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HI All, Getting to the board was h-a-r-d today. My old bookmark didn't work and somehow it was really difficult finding this site. Hope it gets easier. I started keeping my food journal again today. I'm a bit tired of being in the same place, so I need to be more vigilant. Had to postpone my fill, because of my father's illness, but they took pity of me and gave me an appointment in two weeks. I think if they hadn't been helpful after I told them my father had a TIA, I would have gone down there and picketed. So far today has been filled with giving my mother a shower, making them Breakfast, making doctors' appointments for my family and catching up on paper work. It's amazing how quickly life goes back to normal after a vacation. BUT somehow I am going to fit in some exercise today. I don't know how or when, but I will. Janet, how do you get up at that hour? It sounds like you are really enjoying your days. Nice. Talk to you all later. Love, Ellen

Hi!!!!!!!!! We just got back from a long overdue vacation. After posting, I'll go back and read about all that's gone on here for the last week, but I wanted to say, "Hi," first. Thank you all for your good wishes and prayers for my father. It's as though he never had the TIA at all, thank heaven. We're very lucky. Our vacation had been scheduled for a whole year and if he hadn't improved, we would have stayed home, but my brother came into town, took over and we finally had a week away. Hawaii was amazing and resting was an absolute novelty. I haven't gotten on the scale yet, but I think I gained a few pounds, but I bet not more than that. And I bet half of that was more from my hurting my lower back and not being able to use the gym. I did, however, learn that I do have some restriction after all!!!! Well, I'm going to read what's been going on here; then I'll unpack and try to figure out what to do for my back. See you later. Love, Ellen

Welcome back, Janet. We missed you - lots! I sent this note this morning, typed a whole message and then it disappeared into cyberspace. I have to remember to keep saving my messages if they're long. Life has been a mixture of ups and downs, but surprisingly my food is OK. Spent the last two days running from doctor to doctor, then to the hospital and then back to different doctors. It looks like my 93 year old father had a TIA, a temporary ischemic attack, I think is what they call it, a type of mini-stroke. His symptoms have abated and except for a bit of slowness in his reaction time, he's back to where he was before the incident. I can't believe how this has thrown me. I was so frightened, I can't even begin to explain it. My parents have lived with us for two years and although I knew that problems would lie ahead, I was totally unprepared emotionally. At first I wanted to binge and then ironically, food became irrelevant. I am at my lowest weight today, 51 pounds, instead of the 50 on my ticker. A slow loss, but my loss, none the less. Hope everyone is doing well. I'll write again later. Love, Ellen

Thank you all for your support. It's been kind of rough lately, but coming here has cheered me up. I also was lucky enough to speak with someone who is also losing slowly. I realize now that I am not alone on this journey. I guess I started out looking for a miracle that would do it all for me. Now I know that I have to put in my own good share of hard work as well. Have a nice evening. Talk to you all again soon. Love, Ellen

I can't believe I just found this board. Today I decided that I needed to spend more time on the various forums. I need HELP and I live too far from the hospital where I had my surgery to attend the support groups there. It is so inspiring to read about everyone's losses and about how hard you are all working. I needed to hear that. Here are my stats: Last March, I weighed about 210. I figured out I was probably diabetic and that scared me enough to switch to an Atkins type of diet to bring my blood glucose down. It worked. On July 9th, when I saw the surgeon, I was 184. On July 21st, I was banded. I weighed 174 that day, after being "emptied out" the night before. My surgeon only has you do a day of pre-op. So all in all, I lost about 36 pounds before the surgery. Today, October 20th, 3 months later, I weigh 159, 15 pounds less than the day of surgery, 25 pounds less than what I weighed at the pre-op appointment. That's a loss of only 25 pounds in 3 months, total. Needless to say, I am depressed. I have only had 1 fill and I called BEGGING for another, but the doctor was away at a conference and then away on vacation etc. etc. etc.... I feel like I can eat anything and everything, which makes me so sad. My next fill is November 5th and I can't wait. I guess I shouldn't be that unhappy. I have lost 51 pounds in all and only have 34 more to go, but it hasn't been because of the band. I could use some cheering up and some hugs right now. Any advice would be so appreciated. Ellen

HI All, I just got back from a day and a half away with hubby. I can't believe that we actually got away, just the two of us!!!! It was great, all too short, but great to feel like I didn't have to be a full time caregiver. We went to Big Bear Lake, just two and a half hours from here. The mountains were beautiful; the lake was peaceful, my food was what it should be and we took long walks, which gave me the exercise I so desparately need. I've got to learn a lesson from this weekend, about caring for myself!!! Not an easy lesson to learn at my age. Lori, you are staying at or near your 75 pound loss. Everything that went on with your parents would probably have provoked a weight gain in the past, but you didn't do that. Be proud, my friend. Stand up and be plenty proud!!!!! And give yourself even more credit, because you are so right on about dealing with the feelings that we normally would have stuffed down in the past. It's like we are small children, learning all over again how to deal with the world and it isn't easy. It isn't easy at all!!!!! But you are doing it! You are realizing it! A few choices doesn't mean you are caving in; it doesn't mean someone else has power over you. It just means you are human. We go forward; we go back - a little, but we keep going forward and that's just what you're doing! Right on, my friend. Love, Ellen

