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Ah ok so yeah i see the difference in what you were initially intending to get across and my initial response. It is disappointing when your family is unsupportive and/or uncreative. Do they ever at least ask what you'd like to do? Do you have another support system around? They might just need a nudge. I typically spend my time with my friends over family, though my family is overall supportive, I am beyond the age of birthdays with them. Long before my surgery, my immediate family stopped with the typical cake celebration. Now it's usually a text or phone call and a card with some cash lol. I think in your case you'd have to guide your family to do something different if that's what you'd prefer. It's such an ingrained thing that celebrations equals food for a lot of us and they may need some help breaking that pattern at least every once in a while.
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It's normal for people who were part of your unhealthy habits to not like the new changes in your life. That doesn't make you a bad person. It means you're in a different season of your life now, and honestly, they can get onboard and support you or they can move along. Does that seem harsh to some? Sure. But sometimes relationships that were unhealthy, unsupportive, or even toxic can and will fall by the wayside as you become a healthier, happier version of who you used to be. My entire life has been completely overhauled. I'm really active now. I eat extremely healthy. I workout 4-5x per week. I'm pursuing a career that I thought I would never get to do. I shop differently. I look at food differently. I cut out so so many bad habits and had to work really, really hard to retrain my brain to see food as fuel and not as an addiction or drug (yes, food was almost like a drug to me). Because of these changes, I have no tolerance for anything that can derail me and set me back on the path I was on before. Does that rub people the wrong way? Yep. Do I care? Nope. It's my life and I have to live it the best way I can for me.
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When will I see results?
Arabesque replied to CathyMol's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I’m sorry your dad is being unsupportive. It’s always hardest to block out hurtful comments by those we love. Did you point out how much you’ve actually lost? It was early in the second month post surgery I think when a friend commented. I was wearing a more fitted dress that used to pull across my butt & tummy a bit in the past & now skimmed. I’d lost about 12kg ( 26lbs) in total. I was still wearing mostly the same clothes but they fit better. The only pieces that were verging on too big were those with proper waist bands everything else had elastic bands or drawstrings so could fit multi sizes. However, importantly, my staring weight was less than yours (based on what you want to lose) so it took less weight loss to see any difference. You’re losing weight from all over your body not just your torso. Try taking photos & body measurements - thighs, calves, upper & lower arms, waist, hips, breast & compare those too not just the scales & the size on your clothing tags. Remember the difference between one size & the next is usually 2 inches so, for e.g., your waist would have to be a good 2 inches smaller for you to need to drop a size (in a fitted waist outfit). General advice is if you lose about 10lbs you’ll drop a size but that really only applies to those in the healthy weight range & dropping say from a US size 12 - 10. If you’re smaller it takes less weight loss & vice versa. Your dad will be changing his thinking in another month or so. Keep up your great work. -
Jealousy from others?
Recidivist replied to luvcanasta's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
My sister and a very close friend, both of whom were also morbidly obese, were extremely hostile and unsupportive about my decision to have surgery. I interpreted it as their being threatened that I was doing something to take control of my life. My relationship with both of them has suffered as a result. They both continue to say they would never want to give up wine and good food and say that it must be awful for me that I can't enjoy eating. (I actually do enjoy eating now.) -
Weight during preop
LookingForward22 replied to Capri81's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I’d talk to your program and ask them. At least then you’ll know where you stand. I’m sure the stress isn’t helping either. Hopefully since your program didn’t tell you (you must maintain or lose X) they won’t have that requirement. One thing that was very helpful for me has been working with a psychologist if you aren’t already (bonus if they have experience with weight loss). I get therapy isn’t for everyone, but it has been helping me. Unsupportive family is enough of a reason … but you are going through major surgery and life changes, it can be a help in adjusting to all of that as well. -
Yes, maybe that’s it. I’m doing all this and it feels like everyone is telling me either stuff I’m already doing or to just develop an eating disorder. Most of family is very unsupportive. And I’m having issues with it. I’m just thinking not losing might affect me getting approved for surgery.
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September surgery buddies!!
