vanishingvixen

I've just had the past few weeks from hell. Had been feeling "off" a bit... Not quite right. I ended up in the ER on Tuesday with severe pain (that I'd had before, but had wrongly attributed to/been diagnosed as having a umbilical hernia that developed after I was sleeved).

It turned out to be a gallbladder attack and I was told I had "ALOT" (almost 20!) of gallstones. I was treated for pain and released. Took Wednesday off (only by docs orders). Against my better judgement, I went to work Thursday still in a lot of pain b/c I had a big project due. I went back to the ER after work and was immediately admitted with an inflamed/infected gallbladder so it wouldn't rupture. They performed an emergency gallbladder removal on Friday morning.

Now, my doc told me it was most likely the rapid weightloss from the VSG that I had (it could have also been from being Obese before - BUT, my pre-op testing showed no gallstones or gallbladder issues).

Has anyone else here had that problem?? This really has TOTALLY caught me off guard. It explains a lot of things I've been feeling over the past year... But still a shocker.

All - if you haven't, pls check out my blog. I've chronicled my jounrey (the good, nad & ugly) here: vanishingvixen.wordpress.com

Wow, you look wonderful - I wanna know where you got that pretty red dress!!

A dear friend of mine is a seamstress... she made it for me. PArt of the reason it looks so good is b/c it was literally made to fit my body perfectly. I wish ALL my clothes did that *lol*

You look great! Congratulations on the races. I love to see people that are futher out checking in on here. I think it really helps us pre-sleever put things in perspective.

Yeah. I guess. The crazy part is that even though I SEE the progress in terms my body - I'm still feeling some kind of way that I'm still over 200# and it's been almost 2 years. I'm busting my @$$, i have a healthy food life... But I'm stuck. It's frustrating not to see the scale move.

I've never been small. Doubt that i ever will be. I think id be fine where i am now - sz 12/14 - if the scale said 175. But I'd also be fine at a sz 16/18 of th scale said 175. Makes NO sense. My own dumb struggle, I suppose.

And I know my body will stop where it's comfortable. But I did NOT have surgery to still

tip 200#. So I just have to keep going....

I know this may seem crazy but I'm a little worried about getting to small. I don't want to look sick. Is there a way to avoid this or will that even happen. I'm just really anxious about my surgery. All kinds of things running through my head.

Been there. Had those thoughts. Still do. Was worried about losing my "figure", but 110# gone, and I feel better and look better than ever. 2 years post op, and still 40# to goal. Not sure what "too small" is, but if you focus on the health aspect of it, it will be much easier to push past that fear.

I've blogged my entire journey here - including lots about the feelings you mentioned: vanishingvixen.wordpress.com. You can also

Check out some of my pics in the gallery. Maybe it will put your mind at ease.

Best of luck to all!!

Wow, you look amazing!! I really think a daily upload of you and the red dress would be very motivational to us all!!

Sent from my mobile productivity killer.

LOL!! Thank you!!

just 6 days post-op Thanks for being a great example and inspiration .... 2 years is a long lot of consistency.... way to go!

The 1st month or two will be the hardest. But it gets easier!! I've chronicled my journey (and rollercoaster of emotions) here if you would like to take a gander. Shoot-from-the-hip talk, for sure. http://vanishingvixen.wordpress.com

You look great! And, congrats on your fitness accomplishments! How long have you been sleeved?

Thanky you!! My 2 year sleeviversary in on 9/21. I thought I would have long made it to goal (165-175) by now...but no such luck. It truly is a lesson in patience and persaverance.

Just sticking my head in. Things have beed SO incredibly crazy for me and haven't had time to really sit down and pull all of my thoughts together. I'll post the short version here:

Have accomplished quite a bit since the last check-in. I finally scale moving, but my body is being sculpted at an amazing rate, due to my love of running.

The inches are disappearing, but STILL haven't hit One-derland, and I'm almost 2 years out. More important to me though, have become the NSV's...

This coming weekend, I will be doing a 5k race up at Yankee Stadium to raise money for Cancer Research (something extreamly near & dear to my heart). The course takes place inside the stadium, and incorporates the concourses, ramps, and stairs. STOKED, but nervous...and ever-ready for a challenge.

