Hi. I have been lurking on here for a while, but now that my Lap-Band surgery is becoming a reality in a very short time, I have decided that I need to reach out for support. I am very overwhelmed right now. I hear this is normal, but I have been on a roller-coaster of emotions over the past months. I have gone from excited to ashamed to frustrated to disgust to hopeful within hours!

I am finishing up my insurance requirements in the next 5 weeks, and then I will be getting a surgery date hopefully in early May.

I have tried not to read too much as I get overwhelmed with all of the bad that I have read. I truly do not know what to expect.

I joined this group so that perhaps I could bond with a few people to help me on this journey.

I turn 40 in August...I want this to be my year for reclaiming my life.

Losing weight is so much more than "eat less and move more" as we all know. Most of it is in our heads. I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I know that I use food to protect myself. I can lose weight very successfully, but I have never been able to keep it off. As soon as I get close to that magic number (200 for me), I sabotage myself and start right back up the scale. I use it as a wall. I know that after I am banded, I will have to fight through that 200 lb wall that has eluded me for so long. I get scared just thinking about it. However, what scares me more is living at 275 lbs while my life passes me by and my health suffers as a result of that. I refuse to live dictated by that fear any longer.

I know that the band will only be a tool. It is not a magic solution to my battle with my weight. However, it will be a commitment to taking care of myself and one that I am ready to make.

This board has been such a source of inspiration to me over the past weeks as I have really taken the time to read the stories of others who have walked ahead of me, those who are walking alongside me, and those who will be following.

I am so grateful for the honesty of the emotions that everyone is sharing. It makes the journey seem not so lonely!

Here is our new mantra:

no more fear, no more fear, (I can't hear you!)NO MORE FEAR! NO MORE FEAR!

I keep telling myself, so I will share with you;

"COURAGE IS NOT THE ABSENCE OF FEAR, IT IS SIMPLY MOVING FORWARD IN SPITE OF IT"

so fear, I tell you....

KISS MY BIG WHITE AS*

Have a great Monday everyone!

Hey guys - Your comments are so helpful. Together we CAN do this!!!

Good luck to you!!! Angie

I have been working so hard the past few weeks to start making positive changes in my life. I have completely cut out soda, and I am drinking Water and Crystal Light instead. I have been walking 2.25 miles per day. I have tried to make better choices in my eating. Today while walking in a local park, some teenage boys yelled "FATSO!" at me. I was devastated. I cried as I continued with my walk in spite of my desire to sit down and give up. How did I allow myself to get to this point? All the good feelings about myself and the progress I am making went right out the window. I feel like I am destined to be "the fat girl" forever. My first instinct is to eat my way through these feelings, but I am trying to be strong.

This journey is much more than a physical one, isn't it? I have this ominous feeling that things won't work out for me...that perhaps I don't deserve this happiness in my life.

Can anyone relate?

I'm sorry for what happened on your walk today. Please don't let a few bratty kids derail your plans. You deserve better.

One of the great things about the band is you have control over it. You mentioned that you have a magic number of 200. If you want, you can just lose to 200, and then start to maintain your weight. Everyone doesn't have to be BMI 25. Even if you stop losing at 200 it would really help the way you feel health wise and then after you are comfortable there you might choose to lose more.

After I was banded I started to think this was going to be another failed diet but then I started getting fills are realized that it physically restricted my eating and I just had to do the mental part it really started working for me.

Everyone deserves happiness (Except those kids in the park, they deserve to be slapped on :thumbup:) Remember, if you are willing to do the work of selecting the right foods, the band is willing to do the work of restricting portions. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.

Palmtree girl - I'm with Leigha. Don't let some bratty kids derail you. I know this is easier said than done...I would have felt the exact same way. I know this is something I am going to have to work through. I do not want the band to be another failed attempt at dieting and the emotional eating is a huge thing for me...for a lot of us. I have a book (that I haven't started reading yet...but I hear it's great!) called Mindless eating. I got it cheap off of Amazon. I'm planning to dive into that this weekend.

The other thing I've been thinking about (and please let me know your thoughts on this) is having bi-weekly or weekly appointments with a counselor or psychiatrist to discuss the emotional aspects of losing. Like you, palm tree girl, I sometimes beat myself up and wonder if I deserve to lose and be happy.....I have sabotaged myself in the past and do not want to do it again!!!!

If we stick together, we CAN/WILL do this!!!! You guys are great! I'm so happy this board is here and we can connect. Ang

Oh my God, Palmtreegirl, I am so sorry that happened to you. People of any age can be so terribly cruel. You have to know that you are worth it! You are worth the steps that you are taking to be healthier, even though they may not be so easy. You are a beautiful person, and it's ashame that those kids are already so sick in their minds that they have to sling insults at someone they don't even know, just to make themselves feel better. They were feeling your confidence and power, and it scared them, so they resorted to their own illness.

To answer your question, yes, I totally relate. I, too am concerned that I will once again sabatoge myself like I have so many times in my life before. The good thing about this is we are both aware that we are our worst enemy. We have to relax and know that we deserve this positive change, and clear the head of all the negative self-talk that we are so good at. Love yourself! You are doing the best things for it!

You can talk to me anytime, if you need someone to lean on.

Keep up the good work!:thumbup:

I turn 40 in August also. That is what has put me over the edge as well. I am an emotional eater and am really working on my head. Let's help each other ! We can be fit and forty.

Thank you to all of you for your words of encouragement. It was one bad day, but I really didn't let it get to me. I got on the scale this weekend and was pleasantly surprised to see that I have lost 7 lbs in the past 2 weeks through smarter food choices and daily exercise.

You would think that I would not let a bratty teenager get to me as I have taught in a middle school for the past 16 years. It just really got to me because I see myself as a "fatso" right now, too.

Ainnjay -- I am a big believer in therapy. I have been in it for almost 7 years, and it is helping me get to the core issues of how I have allowed myself to eat my way to 280 lbs. I think everyone could benefit from it. It is the best thing that I have ever done for myself!

One more question....did anyone have to keep a caloric intake/exercise journal for insurance purposes? I am supposed to turn one in, but it wasn't given to me at the beginning of my 6 month period. Now I have to go back and fill in the blanks, and I don't even know how to do that!

The support from you ladies has been so important to me over the past month. Thank you for giving me the gift of your on-line friendships!

I didnt have to do a caloric journal but my nutrionist wanted me to write down my daily foods I was eating and turn it in to her every month, I will admit that I fudged some of the entries because I didnt always write everything down. I felt that they just wanted to make sure I was willing to change my habits. I lost about 25 pounds during my six month supervised diet.

I've been doing my food journal for the first time in my life, and the blessed thing is shocking! I am simply astonished at the black and white of what I put in my mouth; I'm also shocked at how little I can eat on a 1000 calorie diet, which is what my nutritionist says I need! I'm finding it non-negotiably informative, which I suppose is a good thing. I guess that's why they want us to do it in the first place.