wiredshut

Dear Becky, Boy do I understand about the hunger! Mine is head hunger, but it's just as destructive and disheartening. I hit 50 pounds yesterday and should have had a fabulous day, but didn't. Last night I felt sad, overwhelmed and angry, too. I'm so busy taking care of everyone else, that I'm exhuasted. So last night, I had my first binge and NOTHING came back, so I guess I need another fill and it's not even a week since my first. I was up all night, not in physical discomfort, but so ashamed of myself, so upset that I slipped and so sad overall. The healthiest thing I did was come here to "write" this morning. I wish I could have done that last night, but now that my parents each have their own bedrooms and my grandson has the third, the computer is in our master bedroom and I couldn't wake hubby. He's got a huge board meeting and is dealing with own "stuff" right now. With everyone here, I went from a four bedroom house to a one bedroom!!!!! Well, I'm going to take everyone's advice. I am going to throw away a lot of food today. Although last night I would have eaten ANYTHING! I've already had a talk with my husband today about needing more help around the house and I plan to come here as often as possible today to get me over this hump. Thans for being there. It's really nice to be able to get "hugs" when you need them. Love, Ellen If it's OK, I'm not going to change my ticker. I put on one pound overnight; I'm hoping to take it off SOON!

Dear Lori, I am so happy for you! What an amazing day and what a beautiful daughter you have! Those are the kinds of days we put in our memory bank and take out whenever we want to smile! XL - WOW! I want to be there too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can picture you now and it's kind of nice to "see" you. Have another GREAT day. Love, Ellen

Janet, I can't tell you don't be nervous about the commercial, because I think "nervous" is a perfectly appropriate emotion for doing something you've never done before. On a psychological level, I don't know if you're the kind of person who finds it hard to accept praise, so on top of a very new and very public experience you are getting tons of praise, which may or may not be hard to take. One last thing this commercial may bring up and that is accountability - to the world! It's a fantastic tool, but for me it would also be scarey one. So, I'm going to say, "Don't worry," even though you will. Also, I have a funny feeling that the producers will script it or they'll ask you a few questions and "guide" you along the way. If it'll make you feel better, call and ask so you can be prepared. If you speak anywhere near as well as you write, you will be FABULOUS! Love, Ellen

Good Morning!!!!!!!!! Hubby left really early, so I get to use the computer today. The fill and all that walking at Disneyland worked! I hit 50 pounds today!!!!! I'm not jumping for joy yet, but I am feeling this tremendous sense of relief that I am finally in the game. I've lost 8 pounds since the fill last Wed. morning. I know it's Water weight, but that's fine. As I've said in the past, just seeing the scale move is uplifting. So it's : 210 -at my heaviest in Jan. 184 -12 days before surgery July 9th 174 -on the day of surgery, July 21st, after being "emptied" out 160 -today. The doctor counts the weight loss from his presurgical visit, so he would say I've lost 24 pounds in 9 weeks and 5 days. Let's call it 10 weeks. It's still 2.4 pounds a week. It's still 50 pounds in my book, even if my weight went up and down during August and the first week in September. With all these statistics, I am feeling obsessive compulsive. I need to STOP calculating and just get on the scale periodically. I was feeling so guilty about not losing enough after surgery. My next goal is the strange number of 153. That's the weight I was at the Dr. Phil show when I met Lori and fit into a couple of nice outfits that I still own. Janet, thanks for sharing those pictures of yourself. Not only are you thinner now, and certainly younger looking, too, you look healthier and happier. Weight loss makes such a difference in how we look, inside and out. You're brave to share them, brave to travel this road and a hero to us all. Kathy, I'm not sure how I feel about the fill. Even though I've lost, I don't know how much restriction there is. I'm too scared to try it out, but I have a feeling that I need more and the minute I "slip," I'm afraid I'll be able to eat more than I should. Becky, Janet's right. 7 pounds in a month is good. We beat ourselves up over statistics, as you see above, when the truth is, before this journey, I could put 7 pounds on in a weekend. Will talk to you all later. Have to run to take care of my Grandson, then have to return to take care of my parents. Somewhere in there I swear I am going to have to find time to take care of me. Since I can't walk for 6 hours a day at Disneyland, I've got to do something and I haven't found that "something" yet. Love, Ellen P.S. Janet, those little nervous breakdowns were head issues that I had to confront, since I couldn't eat them away! IT WAS HARD! IT WAS NEW! IT WAS SCAREY! I was sad, angry, petulant, tired and a mix of every other emotion I used to stuff down. UGH!

