Wow Day Dreamer, I feel your pain! I was about 50 pounds less just a little over 6 months ago, but I could not, no matter what I did, drop below 180 lbs, which was still 55 pounds overweight for my height. So, I had to gain weight just to get this surgery to make sure I can finally get past 180 lbs! How sad is that? It was the first time EVER I went to the doctor and actually hoped I weighed enough, or more, for WLS.
i can really relate to all the tings you said you feel about yourself. I hope you can get insurance approval and can get a sleeve or bypass. I don't recommend the LB if you have more then 50lbs to lose. I went to my first seminar not ever expected to qualify, but here I am a little over two months later, laying in a hospital bed typing to you, and freshly sleeved!
Bad choices didn't all form over night and they can be changed, in my opinion, with the wonderful tool of WLS. It's not the cure, the answer and will be suddenly easy, and you won't like yourself in the mirror the day after surgery still, but it gives you hope that in 4, 6, maybe 10 months, you will look in the mirror and find that beautiful you that you knew if there under the fat.