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LoseIt!

LAP-BAND Patients
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Blog Entries posted by LoseIt!

  1. LoseIt!
    I had a wonderful Christmas vacation with friends and family. I'm so fired up for my pre-op diet (starting Jan. 12th) and my surgery (Jan. 27th)!!
     
    I see my parents several times a year, but I only see my brother's family 2-3 times a year. In 2009 we went to Disney World in January, but then I didn't see them again until September. So seeing them again in December seemed quick, plus I stayed over a week!
     
    I had planned to tell my (adorable, thin, runner, supportive, wonderful) sister-in-law about my surgery, but when I got up there I just decided to wait. I felt sure that she would be supportive, but I wasn't sure how my brother would react and mostly I just didn't want to bring it up.
     
    All was fine, but I guess I never told my mom that I wasn't going to say anything. I'm not exactly sure of the conversation, but she indicated to my SIL that I had something to tell her. I told her that she could just tell her and so she did. I was alone in the car with SIL yesterday before I left and she asked me about it. She was lovely and wonderfully supportive. **The Shocking Part** My brother is a good brother, but he is not always the nicest of guys. He is an atheletic popular type and people just LOVE him. He can be very mean, but then gets mad when you call him on it. One day he was just so grumpy that I left the house. I'm sure it was just having us all around, but gees...deal, we do. Most of the time he was great, so a blip every once in a while is fine. I'm sure I get on his nerves too, so there you go. Anyway, he took me to the airport yesterday and was very nice. When we stopped, he went to the back of the car to help me with my luggage. He hugged me and said "Good luck with your procedure. We'll be thinking of you." That was huge, people. I mean...just huge.
     
    My SILs sister is having a baby in March and we were sitting around the living room talking about baby names. We started teasing about what I would name my baby. My 6 year old niece got so excited because she thought I was pregnant. She was jumping around and said..."That's why you're so fff..." I smiled and laughed and said "..fat? No, we are just teasing." My SIL was slightly mortified, but I took it in stride.
     
    The most horrific moment of the trip was when I got on the plane to come back. The seatbelt didn't fit. I had one on the way that fit with spare room. I feel confident that I didn't gain that much over the week, but it didn't matter. Maybe it was a different kind of plane. I asked the guy attendent and he was super nice and quiet about it. I think if this would have happened before I had made my decisions and plans, I would have broken down. Instead, I let myself get teary eyed for a few minutes, then I just let it go. It is just another not-so-fun reminder that I have a plan that is right for me and things WILL change.
     
    28 days to surgery!!
  2. LoseIt!
    After 7 sinus infections in one year, last November I saw an allergist. It turned out that I was allergic to EVERYTHING! At least all seasonal allergies. Big bummer. So I started getting shots. At first it was 2-4 times a week which was tough to do, but I actually stuck with it.

    The shots were so effective for me that I didn't have another sinus infection until today. Although it totally stinks that I have one now, I think it is pretty cool that was able to put it off for a whole year.

    Now if I can just get through the next couple of days!! i have tickets to see South Pacific tonight and I'm not going to miss it. Getting up for work tomorrow will be the painful part.

    Have a great day, everyone!
  3. LoseIt!
    I attended my 2nd LB support group last night. Even though I'm not being banded until January, they are so inclusive and helpful.
     
    It is so wonderful to sit in a room with people that are going through, have gone through or will go through what I'm going through now. They also do things together outside of group, so it brings in a whole new social element.
     
    One of the veterns (she was banded in Dec 2008, met her goal of 84 lbs lost in July and has been maintaining since) gave me her phone number and email address just in case I have any questions that come up. I mean really...how sweet is that!?! She looks FABULOUS, by the way.
     
    I also met some girls my age and they seem fun to get to know. One of the girls talked about how she lost 150 pounds but then she had a band issue and had to empty it. She then went on a bender and gained 15 pounds before she was able to get back on track. 15 pounds?? I don't want to belittle what I'm sure was a difficult time for her, but I can gain 15 pounds over the holidays! It was another example to me how this can be such an effective tool, not only for weight LOSS, but especially for maintaining.
     
    No one, not even the girl with trouble, regretted or didn't like their band. There was a newbie, banded in late October, that was having a little trouble adjusting, but still willing to work at it.
     
    It is interesting how passionately people feel about the time prior to surgery (diet vs. pig out.) People certainly can argue adamantly one way or the other!!
     
