NancyRN

Pplqueen, I wish I'd known you when I was trying to get justice for my botched operation. I still feel bitter I couldn't get a lawyer to help me. I even had an MD expert in my disorder telling the lawyer the surgeon had screwed up, but as soon as the lawyer found out another expert disagreed with the first one, he was outta there. The lawyer told me that he thought I did receive substandard care -- but without a lawyer to fight for me, I was dead in the Water. NancyRN

Hi. I was diagnosed with very severe sleep apnea in January, after I fell asleep at the wheel and totalled my car -- with my daughter in it. Thank God, we were both OK. The sleep study revealed that I stopped breathing 4 times during the night and my sleep was disrupted more than 100 times by breaths so shallow they didn't allow my body to get the oxygen it needs. No wonder I was exhausted all the time. I now sleep with a machine that automatically adjusts the pressure I need to keep my airway open. It doesn't feel like a leafblower up my nose; in fact, most nights I have to check just to be sure it's really on. I was stunned at how quickly I adapted to the mask and machine. I don't like wearing a contraption every night, but you know what? Compared to dying in my sleep, it's just a nuisance. We're actually lucky we have a disorder that can be treated -- a lot of disorders can't. There are some great apnea support sites on the web. Check out www.apneasupport.org, a wonderful site. You can sound off there and everyone will understand what you're feeling. And the members have loads of practical advice to offer. One of the members, sleepydave, manages a sleep lab. You can post the results of your sleep study and he'll explain their significance to you. You will be amazed at how much better you feel -- physically and emotionally -- once you're getting uninterrupted sleep.:notagree I'd be surprised if you get rejected for surgery because of the sleep apnea, since so many morbidly obese people have it. It was stupid and insensitive for the staff person to imply you might get rejected because of it. I suggest mentioning it to the surgeon, so he/she can explain to the person about being more supportive. One important piece of advice: DO NOT DRIVE until your sleep apnea is treated successfully. You're at risk for having microsleeps, like I did. A lot of people think you'll get sleepy before you fall asleep at the wheel, but that's not true -- you can fall asleep with absolutely NO warning. Causing an accident while you have untreated sleep apnea is called reckless endangerment by the legal system. And causing a crash that kills someone is vehicular manslaughter, which can land you in prison. NancyRN

Dear Marc, Your post is so eloquent, it made my heart ache. And wow, the replies! I feel so blessed to be here, and I'm so glad you're here, too. I'm a 59-year-old RN and I can really relate to what you wrote. As a teenager, I copied a poem that captured the way I've felt all these years. I don't recall most of it, but it ends "...and you yourself are your jail walking." It has taken me many, many years to break out of that jail. I grew up in a family marred by domestic violence. All my sibs are either alcoholic, drug addicts, morbidly obese, or dead from violence. I learned early on to wear a mask and never let anyone see how much I was hurting inside. I became a superachiever too, published and well known in my field. And all the time, I knew something was terribly, terribly wrong. It turned out to be childhood sexual trauma. With the help of a gifted therapist, I worked through that and the resulting PTSD. I've struggled for years with major depression, and other medical problems. For many years, I looked forward to death with a sense of relief, because life just seemed too hard to live. Why am I telling you all this? Because I want you to know you're not alone and there is help for the way you feel. A loving support group is a great place to start dismantling the mask, and I so admire you for starting. What has helped me the most over the years has been letting those who were safe to "come out" around, to see the real me bit by bit; therapy; and antidepressant medication. Today I feel that life is worth living. I've always been compassionate to others -- it's one of my strengths -- and now I've learned to be compassionate to myself. Marc, would you consider getting evaluated for depression? I think you may be depressed, which makes perfect sense, and medication can be incredibly effective in helping you get out from under the sense of despair. And what about therapy? That might really help, too. I will hold you in my heart. Stay in touch, NancyRN