I also took to the challenge of doing BOTH the Marine Corps 10k and the Zombie 5k obstacle course in the same weekend at the end of October, so I am in training mode. That will surely show me what I'm made of!

In other news: my eating has been pretty good. I'm focused. But I'd be lying if I didn't say how frustrated I am with the scale not showing all of the effort I'm putting in. I guess it shouldn't be important...but it is.

No matter - I plan to keep going. Something will eventually have to give, right!??!?

SO...MORE IMPORTANTLY: how is everyone doing?!?!?!? What challenges have you been having?? What NSV's have made you smile the most?

*stands up raises hand* My name is VVixen, and I’m a ‘Numbers‘ Wh*re. *hangs head*

See, when I first decided that I needed to do something drastic to get the weight off of my rather petite 5’3″ frame… all I had in my head was…

numbers

Numbers

NUMBERS

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In fact, from the day that I got on the scale and it had hit the 300# mark, all I could EVER think about was numbers…and getting said numbers to decrease (though in actuality, the numbers went up about 10# before going down *lol*).

I had in my head that IF I’m going to have this weight loss surgery, then I need to ensure I hit *my* goal weight of 175 – preferably by my 2 year surgery anniversary – which will be September 20. Ironically, that number has also changed and aligned itself a little more closely with my Dr.’s number of 165 — since 175 at my height is still technically OBESE. And for me, that would defeat the purpose of such a drastic measure. But I digress…

Everything was peachy the first year post-op, because the weight loss was – dare I say – pretty d@mn effortless. This second year? Not so much. I’ve worked harder than I thought I would have to, but I’m better because of it. And not only that – the results are evident. Even weekly [in my physical appearance]. so WHY do the friggen NUMBERS bother me so?!?!?

I guess they give me a more certain feeling of accomplishment. Like I KNOW I’m making progress when I see the numbers go down. *shrug*

The scale has only moved 5# in the past month…yet, in that time I’ve not only completed my first athletic feat (and signed up for many others)…but am also running/training on a very consistent basis. I journal my foods. I’m paying more attention to my nutrition. But I’m STILL up in arms about the scale not moving – thereby keeping me away from my Magic Number.

*sigh*

Well, I got a book in the mail yesterday that a friend of mine wrote. (Check it out, HERE) Within the first few pages, there was one thing that JUMPED off the page at me. Loosely quoted “the aim should not be losing WEIGHT, but losing FAT”. And as people have reminded me soooo many times before…I’m building muscle (which weighs more than fat) as I’m working out. I’m not just doing cardio/running. But also core strengthening & weight lifting.

So…

It would stand to reason that I’m building [lean] muscles. Right? (Right.)

That weigh MORE than the fat I’m losing. Right? (Right.)

Which means that while the scale might not be moving the way I want it to, that much progress is still being made. Right? (Right.)

I send my friend “The IMP” (the male counter-part of my other blog, also dear friend/photographer – who shot some pics of me on my trip to Houston back in February) a pic (left one, above ^^^) that I posted to my Weight Loss Journey Pic Album. His response?

So, I’m learning a bit…to relax on the numbers. I want RESULTS! The numbers don’t make me – my effort & progress [both inside & out] does!

I mean, who would have ever looked at me (or LOOK at me [/present tense]) and seen [/see]…an…athlete? That part still blows my mind. It hasn’t been an easy road, but I can honestly say that if I didn’t have to work so hard for it, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the results.

Wish me luck!!

I am a new yorker as well and would love to do a run at Yankee stadium. Where did you find the info?

yes maam!!

http://www.damonrunyon.org/yankeestadium

Maybe we should plan a meet & greet! My in-laws live right across the street from the stadium. There is NO way I'm missing this. It will prove to be a beast tho. Make sure to check out the route!

I ran a 5K for the first time ever on 9/11 and I wanted to wear my bib all day:) Love your post...love that someone knows how I felt! Congrats to you...on to a 7K?

5 more (monthly) 5ks, then a 10k in October. We don't have many options around these parts. I've seen listings for an 8k. But only one. Really looking forward the one in August - it will be held at Yankee Stadium. Running the concourse, field, and steps.