    Bottom line is that I love my support group and plan to be a part of it for a long time!!
  4. LoseIt!
    I just read a whole bunch of posts from people who have had bad experiences with LB. There were studies sited and personal experiences shared. Sigh. Then there were people not being so nice to the posters. There are flat out denials, but then there is some compromise. Double sigh.
     
    I do understand that this is not magic. I understand that it will be up to me to make good food choices, to chew well, to exercise, and do all of the other things I need to do. I understand that I will need to listen to my body and trust my intincts.
     
    My biggest fear from what I was reading is that I will either feel no restriction or feel so restricted that I'm constantly throwing up. There were several people that had that experience and it scares me because the point of the LB is restriction, but too much is so unhealthy and counterproductive.
     
    My second biggest fear is that my stomach will erode around the band or that I will develop scar tissue on my liver and not realize it until a lot of damage has been done.
     
    I'm certainly not talking myself out of this, but it I can't say that it didn't dampen my spirits a bit this afternoon.
     
    I guess everyone faces the same thing. I am definitely not turned off by how much work it will be, but it is disheartening to think that I will do this, work hard and still could end up in a worse place.
     
    I prefer happy posts. :tongue2:
  5. LoseIt!

    Ailment Buster!

    By LoseIt!,

    This might not be a very fun blog entry to read, but I felt it was one I needed to write so I could see it for myself. I keep saying that I want to be healthy, so what does that mean to me? Once I wrote it, I looked at it before I posted it. Wow. I need this surgery. I need help so I can get and stay healthy. Thank you all for existing so I have somewhere to do this.
     
    SLEEP. About 5 years ago, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. Once I got used to my CPAP machine, I had the best nights of sleeping that I had in my life! Then I gained 40 lbs. It certainly didn't happen all at once, but it's like I noticed it all at once. I can feel that my machine is not effective any longer. I am exhausted all the time. I yawn constantly. I remember being like this before I got my machine. While I could go make appointments and get another sleep study and get it all changed (about 60-90 days), my hope is that in the next 3-4 months, I will lose the 25 or so lbs that will make the machine effective again. My ultimate goal would be to get off the machine altogether!!
     
    Acid Reflux. I take two Nexium a day. I have terrible reflux that my doctor has indicate would lessen considerably with weight loss. All the research I have seen indicates that people who suffer from acid reflux benefit greatly from the effects of the LB. I would love to be able to take only one a day with no flare ups. It would be super great if I didn't have to take it at all!
     
    Blood pressure & cholesterol. My blood pressure is mostly fine, but I had a period earlier this year when it was high. I took medication for one month and it seemed to lower and I was able to go off. My cholesterol is hovering near the elevated area. My goal is to NOT have to get on medication for these things!
     
    Skin. I've noticed that as the heavier I get the more issues I have with my skin. I know part of that is nutritional and that will help alone. Part of it is that I am less flexible and it is harder to clean and moisturize in every area. Gross and sad, but true. By being able to reach everything, and areas not being "lost" under flab rolls of skin, I think my overall skin will be much better!
     
    Feet. My feet hurt constantly. I honestly believe that I'm just trying to carry to much weight. I used to be able to exercise and then ice them, but I can't even do that anymore. I'm actually wearing flector patches during the day just so I can do normal walking. I should be at least able to do normal walking and low impact aerobics without ridiculous pain. I'm hoping for high impact aerobics, but I will settle for low if that is all I can get!
     
    Knees. In the last year, I noticed that as I exercised, my knees started to really hurt. No question in my mind that if I were carrying less weight, this would not be a problem at this point.
     
    Energy. I think this goes along with sleep, but since I'm not able to exercise, I just have no energy whatsoever. I'm sleeping 9-10 hours per night and it just doesn't feel like enough. I remember when I was exercising 7 hours per week. I was bouncing off the wall with energy!
     
    Anxiety. Yes, it would nice to be thin for looks. But mostly, I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. i didn't have any physical reactions to anxiety, but then I was like a volcano. I have it under control, but it would be nice to not have it at all. I feel that with weightloss, I will feel more comfortable and in control. With that, I feel that my anxiety will lessen.
     
    Comfort. Speaking of comfort, it would just be nice to be able to sit down in a chair and not be concerned if it is sturday enough. It would be nice to sit in a plane without being concerned that the person next to me is hating life because they are stuck next to a fat person. It would be nice for my nephews and neice to not innocently say things about how big/squishy/fat etc. their aunt is.
     