SpartanMaker replied to Slwhurst's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
Well at the end of the day, you have to follow their recommendations I guess. It's a shame, as I think they have some unsupported beliefs about certain types of protein. I'd love to see the research they are basing this on, as I'm not really finding anything other than internet lore. -
Fatty Liver almost Cirrhosis
ShoppGirl replied to Flowerpetal1978's topic in General Weight Loss Surgery Discussions
It’s a big decision and one only you can make but I agree that you definitely will find tons of support here. Not to say that you don’t want his support but there have been many people who had unsupportive significant others. Most seem to come around to the idea eventually. taking them along to a couple dr appointments seems to help. By letting them voice their concerns and have the dr or NP explain things. I think it helps to hear from a doctor that it is a relatively safe surgery and also that your odds of losing weight on your own just really aren’t great after you get to be a certain size as well as their account of how many people have reversed some if not all of their medical issues by losing weight. -
Hello! I am going to be having a laproscopic gastric bypass later this fall and my husband is 100% unsupportive. He says I am stupid if I have the surgery and that I am taking the lazy way out. He believes the exact same results can be reached with diet and exercise alone. I am turning 40 this year and am 5'4 and weigh 330lbs. I have dieted, worked out alone, with groups and with personal trainers until I am blue in the face and will lose 30 to 40 pounds then gain it all back. I am very stout in my build. I have 7 inches of spinal column that fused to my tailbone in development so my overall body is meant to be 5'10-5'11. I will never be skinny. I want to be healthy. Him not being supportive will not stop me from going forward but how do I make him understand this is the right move for me? I will also note that no one in his family is supportive as they are all very close-minded and have the same negative attitude he does. He is not overweight. He is a farmer, is very active and his metabolism is great. We have two young daughters and they are my why. I want my next 40 years to be my healthiest.
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I’m 9 days into a three week pre-op. I lost 5.4 pounds the first week, but I ate the post-op diet for five weeks prior. My mom started on the same day and lost 9lbs in the first few days. my husband isn’t unsupportive just clueless. Asks me to cook food that I can’t eat or bring food to him that smells good. I’m actually sitting in a movie theater with him right now and he’s eating a flatbread pizza while I sip water. I’ve had two protein shakes today. It can be frustrating.
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I feel like I have no familial support for my surgery.
liveaboard15 replied to itami o's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Are you a minor or something? Me personally i dont care what anyone else thinks that includes family. If i am doing something to better myself then i will go with it regardless of what other people think. Not sure how they can sue the surgeon if you are an adult. If you have friends that are supportive those can be better than unsupportive family many times. -
Online "support group" not very supportive
Queen ApisM replied to ColieCallwell's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
My program definitely wants you to wean off protein shakes as time goes by and switch to real food. I don't think they mind you using them to ensure you get to protein goals for as long as you need to (or if you just like them) but the intent isn't that you keep using them. I also would quit the unsupportive support group. You should be able to ask reasonable questions in a safe space. -
I haven't had surgery yet, but I've seen the surgeon, the nutrionists, and had some of the insurance required tests already. I still have a few things to do, but the surgeon said he thinks I should be able to have it in November. So wouldn't you know that the moment I commented on one of the posts here about unsupportive boyfriend MY husband decides that he does not want me to have surgery. First he said he is worried something will happen to me, then he says I can do it by exercise and diet, and then today he said that he met me heavy and he wants me to be like how I was when we first met. Honestly I think he is worried that if I get thin that I will leave him, which I would not leave him but he told me that he will not support me on my decision to have it. He said we will get a divorce. He had already told me that he would not take to me or pick me up from the hospital and that he wouldn't take care of me at home, and I needed to call my sister to come and do it all. It is very odd because we have been together 12 or 13 years, married for ten of those years and he has never been that way with me. He says he loves me but he sure isn't acting like it. I think in the end he will go along with it but for now he has really upset me. His parents said they would help me when it comes time for my surgery. Each time I drink a shake he asks me why I'm still doing that diet. I just tell him it's because it's easier than eating at the moment. I guess I should mention that I've already lost some weight and now he is heavier than me.....not by much but he knows I'm going to keep losing and he is struggling to lose it, but he has started to the gym and hopefully he can lose it and won't feel so insecure. I really do think he will change when it comes to surgery time, but for now I'm just dealing with him nagging me about the diet and exercise. I'm all about exercise, but I'm healing from some tendon surgery so I have to wait until after my physical therapy for my whole body. Has anybody else had a spouse that didn't want to support their surgery in the beginning but changed their mind later?
