vanishingvixen

*editiors note: if you are easily offendable - pls pass on this post. Comedy is my coping tool of choice. Be ye advise) Welp, Tuesday was the last of a slew of pre-op tests. :w00t: *giggety* Abdom sono, pulmonary function, xrays, and the dreaded Barium Swallow. Actually, the drink itself wasn?t so bad. But, the rolling around on the table like a beached whale (which is EXACTLY how I felt - so I hope no one is offended with that description)? Sooo not what?s hot in the streets? I thought I was doing somethin when I wore some of my "sexy" big gurl pannies. The sheer, ruffly, extra girly kind. At least I would ?feel? cute underneath that heinous blue, ill-fitting hospital smock. But Nooooooooo. Who do they send as my radiologist? The phinest man they could find. :mad0: As if that wasn?t bad enough?I had to flop all around on the table, with my lady-bits flopping & flying, & boobs being rolled over on. Struggling w/myself to assume the positions & trying to look as graceful as possible. EPIC. FAIL.:cursing: All the sexy pannies in the world couldn?t erase the tomfoolery goin on w/me wrestling that table. There were moments when I?m quite sure that I was totally exposed from the boobs down. Poor lab techs. They?ll get over their ordeal w/me ? eventually? Surely I?m not the first fatty-girl to grace their presence. *shrug* After that, I had to meet w/the surgery nurse to sign all the paper work and hospital consent forms. *sigh* How depressing. Reading (more) of the "what if?s", answering questions about my living situation/family, being asked what size shoe I wore (which was strange ? but apparently necessary to guage the size of whatever blod-clot prevention gear during surgery....who knew?) and then?BAM: ?Do you have a living will or power of attorney for emergency medical situations or end-of-life planning?? :001_huh:*record scratch* I felt like jumping across the desk saying ?WTH do I need THAT for?! I fully intend to wake up from this NOT DEAD? . I guess I did sign my life away, to a certain extent... But that?s the reality of this thing, huh? It is a major surgery w/potential complications? (easy-way-out my @$$!) I?ll tell you what, though?I?m glad to be getting this weight up off me sooner, rather than later. That lil' episode with me & the table helped fuel my fire even more. I?m SICK & TIRED of being Sick & tired?and I?m SICK of (and probably from) being?FAT. There, I said it: I don?t wanna be fat any more. Stay tuned?

your'e awesome! This post had me in stitches. I love your sense of humor - I probably could have written every word myself (with the exception thatI haven't had my surgery yet *lol*) I'm so excited for this journey you are on...HopefullyI will soon have some of the same good news. All the best! You definately have the right idea

ROCK. ON! So excited for you...I'm sure I'll have similar posts in the upcoming months. I love to hear of the progress made. Keep us posted!

Today, I went and got my medical clearance from my PCP. We had some time to discuss this journey, my feelings, and and concerns I had. I must say, between the last post & this one, there has been some peace made with all that lays ahead of me. Although I still don?t really know what my comfort zone is in terms of what weight I?d like to be?I do know that I have an awesome support system that will keep me going the distance. I?m working thru my ?issues? rather quickly ? though I?m sure at some point I?ll relapse *lol* I just have to keep asking myself ?what are you scared of??. My doc said he?s happy for me and excited about this transition. I *boldly* asked him where he would like to see my weight go. *sigh* He said 160. That is such a totally foreign concept to me right now. Ironically, that?s 40# more than ?the chart? states I should be for my height (and 25# less than my own personal goal*pfft*) but he thinks I?ll do really well at that weight. Funny thing is?I think I might too However unfathomable to me at this point ? in a year from now, it may be looking more like a reality. Another bonus (and most of the reason I?m doing this) is that a lot of my ailments will be reversed. *whew* He said that I?m young enough to see almost 100% improvement in areas like my knees & hips, and said that Frankie (my post-op foot w/screws) may jump for joy to the point I?ll be able to wear heels again *giggety* Even though he said I?ll probally have arm-flaps. But I don?t even care! I was beaming by the time I left. And not even sure why. I think I?m just resigned?no?COMMITTED to the fact that change will come. HAS to come. And I should enjoy the the journey as much as arriving at the destination. I feel that I may have some other issue to contend w/at a later date (Shopping, anyone?) But I?ll try on that outfit when I get to it. I still have a long, difficult journey ahead of me. No doubt about it. But, I?m ready. Change soon come - I bring it!

