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khunt719

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Blog Entries posted by khunt719

  1. khunt719

    Shiiiitttttttt!!!!

    By khunt719,

    I once again wrote a frickin' book and can't find it now. I don't know where on this website it goes but Robert came in so I showed him what blogging was like and now I can't find the blog I was writing in the first place, it is probably a good thing because I just went on and on about how much I love him and how much we are in love and crap like that. I also told you about how I gained the 2 lbs that I had lost putting me back at 228 instead of 226 where I need to be before tomorrow's weigh in and fill. Not good but that is the way it is. I'll do my exercising today and watch what I eat. I have northern style ribs from PF Changs for lunch and will have my protein shake for breakfast. Depending on how that lasts me I'll have a protein bar for break. The shake sometimes lasts me and then other times I am so hungry I can't stand it. I should have an easy day today at work and then I'm off tomorrow. I want to go look at a Nissan Altima...that is the car of my dreams, I'm not sorry I bought a new Subaru but the Altima is what I wanted and should have gotten but I thought it was too expensive for me. I am throwing around the idea that maybe I just need to get a grip on having a slow car and putting tint on the windows and I already have the Sirius system in it and everything I could ask for like power windows and A/C. This is the first brand new car I have ever had. The ones I have had in the past are either hand me downs or given to me by a boyfriend. I guess getting a Porsche and Corvette weren't too bad of gifts. But I gave them back when we broke up so I miss the Porsche, the Corvette had too long of nose for me and I didn't like driving it too much. But it got me alot of attention and was fun. Now I have a Subaru Impreza, it was something that was practical and had what I needed and I have since put in a $700 Sirius system and want an amplifier now. So that should cost me another $500 with the new speakers and getting it installed but it will be so worth it when it is done. I want to get the windows tinted on it next so I think after we get back from vacation and I renew my plates I will have that done. My husband keeps every business card that has been handed to him and a tinting company that he used is one of them so that is who I will call. I also want to get my credit card paid off. I went on a shopping binge and spent $600 on Mac make up. An easy thing to do but since then I have expanded my collection to include Urban Decay, Sephora, and Lancome. All that I love just wish I could change make up 2-3 times a day depending on what mood I was in. I think every woman needs to have a big collection of make up to help make her feel pretty. Some women are just beautiful without the use of make up, I on the other hand am not one of these women. I have to have at least eye make up and lipstick to feel complete in the morning. That is how I end getting ready for my day is by putting on my make up before I do my hair. It really gives me the extra boost in self-esteem that I need. My husband turned our loft area into my make up station. I have a big desk, with lighted mirror, and computer chair to roll around in while doing my daily ritual. It's like being a little girl playing dress up.
    My husband had a hard time sleeping the night before and that keeps me awake because if I wake up and he is not in bed I can't sleep so it was good that I was off yesterday. Made for a long day getting up at 3:30 a.m. and getting him to come back to bed. I did make it to the gym and swam until someone asked if they could swim in my lane once I was done...that made me feel like I had to hurry. Well it is 8:00 a.m. and that means time to getting for my day at work. I will be back tomorrow morning to tell you about how my day was and what else is on my mind. Happy losing
  2. khunt719