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Ya, this is an oldie but a common problem... and I did the same thing, ran over and gave my fiancé a huge hug and a kiss. If you're reading this and thinking the original post applies to you... there's an easy way to lose 200 lbs. really quickly via dumping syndrome... as in, dumping the unsupportive loser. Let him be jealous when you're a 10 outside as well as inside and he's stuck at a 4... maybe.
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I am sorry to hear that your partner is not being supportive. He should be your biggest cheerleader and fan, so it must be hurtful when he says those things. You are doing great getting to where you want to be, don't let him stop you from getting there. Hopefully, he will come around, and realize he was acting out of fear, insecurity, or jealousy. If he doesn't come around & continues to make you feel unsupported & says hurtful things, you may need to reevaluate this relationship and/or seek counseling. I hope you have a strong support system of family or friends. Wishing you the best with your weight loss process & hoping you get the support you need from him or elsewhere!💜
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Husband refuses to drop me off or pick me up from the hospital. Now what?
ChubRub replied to DoodlesMom's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I don't know how much your husband weighs, but there's a really easy way to lose around 180lbs before you even have surgery....just saying!!! Seriously though, I can't even imagine having a spouse so unsupportive that he refuses to pick you up from the hospital. It's not just being a bad spouse, it's being a bad person. Only thing I can recommend is counseling (for you) to realize your worth and help deal with your relationship. Good luck!!!! -
Husband refuses to drop me off or pick me up from the hospital. Now what?
Ashley_vsg_2021 replied to DoodlesMom's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I find it super annoying that people need to stress how supportive their spouses are obviously knowing yours is not. Literally no advice, just a boast on “my husbands better than yours” pretty much .. anyways .. understanding that your husband is unsupportive, I really stress to please try and find a support system! Even if paid, you will need support. Not to mention your hormones will be everywhere and that alone is a big one post surgery!- 93 replies
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What an ass you’re surgeon is! They’re being incredibly unsupportive. How much weight was your surgeon expecting you to lose? 21lbs in 4 weeks is a great loss. Everyone loses at their own rate. Your gender, age, staring weight, activity level, metabolic rate, etc. all impact the rate at which you lose. That’s why comparisons with others are not the best way to judge your progress. Have you ever lost that much weight in a month before? I bet you haven’t - I certainly had never lost at my rate ever before. Celebrate every pound you lose.
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It really varies on the area you are talking about because some places are more inundated with backlog than others. me: consult mid January and surgery mid March. I’ve heard from other people that got it done faster because they were not in a high case area…. But then you have others like samym who take a lot longer. Speaking of which; how you doing samym? You are almost a month out are you feeling good? My weight is now 246. When I had surgery it was 297. So about 40 pounds in three months. my unsupportive husband weighed himself and was in shock. He weighs almost 400 pounds. He is seeing my success and is definitely moving towards insecure and jealous. I told him to go walk into his dr at Kaiser and request it…. But it requires lifestyle changes…. Which he is not willing to make. 🤷🏼♀️
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Surgery was aborted.
Arabesque replied to Darkerthanblack1964's topic in Gastric Bypass Surgery Forums
How disappointing for you. No wonder you’re frustrated & deflated by the experience. It’s unfortunate your surgeon was unsupportive & not forthcoming about what happened. I agree with @Jaelzion’s suggestion to try to speak with him again to find out what really happened & what it means for you. Sometimes, regardless of the scans & tests they do or don’t do before surgery, what they find when they operate & can actually see is not what they expect. Better they stop the surgery then risk complications, a less successful surgery or prolonged recovery. On a positive, he’ll likely use the same incisions as he made with your aborted surgery when you do finally have your surgery. When I had my gall bladder removed my surgeon used three of the incisions he made when he did my sleeve & only had to make one new one to better access my gall. Good luck. -
Thank you for this. It is so helpful! I've never been a crash dieter, and I'm worried if I can sustain being as strict as I should be! I hear such conflicting advice, between "slow and steady" and "take advantage of the 'honeymoon' time as much as you can, because it's never going to be this easy again to lose weight." I'm trying to find a bariatric therapist, but having a hard time finding someone who accepts my insurance who seems good. It's kind of weird to start thinking of myself as having disordered eating, because, for the past couple of years, I've been eating about 1600-1700 calories a day while exercising almost every day, and still not losing weight. I don't binge or restrict excessively. But I realize that, for sure, even though I'm not consuming a ton of calories, I definitely graze/snack more than I should (which I know is a pitfall for after weight loss surgery) and sometimes do eat when I'm upset or bored. And I know that a lot of social activities have centered around eating, and I've always loved to cook and bake and share food (thankfully, I do not enjoy eating much sugar!), and I know not being able to do those things in the same way will feel like deprivation and I'll need to adjust to it. So, definitely issues to work on... Unfortunately, I can't do much weight-bearing exercise, as per my neurologist, so I'm planning to get a bike, but temporarily am using one at my local gym. Good tip about supportive and unsupportive people. Did you tell many people? My husband and kids are super supportive, and I plan to tell some friends, but I have a weird relationship with my mom, who was always very body-shaming, and has her own issues around weight, and the thought of talking to her about it makes me cringe, but it also seems like it will be hard to hide it.
