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khunt719
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Blog Entries posted by khunt719
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Yesterday was a good day for eating. I had about 3/4 cup of cottage cheese and a few pieces of pineapple for lunch. 5 hot wings and a small piece of pizza for dinner and all felt really good. I work for the local cable company and working with the public can be challenging at times. There were alot of crazy people that came in yesterday. People go nuts over their cable. They can't afford food but they can have the highest package of cable there is. I brought 5 pieces of hot wings for lunch today and had a protein shake for breakfast with some coffee. So I am pretty full as it is. No new news here.
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After feeling so down on myself, I am better. Husband and I went to lunch with my mother and her boyfriend. Ate too much so I was full for the rest of the night. Not bad to eat only once a day. I did have a handfull of nuts before bed and I'm still full so that is good. I'm going to fix a couple of eggs for breakfast today and tomorrow and see if that keeps me satisfied until lunch. I bought some cottage cheese to take for lunch Thursday and Friday since I can only have liquids after my fill Tuesday and Wednesday. That is what the doctor says is 2 days liquids, 2 days mushy, and then back to normal just smaller portions. I can do this. It's been a challenge for me in the past but I can do it this time. I got 2 new books on compulsive eating and weight issues so I'm looking forward to reading them. I just finished the 2 lap band books I was reading. Life After the lap band was a good book and had alot of information. The information is what I needed before I began this journey, it would have told me not to drink milk shakes and eat hamburgers and expect to lose the weight. I was just thinking I can only eat in small amounts so I can't gain weight if I don't eat like I used too. There were times when I could eat what I wanted and how much I wanted I gained weight in fact with the band. I know the doctor was getting tired of it, he must have been. Then I got my act together and have been losing except for my binge when I had the 4 days off. You never get a day off with the band, it is like you have to be spot on or you will gain weight and that is the last thing I want to do right now. I know I'll gain weight while being on vacation because the strawberry dacquiri's just call my name in Vegas. They have the tall one's with the long straw and they are so good. My husband and I share them so that isn't so bad just bad enough I'm sure to show on the scale. While we are out there I won't be thinking about anything but swimming, laying by the pool, and eating at some nice restaraunts. Since I can only eat a small amount, we have decided to go to some nice places and spend the $30-$40 on one meal and share it. Makes sense to me. Last time we were there was right before I got the band, in fact I had to go on my 8 day pre-op diet when I got back. We didn't eat at any really nice places just cafe's in the casino and burger joints. Nothing special though so this time I am taking enough money that we don't have to worry about eating or playing the machines. It should be a nice time. My friend "C" from work is watching Kiko and Gabby since I watched her dog for her while she went to Disneyworld. He was a good dog, very loving and sweet but he lifted his leg on everything to mark his territory. That is something we weren't used to so for a week we dealt with it. But I'm sure my dogs will get her carpet a few times. Gabby will enjoy seeing Jasper again and they will play for the first few days and then Jasper will get tired like he did here at our house and try to hide from her. He is 10 years old and Gabby is 1 1/2 years so she is full of energy and doesn't know when to stop but I don't know how long it will take for her to get comfortable around "C". She may just hide under the bed for a few days and then come creeping out. We will take her bed for her but who knows if she will sleep in it. I hope she just decides to sleep with "C" and be comfortable enough to relax a little. She is very skiddish around new people. I hope she is ok. Kiko I don't worry about, as long as she has food and her bed she is ok. She doesn't play much so Jasper doesn't have to worry about keeping her company. I can't wait to go on vacation. I'm thinking even if I lose another 10 lbs before we leave (Aug 29th) that will be fine with me. I wanted to hit the 200 mark before we left but it just isn't happening. I would have to really buckle down and exercise every night at the gym and do the elliptical here at home before getting ready for the day. Robert bought a gym style elliptical so we use it and it is hard so I can only do 9-10 minutes on it so that is enough to get my metabolism going but not enough to burn any extra calories but anything is better than nothing.
My husband is looking for a full time job since his bookkeeping isn't really enough to keep us afloat and tax season is over. So it will be hard having him gone throughout the days and the dogs will miss him most since he has been around them for so long. During tax season he did taxes with another CPA so he wasn't home during the day and Gabby showed him how she felt by peeing on the carpet. That cost $1700 to get it ripped up and tile put down. But hey what do you expect from a strong-headed chihuahua. She will hate him being gone and I will too since he does everything around the house. I feel so spoiled by having him home. He is there to watch me leave for work and there when I get home from work.
