Last week's episode of Ruby talked about food addiction. Ruby initially was offended to be considered a food addict. As I watched the episode I realized... I AM A FOOD ADDICT. I don't say this proudly, I say this factually. Food is heroine. Food comforts my mind and tortures my soul. I plan my day around food and feel excitement as time draws closer to eat. After I eat, I feel dissappointment with my lack of self control (this is the torture part for me) and inability to eat reasonably.
Why does food have this kind of control? I have self evaluated for years and the answer is mostly the same...I don't know. I was raised by a single parent and food was limited in our home, that could be a deep rooted issue for me. I have always lived in a fat body; I don't know who I would be without being overweight so maybe that's my fear. Maybe I fear male attention and the impact the attention could have on my marriage. I feel very strong in my committment to my husband but there's always fear of the unknown. Maybe I fear losing my best friend as issues are already arising because I am smaller than she is and she is showing signs of being uncomfortable with my progress (although this is a minor issue for me because if she's a true friend she will always be there and if she allows our friendship to dissolve due to me losing weight, then that's on her). Maybe I just love food.
At this point, I don't know why I'm a food addict but what I know for sure is it's time to be accountable.
On Ruby, the specialist recommended following the AA 12 step's and work through the addiction. My church offers a program like this so I am going to get involved and work the steps.
As I dive into this area of my life, I have to live in the moment at all time where food is concerned. I have to be more in tune to the triggers that cause me to make poor food choices and learn to deal with them while I am searching for the "why" I am a food addict.
I truly believe this is a huge step to my journey and who knows what might happen now that I have accepted my addiction. Acceptance if the first step in recovery.
Good luck to all my fellow food addicts.
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