Dear Becky, I am in your position and I feel exactly the way you do. NO, I am NOT asking that the band do EVERYTHING!!!! However, I DO expect the Dr. to provide fills that provide the type of restriction I read about here, restriction that "helps" me on this journey. I feel that I can eat everything and anything, which is where I was when I lost the 30-35 pounds BEFORE the surgery. And Cedars billed my insurance company over $50,000 for this surgery, so I ABSOLUTELY feel that I shouldn't have to wait two months for my second fill, especially after the first did NOTHING. I am sad and frustrated. The only thing I am grateful for is that I am gaining and losing ONLY 3 -5 pounds. It could be more; but it's not the band that's helping me, at all. I tried taking Janet's advice and calling to ask for a more timely fill, but no luck. And it wasn't the insurance co. that was putting me off, it was the doctor. He had a vacation, a conference, too many bookings, etc. I ABSOLUTELY expected more support!!! I am so sad, I could just cry; in fact, I have cried - a lot!!! Love, Ellen

Dear Phyl, Please tell Janet that I am thinking of her and sending my thoughts and prayers her way. She has been such a help to so many. I just hope that the love we all feel for her provides a small bit of comfort at this time. Love, Ellen

Be well and enjoy the ride. Love, Ellen

Dear Gail, I am so sorry for your loss. You are right. It doesn't matter if it was expected, you still lost your mother and that is a painful, sad loss. I am glad that you can take comfort in the fact that she is at peace and that you had those final few moments with her. Please know that you are being thought of and that love is being sent your way. Ellen

Hi Charlene, I can't answer about staying on liquids after an episode like yours, but my son-in-law gave me Papaya enzyme tablets in case I ever need them. He uses them when things get stuck. They are supposed to help with digestion. Hope you feel better today! Love, Ellen

Good Morning! I'm starting my day off here to say, "HI," and to check in so that I watch my food, exercise and do whatever I need to to help my "not working band" and my life and myself. So once again, "Good Morning.!" I'm going to have Isopure for Breakfast, just to get myself back on track. Also, maybe the band is working a "bit" because I woke up with some discomfort in my midsection. Maybe that's a sign I ate too much yesterday and I just have to start reading my body. Have a great day! Ellen

Last question: Does anyone have problems with sleep? (other than sleep apnea) I thought that now that I was exercising, if even a little and eating better, if even a little, that I would find it easier falling asleep at night. Thanks again.

Forgive me for all these posts and questions. I promise to log off soon. Question: What are your feelings about caffein? I'm off of it, but I still feel a bit groggy in the morning. Just wondering. Thanks.

Joann, thanks for the info. Even with the 50 pound weight loss AND a serious of artificial synovial (don't know if that spelling is correct or not) I am starting to feel pain in my right knee again. I don't want to stop exercising and it's getting chilly, so swimming is not going to be an easy alternative. I think I'm going to go to a store and try out the elliptical and the recumbant bike. Thanks again. Love, Ellen

Thank you soooooooooo much for this message. I really needed to hear your words. Your story is my story and I bet the story of a great many women here. I hid from the mirror; I isolated myself; I served and still serve everyone else in my family. It is time for me and it is time for me to stop feeling guilty about that. The word "balance" comes to mind. I really want to find "balance!" I read your stats and they are amazing. You've lost over 40 pounds since your surgery. I am still struggling with the fact that I lost more before my surgery than afterwards and although I've called and called, I still can not get another fill until Nov. 5th. I know everyone says it's worse to be filled too much rather than too little, but right now I would really love to feel "some" restriction. I am doing battle from day to day, without the help of the band, and beside its being "hard to do," it's making me frustrated as well. I think it's time for another walk. Those endorphins have to kick in at some point!!!! Love, Ellen

OK! Walked 19 minutes and 36 seconds up and down the hill to my house. Since you have to be part mountain goat to get up and down my street, I am sufficiently proud, which is an absolutely new feeling for me. I was always taught that it was selfish and self-centered to be proud of yourself, not exactly a healthy way to be brought up, to say the least. Well, maybe this change in lifestyle has room for my actually feeling like it's OK to feel proud, that I just might be worth doing something for myself and that I can forge ahead on this journey. Thank you, everyone. Love, Ellen

Kathy, are you really not worried? I'm starting to get depressed about it. I could use some cheering up! Love, Ellen

Janet, just a quick question. Was it the workout that bothered your knees? The treadmill? The eliptical? I thought the eliptical was supposed to be easier on the knees. I'm looking to purchase "something" and my knees aren't the greatest. Any suggestions. Love, Ellen