    I said to someone the other day, "The more you love yourself, the easier you are to love by those who love you." I believe that and I want to make it easier for my family and friends to love me. I want to LOVE myself. ALL of myself!!
     
    I am ready for my new life.
  6. LoseIt!

    Old Pictures...

    By LoseIt!,

    When I visited my surgeon, he said that he felt that with hard work, I shoud get to around 145 lbs. I laughed out loud...with disbelief and delight.
     
    I currently weigh around 275 which is more than my dad. And my dad is a hefty dude! I gained quite a few pounds this year, about 15-20 from quitting smoking and 5-10 from being lazy. My "normal" weight is around 250.
     
    My lowest point which I hovered around for a few months two different times (once in 2000 and the other in 2006) was 200. I felt downright hot at those points! I was wearing clothes from "normal" stores. I really felt that I looked good, but I just couldn't stay there.
     
    In college, I was right around the 200 mark as well. In high school, I remember lying on my driver's license that I was 155, but I was really 165-170. By the time I graduated, I think I was around 180. I found some high school sennior pics the other night that I have posted to this entry. I remember thinking that I was SO fat, but at this age, I think I look great!
     
    If I were to get to 175 (100 lbs. lost) and maintain it for the rest of my life, I think I could be quite content.
     
    But before I make that goal, I'm going to make the goal of the doctor's goal of 145. Maybe with the right help, confidence and focused work, I can get to that weight and maintain it.
     
    I'm willing to keep my mind open and set small goals as I go. I don't want to frustrate myself or set too lofty goals, but I also don't want to close my mind to an amazing possibilities.
     
    Shortterm goals for now...but the mind stays firmly open!!
  7. LoseIt!

    Psych up not out!

    By LoseIt!,

    I was having a very "is this really the right answer??" sort of day. I'm freaking out about the pre-op diet. I'm worried I won't be ready to come back to work when I need to. But most of all I feel fat. I stopped and thought about it and realized it has been almost 2 weeks since I posted to my blog. I realized that I just need to take some time and figure out what is REALLY bothering me.
     
    What is really bothering me is that I feel fat. I tried on a pair of fat pants this morning and they were too small. So I had to wear my fatter fat pants. Sigh. I feel guilty, because I should be eating better in anticipation of this life change, but so much of me wants the tastes of things that I'm going to have to give up. I know I can do this when it is time. I'm very good about sticking to it when I have made that decision. But I just can't get myself to do it now. That's when I realized it...I want to do this now. I want to do this so much and I can't seem to do it on my own.
     
    My banding date is still 56 days away. I know I had no choice (financially) but to schedule it in 2010. Since I'm a corporate controller, I had to schedule it after the year-end books were closed which puts me at the end of January. So, I had no choice and that is that.
     
    56 days... Of that I will be spending 8 in Louisville with my family. I have two nephews and a niece, so I feel sure I won't have much time to dwell on much of anything!! :wink2: That leaves 48. I have 3 sets of theater season tickets (yes, I have a slight addiction) so 5 nights between now and then, I have wonderful shows to see! 101 Dalmatians tonight, next week is Christmas with the Rat Pack, the following week is South Pacific and I have August: Osage County and a Broadway "spoofish" show in January. Each of those days, I have something FANTASTIC to look forward to!
     
    That gets me down to 43 days. I have two LAP-BAND® Support Group meetings and my pre-op appointment. That leaves 40 days! I have 4 parties in December (including one I am hosting!) and a trip with friends to the Gaylord Texas ICE exhibit. Also, some friends from work and I are going to volunteer at an assisted living facility one day which will be fun. I should probably throw New Year's Eve in there too! I'm now at 36 days.
     
    If I really think about it, I will be on my pre-op diet for 14 days and even though it is going to be super hard I will be DOING something that is moving me toward my goal.
     
    All of that gets me to 22 days. That seems more reasonable. I can get through 22 days! And during that time, while I may not be "dieting", I'm doing things that will help me later. Like I've been trying new protein sources, especially liquids. I have also experimented with not drinking while eating. I'm cutting down on Diet Coke. I was drinking 7-10 a day and I'm currently at 1-5 per day. I will get there! I'm also trying to find non-caffeinated drinks that I like. I am researching how to cook, what to order at restaurants, & what I will need to moderate/give up completely/learn to like.
     
