There is a young girl in our office, I'm going to guess she's 24 - we'll call her Betty. She doesn't make much money, she's pregnant with her 6th child, has never been married, lives with her parents.

Betty's co-workers sent out a private email to everyone on our floor asking for a cash donation (they suggested $5 - $10) that will be used to buy a gift certificate to Target, and we'd have a baby shower for Betty. Now - my co-worker and I don't actually work with any of the people here, we really don't even know them -- we're on a virtual team based in another state so we kind of just use the space, but we also do our best to be "team players".

About 5 minutes after the first e-mail is sent, my co-worker and I get a private follow-up that says something to the effect of, "We all know you make more than the rest of us, and you make 6 or 7 times more than Betty, so you should contribute more than the rest of us" and the e-mail goes on to suggest $100 from the two of us ($50 each). Keep in mind that my co-worker and I put together have spoken maybe 10 words to Betty. But we felt bad, it's xmas, we dont' really need the money, whatever... so we give $50 each.

Soon after we learn that no one else pitched in any $ because the last time they did this, she came in the next day with a bunch of CDs and fake jewelry she had bought instead of baby stuff. Apparently Betty lives too far from a real baby store to get her a GC there, and doesn't have a computer at home so online orders are out... Target is the only thing near her.

What do you guys think - would it be too rude for us to ask the coordinator to return the cash, and we'd apply it toward a baby gift that we'll go pick up and bring in instead?

If we just funded her "new shoes" account I'm going to be seriosuly ticked, but I would be happy to spend all of the $50 and more on stuff that I knew would go toward the baby.

(BTW, this baby's father has been married for 27 years, and she's trying to convince him to leave his family for her. If I'd known that, the $50 would be in MY pocket b/c I don't dig people that go after someone else's family)

Buy her a box of condoms and call it a day after you make the "wheetsin" whistle sound and announce your gift to the whole staff.

P.S. What is OT?

Sorry, OT = Off Topic. Old habit from other messageboards.

My co-worker and I did talk about getting her condoms. Apparently they're "against her religion," but I guess boinking married guys is AOK.

Fine, then buy her a calendar and mark her fertile days. Geeze, I don't buy this religious crap when it comes to having more babies than you can afford. Get a new God instead.

I can help, there, Delarla...OT is "Off Topic". Not "off-color", so don't get so excited! LOL!

Wheetsin, I just wouldn't have participated. First of all, the situation is self-made, I would feel no obligation to support it, and wouldn't be rude, just say no thanks. Secondly, the ones who sent you a bullying email do not require a response, at all. You were basically strong-armed.

Most people would consider it inappropriate to have a baby shower for someone's 6th child...especially in the circumstance you describe. I think a box of condoms might be appropriate, however. Does she know what is causing these babies??!!!

I feel sorry for the children, that's for sure. How does she have TIME to make a 6th child, for goodness sake! It just makes me wonder....Where are the 5 kids while she is working? Not that it's any of my business....I just have an inquiring mind.

Cindy

Ohh lordy, I would get my money back stat!!! That Christmas spirit must ahve taken you over. Get it back and give it to a real charity! Maybe that is just my scrooge comin out, bu bah humbug then. Women like that really give us all a bad name.

If we'd known the real deal we would have opted out, but we didn't know until AFTER we had given them the money. I think that's by design...

And yeah, we know we're chumps for giving them the larger amount of $, but in efforts to keep the peace... we figured whatever.

BY nature this is something I'm pretty much against (I'm a big subscriber to "Don't have kids if you can't care for them".) It's that whole "WORK HARDER! Millions on welfare rely on YOU!" bullcookies...

I know a chic that won't take birth control because it's against her religion, she has 5 kids by 5 different men, some were married, I guess they never went over that part in her bible studies since she is so worried about religion. I can't stand that. It's one thing to be a dumb teenager, but the woman I know is 32 years old and still doing this crap, living on welfare and her poor mother who has full retirement but had to get a teaching job to pay for her daughter and 5 grandkids extras. Ok, I need to quit talking about these people, they are obviously sick and demented and this is the holidays, so I will just say, bad decisions and hopefully the children will grow up with a better head on their shoulders.

I don't get the birth control thing...isn't there a no sex before marriage thing too? I would cus out the corrdinator just for saying I should give more money to some chick I don't know... How the hell does she know your bills and what you have planned ... so hell yeah ask for... no demand you money honey!

Just my 2cents

I am curious...Do you expect a thank you card? I am not sure what proper ettiquitte (sp) is in this situation....My married boyfriend and I would like to thank you for the 100.00 shoes...cd's...makeup...etc....The money did not go towards my unborn baby or the other 5 children that I have made without regard to their wellbeing or future.

Selfish people make me CRAZY

Thank you card? Fat chance. This is the same person who, when we have any kind of a snack/food day, bring her ziploc baggies and stocks up on what everyone brought & takes it home with her.

Wheetsin, the world is a better place because of people like you and your friend. Seriously.

You went out of your way to do a kind thing and don't seem to be angry about the outcome. Taking the high road will always serve you well, as you seem to know already. You rock!!

That said, next time just say no. No harm, no foul, no new shoes.

I agree with what Alex said, the people were wrong in sending you the private email, but I would consider it an expensive lesson learned and a donation given in the spirit of the season.

Mention the solicitation tactics to the boss...ask that they be stopped. Another thought; are we sure the preggers tart didn't send the request, perhaps from a coworkers computer? Better yet, send a return message to the solicitor... mention feeling fleeced by a rumor that someone got you and your close coworker to send cash for a shower that never happened, and you'd like to know where the money went. If I felt the way you do, I'd ask. If they say she got it, send a second email to the tart, assuring that she received your gifts of $100 cash, tell her you haven't heard from her, and were wondering if she got it, and was she able to buy anything nice for the baby? Tell her you're dying to see what she got, & ask if she could email pics for all to see the cute stuff?

I'm sure the pregnant girl didn't send the email because we handed the cash to another lady (the one who DID send it) and she was't surprised or wondering what it was for. And the pregnant lady isn't getting the cash, the other lady (the one coordinating all this) is buying her a Target gift certificate. The lady who collected the money isn't in yet today, but we've already decided to talk to her about my co-worker and I (we both live close to eachother, and very close to a Babies-r-Us) getting everyone's money from her and buying bona fide baby stuff.

As for a real charity... DH and I signed up for adopt-a-family, told them we'd do a large family, and ended up with a family of 11! I'll be spending a LOT of time wrapping gifts this weekend! I'm truly not a "charity" type person, but the holidays are the one time I will break away from my usual behavior. : )

As for the practice of a baby shower for a 6th child, the people here do things I wouldn't normally think you'd do, such as a baby shower at work for the fathers, and wedding showers for the grooms-to-be. I've never heard of that before.