Mwillis, I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I wish you well with your next surgery. I'd be pissed, too. However, don't be surprised if you have trouble finding a lawyer to take the case. My general surgeon operated on me to remove breast cancer and told me he'd gotten it all and I was cured. I'm a nurse, so I knew to have an expert doublecheck the pathology slides. And guess what?? The surgeon had missed the cancer completely, and left it inside me!!:omg: A later surgery by another doc removed the cancer, but in the meantime I'd had to consult many experts about what was best to do. I contacted several lawyers, but most wouldn't touch the case because in their eyes I hadn't been harmed (yeah, right) and because the first surgeon has a good reputation in this area. I found one lawyer willing to evaluate the case, filed a lawsuit, and then learned the lawyer didn't want to go any further. The expert he consulted argued that even though it wasn't the standard of care I would have received at a university hospital, the first surgeon had functioned within the local standard of practice. At least 3 experts -- including the malpractice attorney himself -- told me I'd received substandard care, but it didn't make any difference because the case would be costly and hard to prove. Malpractice cases are notoriously hard to prove. IMHO, malpractice lawyers want only cases where the damage is severe and cannot be argued, ex. the surgeon took off the wrong limb. The whole experience was extremely upsetting. I'm pretty disillusioned about the legal system and a patient's ability to get justice when mistreated.:angry NancyRN

Most of us are familiar with the standard for surgery of BMI of at least 40 (or 35 with complications). Well, here's a new one to me: Blue Cross of CA won't approve bariatric surgery for anyone with a BMI over 50! (This is scary -- mine is 47.) The rationale their medical policy gives for this is that there isn't enough literature documenting the value of doing bariatric surgery for a BMI over 50. NancyRN

Blue Cross of CA posts its requirements for bariatric surgery on its website. I printed out a copy a week ago but couldn't find it this morning. So I called Blue Cross for help locating this document on their site. Me: Hi, I need a copy of your criteria for bariatric surgery but can't find it on your website. Rep: I'll send you a copy of your coverage booklet. Me: No, that won't work -- it doesn't have the detail the policy does. What I need is the policy itself. Rep: Well, it's not on the website. Me: Yes, I know, that's why I'm calling you. I printed it out last week so it must be available somewhere in the system. Rep: Call the surgery center and ask them. Me: How will that help? I'm supposed to get it from you. Rep: Send off your application and have the center call us. Me: That won't work either. The policy has to be submitted with the application or else they won't consider me. Rep :(Silence) Well that's all I can send you. Me: Is there a supervisor who could help us? Rep: (frostily) I just talked to her! At which point I swore (to myself) :angry and ended the call. I then found the copy I'd printed out, got on to a different Blue Cross website and printed out what I needed. NancyRN AAARGH!

Actually, what I would really like is a house elf (like Dobby in the Harry Potter movies). I could tell it what to do and it would be cooperative and never whine at me, "Why? Why do I have to do that?" like my 11-year-old does. Has anyone here used recipes from Rachael Ray's "30 Minute Meals"? Is it worth spending my money on? NancyRN

Penni60, Your discovery that your doctor used an outdated technique on you reminds me of a disturbing experience I had when I had breast cancer. Before surgery, one or more thin wires are inserted to guide the doctor. As a nurse, I knew to ask for the suspicious area to be "bracketed" (one wire on each side of the area). The radiologist chose to insert only one wire, and guess what? The doctor completely missed the cancer, leaving it inside me. I later discovered that the two-wire technique was the newer, recommended technique. I was so angry I tried to sue the surgeon. BUT -- and here's the kicker -- no lawyer would take my case.:angry The reason? Although the 2-wire technique was better, many doctors still used the 1-wire technique, therefore doing so fell within the current standard of practice. Grrr! Talk about disillusioned by both the medical care I'd received and the justice system! NancyRN P.S. I subsequently had 2 more surgeries, which removed the cancer, and radiation. Now doing well.