    finally I see it

    By khunt719,

    Every night when I get off work I call the husband to see what is for dinner. The night before he said let's figure out what we are eating tomorrow night so you don't have to ask. I didn't get the fact that it bothered him for me to ask...I ask every night after work, it's just a question. I've made decisions all day and don't want to have to make one when I get off. Well last night he went off when I asked about how he doesn't know what is for dinner and I always ask and that it makes him mad because he doesn't know what to say when I ask. That threw me into thinking...my life revolves around food. Food is my best friend...it is there when I am happy, sad, depressed, bored, celebrating. It is always there and I can't stop thinking about it. I think about food from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. I think about what's for breakfast, what's for lunch, and what's for dinner. I can only eat 3 times a day so food is very important to me. I even dream about it sometimes. So I've come to the conclusion that I need to focus more on what I am doing that day and take one meal at a time. You have to be prepared when you have had the surgery, you just can't pop into McDonalds for lunch and order a burger. There has to be some meal preparation and thought into what you eat. My life just revolves around food. I love to eat out even though I can't eat that much, I like the atmosphere and getting waited on, not having to cook or dirty up dishes. I love to eat out. At first I didn't because I couldn't stuff myself from the plate of goodness that sat before me but now I am getting re-adjusted and I love it. PF Chang's is my favorite because there are appetizers that I can make a meal out of and have enough to take home for another meal later on. But just having him make me think about how important food really is got to me. I hadn't realized just how important it is and how much I think about. So that is that story.
    I weighed this morning and finally hit 226 lbs so I feel better since this is what I weighed last month when I went in for my fill. So anything that I lose after this will be a plus. I'll tell the doctor about my 4 day binge eating feast that I had and how I gained 10 lbs in 4 days so he will know that I am human and lost alot more than what shows on the scale. I just can't believe baked beans and birthday cake were worth gaining the weight because it has taken me 1 1/2 weeks to get it off. I don't know why I chose them to be my friends for the 4 days off but I did. I think after my fill I will stick with my protein shake in the morning along with my coffee, cottage cheese or some type of meat for lunch, and a hot dog for dinner. The hot dog helps because I know I am getting more calories from it and that is what I seem to not be hitting. Maybe that is why I am not losing the weight like I think I should be.
    One of the series Robert and I like started on Showtime and we missed the last 4 episodes so tonight we are going to catch up with it again. I can't wait for True Blood to start but I hope it isn't as stupid as last year. The commercials look good. We also like Dexter, it is so good and coming from being a cop, I can relate to wanting to kill off the bad guys that get away with their crimes. Yes I was a cop, I made $9 an hour working as a Deputy Sheriff for the small town I lived in. Now I make more than twice that and don't have the life threatening decisions to make. All I can do these days is turn off your cable if you don't pay. It bothers me that people come in wanting extensions on their bill because they are unemployed and can't afford to pay that month of service and you look and they have the top teir of cable there is. How can you justify paying $149 for cable for one month when you don't have a job? I know cable is a big thing in people's lives and it is the only source of entertainment for some families and I'm ok with that but don't come in and give me a pity party because you are broke and have that kind of teir. Do you really need all the channels? The high definition box and the recording box? If it were me I would downsize to just basic which runs $20, keep my internet so I could look for a job. I'm more than happy to put you on a promotion for 6 months to help you get back on your feet but we look at payment history and how long you have been a customer to do that. I've been unemployed twice lost 2 jobs and didn't have another one to back it up so I understand being unemployed. In fact before I got this job at the cable company I was unemployed and this first thing I did was get rid of the cable, internet, and house phone. I had my cell phone in case I got a call about a job and would go to the library to look on the computer for a job so I understand being in a position where you don't know where the money is going to come from for the next month. I didn't get unemployment so I didn't have that to fall back on. I understand where people are coming from that are in this position.
