A little back ground on me before we start...

I'm 29 now and had surgery back in ny may 21 2008. I lost a total of 133lbs in less then one year. My starting weight was 343 lbs. I moved to Washington state in aug 2009. I have no doctor out here bc they all want more then i can afford for 1st visit. i have gained about 40lbs back form aug to now . I'm in a deep depression bc i lost my father and now all i do is reach for food.

So.... I need help. I need to get myself back on track. When I try I do well for about 2 days then its over. Im starting to save for a doctor as of my next paycheck but it will be easy a month or more before i can get in with one... and i cant just rely on the doctor for everything i know this... i gotta push myself. So i need to know how everyone copes with this. Maybe how others have jump started them selves again. Maybe even someone who i can email . Ill take any help.... Since i lost my father I lost alot of will. And the sad thing is I know he would not want this for me. He was so proud of my weight loss.

please help.

I have no experience with the band as of yet, but I am 51 years old and have had a struggle with my weight for most of my life. I am scheduled for my banding this Friday, April 9th, so I can only tell you that I wish you the best and am here if you need someone to talk to.

If you will go to the thread entitled "looking for a mentor" there is one person in particular...Indiogirl55..... that has been such an inspiration to me. There are many great people on that site and until someone writes back you can glean a lot of encouragement there.

I adore my father so I can only imagine the pain you are going through with the loss of yours.

Hang in there and just take one step at a time for now.

jls- I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your father-- I understand how it's easy to turn to food for comfort after a loss like that. (I had a similar response to my husband's death.)

It seems like money is tight for you-- do you have health insurance that might cover a therapist? maybe there is a community center that offers those sorts of services on a sliding scale? The only thing that turned my eating around after my husband's death was seeing my therapist and having someone to talk to. It sounds like you may be depressed-- I know I was.

There is a lot of research that shows that exercise has very similar effects to taking anti-depressants. And I know that when one feels depressed (or sad or whatever) it really seems impossible to get up and go for a walk... but the return on the investment of doing it even though you don't want to can be immense. Once you start to get those "I'm doing something for me" feelings going, it really snowballs into something really good.

We are here for you-- but if you can find a therapist to talk to about bereavement that you can afford- I think that'd be best.

Hugs-

Jls- first off please let me say I am so sorry about the loss of your father. I have been through this myself, and all I can say is that it will get better... you will never forget him and the love and good times, but the pain of his passing will fade a bit.

Secondly... let me say congrats on the initial weight loss. That was great.

I am so sorry I have no advice for you on how to get a fill sooner. I am assuming your insurance won't pay for fills?? (mine won't either... luckily I have a surgeon who does not charge a arm and leg).

Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk on a one to one basis.

julie

I have insurance but the doctor out here in Washington wont take insurance for the 1st visit. I don't understand why... so im looking into other choices to see if they will. I do need to talk to someone over my fathers death b/c i honestly cant handle it anymore. Its become so out of hand i cry every day.... so i will be looking for help this week. thanks for the support... ill take as much as i can get.

jessica

I don't know your background, and although I am a Christian, I am not suggesting that you "find religion" as your solution. But many, many churches (you may have to check around) have good, kind, caring people who will reach out to you in tough times like you are going through. Some churches many even have a counseling pastor/staff member who you can talk to, work through the emotions of the loss, and what to do next.

As suggested above, we can try and be there for you, talk to you through this site, or PM, or email, but sometimes, there is nothing like someone reaching out to you, and just comforting you, listening as you cry, hand you the tissues, and then helping you to the next step in life.

As for the fill, well, keep checking more doctors, in a wider circle around where you are, to see if you can find a more favorable situation. If you can't find any other options, then focus on maintaining. Now may not be the time to "get back on track" or try and loose the short term gain. But maintain, control portion sizes, make better choices on what you do eat, clear out the comfort food/junk food that creeps back in. Walk 10 minutes, 3x a day, if you can't get started on the 30 minutes + kinda of exercise. Once you are back into the 3 ten min walks, see if you can stretch one of them into 15, and then 20 mins, etc. Just put on those shoes, and do it, friend.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father.

I too am in Washington state. My surgery will be May 6th, by Dr. Oh. He's in Federal Way. He takes my insurance which is Regence/Blue Cross. Have you tried his office? I would definitely check with other doctors. I wonder what they're thinking is on not taking insurance for the first visit?

Hope things start going better for you. The pain of your loss will get better with time.

Carol

Awww...sweety...I'm giving you a great big hug right now. Give yourself a few moments to catch your breathe. Take it one step at a time. (I know its easy for me to say, and a very difficult thing for you to do.) When you stablize out from moving, changing doctors, and losing your father your weight loss will come back on track. (The worse thing you can do now is feel guilt.) Sending you love and prayers...