DouglasP13

Well, I had fun yesterday. A friend of mine went with me to St. Louis to see Regina Spektor. Who is Regina Spektor? Well, that was my question too. She is kinda like a female Ben Folds, but not as good, and wierder lyrics. It was like a poetry reading put to not-so-great music. It was nice to get away from the troubles and woes. The concert place was pretty raunchy, and the opening act was a guy who played guitar, with a drum machine, and a fake band playing on the machine. Let me tell you, he really sucked. I am usually polite to someone who is trying. But there were several instances that I laughed out loud. I mean, he really truly sucked big time. I don't know how to get the point across, but he was really bad, very very bad. Anyway, it was a small room, I was afraid to touch anything, there were no chairs, and I mean not 1 in the entire place. And with my wondrous extra weight when you stand for 3 hours, my legs start tingling, then it starts to go numb. Well, I finally found a place to sit: on top of the pool table. Appearantly I started a trend, because within 5 minutes, there were 9 of us on the pool table. Okay, there was one good thing about the place, and that would be that since the music was this off type of thing, so was the audience. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against anyone, but the crowd was made up of a bunch of what some people would call 'freaks.' Well, I have always mixed well with them, and lots are my friends. Well, anyway, I felt at home with them. We were all the same, and nobody looked at me like I was different. I may be fat, but some were covered with piercings, some tatoos, some with 12 colors of hair, and even some really smelled. So I just fit in, but jeez, 250 people in a small room like that, it was crazy, but the pool table was fun. Anyway, the good thing is, is that I didn't catch any diseases!!!!! Yay!!! Well, on Friday, I'm going back up there to see Monty Python's Spamalot. Now that should be awesome! Well, I'm outta here for now. I'll be back when I have more drama. *evil grin*

Hey girl, congrats on the good consult. However, it sucks that you have to do the 8 month trial diet thingy. We all have our things that suck. Mine is that the insurance won't even pay for my operation. So, even though I'm getting my surgery soon, I'm paying for it, and I mean, I'm really paying for it, like $14,000 worth of paying. Anyway, what is new with you? Hopefully I'll have some time to call you soon. What are you doing late Friday night? I'm going to a musical in St. Louis that night, and when I leave to come home at 11:00 cst I have a 3 hour drive and if you aren't busy, I could call you. Anyway, let me know.

I do agree with you jojo, I can see your point about women being judged on their looks and such, I just never have done that. Some of the sexiest girl that I've dated have been overweight, and some not that pretty, but they had something that I liked, and that was personality. I see what you're saying about guys not liking fat girls, but fat single guys also have the false image of being perverts, or worse. This is something that I and others that I know have had problems with. I don't think that either way is better or worse, the grass is always greener on the other side. I think it is equally problematic. I don't know the sturggles the ladies have gone through, all I know is mine, and how much I want to make it better.

Okay, I had my follow up appointment with my dr. today. I have a surgery date!!! My surgery is scheduled for December 26th. I'm quit excited about it. Things seem to be going quite well. Now for the interesting part. Well, the tests showed that I have asthma, and I got a presricption for it. Yay! Then, there was this other little glitch. My stress test came back with some not so good stuff. Appearantly it was abnormal, and there could be something wrong. So now I have to get a heart cath, and I might need a stint. The doctor of my choice is out of town on vacation. He goes to church with me, and his wife is my voice student, and good friend. So, I will get this done early next week probably. But it sure doesn't sound that good. The dr. said that by the looks of it, I need to get this done quickly. So, now does this suck, or what?

Okay, I had my follow up appointment with my dr. today. I have a surgery date!!! My surgery is scheduled for December 26th. I'm quit excited about it. Things seem to be going quite well. Now for the interesting part. Well, the tests showed that I have asthma, and I got a presricption for it. Yay! Then, there was this other little glitch. My stress test came back with some not so good stuff. Appearantly it was abnormal, and there could be something wrong. So now I have to get a heart cath, and I might need a stint. The doctor of my choice is out of town on vacation. He goes to church with me, and his wife is my voice student, and good friend. So, I will get this done early next week probably. But it sure doesn't sound that good. The dr. said that by the looks of it, I need to get this done quickly. So, now does this suck, or what?

