SunD1

Thank you for having the balls to post your fall off the food wagon. Your honesty does you proud. No flannel, just the facts. OK, you know what you should be doing so JFDI!!! You can. Of course you can. You didn't go through serious surgery to start the weight loss marathon to fall at the first mile marker. All I can do is to repeat the old mantra-get your Protein and Water in and stay off the refined carbs. Get a copy of Queen of Crop's book (Amazon), read it, and use it as a handy touchstone. It helped me. Stick close to this site too. Hey, I don't know why I'm even trying to teach you as you appear to know EXACTLY where you have tripped up. C'mon girl. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and think of all the health benefits AND gorgeous clothes that await you. Go girl, GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Folks, I cringe to read the title of my own post. I think it's every Baratric patients nightmare. The mix of embarrassment, guilt and resentment that I feel is horrid. Especially because my lapband failed and the Sleeve was supposed to work.
Now I'm not saying it did not work, I'm saying that I have seriously fallen from grace and need your help and compassion to get back up again I was doing great, working out North of an hour a day and loosing weight steady eddy! At my 4 month appointment my doc could not be prouder, he told me to keep doing what I'm doing and he'll see me in another six months...by month 6 I'd lost a total of 69lbs, and at 204lbs's I was just 1 lb shy of the big 70, and 4 lb's shy of the amazing Onederland that I have not seen in 16 years...life was good. And with my new found confidence, I finally made a move and took my dream job, that is a mix of stay at home and travel, and that was the tipping point...
Although the best career move ever, my new regimen of working from home (moving less), but even worse the travel, with the pitfalls of constant restaurant eating, company functions and buffets, I let my guard down! One carb led to another, and the travel accompanied by sedentary tiredness, socializing and pressures of breaking in and fitting into my new job left me with less focus on my bariatric journey and not much will power to dedicate.
In a short month (between month 6 and 7) I blinked and even though I maintained workouts (albiet no so intense), on sheer food alone, I gained back 10lbs!!!!!!!! Woa? How could this have happened? Surely it's Water or monthly hormonal gain, but who was I kidding...the weight stuck! In complete panic, I cut out the obvious crap that I know I was doing wrong in the carb department, and cut out the diet sodas that crept back in etc, and have lost 3 of the 10lbs in the last few weeks...but it's slow and painful and I'm so down trodden about it. How could I actually GAIN at a time when I should be in loosing honeymoon? I mean I expected this perhaps a couple years out, but the sheer ferociousness with which the lb's jumped back on is beyond scary!
So here's my problem...I've cut out the crap and I'm back to my old workout routine, BUT I'm constantly craving carbs and although I'm eating the right things...I know I'm eating too much of them and in the wrong quantities.., I get full on more than what should fill me...then 30mins latter I'm hungry again, so I pop another Protein Bar, or bowl of cherries, or low at mozzarella cheese stick with a wassa cracker, or cup of lowfat yoghurt and fruit., or some nuts..you get the picture, and on some mornings I can do all of the above slowly via grazing. But I just get SOOO hungry. What happened to all the Grelin being gone?? I also eat late at night as it is when the kids go to bed, I hop on my laptop to catchup on work and I like to have a nice hot cup of tea and something to munch on.
Pals, Iike I said, I know I have only myself to blame and I feel horrid about it ...I've avoided even coming on Bariatric pal (did not want to move my ticker 6lb's UP, which I just made myself do!!!), I want to hide like an Ostrich and pretend this is not happening, I should be loosing, not regaining and trying to loose what I regained!!! ..but...I need you, and if I'm not accountable and if I don't plug into a source of help, well...I don't even want to think where I'm headed for. So any thoughts, encouragement, similar situations, advise...ANYTHING, would be so much appreciated in this time of disappointment in myself.
PS: I called my docs office after re-gaining the first 5lbs...I don't live very close to them. The nurse told me to track all I eat for 3 days and said I'll be fine "you know what to do! You got this!". But then I suddenly had to travel for work events involving TONS of the hardest to resist food, and the 5lb's became 10lbs (3 of which I have spent the last 2 weeks loosing). It's like my stomach can eat so much more now and it's constantly wanting more...I'm quite embarrassed to call my doc's office and tell them I'm further in the hole.