Hi Janet, OK, here are my favorites: Group 1 - #1 Group 2 - #1 On a personal note, I LOVE black and white. It just seems so sophisticated. You have the same coloring as my daughter and she looks great in black and white, too. Love, Ellen

Lori, YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL!!!! I do battle with that kind of thinking too often. I just hope that I can "grow up" to think like you, Janet and some of the others on the board. Love, Ellen

Janet, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! You are a true star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love, Ellen

Lori, Way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dr. Phil would be proud of your dealing with "right thinking." LOL! Love, Ellen

Tina, my daughter went to college in CT and they had a lot of good Y's there, some of them with full service gyms. Some of the gyms here are so overpriced, it's ridiculous. We've got a new one not far from us that's $10,000 a year to join!!! Good luck. Love, Ellen

Janet, Wow! You are lucky that you didn't break something. Hubby would say, "Keep the ice on." He's a weekend warrior and is still hitting the basketball courts, as if he were a teenager. I have no room in my freezer for food. It's filled with ice packs, ready for any and all injuries! Charlene, my thoughts and prayers are with you and everyone in the storm area. Please stay safe. Thanks for the support, everyone. I've really needed it. Your love allays my fears and gives me strength. Thank you soooooooo much. It's been a hard two days. I've lost weight in the 36 hours since the fill, which I know is Water weight, but watching the scale move is invigorating. Kathy, how are you feeling? You just had your first fill, too. I AM, however, definitely in mourning over the loss of my ability to "use and abuse" food. There is a sadness in me that is hard to explain. I'm hoping that I reach a place where I start getting high on how I look and feel - and that those feelings will take over. As for the clothes issue that everyone's discussing, - Becky you started me thinking: so much food for thought!!! When I lost weight on the Dr. Phil program, he kept telling everyone to get rid of the bigger clothes. I didn't. I couldn't. Sadly, I ended up needing them again. This time I feel pretty much the same way. I'm still not as thin as I was back then (about 10 pounds away) which still leaves me PLENTY overweight. A lot of my clothes are now too big but I haven't even removed them from my closet. This is all so new. I guess I have to have a little more faith in this process and in myself. That's another thing that's hard to do. Lori, I did pack up that red jacket that I wore to the first Dr. Phil show the year before I met you. When I told him that I didn't want to be noticed, he said, "Then why did you wear red?!!!" I guess I did want him to notice me; I wanted him to perform a miracle. I think I'm a little smarter this time; I have to be the one who's the miracle maker, me and this band that's now inside me! Well, I think I've run on long enough. sleep well. Love, Ellen P.S. Lori, did you watch the two Dr. Phil Weight Loss Challenge shows? Did anyone else? I taped them, but haven't had a chance to watch. Just wondering what everyone thought.

HI Friends, Well, I'm home and it wasn't bad at all. The Dr. put 3.5 cc into my size 9 band. I'm not sure what that's going to mean in terms of restriction, but I'll find out in a few days. He wants me on liquids for 3 days, then mushies, then soft foods, so it's going to be a long weekend. I must admit that I'm still scared and I haven't even had much to drink today, because of it. Have to write again later, since a computer expert is here to fix my hubby's computer and he's going to shut me down. I'll write again as soon as he's done. How much can I eat after a fill like that? Love, Ellen

Hi Friends, Tomorrow's the day for my first fill and I'm still as nervous as can be. I haven't been around the board much this past weekend, because we held a 60th birthday party for my brother and it turned out to be a great family reunion. Lots of activity. Hope everyone's well. After this, I'm going to go back and read all the posts I missed. I should have been so content with all the excitement here, but somehow my head hunger was AWFUL! I've been going up and down the same few pounds the last few weeks, so I'm looking forward to the help the fill will provide. Like I said, I'm still scared to death. How long were you on liquids and mushies after your fills? It seems like it's different for everyone. (I think I asked this question once before, so please forgive my repetitiveness!!!) Talk to you soon. Love, Ellen