    So, I guess I am doing okay! Whew.
     
    :biggrin:
  8. LoseIt!

    I've got a date!

    By LoseIt!,

    Surgery date, that is! I have my pre-op and dietician consult on Tuesday, January 12th. That is when I start my pre-op diet. {cringe}
     
    The big day is Wednesday, January 27th. That is 68 days away! With Thanksgiving and Christmas in there, time is going to fly by.
     
    I'm quite excited! Now that everything is scheduled, it is truly time to just wait. I feel so relaxed, confident and completely satisfied with my decision. I know I will get nervous a few times between now and then, but I am ready.
     
    My parents and 3 friends know right now. A couple remain supportive but skeptical. That's okay, because I plan to "show", not "tell." My plan is to actively blog, attend my support groups and do exactly what my doctor tells me to do.
     
    And so it begins...!!
  9. LoseIt!
    I'm booking my surgery today and I'm looking for some advice. I am planning to schedule my surgery for Wed, Jan 27th or Thurs, Jan 28th. I just realized that my theater season tickets are for Jan 27th. So...should I go to the show on Wednesday night and have the surgery on Thursday? I guess that is really my only option. I started to think that maybe I could have the surgery on Wednesday and change my tickets to the Sunday show, but now I think that I would probably not be up to it. The show only runs Wed-Sun.
     
    Anybody have thoughts?
  10. LoseIt!

    Man, I hate pictures...

    By LoseIt!,

    I had a wonderful weekend. My mom came in town on Friday and we stayed up late talking. She is one of the only people that knows of my Lap Band decision, so we talked about that a lot. We had a nice Saturday shopping and lazing around. There was a small incident in the Kohl's restroom where we learned that fiber granola bars make you gassy. I haven't laughed that hard in a LONG time!
     
    Sunday was my confirmation as a Catholic. Religion is deeply personal for many people as it is with me. But I'm so blessed to have had my religious journey this year as I feel that it has helped to give me the strength to make this life changing decision.
     
    I took Monday off to spend with Mom, so I have been crazy busy at work this week. Tuesday afternoon was my first appointment with my surgeon! I just have to coordinate with my mom since she is going to come help me out and I will have it done late January. It will be such a weight lifted once the final plans are made.
     
    Today, I finally had a chance to look at the pictures from my confirmation. HOLY COW! I know I'm fat. That is why I have made this decision. But, man, I just forget how I big I am until I see a picture. When I look in the mirror, I see a big person, but I honestly don't see how big I really am. It made me very sad for a brief moment, but then I just felt good that I have made this decision.
     
    I look forward to the day where I LOVE to have my picture taken!! :biggrin:
  11. LoseIt!

    What scares me.

    By LoseIt!,

    It has been interesting to me to realize that I'm not scared of the food regimen. I know it will be no picnic and there will be times that I will be so frustrated I won't see straight, but I also know that is what I need.
     
    What is making me nervous is more medical. I have narrowed it down to three main issues.
     
    1. I'm concerned that I will always be thinking of this foreign thing inside me. I was at Jazzercise the other day doing crunches and I wondered if I would be able to do the same thing with the port. I know people have run marathons and such after being banded so I feel sure there isn't any exercise restriction once healed, but it is something I need to know. I have to be sure that I can be okay with living with this. I have a small fear that I will end up doing NOTHING because I will be so nervous about messing up my band.
     
    2. Lap band seems relatively new and I'm concerned that we don't fully know the long term effects. What happens 20 years from now?
     
    3. What if I mess up and have to go to the hospital? I think I'm quite responsible, but it seems that you can't always control everything. I'm concerned that something will get stuck and I will have to go to the hospital where they know very little. I'm concerned that I will do something stupid (like eat the wrong thing or too much) and it will kill me.
     
    I have my initial meeting with doctor in a couple of weeks and will ask him about these things. But I was interested to see what you all have to say?
     
    I know that without a doubt, doing nothing will lead me to bad health and sadness. I start feeling guilty because I "should" just diet already and lose the weight I need to lose. But I've tried numerous times with varied success and I know that in the long run I can't do it on my own.
     