Still kinda amazed at myself. Looking forward to much more!

S/n: I got back out there today. 4.5 miles. 1 hour 17 mins. Who would have EVER thought I'd wanna do this!?

Thx all for the kind words. It's within ALL our reach!

2038.

Iron GIRL) to do the scale in well over a month, so I have no idea where I am with my weight. I suppose I need to do that to get an idea of what exactly I’m aiming for. What I do know, is that I’m becoming less concerned with numbers…and more concerned with overall fitness, core strength, and endurance. I’d venture to say that forcing my body into submission by way of “perpetual training” for these monthly running events, I’ll also be forcing this last 40-50# to pack their bags and get up off me!

Small Side Note: I have noticed that when planning a run [trot/jog/whateveryouwannacallit], my eating is different. There are somethings thatI don’t want in my body when I’m trying to maintain a distance. And I’m far more conscious of what I put in my mouth. I know it should always be like that, but it isn’t. So now that all parts of this machine are fitting (and hopefully working) together, I can see BIG [overall] results.

I also would be remiss if I didn’t mention the fact that I have a truly amazing support system in place that has helped me stay focus. I had a good friend of mine run this race with me – and plan to do at least one more together. As well as friends who showed up to cheer me over the finish line.

I’m all out of excuses.

I’m made of awesome. It was time that I realized and owned it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me… I have to “run”…

Thanks all! It has been quite the experience (overall). I am STILL struggling to get this last 40+ pounds up off of me, but I'm not going to wait to then to reach some "other" goals. This 5k has always been something I apsired to...

Tunnel Vision. Defined as: “the tendency to focus exclusively on a single or limited goal or point of view”.

See this pic? That's me. RUNNING (jog/trot is more accurate) across the Woodrow Wilson Bridge (MD to VA). The span is 2.-something miles. I did NOT run the entire length, but d@mmit, I DID it. 2 years ago - and 100# heavier - I could have never imagined this for myself. My 1st 5k race is in 3 weeks. I am determined to do it!!

My inner athlete at work

This weekend I headed out with my family for a traipse across the Woodrow Wilson Bridge. The span itself is a little over 2 miles one way. The trail totals 6 miles – there & back, including the bridge span. I hadn’t planned on running at all, but when the urge hit me?

I took off!

Like, didn’t even THINK about running. It just felt…NATURAL. For the first time. EVER.

I had nearly given up on the idea of being able to get in that 5k race next month, but this was just the encouragement I needed to stick to my plan. Like I said previously – even if I have to crawl over the finish line, I’m going to FINISH. #the end.

My Sweetface...running like the wind!

On another note: Who woulda thunk that my Sweetface 3 year old would serve as my biggest source of encouragement? Her daddy used to be runner, so I guess it’s in her genes. (damn shol aint in mine!) *shrug* But she knows it’s a struggle for me. At one point she said “See? Just like this, Mommy” – and took off running. Then said “COME ON, MOMMY! You can do it! Go Mommy!” How could I NOT find the energy after that??

I have exactly 3 weeks to get my bootay in gear. I have enlisted the help of Jillian Michaels and her “Last Chance” workout DVD to help amp it up a notch. So tonight, I will take my first 30 minute punishment. The REALLY insane part?

That blows my mind. Not only that, but I’ve found another 5k race to get under my belt in October. Except this one is going to be funnnnn. (It’s a 5k obstacle course -entitled “Run for ya Lives”. Yeah – running from ZOMBIES! Presumable trying to eat my brains… *lol* Doesn’t get much better than that. Who thought I’d truly ever be excited to run – for any reason other than towards a cupcake truck?!?)

Times, they are a changing. And so is my body. Y’all betta watch out… Size 12 is coming.

Thanks all. It has been quite the journey... *whew*

I've lost over 100, and Shapewear DEFINATELY will help. May be easiest to try and find online if you need an extended size. But don't worry - it will help ALOT with the extra skin...

*editor’s note: this is a cross-post*

When I first started my journey, this was my very first blog post. It will help to reference it if you haven’t read it yet. (Phine = Fine/Fione = hella good-looking/sexy. Incase ya didn't know )

In any event…

Two years ago [on my birthday], I looked like…

This year [and over 100# later] as I Celebrate my 37th year of life, I look like:

Amazing, isn’t it?