HI Laura, I agree with all those who say, "Keep Calling." My daughter is a doctor and she has two thoughts about this. 1)They SHOULD call back and you have every right to expect they should. 2)Surgeons' offices are often, not always, but often, notorious for having a bit less bedside manner with their patients, than other doctors'. My thoughts: 1) I expect a response within 48 hours for questions asked before surgery and within 24 afterwards. 2) There are some doctors who have amazing reputations for doing this type of surgery; their bedside manners are horrible and some patients, like my son-in-law, was willing to sacrifice bedside manner for this particular doctor's great abilities. 3) I am not. I need both. 4) With my diabetes and with my lap band, I have learned more HERE and on the ADA Type 2 forums than anywhere else. Laura, you have choices. Decide on what's important, on what you need and ask for it. You aren't having your tonsils out; you are changing your whole way of life and you want support. Some of it you will get here; some of it you will need from your doctor. Good Luck and Stay Strong. Love, Ellen

CONGRATULATIONS, LORI!!!!!! You have to be so happy. I am jumping for joy for you!!! :teeth_smile:(which should take another pound off me, since jumping IS exercise!) I'm having my first fill on Wednesday and am scared to death! Any advice. I've kind of gotten used to eating the way I'm eating. I feel like I did before surgery. I don't know what's in store for me and I'm petrified of the change that's about to take place!!!! :shades_smile: I did learn something last night. I'm having a 60th birthday party for my brother this weekend. Last night 17 family members came for a special family dinner and I "tasted" some of the foods, even a few carbs. Well, I lost a pound today. What does that say? Not, eat more, but exercise like crazy, because I've been doing a lot of running, moving and hard work for this party tonight, more exercise than I've had in a long time. If I "move," I might even be able to eat! I love you all. Ellen

Dear Janet, Thank you for the advice and thank you for the love. I don't know what I'd do without you and the wonderful people here. Love, Ellen

HI! Thank you all so much for your advice and support yesterday. I was so depressed and I actually didn't feel well physically either, so your words meant all the more to me. Even my blood sugar shot up, which hasn't happened since before surgery. The scale went down 3 pounds today, which goes to show that I have to stop weighing myself everyday. My fasting blood sugar was133, still high, even after being back on liquid Protein yesterday. Instead of the scale, I need to concentrate on what I'm eating and trying to find the right balance between not too much and not too little... (easier said than done) Is there anywhere I can go to find sample daily menus? I can use all the help I can get right now. I still need to increase my exercise, so I guess it's time to join curves or just take some long walks. I think I'm just plain pooped from taking care of everyone. In fact, today we were all supposed to go to a friend's for a bbq, which would have basically given me most of the day off. My children and my parents both would have had others to keep them busy and I could have socialized with friends. Well, hubby's sister and her entire family had no place to go, so he nixed our plans and invited EVERYONE here. I could have and should have put my foot down, but I didn't. In another life, that would have meant eating a whole bag of potato chips and anything else in sight!!!! Now I have to deal with my feelings instead and that includes the angry ones, too!!!! It's hard being a whole new person emotionally. It's amazing what food or limiting food can do! Happy Labor Day!!! I'll check in again later. Love, Ellen

I went to weigh myself after a full week being on solids and I put on 5 pounds! I feel like I want to crawl into bed and just cry! I know I'm constipated and that has something to do with it. (Haven't gone in a week.) But 5 pounds seems like so much in one week. I found a little ramekin in my house and it holds between 1/2 and 2/3 cup of food. That's what I use for my meals. Since I'm still considering myself to be diabetic, I'm watching my carbs like crazy. What happened? I'm so depressed. Help!!!!! Love, Ellen Today I went back on Isopure, which isn't the answer. HELP!