    Ok enough about that. I have the day off with the husband and we are going to meet up with my mother and her boyfriend for lunch so it should be good, don't know where we are going but it should be good wherever we go. We have some shopping to do so I'll have something to eat this coming week but really I don't need much after Monday because Tuesday is my fill and I have to be on liquids for 2 days after and then mushy for 2 days after that so that takes me to Saturday before I can eat something good. I hate getting fills for this reason but like the restriction I get from them. I'm not at full restriction but I have some. I just hope this fill does the trick. Well everyone have a good day and please don't bash me on this entry.
  3. khunt719
    I don't know why but the scale just isn't moving fast enough for me. I woke up this morning and weighed in at 227.5. I have to be 226 by Tuesday and that is where I was last time I went for my fill. I was so hungry last night I ate a hot dog and a can of pea's. I sometimes can eat alot and then other times not eat hardly at all, so what gives there? yesterday we went to get our award, I had 2 eggs before I left and work brought McDonalds right when I got there to leave to Denver. How was I going to eat McDonalds? So I was starving throughout the day. We took a break and they had drinks and snacks for us...none which I could have but I did grab a diet soda hoping the carbonation would fill up my stomach so I wouldn't be so hungry. Boy did it ever. It took me about 2 1/2 hours to drink half of it and my stomach felt like it had to burst. So now I know I can't have bottled soda. I occassionaly go to Sonic and get a diet cherry limeade which doesn't give me any trouble but I let it sit long enough for the fizz to leave. This morning coffee is my best friend...it tastes so good and is hot and really helps open me up so I can have my protein shake later on. I don't know what I am going to take for lunch today. Probably a little thing of vegetables since we have no protein in the house. I told Robert we had to go to Sam's tonight or this weekend since I am off to buy some fish for me to take. Fish goes down easy and it tastes so good. I get the salmon filet that is already seasoned and is so good. But I don't have any right now. I do however have some shrimp scampi but since I got stuck on shrimp earlier this month I don't know if I want to risk it again or just chew chew chew. I know that was my problem before. I didn't chew it like I should have I'm sure and it got stuck. My husband has been trying to complete this quickbooks certification course and it is draining on him. He feels like all he does is study and take tests...I can attest that he gets cranky when he has been at the computer all day. He did his bookkeeping clients in a couple of days so now he has the month to do this training. Boy being a CPA really takes a toll on you. I finally got my BE protein shakes and I bought the melon and peanut butter. The peanut butter is really good kinda thick though more like it has real peanut butter in it. I haven't been brave enough to try the melon so I'll send some to my mother's tomorrow and let her try it first and if she likes it and I don't then I'll give it to her and I'll buy some more chocolate and caffe latte. I haven't tried the cinnamon yet but I don't really go for cinnamon.
    After yesterday from sitting all day, the bus ride up there, sitting through speeches, sitting on the bus ride home, my back is killing me. It hurts right where the tailbone ends. If I move any it hurts. That is where I was getting injections about every 3-4 months and they seemed to help for a short while but it is just sitting that hurts it the worst. I took my little shoulder sling purse so there was no room for percocet so I worked it out and was just in pain for the day. Now just sitting here it hurts, thank goodness we have a big computer chair. We got 2 shirts yesterday, I got my polo a 4x and it just hangs on me like a night shirt. My friend Lisa says I still have the fat girl image stuck in my head. I could have easily went to a 3x or even a 2x but I like them to cover my body so no one can see how big I really am. The other shirt came in a woman's XL so I know that it will be about another 25 lbs before I can fit into it. I have this nice yellow blouse that has a see-through shirt to go over the tank top. It is a 2 piece and I wore it when I was down to 200 lbs so I know once I am able to fit into it, I will have reached thinner...not skinny, that is 175 lbs but thinner. I love that blouse and only wore it once. It is beautiful and I bought it from Kohl's...the "I can't shop until I lose weight store." They have good bargains and nice clothes but I have to get to 200 lbs before I go back there. It would only depress me more to go in and not be able to try anything on.
    So I guess I'll do the elliptical in a few minutes...I'll try to do 10 min today. The doctor wants me to do 20 min but try that at my weight in one session and it is hard but I can break it up to 10 min in the morning and 10 min at night. By the time I get home from work I don't really feel like doing it. I take the dogs for their walk and I am on and off my feet all day so I know I get my walking in that way. I should start walking on my break at work that would be a 15 min walk and then I wouldn't have to do the elliptical when I get home....that would work.
    So how is everyone out there? Are you losing weight? running into any challenges with the band like I have? Just need a pick-me-up? Let me know I'll try to help. Have a good day and good luck losing. This is the first time I am happy about being a loser. lol:thumbup:
  4. khunt719