I always come up with kitchy lil’ names for my yearly b’earthday celebrations…and this year, I jokingly called it my “Thirty-Sexy” birthday. As most of you who follow my posts know – I haven’t felt very sexy about this New Body. And until fairly recently, I was having a very hard time accepting this new form.

Welp. no more! Not sure if it was the birthday (in general) or just me beginning to see myself in a new light as I train for this 5k race in April that is responsible. But I am totally feeling it, seeing it and reveling in it. FINALLY!

I feel the same sexy I felt when I was 21. The same sexy I felt at 30. The same sexy that I somehow LOST along the way over the past year and a half – along with all of the extra weight. So this, has been a long time coming.

From this day forward, I will claim it.

I will own it.

I will revel in it.

I will project it.

I will embrace it.

I will live it.

Sexiness…reclaimed.

“Phine”… re-defined. Finally.

A HUGE thank you to EVERYONE who chimed in. This was alot of what I needed to hear - and especially know that I'm not alone.

As an aside - I started the "Couch to 5k" training program last week. It has always been a dream of mine to run like the wind *lol* So far, I'm keeping up. And to push myself into accountability - I registered for my very first 5k RUN - - set for mid April. I'm scared as all hell - BUT, I couldn't have dreamed over doing this 100# ago... That one thing - getting the registration confirmation for the race FORCED me to really see that I've not only changed outside...but INSIDE as well. If I can "see" myself running this race...then I should eventually be able to grab hold and own these physical changes. ONE DAY AT A TIME :smile1: And the biggest thing? I feel TOTALLY SEXY after I work up a good [vertical] sweat

I might be crawling across that finish line...but I will d@mn-well...FINISH!!!

Continued success to ALL!! *group hug*

*I'm posting here for most visibility. I really would like some feedback on this topic*

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall who is the skin-ti-est of them all…? *tongue-in-cheek*

For example: in this PICTURE, I see a regular looking body. Average size, etc…etc…etc. However, when I was standing in the MIRROR, I still just see…Gina. Be it size 24 Gina or size 14. It’s just…Me. Gina…

I’m not quite sure why this is such a mental thing for me, or if other people who have had WLS surgery go through the same mental/emotional battles/reckoning. A good friend of mine saw the slideshow yesterday and said “Wow…I never really saw you at that/any size. I always just saw Gina…” That to me, summed it up. As much as I was the proverbial “Big Girl & Proud of It” – as was extremely comfortable in that skin…I never really saw my SIZE (that is, until I look back at older pictures now that I lost weight). Just as now, I don’t see my SIZE…I just see…me.

It could very well be that I was in denial. And in part – that could be it. I mean, I knew I was a big girl, fat, whatever you want to call it…But I also knew that I looked pretty damned good for my size, or so I “thought”. But I also knew that I was big…and I had NO problem with that part of it. It wasn’t until I physically started feeling the ramifications of all that weight on this 5’3″ frame that I really knew I had to do something quick. But that would meant that I’m also in denial now, right? Sometimes, it’s like I’m denying to myself that I’ve actually lost that much weight. Like it’s NOT dramatic, or monumental, or fit-for-print.

I think it may be the fact that i had surgical intervention versus losing it all on my own, like I shouldn’t be “as” proud. For the most part, 75% of the loss has been fairly effortless. But after that first 75#, it started getting harder. The last 30# I lost took significant work on my part. And now, with goal in sight, I am having to work extra hard to keep pushing the tool – that is, the Vertical Sleeve – to it’s limits. Thereby, pushing myself harder.

