luvs2laff

I have been overweight my entire life.  My sister was homecoming queen, and a total bombshell and my two brothers were like string beans!  I felt embarrassed to tell people we were related - I didn't feel like I fit in with my own family.  I used humor as a defense and became that friend that behaved a little overboard in hopes of becoming the "funny one" instead of the "fat one".  It seemed to work and I actually began liking myself a bit more as I found myself surrounded by friends.  Well, that was 20 years ago and by now my insecurities should be resolved, right? Not really.  I still feel like I measure myself to others and I think I'm even more sensitive to weight related comments.  I'm still overweight, pretty funny (although my kids may disagree), and starting to feel the aches & pains the average 80 year old should feel.  The only problem is, I'm only 45.  I have sleep apnea, arthritis in both knees (one has been partially replaced, the other is screaming for surgery), and one morning after a stressful struggle of "Because I said so, that's why you have to go to school!", I put my youngest on the bus, walked into my bedroom, and realized I couldn't breath.  I didn't know if it was a heart attack or what, but it scared me.  I had all the tests done and all was well, but my doctor explained to me the damage my heart was going through as a result of my sleep apnea. (I have total claustrophic meltdowns with my cpap machine and hate using it).  He then recommended me for Lap Band and now, a year later, waiting and waiting and I just got my surgery date today!  Yippee!  If my knee didn't hurt so bad, I would have done a happy dance up and down my block!  So, now, I come to you good people for information, support, and I love the pics!  Best of luck to all of us!