He is always there showing his support through all this. He has never made me feel badly about myself except when he would talk about how his ex-wife would win the wet t-shirt contest in Las Vegas, or how he carried her while on vacation. I found some nude photo's of her that were taken by the beach when they went to Cancun. She is so pretty but she uses her looks to get what she wants. That is why they divorced. She was accepting diamond earrings and other gifts from doctor's at the hospital where she worked. She is a nurse. I found pictures of her being on a billboard advertisement for the hospital with another nurse. How can you get that lucky? To be so pretty and have a good career? I wish I was like that. The cable company I work for is really good and has great benefits and I made more than my husband did when he was an accountant for a firm. That bites for him since I don't have a master's degree and make that much money he says. I just don't think he was getting paid what he should have been. He is very smart and sometimes I feel like a real dummy but he never says anything about it so that is good cause I would have to kill him.
The only other time I told him I would kill him is if he ever cheated on me. But I really don't think I would, I would feel like it but I would keep him alive so he would have to deal with his decisions. He knows how much it would hurt me and since it feels like all the men in my life have used me and left me for other women it would just feel like "here we go again". It would break my heart since he is the only man I haven't cheated on and he has my heart. All the men before left me bored and wanting more and you always think the grass is greener on the other side so I was always looking. No regrets except I shouldn't have wasted my time on more than half of them but boy did I have fun when I was younger. I had so much fun. When I would lose the weight is when I had the most fun, but when I gained the weight I was with a couple of guys that didn't care how big I was, they liked the company and I was fun so they enjoyed it. I left those 2 guys when I met Robert. I knew I couldn't juggle 3 men and Robert was a keeper. Handsome, had a job, had a car, and paid for the movie...what more could I ask for. He didn't pressure me for sex so that was a good thing and that is what stuck in my head. When we went on our first date all I could think about was how good looking he was and how good he smelled. It was just filling up my mind with happy thoughts. Then when we talked for so long in the car I knew he was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Well more on that story later. I'm done rambling for the day. Have a good one and good luck losing.
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Well I didn't blog yesterday because I had to be at work so early and Robert got up with me and I have to spend time with him so it is hard to have him awake and be sitting at the computer. I feel guilty. I try to blog at work but I can't always because people are always looking over your shoulder to see what you are doing and since they don't know that I have had surgery, that isn't a good idea. Wish people would mind their own business. Work was so easy yesterday for being a Saturday, no one came in. I got 2 sales out of it but those were the only sales that came in. I was glad to get them. My eating was good, I had an avocado for breakfast, a cup and a half of chili for lunch. We went to Red Robin's for dinner and I got one of their new burgers and took about 5 small bites out of it and ate 4 french fries. The bun was so big that I didn't want to risk getting stuck. That was at 5:00 so about 8:00 I had another avocado and a handful of nuts. So that wasn't bad eating. I did weigh this morning to see where I was at and I weighed in at 227 so I am glad I haven't gained anything more than 1 lb. We are going to the book store today and I am going to buy Shrink Yourself. I read about it in the forum's and want to see what it is about.
Robert finished his quickbooks certification so he is happy about that. Hasn't gotten any calls back from any CPA firms but he still holds out hope of getting his business off the ground or working with someone else. He is so smart that it would be a shame to let all his education go to waste.
I want to get back to 226 by Tuesday so we are going to the gym today and tomorrow night after work. I just have to lose some weight before I go for my next fill. I think it is the hardest to go to the gym at night so by me getting up so early I might start going in the morning but I heard that the lanes get busy early so I would have to go about 5:00 and since that is the time I wake up it shouldn't be a big deal. I'm on my 5th cup of coffee and it tastes so good this morning. I love coffee. I'm pretty bored right now since Robert is sleeping and I have nothing to do on Cafe World and Farmville. They are all taken care of. I have to make an appt with the doctor to see if any of my medications come in a liquid form since I am having a hard time swallowing them. They aren't very big but they try and come up every morning. Maybe I should wait until later in the day to take them. My nighttime pills go down fine. We stayed up until about 10:30 last night and that was like staying up forever for me since I am usually asleep by 8:00. I slept until 6:00 so that was good. I guess I have gotten all the sleep that I needed to. My mother had the salmon burger wrapped in lettuce and she gave me the leftover's to bring home. I don't know if I will eat it because I've never had salmon wrapped in lettuce before and it didn't look that good. I feel like I am all over the place on today's blog but there is so much inside my head that I have to get out and it just comes to me at certain times.