Harder to keep making the best choices for my health…

Harder to keep forcing myself to exercise even when I’ve worked all day, or I’m operating on 3 hours of sleep, or dealing with a cranky 3 schooler who is vying for my undivided attention, or just spent 6 hours straight sitting at a table creating wearable “art” and my eyes are crossing…

Harder to NOT fall back into the whole “emotional eating” patterns that got me to the surgeon’s office in the first place (which was damn-near MURDER given the year 2011 I had (loss of a job, pseudo-single parenting while my husband was caring for a terminally ill parent, traveling back & forth up to NYC to assist hubby with the aforementioned, 3 year old starting pre-school, re-entering the workforce, trying to grow my small businesses in the wake of financial distress, etc…etc..etc…*whew*)

As if all of that isn’t enough – I’m still having to work on the the self-esteem part of the equation. And THAT is not something I ever had a problem with. So why is it now??? Granted, I was warned by the surgeon, nurtitionist, and in pre-op counseling about all of these “issues” being a very real thing for most folks who have undergone similar transformations…but I didn’t think it would be as big as an issue as it is. I WILL say that this may be one of the biggest pitfalls of WLS. Certainly those who have lost 100 or more pounds by them self don’t go through this image distortion, do they? MAybe is that-much-more appreciated when it’s done the good ole’ fashioned way. But, that’s neither here nor there. Just a thought!

There is one plus on the looks side, that a few people have mentioned to me. And that is: that if they didn’t “know” I’d had weight-loss surgery, then, well…they wouldn’t know.

my new "normal"

At least I succeeded on that front. I sure as hell FEEL alot better than I did 15 months ago…but I also need to keep working on the mental/emotional health after-the-fact. I think that there is alot to that piece and that the rabbit hole can go very deep. So many people have so many different issues, that it’s hard to try to make sense of some of the bits & pieces that are entangled mind/body/soul.

*sigh*

I would LOVE to one day look in the mirror and say “HOT DAMN! Look at all that weight you lost, guhl! I see you, Boo!”. But for now, I will be happy with the pictorial images that confirm that this is NOT all a dream I am the same person I’ve always been. Just in a smaller package… I can’t deny that, anymore than I can deny/disassociate myself from my former bigger self (as much as I want to sometimes, based on some of those heinous pics!). I am who I am. I was proud of who I was then…and proud of who I am now. That should go without saying, right? Well, I’ve also come to notice that people (in general. not family/friends, but strangers/misc people) TREAT me differently than when I was obese. And it makes me ANGRY – for the reason I said before – I am the same Gina. But that’s a different blog, for a different day. I’ve been meaning to touch on the treatment of “fat” people in society (which I STILL consider myself at over 200#)…but everytime I start writing, I get so angry I can’t think straight. So, it will wait…

N-E-Ways…

I know I have rambled and digressed ALOT. But I got it out. I think the bottom line is that 15 months in…I still have YET to see what others see [physically] when they look at me. But I want to make it clear – this is NOT about self-love or being happy with myself. This – at least, for me – is about acceptance and truly SEEING/OWNING the tremendous change in my APPEARANCE. (But if you have never struggled with weight and/or lost a significant amount of weight – it’s unlikely that you will never understand)

NOW, the question is: who else on this journey has had similar issues? What do you think was at the root of it? How did you work through it?

ORiginal Blog post is here: http://vanishingvixen.wordpress.com/2012/01/10/mirror-mirror/

Thanks ladies. This journey has been a TRUE roller coaster ride of emotions. Sometimes I actually MISS the weight, just because I had grown to be so comfortable in my skin...Other times, I just look at my old self in disgust. I'm sooooo out of sorts with it. I had come to own my bigger self, and was extremely confident back then - now I just feel like I'm occupying someone ELSES body. I thought that after a year, I would be ok with it, but it's a daily challenge for me to accept the changes...and know that this is ALL GOOD!

Thanks for sharing your response... I'll definately be posting more often. The dialog with others helps ALOT!!

xoxo

Greetings Sleevers!!

I just wanted to do a quick base-touch. I made it through the holidays unscathed...but I still have some issues reconciling my drastic loss with what I "see" in the mirror. Most often, I can CLEARLY see progress in others...but not in myself - unless a photo is involved. So, to start 2012 off in the right mind-set, I wanted to force myself to see my progress and be as proud of myself that as so many others seem to be of me.