Just got back from playing pool with my good friend. It's the 2nd time this week he has used me to get out, then ditched me for his other friends. Oh well, just another day of being used and abused. But that's okay I'm used to it. I'm actually in a great mood. Monday I have my appointment with my dr. to find out how all of my tests went. I am done with the tests part of it, thankfully. I'm not sure what will happen at the appointment Monday. Hopefully I'll get a surgery date. Does anyone know if you pay for the surgery yourself, is it tax deductable? I'm getting ready to check some threads out to see if there is one about that. Well, I'm gonna go chill for awhile. C-ya!

Okay Tommygirl, you have a great point. I'm one of those nice guys, and I have been told that a lot too. I console a lot of my female friends who have idiots for boyfriends, it happens way too much. And Laurigee, I totally understand what you're saying. I try not to continue the cycle, that's why I'm letting it out here. I can't talk bad about my pastor to anyone around here, even though hundreds of poeple have complained about him. I try not to classify people in any category, cuz it just ain't right.

Hey NuMe, I'm not schedueld yet for my surgery, but hopefully on Monday, at my appointment, I will get that shceduled. My insurance is not covering it. My employer has chosen that as an exclusion, so the only hope I have is for my employer to change their policy, which ain't gonna happen, so I'm gettin a loan, and I'm goin in debt!!! Oh well, it happens.

Let me tell you: I love kids!!! I don't get discrimination from them at all. The kids love me, and always want to hang with me. When they want to go out on the weekends, and their parents say they need an adult with them, they call me. So lots of times on the weekends, I spend it with the kids because they want me there, and the parents feel comfortable with me. However, the only way the parents feel good with me is because they got to know me through their kids. It is always the kids that see the real you, at least that is what I see, and what I have experienced. The parents didn't trust me to begin with because of the way I looked, and I have had a couple tell me that, and apologize after they got to know me. But once they got to know me, they knew that they could trust me with their children. But there is several different situations. The kids love me, and want to hang with, but they are looking for someone they can trust, look up to, and they inherently need, and want to some degree, guidance. And that is what I give them. A good role model who tells them that it doesn't matter what you look like, you can be a success at most anything you want. However, when we're talking about bosses.....let me tell you, I have always worked my butt off, and done an extraordinary job. I'm not just full of myself, this is what my evaluations have told me, along with other people as well. Now, I have had this boss for the past year or so, and he is a retired col. from the army. 35 years in the army to be exact. And, when he sees me, he automatically assumes that I am lazy, dont' do my work, he can't depend on me, I do less than standard work, and basically that I'm not that good. I have not had a true compliment from him since he has been there. Now get this, I am a church music director, full time, and my boss is the priest. Yes, a priest who is prejudice because I don't look like him, and I am not as structured as him. Believe me, the discrimination is there. At times I have wanted to leave, but I will NOT let him run me off. If anyone disagrees with this situation that I'm in, I shall give you several several instances of this discrimination, and what he has done to me. I have kept a journal on that alone. Don't tell me that some bosses don't discriminate because you are fat, because I have one that does that! I'm not saying all bosses are that way, but some are. My last boss wasn't, he thought I did a most awesome job, and so has all the others that I have had at the church. Okay, I'll shut up now before I really start ranting and raving on this subject. *smiles*

I totally agree with everything you all are saying. I don't know what is worse, being a fat man, or fat woman. Case in point, since I'm fat, I have no girlfriend, of course, there are probably other reasons as well. I work with kids, and when I work with teen girls, I get a look like I'm a sexual predator, but when a single fat woman works with young boys, she doesn't get looked at like that. I work with both girls and boys, don't get me wrong, but I have had that look quite a few times. I have been told that if I had a wife or girlfriend, it would be different, or if I were a woman it wouldn't be as bad. Tell me about that!!! Let me do say that the teens parents think I'm the best, so much as a single mother who had 3 children, thought the world of me as a person. I helped her with her family, and the middle child, who was a girl, became close to me. Since I was like an older brother, or uncle-like to her, the mother made me a temporary legal guardian of her daughter for when we were together. Now that says a lot about the family thinking highly of me, but others that don't know me, see what I look like, and think one thing, or lots of them do. Now, I do want to say that I have dated a wide range of girls. From thin to fatter than me. From pretty to ugly. From rich to poor. From smart to not-so-smart. In all combinations of them realm. I have given everyone a fair chance, and it just hasn't worked. I have met girls from church, the library, the book store, waitresses, other youth ministers, a wide range of places. So I don't look for the 'perfect girl' in fact, I'm attracted to the 'not-so-perfect' girl, at least in the eyes of most men. I'll give anyone a chance.