My friend Kim from work is leaving her husband after 15 years. She has applied for an appt and she got rid of 2 of her dogs and still has to get rid of the long-haired chihuahua. Harley doesn't like being around strangers so it will be hard for him to get adopted. The corgi and st. bernard went fast. She had just put them up for adoption yesterday at work. She is having a hard time with everything but I think she will be okay for the most part. She is just tired of being ignored. She is a cute girl and has one daughter that is 10 years old so she will have Samantha there with her. She says her husband doesn't pay any attention to her and he just plays his playstation and talks to his friend on the phone. He sleeps in the recliner so he is never in the bed unless he wants sex. Just not a good place to be in. I feel for her. She came to work crying the other day because she touched him and he got mad at her for waking him up. She cried and cried and couldn't stop crying. It was awful. So she went home. Yesterday at work all she was doing was texting on her phone to people because her husband wouldn't talk to her about the situation. She was driving me crazy because people would come in and wait in line and she was in the backroom texting. Good thing we weren't busy.
I don't have alot planned for today since Robert is a dad to the dogs and has no kids we don't really have anything to celebrate. He will call his dad later today and wish him a happy father's day. I'm glad he doesn't have children because they are hard sometimes and I don't think I would be a good step-mother since I don't have a lot of patience. I am glad my daughter is grown and gone because she drives me crazy just being where she is and living the life that she does. It isn't the life I would lead but she is happy. She has been looking for a job but hasn't found one. He is working finally and she stays home. Their tv is going out so I am going to send some money for them to get another one. She is my girl and I try to take care of her by sending her packages and money when I can. I just went over the itenerary for our trip to Vegas in Aug, I can't wait. My mother bought us tickets to see Phantom of the Opera there at the Venetian so that should be nice. She doesn't know where the seats are but it should be fun anyways.
Well that is all that I have to say for today. Hope you have a good one.
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My husband
By khunt719,
So now that you know more about me and my family, I would like to introduce you to my husband. Well really he is my common-law husband. There was an ad on Craigslist for someone to go watch Harry Potter with this man. I thought he was absolutely the cutest most handsome man. I had just lost 50 lbs and was feeling good about myself and hey this was supposed to be just friends only so I wrote back that I would like to go. I knew nothing about Harry but I would have said anything to go out with this man. We met at a local store so he wouldn't know where I lived. The moment he got out of his suv, I was like this is going to be a one dater. He was so good looking and I thought I wasn't going to be good enough for him so I'm sure he would just be nice and take me to the movie and then drop me off and that would it, I would never hear from him again. We went to the movie and all I could do was hold his arm and think about how big his muscles were...yummy. After the movie, we went back to my car and we talked until 2 a.m. and then he asked when he could see me again. We went out the next night to dinner and to his place for a little bit. Then he asked when he could see me again. I was like this is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. He was wonderful. I don't know if I was blown away because he paid for everything and I was used to paying for everything on a date. Or because he was giving me attention without wanting sex or because he was just happy being with me. But we set another date for 2 days later. All went well and I stayed the night. 10 days after our first date I moved in. It was just fate that we met. He had gone out with a girl the week before we went out and she never called him so I think God was just watching over me and got us together. We have been together since 8-2-07 and have been never apart since then. We do everything together. He has been through me having pulminary embolisms in both lungs, to me gaining 70 lbs. He has never said anything bad about how big I got. I've lost 44 lbs and he mentioned one time that I had gotten kind of big for a while but that was it. He is my supporter. He didn't want me to go through this surgery because my mother almost died because of the band slipping and he would be so devastated if anything like that happened to me. He saw me go through the process of writing down everything I ate, keeping track of my exercise, my monthly nutrition appts and fighting with the insurance company to get the surgery. I finally got my letter and had him open it while I was driving home. I was screaming in the phone when he read that I had been approved for the surgery. From that day it is all a blur, it went so fast. It was 3 weeks before I had surgery. We went to Vegas for a week and I ate what I wanted and then I came back and started my 10 day ritual of eating the pre-surgery diet He stayed with me the whole day I had surgery and I went home that afternoon and he took care of me not to do too much. He cleans house, does dishes, washes windows...you name it he does it. I stayed with him while he went through all his studying and testing for his CPA license. When he got it, it was such a great day because now he was a CPA and could start his own business. He is the man that I want to be with for the rest of my life.
