presurgery) and comeback and I've only at one buscutt and and ask if the food was ok or didn't Iike it? I tell then it was great it's just that I had a little stomach surgery and then they ask if I had a band put on and I say yes and they ask a bunch of questions about it and think it's great. Thats about all I share with strangers. OK well thans again for your inputs. IFEELGOOD,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Doug

I'm so happy to see this thread. I never want to say anything to anyone...but I do want to leave my doctors card scattered all over Wal-Mart!!! It's not so much that these people are huge, it's the food choices I see them making. But I also know that I had been living the band lifestyle two years before I even had the procedure done.

I knew I could make this lifestyle change as a permanent change. I know people that understand the change and they know that the band isn't going to work for them and they are waiting for a miracle or the life altering issue to pop up to push them to make that change.

This is very personal, and we are the few that have been able to handle such an issue. I feel that makes us stronger in so many ways.

I've actually had 2 people tell me I should give lab band a try. They are co-workers and both had great success with it. I got a lot of preinformation on it and they were the ones to give me the final push to do it. But they were not strangers. At first I was so offended I wan't to cry, but once I got over that I reailzed that I'm fat as hell and they are just trying to help. I was banded 2 days ago, it sin't worth it yet still pretty miserable but I have afeeling in a few weeks/months it will be