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Yes. This surgery will help you control disordered eating....but it won't fix why you have disordered eating. Cutting out your stomach doesn't fix your head, and yes, lots and lots of people never come anywhere near goal and lots of people will regain the weight. Not what anyone wants to hear...but it's the truth. Here's my version of "wisdom"... (lol) 1. Avoid extremes like the plague. Work on reaching a normal sustainable amount of calories eating healthy well-balanced foods. Crash diets and extremes don't work longterm. You probably already know this. Don't forget. 2. Losing weight at a breakneck pace is exciting and giddy....but can be crappy for your health and your longterm metabolism. You didn't gain it all in a year, you likely won't lose it all in a year. Work harder on making small meaningful permenant changes you can live with forever....than embracing extremes that will eventually burn you out. It's very easy to feel like post surgical extreme dieting is the new norm. Eventually, it catches up with you. The goal should always be a nutritious balanced diet with adequate (but not excessive) calories. 3. Find and see a bariatric therapist. Particulary, after surgery. Your disordered-eating brain still needs to be retrained. It has triggers you can identify and work through that will increase your success long term. Give your eating behavior history the care and consideration you give your new stomach. If depression and anxiety contribute to your disordered eating...address them. (This one is so important) And these are just my personal ones... 4. Wear a fitness tracker. You don't have to go to the gym to increase your exercise, but you do need to be aware of how much you move and how many calories you're burning. My exercise is just walking more. It has made a HUGE difference in my health, endurance, fitness. Even if you're someone who has limitied mobility, or who "hates exercise"...you can give your metabolism a terrific boost just by adding a couple hundred steps a week. 5. Invest time in supportive people. Avoid unsupportive people. At least until you've got a good handle on how to manage your eating behavior and triggers.
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Lying about not getting surgery is awful
lizonaplane replied to GinormousReislin's topic in Gastric Bypass Surgery Forums
This... I'm so excited so I am telling people who don't need to know! I'm not ashamed; I feel like I'm doing something to take care of my health. But I see people here who've had very unsupportive family, friends, and partners, so I can certainly understand why people wouldn't feel the same way as I do. I'm single, I don't have kids, and my parents are really supportive - they're even coming up to stay with me for a few weeks during and after surgery (they will be staying at a hotel because my apartment is too small for three people, so it's not simple to do that). My brother was really concerned but it seemed to be about COVID and now that I'm vaccinated, I think he's probably okay (although when he had spinal surgery in college I was terrified, so maybe we're just really protective of each other). -
That is awful!! I'm so sorry she said something so rude and unsupportive!!
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OCTOBER SLEEVERS CHECK IN HERE
eastcoastNB replied to RomAnca's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
I’ve gained 34 in 2020 (Covid) and i obviously have not gotten a handle on the emotional eating. i had only lost 100 lbs with the sleeve (which was 50%) of the total I needed to loose to get to the ideal weight my dr suggested .. then it plateaued after 1.5 - 2 Yrs and dr said that’s great and that the honeymoon was over I needed to focus on maintaining from here. The support from the clinic hère ands after 2 years and I have not found any help or know what to do to get back on track since Covid started With working from home, the added stress of an unsupportive co-parent for my special needs son, im spinning and I’m worried to put on the rest .... Sorry for the rant.. I’m scared and I’m so worried