Thanks all for the encouragement. It's good to know im not alone! Looking forward to great results!

*begin rant* Do people who have NEVER had any struggle w/their weight really have ANY earthly idea how hard it is being a fatty? ESPECIALLY one who has struggled with weight their entire life. I’m just tired of the superiority that comes along with [some] thin folks. Especially-especially those that ASSUME they are healthy simply b/c they are thin. My doc was actually shocked at my last physical. No HBP, no high cholesterol, no diabetes, blood tests were fine, kidney & liver function were fine. Heart was good & strong. If i wasn't morbidly obese, I'd be healthy *lol* And he went on to tell me how many average size – assumingly “Healthy” folks would come in and have all of these health ailments and be on all kind of medications for cholesterol, HBP, etc. Most everyone has one vice or another. It may not be food…but it’s something. Cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex…SOMETHING. All I know – if one more thin/“healthy” chain-smoking, coke-snorting, alcoholic, gambling, sex-addict says ONE more thing to me about my weight – there are gonna be consequences and repercussions! *BAH* If they hate me now? LAwd…There’s no hope for them come this time next year. Nonsense like this only makes me THAT more determined to hit Geyonce status (Gina + Beyonce = Geyonce) – and STAY there. *uh oh uh oh* :huh0: *end rant* Happy Friday all!

A local support group would be nice!!

September 21!! 120# to rid myself of...and looking forward to an AWESOME transformation.... *BOOYAH*

I was asked today – what I’m afraid of. It’s not the typical response, I guess. I’m not worried about the surgery, really. I’m strong in my faith & know that God is in control. But one of my girlfriends asked me why [i keep saying that] I don’t want to get down past a sz 14/16. (background: she is also plus sized. A former GB’er that gained back her weight, and is now doing it the natural way, with KICK @$$ results, too!) I responded that I enjoy being a curvy lady. Honestly, I have no desire to get “skinny”, or look emaciated, or sullen, or even unhealthy [as I have seen in some folks w/dramatic/rapid weight loss]. Let’s face it: just because a person is no longer morbidly obese, doesn’t mean that they don’t (or won’t) have any other health issue [unrelated to weight]. For me – at a sz 14/16 I was the picture of health – even according to my family physican. Over weight by the “charts” standards, but perfectly healthy otherwise. And I FELT healthy. And I LOOKED healthy. That was me, at 185lbs – 5’3”. So…why then, should I be looked at as crazy (not by said friend, but maybe what some folks are thinking but won’t say) for wanting to maintain my weight where I feel most comfortable & healthy – IF there I have no health issues…instead of trying to get as small/skinny/thin/little as possible? She did remind me that my body will pretty much dictate where I end up, if I am follow the proper course. It’s just been a nagging question for me though: Is me wanting to be comfortable in my skin, after all is said & done, a fear? Maybe. *shrug* I’m just still feeling my way around it. The only think I DO know, is that I’ll be a lot better off THERE (185#)…than I am HERE (305#). *I’ll drink to that* Reality dictates that some folks just ain’t meant to be “thin”, no matter how hard they work at it. I’ve made my peace with that. But I would also like to be at peace with where my final weight will be after all is said and done. Having numerous friends who have had various types of WLS… each with different end-results (some feeling like they didn’t lose enough – some who felt they lost too much)…one thing is certain: I can’t (and won’t) try to predict what I’ll look like in a year or even 2 from now. I will just do what I’m supposed to do, and honor my commitment to myself & my family to be eat healthy, think healthy, live healthy…BE HEALTHY. Whatever weight, whatever size. I’m I the only one that has ever had these concerns? What say you?