yeah, me too! But I think I've gone past my bedtime, not that I have one, but I'm about to fall asleep. Talk to you lata!

Awesome!!!! You are then one of us!!!! ) So what are you doing up so late?

Piper, I think this is an awesome site, and it has helped me immensely. Most everyone I know is not overweight, so it's like I'm just different from everyone. When I talk about my diet to anyone, they are like "you are fine for who you are" "I love you for you" "you wouldn't be doug if you weren't the way you are" "you don't need to lose a pound" and "you aren't fat, you're Doug!" This is nice, but GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! They may all feel that way, but not a one of them would consider me as boyfriend material. Finally I have found people to talk with about this. I have never felt comfortable saying what my weight was, but here I feel fine. I'm almost 400 pounds! I'm not ashamed, I love me for me, but I do need to lose, and I know it. Piper, if you ever want to chat, pm me. I would love to get to know you better.

Ok, here is my complaint. Being overweight is discriminated against more than anything else. I once dated a blind girl. We went out a few times, and I started to like her. Well, she turned me down because I was overweight. She couldn't even see me, and she was afraid of what others would say. She was thin and very pretty. We seemed to be great for each other, and she had very few flaws until that. Most every girl I have met, won't even consider a relatioinship with me because I'm fat. It's like if you fall into a certain category, girls won't even think of you as dating material. Let's see what would those categories be: married, gay, priest, and being fat. I'm a perfect gentleman when I'm with a lady. And they feel very comfortable with me, and safe, because they think that I would never make a move on them. It's a good feeling to have, to know that all the girls feel safe with me, but it's the reason they feel safe. Most of them it's because I'm fat and I'm just not the boyfriend type, and they all think that I know that too. It's almost a sin for me to fall for a girl. Anyway, it sucks at times.

That's great to hear....congrats!!!

Ok, I am paying for my lapband surgery myself. Someone mentioned to me that it could be tax deductible. Does anyone know anything about this? I would love to hear from you.

Kewl, are you scheduled for your surgery yet?

Hey guys! I know how you feel. I'm at 391 right now. I have never been anything but fat. I know I have been. I don't eat a lot, most people I hang out with eat far more than I do. I'm very active, I hike, and walk a mile 3 to 4 times per week. I actually jog some as well, and at times, I run. Yes, I run! I work with teens, and at times we do things like compete with running, and other things. I am a fast runner, but of course, I can't run very far. When I take the kids to 6-flags, they can't keep up with me. Of course, I can't ride most rides due to my weight. So I just tell them that I'm scared of roller coasters, or things like that. I love bumper cars, but I weigh too much, and my cart can never get up enough speed. I have always been happy with myself, and have been able to love me for me. That being said, I have always tried to lose weight, but have never been successful. Even though I'm fat, I never felt fat when it has come to my activities, but I have felt it in my dating life. I finally decided to do the lap band. Since I have been talking to people on here, it has made me feel so much better about me doing this. I can now freely admit that I can't get my weight under control. And with the help of you all, I feel that I'm making the right choice more than I ever have. I have never doubted my decision, but it did take me a long time to come to this decision, and I believe that I will be happier in the long run.

Well, this has been very enlightening so far. I hadn't heard that interview with JKR. I guess I'm one of those who watch, or read, things like this to get away from reality for awhile, and I just take things for what they are. It's great to hear everyone's point of view. No matter what everyone's own opinion is, the story still brings us all together. Oh, and it's good to hear from you wheetsin. I'd love to chat with you sometime. PM me if you want.

Thanx Laurigee! What state are you in?