I'm on a high Protein, low carb diet now, because that's what I was on before my surgery, when I had this rude awakening that I had become a diabetic. I had finally done enough damage to my body, that any auto-immune deficiencies and any genetic predisopositions were kicked into high gear and I was now a member of the club I didn't want to join, Type 2 Diabetics. My doctor suggested diet and exercise first, since he knew I was going for the lap band surgery and he felt I could get this "somewhat" under control that way. What was interesting was that the ONLY diet that got it under control was a low carb diet and for me that meant few carbs before noon and only 15- 30 for lunch and dinner and only 15 for my afternoon snack. Sure enough my bg started to come down and so did my weight. My blood sugar is much better now that I've had surgery, am eating less and weigh less, but I am STILL a diabetic. I will ALWAYS be a diabetic. I might control it better; I might manage it better, but those little beta cells in my pancreas have been damaged beyond repair and to save the few I have left, I need to low-carb it forever. Sure, my numbers are better and if I cheat and my blood sugar spikes, it is spiking from a lower number than before. The meter reading may not be as scarey, but truth be told, it's still a spike; it's still going up more than a non-diabetic, even though the numbers look better on the screen. I can't speak for everyone, but for me, an Atkins-type diet saved my vision and kept me from having to go on insulin. Now hopefully losing the rest of the weight and exercising more will take me the rest of the way. I will never have a baked potato again, because my numbers still go up 40 points afterwards. I can only take certain allergy medications, because some make me go up 50 points. The final number may "look" like it's normal, but it's the spiking that does the damage. So for me it's low carb all the way!!!! I'd love to hear from other diabetics who have been banded. Thanks for letting me vent. Ellen

HI, You are doing amazingly well! I was banded the same day and am going through the same things. My first fill is 9/10 and I am counting the MINUTES. How much of your weight have you lost post surgery? Just wondering? Ellen

Dear Janet, Thank you for spending so much time on your messages. Yes, I do need a fill and yes, I need to take everything you wrote and read and re-read it, because there is so much to think about. This journey is one like I've never been on. Yes, I've dieted before, but never like this. The band is not only a tool to lose weight, but an instrument to help in my personal growth. When I want to eat, I HAVE to think about what that really means. Maybe 62 isn't too old to grow up! Janet, you are so wise and I know that we all keep saying thanks to you and I hope you know how sincere those words are. Tonight I'm going to say a prayer of thanks for finding you and the wonderful people on this board, people who understand, who aren't judgemental, who want to succeed... It's amazing! Thank you and God Bless. Love, Ellen Getthin: Boy, do I understand!

Dear Harmonygirl, Me! About 8 months ago, I took my grandson to Fo Fo Figley's. It's a huge indoor warehouse of activities for kids of all ages. There's a fire engine to climb on, slides to go down, blocks to build with, basketball courts of all sizes and a huge 3 story climbing structure in the middle. Well, grandson said he wanted to go down the BIG slide and I thought for a moment (not long enough), "Well, I can climb up there with him!!" Yes, I could climb UP, but I forgot about going DOWN! As I was sliding down with him, I realized that this was NOT going to end well. And sure enough, I landed hard, pushing the bottom of my foot in such a way that it impacted my knee and I tore the meniscus. (This on top of already having arthritis!) To say the least, "I was in agony." For months I walked on crutches and the doctor wanted to do surgery. All I could think of was, "Who's going to take care of my parents and grandson?" Of course, I came last in my mind. To make a long story short, the doctor also let it slip that if I lost weight, I might not need the surgery and I might not be in pain. Guess what? Guess who's walking without crutches and without pain!!? This doesn't mean the arthritis is totally gone or that the meniscus is healed, but it does mean that the inevitable has been put off for some time to come. Your aren't alone in your journey and my orthopedist will tell you that losing weight is the best thing you can do to alleviate your pain. Good Luck. Ellen

Lori, I thought of the exact same thing. I just wore a black suit, (sadly to a funeral) that I haven't worn since I sore you last!!!!! Congratulations. Hope the rash gets better soon. Love, Ellen

Hi, You're right, Janet. Lack of posting doesn't mean we're all having great days. For some reason, I'm having a few really tough ones. I haven't had a fill yet and thought I might not need one. Don't know if having a fill is going to change the head hunger, which is what's driving me crazy right now. I've been trying to write a lot, so that I can get my feelings out on paper, rather than eat them away, and I know I still need to increase my exercise. I guess the miracle that I wanted was not to "think" about food for the rest of my life and that's pretty unrealistic. So here I am at the computer, in between trying to make my parents' 64th anniversary a special day and taking care of my 3 year old grandson, who has no school and no camp all this week. I wanted to take my parents to lunch or dinner, but they don't feel like going anywhere. They're tired and tonight they want to watch the democratic convention. So here we are! I'm telling myself to take deep breaths and just try to relax. Somehow it's not working! Any advice?!? Love, Ellen