@@gina171 you just put words to something that has been nagging me since the very first seminar... the whole thing about not knowing what people you meet are really like without the "fat" test, and all the rest. They are very strange and uncomfortable waters, and to be honest, I still have not really decided or found any answers to these questions. I find myself wondering these things every day, just walking through the grocery store, sitting in a doctor's office waiting room, any time I interact with strangers. I look back and feel almost unbearably sad for the very heavy person I was, because I can see how I'm suddenly "acceptable" in the eyes of strangers. Some even flirt with me, an experience which I am in no way used to or prepared for. Pretty much everyone treats me so kindly now, it's almost scary compared to the way I was treated just this time last year by the general public. To be honest, it makes me frustrated and furious that this is a social reality, and one nothing I do will ever change.

Band January 2011. Revision to RNY 11/30/15. Down 46lbs since surgery. Size 24 to 16 pants. Size 3X to XL/1X shirts. Size 40-42DD bra to 38D.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I have struggled with my weight my entie life! My birth family was a red hot mess. Father was a Vietnam War Vet and as a result became an alcholic, a very violent one at that. He beat us and was emotionally and verbally abusive. Quite the monster, but that's what war does to people! My mother was mentally ill and very young. She had 12 kids all less than 10 months apart. Unable to cope with all the abuse and all those kids with no help, she abandonded us after my father took off. I was in foster care most of my early years. The sexual abuse began then. Fortunately I was adopted at age 8. That's when the food addiction began. Fearful that I would be moved again I ate any and everything in sight thinking I may be back in a home where food was scarce. But the family that adopted me was pretty great. They were so patient with me. My files had been sealed so they really had no idea what I had endured. Due to the sexual abuse I donned the "fat suit". It was my protective mechanism to keep any and everyone away from me. At that point I was very athletic and participated in MANY sports. I wasn't really that heavy. My adopted family are all very small framed skinny folks. I'm talking size 0's with no eating issues whatsoever. I on the other hand am 5'8" with very large bones. Never been a size 0! So I was dubbed the "big" one, which is code for the fat kid! My adopted dad, who as a doctor, constantly harped about my weight. He called me gross and would take food out of my hand. My adopted mom always made me wear beige clothing and I wasn't allowed Levis jeans because "big girls can't wear those!" I know they didn't mean to be humilating and demeaning. They had never dealt with a weight issue in their family. They thought it would get the desired results. It did not. I look back and I was not even heavy just had a solid, muscular build. So I entered into the neverending food cycle. Eating when I was depressed. Being depressed because I was fat. So what did I do? Ate more to comfort myself. It was maddening. I've been on every diet known to man. Lose but gain double back and feel more like a failure everytime it happened. I always thought bariatric surgery was the easy way out. Little did I know just how wrong I was! After being diagnosed with diabetes I decided enough was enough and began to research the surgery. I made an appointment with my pcp and she thought I was an ideal candidate. My bmi wasn't high enough so I honestly didn't think I would get BCBS approval. But praise God I did get approved! My surgery was April 20th. I chose the RNY bypass because I wanted to be sure the diabetes and GERD would be resolved! This has by far been one of the most challenging and difficult things I have ever done! The assessments, classes and diagnostic testing has been grueling. I have had to take a long hard look at myself and there were lots of things I didn't like. But it's been such a freeing journey. I have had counseling over the years and I have allowed the Lord to work out many things and bring healing. Now it's time to free myself from the fat suit that my abusers have held me captive in all my life. I have allowed them to steal enough of my life and now it's time to bury them forever. I have stirred up a lot of emotions and unresolved issues during this process. I am working on those and I know the Lord will continue to lead me on this journey toward complete and total healing! I am ready to live free and unhindered! I am ready for my body to reflect the freedom my spirit is experiencing! This is not the end of my journey but it is the close of a chapter. It's also the beginning of a beautiful new one. I am hopeful and so, so grateful to the Lord and everyone who has been a part of my healing. God has been so very good to me! I am blessed beyond anything I ever thought possible and more than I could ever deserve. But that's the beauty of grace and mercy, isn't it? And that's the preciousness of my God!

Sissy Austin