    Everyday I feel more and more confident that LB is the right choice for me. I just have to get myself right with my concerns.
  12. LoseIt!
    As I have mentioned previously, I have my first visit with the surgeon on Tuesday. I'm self pay, so I'm hoping to schedule the procedure as early as possible in 2010.
     
    That said, I have been on a bender lately. I haven't been binging or anything like that, but I have been just eating whatever I want and I haven't been exercising a lot. I was holding steady at my "highest weight ever" through May of this year. Then, I quit smoking. Don't get me wrong...YAY! Completely quit. Done. Finito. However, the 15-20 pounds I have gained since then have just been horrible. I am uncomfortable like I have never been before. I am actually changing what I do because of my weight. Unacceptable!
     
    But...when it comes to food, I think..."I better enjoy this since I'm not going to get it after I'm banded!" Bad! And when it comes to exercise, I've gotten to the point where my feet hurt, my knees hurt and I'm just so freaking out of shape. Pathetic! I have been Jazzercising regularly for 6 years...how is it even possible that I got to this point? By only going 1-2 times per week, apparently. I guess just paying for my classes doesn't actually contribute to keeping you in shape. Oops.
     
    I stepped on the scale today and HOLY MOLY!! I am the biggest I have ever been. It's like everyday is a new record. I had had enough!
     
    I came to work and had my bowl of cereal instead of a bagel. And we went to a salad place for lunch where I had a nice healthy veggie filled salad. Good me!
     
    I had been back to work for 30 minutes after lunch and I was hungry. I tried to decide the ratio of stomach to head hunger. I made a goal to drink 16 oz of water and if I was still hungry in 10 minutes, I would have a 100 calorie pretzel snack. After the water and 10 minutes, I was still slightly hungry, but didn't feel my stomach was going to growl at any second. Yay for me not immediately eating more. It's a start! Although after another 20 minutes my stomach started to growl so I ate the pretzels. I ate each pretzel slowly one at a time and paused after each to assess my hunger. I also tried to take a big drink of water in between each pretzel (which I know you aren't supposed to do when your banded, so maybe that is the wrong strategy.)
     
    I really want to try and learn to disguish the head/stomach hunger. I'm afraid that I will get banded and still be "hungry" all the time.
     
    I know I'm not going to be perfect between now and band day. But maybe I can at least get started.
     
    I KNOW that the band is not magic and it will still be hard after. But I just keep thinking that it will be a wonderful tool to help me make it less hard than it is now.
     
    Keep on keeping on.
  13. LoseIt!

    Definitely!

    By LoseIt!,

    Although I haven't been banded, I attended my first support group meeting yesterday. The people there were amazing and gave me so much confidence that I'm making the right choice. I decided that it is full speed ahead!
     
    My first doctor's visit is next Tuesday and honestly, I can't wait! I know that there are going to be frustrations and struggles. And I certainly know that not everyday is going to be rainbows and daisies. However, I will be DOING something. I am ready.
     
    Since I'm self-pay, I wonder how soon I will be able to do it. I will certainly do anything that my doctor requires or suggests, but I suspect I won't have to go through months of anything like some insurances require.
     
    I'm looking forward to meeting with the nutritionist. On every diet I've had, my goal was to figure out how I could eat as much as possible with the diet's calorie/fat/point/etc. limitation because I was always SO hungry. It is almost unreal to think that I would be able to eat a child's portion lunch and be satisfied. I have to reprogram my entire mindset!!
     
    I've started the small bite and chewing process now. It is quite a bit harder than I thought, but I think it will help me to practice.
     
    I'm crossing my fingers that I found out WHEN on Tuesday!!
  15. LoseIt!

    Starting out...

    By LoseIt!,

    October 30, 2009: I have been researching LB for a few months now. I have had the initial consultation and learned that my insurance will not cover. I am still moving forward and have my initial meeting with my doctor on 11/17. Since I am paying for the procedure myself, I will need to wait until 2010 to take advantage of my company's flex med program. That will at least help with some of the cost.
     
    I am keeping my mind open in case something comes along that makes me realize that this is not for me. However, I believe that I have done enough research to know most of the costs and benefits.
     
    I am 35 and single so the decision is my own. My parents know I'm thinking of it and support me completely. My friends, although skeptical, realize they have no idea what I'm going through and will stand by my decision.
     
    I have noticed that people who are active in a lap band community seem to be successful overall, so I have determined that I should try.
     