    up early again

    By khunt719,

    I got up early to come into work to get some more OT, I figure as long as they are offering it I'll take it. Yesterday was a very relaxing day, I did about 250 drops for my 8 hours and then some receipts to add equip to accounts. So it wasn't bad. We have a new security guard so who knows how he will be. It is nice to have the regular security guards around because they know they have to be inside the lobby to help out if a customer becomes unruly. I found a station on Sirius that is 70's and 80's music and I really enjoy it because I was getting tired of the 2000's and above. They just play the same music over and over. I bought my lottery tickets so wish me luck. It is like 7.5 mil and that would come in handy. I ate ok last night, had a big fat hot dog with relish and ketchup on it and it was yummy since I hadn't had one in forever. It was the perfect size. Then I had some strawberries with whipped cream on them and that was a nice change. I still have lost any weight and only have 1 week to lose at least a few lbs before going for my next fill. So I think I'll do protein for breakfast, chili for lunch and a hot dog for dinner. Skip the strawberries and nuts. Maybe that will inspire my body to lose some weight. It has been too hot to walk the dogs after work and I leave to early to walk them before hand so I haven't been getting my usual exercise. By the time I get home I am so tired from getting up early I rarely have the energy to work out and I know that is my downfall and I really need to do that. I wore my smaller jeans today and they put pressure on my stomach so hopefully that will keep me from over-eating today. I brought my chili and there wasn't much left but it was enough to almost fill my 1.7 cup container so maybe I will eat half and save the other half for tomorrow depending on how hungry I am by lunch. Work has been a killer with people in a bad mood and that really stresses you out and makes me want to go back to my ways before surgery of eating to deal with my problems or bad days. I just have to keep things in perspective on what I can and can't eat. I'll take a little break from doing receipts and go get a coffee from 7-11. they have pretty good coffee and I've only had 4 cups so far this morning usually my limit is 6 and I am ready for the day. I've been wearing my glasses instead of my contacts because my eyes get very dry from looking at the computer screen all day. So that means I haven't been able to wear any make-up since I can't get close enough to the mirror to put it on. It is a shame because I have about $500 in make up and don't get to use it. I went crazy one month and bought about $300 of Mac makeup and my husband thinks I have a problem with impulsive shopping so I had the doctor put me on Adderral for it and it is supposed to curb your appetite at the same time so I hope that is helping, it must be since I only eat 2 times a day. I ordered some BE protein in new flavors since they have been out of the ones I like so I'm excited to try them. Well that is my day for now. I'll let you know if anything exciting happens.
  5. khunt719

    Back on the wagon

    By khunt719,

    I had 4 days off from work for the holiday and loved every bit of them. I was bad though. It was my mother's birthday and I bought her a cake and I ate it for 3 days. I ate some good foods and some bad foods. I didn't go to the gym like I wanted to and I go for my fill on the 15th so I have to kick it in gear and at least lose 5 lbs before I go into the doctors. I hate disappointing myself and him but the cake was so worth it. Moist, soft, creamy...so full of goodness, calories and carbs. So I bought a big bottle of Arrowhead water and plan on drinking it throughout the day. My stomach didn't bother me all 4 days so I know I didn't over eat. I just ate the wrong foods. I wasn't brave enough to weigh myself this morning but I came in to do OT so I was in a hurry getting ready for the day. I'll plan on going to the gym tonight, I want to start swimming again. My mother says it is very good exercise and my body doesn't hurt after I swim and pre-surgery that is how I lost my weight is by swimming so that is what I'm going back to doing. Not lifting weights or doing cardio, just swimming. Life is good for right now. My husband did enjoy having me home for the 4 days, he is lost without me or atleast that is what he says. We have such a great time together. I can't imagine spending my life with someone else. God help me if anything ever happened to him. So this is how my day is going so far and how my weekend went. The goal for today is to eat good and exercise.
  6. khunt719