So many things happening here, I don't know where to begin. First: Gail, I am so sorry for your loss. My daughter, now 35, is an only child and she was my 5th pregnancy. Sadly there are women who are prone to miscarriages and we are some of them. There are things at play here for you OTHER than the lap band. I have a wonderful friend who gave birth while she was banded. I am sure that there are many stories like hers. As you said, this pregnancy was not viable. Please rest and be well. I bet there are good things in store for you. Next: LORI, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 70 POUNDS!!!! You have to feel absolutely amazing. I am so happy for you. I wish I could see you, since I knew what you once looked like. I do miss you so much. I'm still trying to find a support group in my area, but so far I haven't had much luck. I just can't travel all the way to Cedars every week, what with taking care of my parents and my grandchild. I did make myself a promise, however. I have a friend who is now suffering from empty nest syndrome. Well, sort of empty nest syndrome. Her mother-in-law came to live with her, but she fortunately has full time help. Well, this friend said that now that her three daughters are off to college, med-school, etc. that she was going to take care of herself!!!! She started going to the gym 3 hours a day. Now there is no way I am going anywhere for 3 hours a day, but she made me think that if I don't decide NOW that it's time for me, that I never will. Soooooooooooo, it's time for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am signing off and going for a walk! I love you all. Ellen

So sorry that I haven't been around. I've had so much family here the last few weeks that I haven't had a minute for myself. I promise to give myself the gift of getting here today and reading all the posts I missed. My weight's pretty much the same and I feel little to no restriction. I tried to get an earlier fill, but they couldn't fit me in, which really upsets me. This surgery cost a fortune and I do expect a bit more personal attention. (even if my insurance did cover it!) Two months between fills, beause my doctor's got a conference makes me feel abandoned. At least my weight is the same, but that's not good enough. I think I'll try the Dr.'s office again. There's a whole team of doctors there. And I defiitely need a fill. I did have one majore success story. Although my weight didn't change, I tried on a suit that I had in my closet. I wore it a few weeks ago, but couldn't button it. Tuesday I was able to button it, with its even pulling! Wish the scale would change though. Talk to you all soon. Love, Ellen

Lori, congratulations on your weekend!!!! "Keeping up" and doing things like that are exactly the reasons I had the lap band surgery. It wasn't vanity, although I wish it were - even a little - but it was so that I could m-o-v-e! YOU DID IT!!!! Becky, you are doing such an amazing job and I'm envious of the "right choices" you are making. I have a question, if you don't mind. Are you starving because you are physically hungry or are you head hungry? I'm still doing battle with the head hunger and I haven't found a way to tame it yet. The fill did very little, if anything, although after overeating yesterday, I was in a little bit of pain, which I actually think was good for me. Maybe I'll wait a little before I eat too much again. I haven't PB'd or slimed or anything. (Is that the right terminology? What does PB mean anyway?) Janet, Mia, thank you for your e-mails. They are dealing with exactly where I'm at right now. I've read them once and am going back to read them again!!!!!! I think I really did expect that this band would be the perfect miracle and as you say, Janet, it's a tool. We have to work the miracle. I'm still trying. Love, Ellen

Lori, I just had my fill a week ago and I'm feeling very, very, very little restriction. I put in a call to the doctor, because I am sooooooo afraid of losing my momentum. He put in 3 to 4 cc's, which should have been good in my size 9 band, but I guess not. I really want to find that sweet spot already, because I really, really need the help. Ellen

Dear Janet, Thank you soooooooooooooo much for this chart. I've been looking for someting like this. I guess it's the ocd part of me, but your chart is a healthy way to go. Thanks again. Love, Ellen

Dear Kathy, Janet's answer was amazing and so right on that I printed it out to have nearby for my bad moments.... First, yes, yes, yes, call the doctor. If the fill didn't work and your insurance company is the reason that you can't have a fill for another month, then most doctors and their office managers can fight for you and word the documentation in such a fashion as to get it through. They just have to be willing to fight for it. If it's the doctor himself who's saying you have to wait a month, then please listen to Janet and call, call, call. Either way, I'll bet anything that you will feel empowered if you get in there and do battle for yourself. Isn't that what we did by having the band surgery in the first place? We came to a place in our lives when we said that our health and our lives were worth fighting for. I wish I had the right words to make you feel better when you're fighting food. I do know that for me, coming here, even if it's a hundred times a day, helps me break the cycle. If I want to eat and I'm not hungry, then I come here. I truly believe that that night I had the binge, I would have eaten less if I could have logged on. I also know that I have to find additional ways to deal with my "hungerS." Janet's so right about a lifestyle change. Yes, watch food. Yes, exercise more. AND yes, deal with the feelings. For me that's the hardest. Please know that I'm thinking of you. Love, Ellen P.S. You're not whining. You're being real.