    I'm not a writer by nature, but I think logging my experience (if only for myself) can only help. I have a long way to go, so the next few months will only be prep.
     
    My motto for now: Prayers and preparation! :crying:
  16. LoseIt!

    Why?

    By LoseIt!,

    After reading many stories on this site, I thought all weekend about what exactly caused me to choose this path now.
     
    At the beginning of this year, my doctor put me on Topomax as a weight-loss drug. That isn't its standard intention, but there has been some good results with it. Unfortunately, I had a bad reaction to the drug and that combined with stress made my anxiety shoot through the roof. February-April is kind of a haze for me. By June, although I had gained 15 pounds, the doctors had determined that I was quite healty (for an obese person) and that made my anxiety go away.
     
    Now what? I went on a trip with my friend and the airplane ride was so uncomfortable. During the trip she also mentioned that my CPAP mask was making noise through the night. I think I had gained enough weight that my CPAP was no longer effective. It did explain why I was so tired all the time. That was when I started thinking about LB. Although I still felt that I wasn't "that fat".
     
    My friends and I have a monthly dinner group that has been meeting regularly since 2004. Each month we take a picture of the group at whichever restaurant we choose. At this particular dinner, I knew with the way we were seated, it wouldn't be very flattering of me. When I looked at the picture I could hardly control the sob. I excused myself and went to the restroom before I made a scene. Once composed, I came back out and my wonderful friends had figured it out and suggested a new picture without making me feel horrible. I love my friends. But I knew now that I was indeed "that fat".
     
    My friend & I scored free tickets to the Mavericks game. They were excellent tickets and I was on the end of the row. However, the end wasn't open, it was at a fence-like wall. I was so cramped and uncomfortable. I didn't want to be there and I knew that I would probably not do it again. There it was. I was making decisions about what to do because of my weight.
     
    I never wanted to be the person that sits at home because I'm more comfortable there than getting out into the world. But that is exactly what I am becoming.
     
    I struggle EVERYday with my weight. My feet hurt, I don't sleep well, and my blood pressure & cholesterol are rising. I MUST lose weight. If I am going to struggle this way, I should do it in a way that is going to get some results. That is why for me.
  17. LoseIt!
    I realize I can't continue to eat like this every day and still reach my weightloss goals. However, it is nice to have some wonderful meals, enjoy them in healthy moderation, and not feel bad about it! Plus, I finally ran again and made it 2.25 miles at lunch yesterday.
     
    Last night was my monthly dinner with the girls. We started the group in October 2004 and I was so concerned when I got my surgery that it wouldn't be the same. While that's true, it has been a change in a good way. There are some months when dinner is right after a fill and I have had to have soup and watch the others eat. But that has only been a couple of times and all in all, it was worth it.
     
    But what I have found is that I'm so willing to try new things now and I don't mind getting something that would be loaded with calories because I know I'm only going to eat a portion. Many times in the past I was so focused on getting light protein and veggies so I wouldn't "blow my diet." Now I enjoy whatever I want in moderation.
     
    Last night I had a rum drink. I don't know what it was but it was STRONG, so I only had one. I started with the tortilla soup. It had an interesting texture...almost like enchilada sauce or more like a chili, but it was delicious. I ate half and saved the rest for dinner tonight. Then I had weiner schnitzel and spaetzel. I'm not going to lie, I got it because I totally love saying it! It is pounded out veal, lightly crusted and pan fried with a hearty pasta that resembled orzo to me. It was unbelievably delicious. I ate about 1/3 and have some for leftovers.
     
    In the past, I would have never tried something like that, but I'm getting quite adventuresome. I do love good food and it is a joy to be able to enjoy it!!
  18. LoseIt!

    Another cousin...

    By LoseIt!,

    My cousin is coming for a visit today and is staying through Saturday. Joni and I grew up together. My dad has two brothers and a sister. He was closest with his sister, Joan, who was Joni's mother. Plus, Joni & I were close in age (just over a month a part.) So, we were constantly thrown together on family trips and reunions. Sometimes when my parents had lengthly plans, I would go stay with my aunt's family. My aunt was a VERY large woman. Close to 6' and very stocky. She was a nice woman, but not really the huggy/lovely type.
     