Happy Friday All! :thumbup: I?ve been on VST for a few days now, and must say that the wealth of information, candor, and just over all good vibe I?ve received has been a blessing. I have noticed though, that a lot of folks didn?t opt to tell anyone about their surgery ( except maybe close family, friends). I almost feel like I?m the crazy one for blogging my journey (but I?ve always been a serial blogger ? so why not this experience) and even discussing it with my supervisor at work. Thing is ? for me ? my verbal diarrhea of sorts ? when it?s come to my decision to have this surgery, has proved to be a tremendous blessing. In my candor ? I have come across at least 20 or more people (real life friends, online friends, and fellow bloggers) who are in the same boat. Some have had WLS surgery in the past, some are going thru the process now (with 5 people who will have all had/will be having WLS surgery w/in 3 or 4 months of me), and some are just starting the pre-approval process. This has proved to be an AMAZING support system, that I didn?t even realize I needed. In addition ? I only told my bosslady because I didn?t know how disrupted my schedule would become w/all of the doc?s visits & such, not to mention the emotional roller coaster I?ve been on and probably will be on for some time. Come to find out ? SHE had WLS (GB) almost 2 years ago! :w00t: Not only odes she look so amazing that I didn't have a glue - she has been extreamly supportive and understanding ? and has offered up some of the most candid and helpful information I could have ever asked for. Granted, I know not everyone?s life is an open book. And we are all entitled to our privacy. Just in my case ? my opening up has proved to be a way to get others to open up?and thus far ? the past 5 months I have met some amazing people (online-turned-real life), heard some amazing stories, and look forward to some amazing results. I want to also thank those on this forum for being so forthright with information. It is greatly helping those of us who have not yet been over the threshold to understand what is coming, and all that we have to look forward to. In addition ? the Success Stories threads and pictures, get me emotional & teary-eyes EVERY time I read one. Like, I can hardly believe that at some point - *I* will be the one with a success story to share. Shoot ? I?m getting misty just typing this!! You guy?s are the cat?s meow. Really. And looking forward to many more dialogs in the future. BEST OF LUCK TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!

Context is definately everything. I have a very low-profile job in a small office of 4 folx - so it's a totally different thing for me. I blog for release thru the pen - so it's no matter who reads what I have to say, if any one at all. My thought process in my post was more directed to those with concerns about what others may say/think about the situation. At this point in my life, I just don't care. I'm a gov't minion & small biz owner, so no one cares about my life enough to gossip about it *lol* Again - everyone's journey is different. I've just found far more support than I could have imagined. There will always be someone w/something negative to say - but that's the case in every area of life, not just with my WLS journey. All the best!

*this is a copy & paste from something I posted today so I don't have to retype* I’ve been on VST for a few days now, and must say that the wealth of information, candor, and just over all good vibe I’ve received has been a blessing. I have noticed though, that a lot of folks didn’t opt to tell anyone about their surgery ( except maybe close family, friends). I almost feel like I’m the crazy one for blogging my journey (but I’ve always been a serial blogger – so why not this experience) and even discussing it with my supervisor at work. Thing is – for me – my verbal diarrhea of sorts – when it’s come to my decision to have this surgery, has proved to be a tremendous blessing. In my candor – I have come across at least 20 or more people (real life friends, online friends, and fellow bloggers) who are in the same boat. Some have had WLS surgery in the past, some are going thru the process now (with 5 people who will have all had/will be having WLS surgery w/in 3 or 4 months of me), and some are just starting the pre-approval process. This has proved to be an AMAZING support system, that I didn’t even realize I needed. In addition – I only told my bosslady because I didn’t know how disrupted my schedule would become w/all of the doc’s visits & such, not to mention the emotional roller coaster I’ve been on and probably will be on for some time. Come to find out – SHE had WLS (GB) almost 2 years ago! Not only odes she look so amazing that I didn't have a glue - she has been extreamly supportive and understanding – and has offered up some of the most candid and helpful information I could have ever asked for. Granted, I know not everyone’s life is an open book. And we are all entitled to our privacy. Just in my case – my opening up has proved to be a way to get others to open up…and thus far – the past 5 months I have met some amazing people (online-turned-real life), heard some amazing stories, and look forward to some amazing results. I want to also thank those on this forum for being so forthright with information. It is greatly helping those of us who have not yet been over the threshold to understand what is coming, and all that we have to look forward to. In addition – the Success Stories threads and pictures, get me emotional & teary-eyes EVERY time I read one. Like, I can hardly believe that at some point - *I* will be the one with a success story to share. Shoot – I’m getting misty just typing this!! You guy’s are the cat’s meow.:thumbup: Really. And looking forward to many more dialogs in the future. BEST OF LUCK TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!