    My husband

    By khunt719,

    So now that you know more about me and my family, I would like to introduce you to my husband. Well really he is my common-law husband. There was an ad on Craigslist for someone to go watch Harry Potter with this man. I thought he was absolutely the cutest most handsome man. I had just lost 50 lbs and was feeling good about myself and hey this was supposed to be just friends only so I wrote back that I would like to go. I knew nothing about Harry but I would have said anything to go out with this man. We met at a local store so he wouldn't know where I lived. The moment he got out of his suv, I was like this is going to be a one dater. He was so good looking and I thought I wasn't going to be good enough for him so I'm sure he would just be nice and take me to the movie and then drop me off and that would it, I would never hear from him again. We went to the movie and all I could do was hold his arm and think about how big his muscles were...yummy. After the movie, we went back to my car and we talked until 2 a.m. and then he asked when he could see me again. We went out the next night to dinner and to his place for a little bit. Then he asked when he could see me again. I was like this is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. He was wonderful. I don't know if I was blown away because he paid for everything and I was used to paying for everything on a date. Or because he was giving me attention without wanting sex or because he was just happy being with me. But we set another date for 2 days later. All went well and I stayed the night. 10 days after our first date I moved in. It was just fate that we met. He had gone out with a girl the week before we went out and she never called him so I think God was just watching over me and got us together. We have been together since 8-2-07 and have been never apart since then. We do everything together. He has been through me having pulminary embolisms in both lungs, to me gaining 70 lbs. He has never said anything bad about how big I got. I've lost 44 lbs and he mentioned one time that I had gotten kind of big for a while but that was it. He is my supporter. He didn't want me to go through this surgery because my mother almost died because of the band slipping and he would be so devastated if anything like that happened to me. He saw me go through the process of writing down everything I ate, keeping track of my exercise, my monthly nutrition appts and fighting with the insurance company to get the surgery. I finally got my letter and had him open it while I was driving home. I was screaming in the phone when he read that I had been approved for the surgery. From that day it is all a blur, it went so fast. It was 3 weeks before I had surgery. We went to Vegas for a week and I ate what I wanted and then I came back and started my 10 day ritual of eating the pre-surgery diet He stayed with me the whole day I had surgery and I went home that afternoon and he took care of me not to do too much. He cleans house, does dishes, washes windows...you name it he does it. I stayed with him while he went through all his studying and testing for his CPA license. When he got it, it was such a great day because now he was a CPA and could start his own business. He is the man that I want to be with for the rest of my life.
  7. khunt719
    I believe because of my weight and the imbalance of chemicals in my brain the doctor's diagnosed me as being bi-polar. They have me on every kind of mood stabalizer and anti-depressant out there. I think I have tried everything. I'm hoping my self-esteem goes up as my weight goes down. I've tried suicide 3 times, failed at those attempts which I am glad about now. My grandmother who I was very close to was bi-polar and I seemed to have gotten all her traits. She passed away 5 years ago and I miss her still to this day. I was there when she took her last breath, holding her hand. I'll never forget that day. What kind of memories are in my head? it seems like all the bad ones, but when I remember my grandmother they are nothing but good ones. My mother is my confidant in all this because she had the band before I did. She went to Mexico and had it done, it slipped and she almost died. The surgeon had to perform emergency surgery and she got better. While she got better she gained 50 lbs in a year. So she decided to go back to Mexico and get the sleeve done. She has lost 22 lbs the first month since being back and is doing great. She is diabetic and fights her sugar levels everyday. She never knows how her body is going to react to what foods. I have a brother that I rarely talk to and he lives in AZ. I have a father that is very close to me and lives about 45 minutes away in another town and we see each other once every 2-3 months. He is a compulsive gambler and is happy with how is life is. He doesn't date, has a few friends, and works for the state prison. He is almost ready to retire. I have 2 dogs, a pekingnese name Kiko, she is a rescue dog and is 10 years old so she is getting up there. I have a chihuahua Gabby that is 1 1/2 years old. Gab is my husbands favorite and Kiko is my favorite. I had Kiko before I met my husband and we have been through alot together.
    Well that is a start and I'll fill you in more tomorrow. Stay tuned.
  8. khunt719
    I ate very well yesterday and had no problems at all. I had an egg and 2 oz's of chopped up steak for breakfast. 5 chicken wings and a s/f jello for lunch, and then a side of cauliflower with cheese and 5 wings for dinner. Nothing bothered my stomach and all went down good. Sipped on a Route 44 diet cherry limeade all day so I got my liquids in. I had a customer go off on me right before we closed so that made my night not so good. He was just awful the way he acted but it comes with the territory. This morning my husband and I went to breakfast, I ate an egg, 3 pieces of sausage, and the insides of my toast. Don't feel over full just perfect. I'll update you tomorrow. This band seems to be working finally for me. I didn't weigh myself and plan on weighing on Tuesday. It will be 2 more weeks before my next fill, that will bring me to 9cc's in a 10cc band. All should be good.

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