    Joan was the apple of my grandparents' eyes and by extension, so were her children. Joni and her brother Max, were treated just a little better and recieved more attention than the rest of us. There was a lot of resentment in my family over this. It was so interesting to learn years later that there was an hierarchy of sorts. Other cousins thought that my brother Scott & I received preferential treatment as well. And then apparently, next on the ladder were my Uncle Mick's kids and then finally my Uncle Richard's kids. At least that is how some people felt. Who knows, it could very well be true. In the end, no one was happy.
     
    My Aunt Joan died when Joni & I were seniors in high school. In my mind, Joni had always been spoiled and I didn't like her because I felt like she was a liar, cheat and thief. HAHA! We were babies, but that is how I felt. But when she lost her mom, I reached out. I don't remember it exactly, but I do remember that I felt rebuffed and she seemed to push the entire family away. Again, all of this is one-sided perspective and coming from a teenager who was probably pretty spoiled herself. :-)
     
    After that, I think Joni & I saw each other only a couple of times. We were cordial, but there was tension.
     
    Some of you may remember that my grandmother passed away in May. It was sad because she had pushed everyone away to the point that she was mostly alone when she died. I loved my grandmother, but I didn't like her much. I did learn how I didn't want to treat my family, so I guess there is that.
     
    Anyway, Joni (along with all the cousins) came to the funeral. It was like she was a completely different person. She had brought old pictures of the family, even as far back as our parents' childhood. She was absolutely delightful! At that point, I realized that bygones were bygones. I was probably a twerp when I was growing up too. Family is family and there shouldn't be room for silly ancient grudges. Instantly, I tossed it all away.
     
    Last week she contacted me and said that she is working in Houston for a few months and wanted to come for a visit. Just a year ago, I would have scoffed at anyone that would have said I would be looking forward to a visit from her. But I totally am!
     
    This journey of mine has truly changed me as a person. I want to be happy and it is very hard to be happy when you hold onto pain, judgement and anger. As far as I'm concerned, a new path for our friendship begins. And I couldn't be happier!!
     
    Have a great day everyone!!
     
    Beth
  19. LoseIt!

    Go Rangers!

    By LoseIt!,

    Yesterday was a busy and emotionally draining day. Almost immediately after posting yesterday, my DC coworkers were here. I spent most of the day with them which while nice, didn't allow me to get the work done I had anticipated.

    I mentioned that one of them is leaving the company and we did get to spend some quality time together yesterday. I was glad that I got to see him before he starts his new journey. I feel sure that it isn't the last time that our paths will cross.

    We went to dinner and then took them to the airport around 8pm. I held it together pretty well. Ha! By the time I got home and got myself in front of the TV, it was almost 9pm! I watched every pitch of that Rangers game. I finally crawled into bed around 11:30pm which is late for me. Plus, I had a dentist appointment at 8am, which is really EARLY for me!! :thumbup: I made it though...had the appointment and was still at work on time at 8:30! CLAW!

    Today is another day. I'm planning to run at lunch, so I hope that goes well. I have a boring continuing education class from 1-3pm and then the game starts at 3:00. YAY!!

    After the game, I have a 2 hour massage appointment, so I won't be home until after 9pm again tonight. Crazy! No game tonight though so maybe I will get caught up on reading blog entries!!

    Go Rangers!
  20. LoseIt!

    Busy but good!

    By LoseIt!,

    Wow, it has been quite a busy week. But vacation was SO FUN! My BFF Cori went with me to Indianapolis. She had a cold, but she was a trooper.
     
    We flew in Friday afternoon and went to Circle Centre Mall. I went straight to the Colts store to stock up on gear. It is so frustrating because Misses fit XL is still too snug and most of the unisex shirts are too shapeless. Sigh. It was funny though because they didn't have a fitting room but the salesguy just told me to go try them on in the bathroom...in the bathroom of the mall outside the store. Ha! That felt very weird. Only in the Midwest... I ended up with a cute shirt I can wear now. It is unisex, but fits less boxy than most. And I also bought a Misses one to wear in a couple months when I KNOW they will fit! :thumbup:
     
    Then we went for some Bazbeax pizza. If you are ever in Indy, I recommend it. Yummy! Then we met my friends at the Slippery Noodle to have some drinks and people watch. We talked for a few hours before calling it a night.
     
    Saturday, after an AMAZING breakfast at Maxine's Chicken and Waffles (another Indy must) Cori & I drove over to Terre Haute for ISU Homecoming. I didn't really run into anyone I know so it was uneventful, but we did visit some old haunts which was fun. I also bought some gear at the bookstore and had the same issue I did at the Colts store. Not complaining, but I will be glad when I can fit in Misses sizes all the time. I know it is coming soon.
     