Just got back from playing pool with my good friend. It's the 2nd time this week he has used me to get out, then ditched me for his other friends. Oh well, just another day of being used and abused. But that's okay I'm used to it. I'm actually in a great mood. Monday I have my appointment with my dr. to find out how all of my tests went. I am done with the tests part of it, thankfully. I'm not sure what will happen at the appointment Monday. Hopefully I'll get a surgery date. Does anyone know if you pay for the surgery yourself, is it tax deductable? I'm getting ready to check some threads out to see if there is one about that. Well, I'm gonna go chill for awhile. C-ya!

Well, bitteroldhag, first I have to say, it's kinda weird calling you that. ) But I want to say that I know what you mean, but I actually liked the first actor for Dumbledore better, which was Richard Harris. I think that Michael Gamdon didn't bring the right qualities to the part. He was too jittery and he seemed to hop around a bit much. Not like an older wizard would do. I really do miss Richard Harris.

Ok, I've finally decided to reply. I just wanted to comment about the avoiding death thing. I don't think that JK Rowling is intentionally trying to help children deal with death. It's just a story. No matter what way it works out, I think it is a wonderful story. I do grief counseling with youth, and let me tell you that they don't have a problem with not experiencing death. Three of my youth have lost their parents. One of those parents worked with me at church, and is a music director for another church, so several teens and youth were very close to him. Then 3 years ago, the director of the school system killed himself. He was a very close friend of mine, and all the kids in school thought the world of him. I do agree that children don't need to be shielded from death, but in my experiences there is no shortage of death for the kids to experience. One girl's mother was killed by her boyfriend, and she had a very hard time of it. After she read the last book, she got into a major depression again and she doesn't even want to see any more movies, or read the last book. Her mother and I had taken her to see the movies as they came out. So what I'm trying to say is that I hate to see something as simple as a good story to be made out to something that is meant to teach kids about death. I hope you don't mind my rambling this time. *smile* And as far as my favorite movie, that's a tough one. I loved 'Sorcer's Stone' because of the way everything was introduced. Of course I love The Goblet of Fire.

Well, I had my endoscopy yesterday. That was fun. I was all loopy and stuff, then when I was done I had to play for 2 funerals at church. Now that was exciting. The choir didn't know what to expect from me. I think I played the theme to Gilligan's Island. But I don't recall much of what went on. I do know that the choir had to keep reminding me where I was. I love playing with them. They are so gullable. Now Leigh Ann, don't tell your mama I said that. I wasn't talkin' 'bout her. Anyway, get this: my 2 best friends who I tell just about everything to don't even call and ask how the tests are going, or how I'm doing. Ain't that just nifty! One is on drugs, and the other just probably don't care that much, at least that is what it seems like. Oh well, I'm used to it. At least I have you all to make me feel better, and no I'm not writing this just to get feedback, I'm just sayin' it. Well, other than that, things are going wonderfully. I have a week off with no dr.'s visits and no tests. I just have to start my diet. I will as soon as I have time to go shopping. Of course, first I have to study all the literature so I know what to buy. So complicated!!! It happens. Well, I'm outta here. Lata guys and gals.

Well, today was good. Now I don't want you to think that I'm a depressed person, because I'm not. When I get depressed, I'll tell you. I just have to complain about somethings, just to get them off my chest. I do it here, because nobody else will listen to me. I'm very happy with the response I've gotten here. It's a great thing to not feel alone. Anyway, about my friends, let me say that these 2 close friends that I have, aren't the best friends. The only time they call is if they want something, or need me to do something. They never call just to say hello, and this has been going on for awhile. It's not just about the surgery I'm gonna have, but everything. The one, I know nothing has happened with her because I talk to her mom all the time, she tells me how she is doing. The other one just doesn't care about helping me out. They are both very self centered. I would call them, but I always have to call, because the only time they have time for me is when all of their other friends are not there. Don't be me wrong, I'm not upset about this, I am used to being used, it's a way of life for me. I know it shouldn't be, but I'm a giving person, and even if they use me, I will still give to them. That's just me. But I just wanted to clear things up for ya. This journal is actually a great way for me to deal with things. Once again, thanx to you all. Especially Teresita, Thickchick, and Maggie.....you all are great!