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I got up early to come into work to get some more OT, I figure as long as they are offering it I'll take it. Yesterday was a very relaxing day, I did about 250 drops for my 8 hours and then some receipts to add equip to accounts. So it wasn't bad. We have a new security guard so who knows how he will be. It is nice to have the regular security guards around because they know they have to be inside the lobby to help out if a customer becomes unruly. I found a station on Sirius that is 70's and 80's music and I really enjoy it because I was getting tired of the 2000's and above. They just play the same music over and over. I bought my lottery tickets so wish me luck. It is like 7.5 mil and that would come in handy. I ate ok last night, had a big fat hot dog with relish and ketchup on it and it was yummy since I hadn't had one in forever. It was the perfect size. Then I had some strawberries with whipped cream on them and that was a nice change. I still have lost any weight and only have 1 week to lose at least a few lbs before going for my next fill. So I think I'll do protein for breakfast, chili for lunch and a hot dog for dinner. Skip the strawberries and nuts. Maybe that will inspire my body to lose some weight. It has been too hot to walk the dogs after work and I leave to early to walk them before hand so I haven't been getting my usual exercise. By the time I get home I am so tired from getting up early I rarely have the energy to work out and I know that is my downfall and I really need to do that. I wore my smaller jeans today and they put pressure on my stomach so hopefully that will keep me from over-eating today. I brought my chili and there wasn't much left but it was enough to almost fill my 1.7 cup container so maybe I will eat half and save the other half for tomorrow depending on how hungry I am by lunch. Work has been a killer with people in a bad mood and that really stresses you out and makes me want to go back to my ways before surgery of eating to deal with my problems or bad days. I just have to keep things in perspective on what I can and can't eat. I'll take a little break from doing receipts and go get a coffee from 7-11. they have pretty good coffee and I've only had 4 cups so far this morning usually my limit is 6 and I am ready for the day. I've been wearing my glasses instead of my contacts because my eyes get very dry from looking at the computer screen all day. So that means I haven't been able to wear any make-up since I can't get close enough to the mirror to put it on. It is a shame because I have about $500 in make up and don't get to use it. I went crazy one month and bought about $300 of Mac makeup and my husband thinks I have a problem with impulsive shopping so I had the doctor put me on Adderral for it and it is supposed to curb your appetite at the same time so I hope that is helping, it must be since I only eat 2 times a day. I ordered some BE protein in new flavors since they have been out of the ones I like so I'm excited to try them. Well that is my day for now. I'll let you know if anything exciting happens.
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I get on kicks where I will eat something for a while and then the urge will pass. Well yesterday I started my shrimp cocktail kick. I had 8 shrimp in the morning and within an hour I was so blocked it wasn't even funny. My stomach felt like it was going to explode, there was this fullness and pressure and sharp pain that I had to keep moving my jeans so they didn't rest on that spot. It took 6 hours like this before I called the doctor and he said as long as I wasn't throwing up and could get liquid down I was ok. This was so painful. It is the next morning now and I still feel pressure, have no desire to eat anything and hope that this passes soon too. This was the worst I have ever felt since surgery, even having surgery wasn't that bad. So the doctor said no more shrimp. boo hoo
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I believe because of my weight and the imbalance of chemicals in my brain the doctor's diagnosed me as being bi-polar. They have me on every kind of mood stabalizer and anti-depressant out there. I think I have tried everything. I'm hoping my self-esteem goes up as my weight goes down. I've tried suicide 3 times, failed at those attempts which I am glad about now. My grandmother who I was very close to was bi-polar and I seemed to have gotten all her traits. She passed away 5 years ago and I miss her still to this day. I was there when she took her last breath, holding her hand. I'll never forget that day. What kind of memories are in my head? it seems like all the bad ones, but when I remember my grandmother they are nothing but good ones. My mother is my confidant in all this because she had the band before I did. She went to Mexico and had it done, it slipped and she almost died. The surgeon had to perform emergency surgery and she got better. While she got better she gained 50 lbs in a year. So she decided to go back to Mexico and get the sleeve done. She has lost 22 lbs the first month since being back and is doing great. She is diabetic and fights her sugar levels everyday. She never knows how her body is going to react to what foods. I have a brother that I rarely talk to and he lives in AZ. I have a father that is very close to me and lives about 45 minutes away in another town and we see each other once every 2-3 months. He is a compulsive gambler and is happy with how is life is. He doesn't date, has a few friends, and works for the state prison. He is almost ready to retire. I have 2 dogs, a pekingnese name Kiko, she is a rescue dog and is 10 years old so she is getting up there. I have a chihuahua Gabby that is 1 1/2 years old. Gab is my husbands favorite and Kiko is my favorite. I had Kiko before I met my husband and we have been through alot together.
Well that is a start and I'll fill you in more tomorrow. Stay tuned.
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I ate very well yesterday and had no problems at all. I had an egg and 2 oz's of chopped up steak for breakfast. 5 chicken wings and a s/f jello for lunch, and then a side of cauliflower with cheese and 5 wings for dinner. Nothing bothered my stomach and all went down good. Sipped on a Route 44 diet cherry limeade all day so I got my liquids in. I had a customer go off on me right before we closed so that made my night not so good. He was just awful the way he acted but it comes with the territory. This morning my husband and I went to breakfast, I ate an egg, 3 pieces of sausage, and the insides of my toast. Don't feel over full just perfect. I'll update you tomorrow. This band seems to be working finally for me. I didn't weigh myself and plan on weighing on Tuesday. It will be 2 more weeks before my next fill, that will bring me to 9cc's in a 10cc band. All should be good.
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