I'm kinda nervous about the rest of this journey...knowing I still have a way to go. I thought I'd be to goal by now - but for 15 months out, I think I've done pretty well (especially given the stress-filled year I had in 2011 - Unemployment, Financial distress, loss of a loved one - back to back to back to back.... *sigh*)

The biggest thing I gathered from looking at some of the older pics is how UNCOMFORTABLE I looked...on top of how far in denial about how big I had gotten over the years. Truly an eye-opener. I have NO desire to go back there - but am still working on the exhuberance and confidence that I had BEFORE I lost the weight. Life is kinda funny like that... *sigh* But I digress...

In any event -- I give you: The Vanishing Vixen Weightloss Transformation Slideshow: http://www.picnik.co...s/t/picnik-show

I'd love to see other pics of you Sleevers here. I know there is SO MUCH success in the ranks!

Give a yell here - or email me at: geenahb2@yahoo.com - OR hit up my blog: vanishingvixen.wordpress.com

Blessings to ALL!!

Greetings folks! I know it's been a minute and wanted to poke my head in. I was wondering - how far out should one be from surgery to officially be considered a success? I mean, we all will lose a significant amount of weight - but what is the timeframe?

Only asking...because at 14 months post-op and 100+ pounds down, I sure as hell FEEL successful! But there is still a journey ahead of me. Just trying to Celebrate the small victories, yanno?

Also, I keep forgetting to post my "real" (ie: unfiltered *lol*) posts here - so I will link if you are interested. I've done 2 pretty significant updates - you can check them out here (with some GREAT comp shots *whew*)

http://vanishingvixen.wordpress.com/2011/10/06/who-wants-to-be-fat-seriously/

http://vanishingvixen.wordpress.com/2011/10/21/what-average-looks-like/

Also - I posted 2 recent pics in my album. *SMH* I still can't believe how awesome this experience has been...

Before/After

One Year.

One.

HUNDRED.

#.

Wow…

Size 24

I thought I’d have alot to say. Waxing poetic about the journey. But really? I’m just happy. Healthier than I was a year ago. More conscious of what I put into my body. Better at maximizing whatever physical activities I can…There is alot to be said for that.

Size 14

Though I’ve plateaued for the moment – I know it will come off…eventually. I’m only a few # away from “Onederland” which was a MAJOR anniversary goal that I’m kinda disappointed that I didn’t make, but… OH WELL. My doc is happy, and said I’m right on track. 4-6 more months will be my 16-18 month range for trying to get all the extra weight off, though that lofty. I was told 2 years is far more realistic – because the less you have to lose, the slower it starts to come off. We shall SEE about that.

None-the-less: My back has stopped hurting. My hips are happily swaying from side to side while thanking me. My knees are now chugging along like a well-oiled machine – INSTEAD instead of threatening to give out on me with every step.

Feeling it!

I feel like a new person (and according to most folks, LOOK like one too – though my mind still has a problem reconciling the dramatic loss). I can run & play with my daughter. I can fit comfortably into my chair on the bus, train, booth, etc. I can go into a store and NOT have to slink to the back with the PLUS sizes and buy right off the rack in the regular Misses or Jr. Section. *head nod*

Yup. I can’t complain. And even if I could…I WOULDNT. I’ve come too far. And even with about 50# to go, I know it will come [off]. Slow & steady wins the race, right?

So, on my surgery anniversary (as with my wedding anniversary at the end of this week) – I am re-committing myself to this journey. Re-committing myself to a more healthy way of living. And more importantly, re-committing myself to LOVING myself, whatever state my body is in…Saggy boobs. Arm Flaps. And All. Because despite some insecurities about my “new” form (mainly my disdain that my cleavage ain’t what it used to be)…I still look DAMN. GOOD.

*cheers* to the next leg of this race. I’ll check in on the other side of 200!

all the best!

Just a super-quick pictorial update. Still in TOTAL and UTTER disbelief at the progress. A little over 100# in under a year. I don't even recognize myself!

I've been so emotional about the transformation lately that I haven't even been able to pull my thoughts together enough to write about all that's going on. I'm putting it on the top of my list tho for the next few days.

Also interested in how some of my fellow 2010 September sleevers are doing with about a month to go before our sleeve-i-versary.

Highest highs?

Lowest lows?

Biggest challenges?

Dish!!

(and incase y'all forgot - this is a before shot *sigh*)

Looking forward to hear some great inspirational stories!!

*cheers*