Rubyjade

OK here goes!!! The shot on the right is a year old almost, taken while I was camping (excuse the face and hair HAHAAH!!!) but I am only about 10lbs less now so look very similar to this :thumbup:

I am treated SO differently that it's very hard for me to think about in too much depth.... but here goes. I will give it a shot.
First of all I think it's DISGUSTING how society has the right to decide whether I am an acceptable human being or not. That's my measure - I don't get made fun of anymore and so therefore, I am acceptable by society's standards. Screw that. Men flirt with me several times a day now. That's pretty funny in itself. My husband flirted with me when I was at my very heaviest. He loved me for my confidence, my wit and my heart. Am I bitter? Yes, to a point. Would they have liked me then? Probably not, but I am not a negative person and this is something I am still working on. I need to let this go because it's pointless and a waste of energy and it's not something there will ever be an answer to.
Secondly, I am conflicted with my whole 'invisible' vs. 'visible' theory. When you weigh 360lbs it's funny how you can be treated like a freak who gets stared at constantly but be strangely invisible at the same time. From a distance people have no problem laughing at you, making fun of you etc. but when you want someone's attention, you never get looked at in the eye. You are treated second class, period.
The worst thing was that because I was so fat, did people also think I was stupid and/or deaf? Did they honestly think I couldn't hear what they were saying or that I didn't understand the knowing nudges and smirks? Hardly. It's nice now to not have to constantly be looking around on the defensive, watching people to see when they are going to look at me and get the joke. Being that fat was the most painful, heart wrenching period of my life. One that I would not wish on any body.
I'm a beautiful person. I always have been. I'm still me, there's just a lot less of me now and a whole lot longer life ahead of me.