FunnyDuddies and Barbara 465, I was so inspired by your posts on the Flip Fold that I immediately went to eBay and bought one ($10) ! And I'm actually excited about using it!! NancyRN

Road Queen, That gave me a good laugh! And no, I wasn't grossed out by the roach. When my husband and I were in college, the only apartment we could affort was overrun by the darn things. NancyRN

For everyone who hates housework: Go to flylady.com and check out her system for staying on top of housework. Now, pleas for help: Does anyone have a creative idea for getting an 11-year-old to put her clothes away instead of leaving them on the floor? And do you have a creative idea for getting all of us to quit piling clutter on the dining room table? NancyRN

Texas Terry, Where did you get that adorable hamster in front of your name? NancyRN

You asked for a memory jog, so here it is: please post the article on complications that you mentioned. Thanks, NancyRN

Most women do not have an orgasm with intercourse alone -- it is normal not to. They need some stimulation of their clit to come. I generally don't come during intercourse, but DH knows exactly what to do to finish me off. Even without coming, intercourse can be pleasurable. Consider yourself lucky! NancyRN

Kathy, I loved the photo of Rachel's room. I too have a fashionista (11)who changes clothes several times a day, and who once refused to leave the house because her jacket was green but not the right green. It drives me nuts that she leaves her clothes all over the floor. I love folding towels -- so satisfyingly in order when I'm done. I loathe folding my husbands t-shirts. Another rant I'd like to hear about from you. I like for my family to use a towel 2 or 3 times before I wash it. After all, it's a clean towel used to dry off a clean body, so it doesn't get dirty. This has the happy side effect of decreasing the laundry. My husband, however, insists on a new towel every shower.(Grrr) At least he hangs them up to dry. My daughter uses 2 (1 body, 1 hair), and drops them in a wad on her bedroom floor, where they stay damp until someone (read me) picks them up and dries them out. NancyRN

Oh, yeah, I remembered another place I've had sex: a convent. I was on duty as a nurse and there was a nun nearby! NancyRN

The semen grosses me out too. Somehow it seems rude to spit, though. :eek I don't know anything to improve the texture. NancyRN

If you click "Related Articles" at the top of Dr. C's post, you'll go to a PubMed list of articles on lapbanding. NancyRN

Dr. C, Thanks for posting this. Makes me feel I've chosen the right type of bariatric surgery for me. NancyRN

Oooh, I forgot one. With DH in our own backyard in the sun. Wonderful, but we had screendoors and our prim and proper neighbor came calling!! All 3 of us were mortified. The fantasy of being discovered is a lot better than the reality! NancyRN

Well, let's see. I've had sex in an elevator -- I was too drunk to have any sense (not recommended -- door opened while we were busy and all of us were stunned!) Also in a public garden (with people on nearby path) and just outside a deserted cemetary -- we were in college, young, horny and desperate. My favorite place was a swimming pool, again with people nearby. Having my lover initiate it and the fear of being discovered were incredibly erotic. NancyRN

Kare and everyone else, Where is that wonderful letter you posted? I want to give it to my daughter when she's ready, but I can't find it. Did the moderator delete it? NancyRN

Emily, This sounds like a favorable development to me. For one thing, your insurance co. is now seriously considering your application, not just rejecting it outright. And the recommendation will come from a real bariatric surgeon, not just an insurance co. rep. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. NancyRN

Wheetsin, What a generous offer. You're a special person, and I bet your mom's special, too, for helping make you that way. I think the best idea is the "you've won a free procedure". You could say it's for research or that your doc has been so successful helping people with this surgery that he decided to "give back" to the community, and this is his way.:kiss Another option might be to write her a letter from your heart and give it to her. That way, she can't interrupt you right away! Wheetsin, I'm concerned about your mom's fixation on being a bad mom to you. My first thought was, "Something's off the beam here. It sounds like she's depressed." What do you think? Would she ever accept help to relieve those guilty feelings? Keep us posted on what develops! NanctRN

La Madam, I have not had problems with my gallbladder, although I do have a stone. Preventing gall bladder disease is one of the reasons I want the Lap Band. I know I'll have to watch myself like a hawk because gallbladder disease is common with rapid weight loss. NancyRN