    In the late afternoon we headed back to Indy and went to church. After we hung out at Champps to watch the disappointing Rangers game. Cori was feeling pretty bad so we just had some room service and turned in early.
     
    Sunday was GAMEDAY!! We all met up and walked around Lucas Oil Stadium. We finally made our way up to the suite. There was some seating confusion, but it ended up being fine for the most part. I will say that if you are a rich person that is giving away seats for charity, you should probably make sure that everyone involved knows your wishes. Some people in this world are just entitled and mean. My friends are awesome, so we took the high road.
     
    After the game (WE WON!!) we hung out in downtown Indy at different bars to watch the late afternoon games. After that, we had dinner and turned in early again. There was an American Legion convention in our hotel, so we were constantly surrounded by 70 year old men. That was funny! Sunday morning, after a half hour detour to Smoothie King, we made our way to the airport.
     
    When we landed, I had to hurry to Ft. Worth for my fill appointment. I tell you, I HATE liquid days, but they certainly do jumpstart weight loss. In addition to finally dropping everything I gained after my unfill, I'm even down another half pound. Another half pound and I will be at another mini-goal!!
     
    Last night I had dinner with my AOII little sis. We hadn't seen each other since 1996! You know that feeling you have when you are talking with someone and you just know you are supposed to be friends? That's what it is like for me with Shannon. She is amazing and inspiring. I'm so glad we reconnected.
     
    Tonight it is back to Jazzercise. It has been a WHOLE WEEK since I have been. Bad me. But I'm ready to get back into the groove. After being on limited calories because of my fill and it being that time of the month...I could only get myself to run a mile and a half yesterday. I was slightly disappointed at first until I remembered that 4 or 5 months ago, I couldn't even run a mile. So, I will take it!!
     
    It will be super to have a weekend at home! Plus, I'm getting my hair cut on Saturday and it needs it!!
     
    Have a great day, y'all!
  21. LoseIt!

    Tgif

    By LoseIt!,

    Hi all! It has been a super busy day at work today. Busy is good though since I hate being bored. Plus, I'm so ready for the weekend! I slept quite well last night so I'm not so tired today.
     
    Tonight I'm going to Master Bruce. I will have to be careful not to aggravate my back, but I'm sure we can still work out a good work out.
     
    Tomorrow is a busy day. I'm Jazzercise class managing at 9 AM, then having lunch with my godson. I have to grocery shop in the afternoon, then church at 5 PM with a pool party after. Whew!
     
    Sunday, though. Sunday, blessed Sunday, will be lovely. My friend & I are taking another friend's 14 year old daughter to see Eclipse, but that is all that is planned. Sweet!
     
    Monday I should be nice and refreshed! Have a WONDERFUL weekend, my friends!
  23. LoseIt!
    Hi everyone!! I hope you all had a great holiday weekend!
     
    I went to Florida last Wednesday to see my parents. We had such a great time! My mom & I shopped and shopped. I have 4 new dresses, 4 new pairs of shoes, several new tops and a new pair of shorts. Oh, and a new beautiful purse! It was interesting to shop for snug clothes. I just hate to buy something that will be too big soon. I'm not complaining, just trying to be smart.
     
    Except for the nightly ice cream, I was able to eat well and exercise. My parents have a pool and I was in it almost every day. Plus, they have a mile circle around their neighborhood. One day I did a Couch to 5K (week 2) program and another day I jogged one loop. That is the first time I have jogged a mile since high school!!! My dad was (good naturedly) skeptical that I will be able to jog a 5K by Labor Day, but I know I will be able to do it! A month ago, I could barely jog 30 seconds. I just need to work at it!
     
    Weekly progress: I lost 3.2 pounds this week. On vacation?? That just seems crazy. I think I tend to follow my rules better away from home.
     
    Monthly progress: I lost 8 pounds in May. Woo hoo! The best part is that I'm no longer Morbidly Obese!! That makes me very happy.
     
    Tonight I'm going to see Wicked! Yay! I've seen it 3 times before, but it is one of my very favorites, so I'm looking forward to it. I will try to measure tomorrow night to get my monthly measurements tracked.
     
    Next week...possibly a fill & new pics!!

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