NickelChip

At first it was because, even though I completed my requirements in early October, the first available surgery date was end of December. And then my hospital abruptly cancelled all surgeries and closed the weight management center 3 weeks before my surgery, so I had to get established with a new hospital (one that is owned by the same big healthcare company that owns several hospitals in the Boston area). It was a real shock. The first available appointment was early January at the new place. Luckily, they've accepted all my prior appointments to fulfil the requirements, and they allowed me to schedule my surgery after one meeting with the surgeon and dietician, which I was able to do that same day last week. Now I'm scheduled for February 21 and am counting the days while fearing something will go wrong again.

That must have been frustrating! I don't like being told I'm doing poorly when I know I'm doing everything I can, either. Do you know how much fluid and protein you've been getting, and how far off it is from their goals for you?

A certain amount of sugar is usually fine, especially the natural sugar found in dairy or applesauce. Added sugar is going to be where your doctor will probably have strict limits, and things may change as you get further out from surgery. Chobani complete drinkable yogurt has no added sugar, so that's a good sign, even if the overall sugar is 11 grams. But you'll want to talk to your practice about how many you can have and when they're okay. If you haven't yet, you should soon receive a booklet from your dietician with all the rules they want you to follow, and yes, they will be different from rules other people get at other practices, even if they are getting the same surgery! My rules include finding protein supplements with less than 5 grams sugar, at least 20 grams protein, and 160-200 calories per serving. But that 5 gram limit is specific to the protein shakes, not to all foods or meals. I can also have Greek or light yogurt, and I happen to know plain Greek yogurt has 7 grams sugar naturally. One of those little snack cups of unsweetened applesauce has 11 grams of sugar (again, naturally occurring). So, I think the Chobani complete drink would probably be approved for me, although I'm fairly sure I would be told to limit myself to a certain amount per day and not use them interchangeably with protein supplements, which generally have way lower sugar.

That's really good to know! I heard the difference between sleeve and bypass described as a nudge vs a shove, and I knew I needed a shove. I'm glad to hear the hormonal issues are indeed likely to get some help!

I wouldn't be surprised if you losing weight is absolutely terrifying to your ex. As long as you are obese, he can assure himself that you'll never find anyone better than he was, which seems to be important to a lot of people regardless of whether they ended the relationship or you did. It's a pride thing. But when you start losing weight, now you're probably happier with more energy, you might look more attractive, maybe dressing in nicer clothes, too... uh oh! Now he sees you were totally settling for his sorry butt and are likely to find someone way better, and then his ego will be bruised as all your friends and family tell you how lucky you are. My ex, (who is legally not my ex yet, which is very annoying) is the sabotaging type, too. I see him 5 days a week when he picks up the kids for school or drops off from activities. I've had to tell him about the surgery as I'll need his help with the kids, and I am still on a family plan insurance so he'll need to know about deductibles and such, but I fully expect him to start panicking as the weight loss becomes noticeable. I can hardly wait to find out how he'll try to sabotage me.

I don't have a reply for your question because I haven't had surgery yet, but I'm curious if your doctor said why they recommended the bypass for those conditions? I also have PCOS and underactive thyroid, and have chosen the bypass, but didn't know there was a connection.

I think it depends a lot on your budget. If you can afford to buy things you may not wear more than once, go for it! But I would wait on making a major investment until you feel confident you're at the size where you're likely to stay. Personally, I'm thinking it will be Walmart and thrift shops in the beginning, and letting myself loose in the shops I never got to shop in because they don't carry plus size once I reach a point where those clothes will be with me for a while. I don't really have skinny clothes in a stash because I purged my closet before a move a few years ago, although I do have some things that will work at lower weights. Now to see about the seasons. I feel like when I was shopping for my babies and had to guess whether a size 6mo would fit them in cold weather or warm!

No surgery experience yet, but I can tell you from a few years ago when I was able to drop 40lbs through working with my nutritionist (and then gained it back...which is why I'm here now) that it did really show on my face in a good way at about that point, maybe by 30lbs lost. I look back at older pictures and ones now and I'm sad at how round my face is again. If you want to see it happen rapidly in real life, check out some YouTube channels of folks who are a year or more out from surgery and did weekly or monthly vlog posts. Two that I've watched recently and really enjoyed (and who are still producing new content) are https://www.youtube.com/@nicoleislosingit and https://www.youtube.com/@kakisrnyjourney5376. The facial changes when you go from episode one to the most recent episodes are truly striking.

The reason, I think, that average weight people feel they can say what they want to obese people is that being thinner gives them a false sense of superiority. If they believe we are fat because we are lazy and gluttonous, then it stands to reason they are virtuous because they are thin. Because they lost a whole 3lbs of extra weight that one time by skipping dessert for a few days, you should not eat a slice of birthday cake at the party today, even though they are telling you this while eating a slice of birthday cake. It's okay for them to eat it because they know a single slice of cake won't have much impact on their weight. But it's not okay for you, because it makes you fat, and you have no willpower if you want to eat some on a special occasion. Unlike them, because they totally have willpower, because they are thin. They're still eating the cake, but they wouldn't if they were like you, they're very certain of that, and that makes them feel very good about themselves. And yet they don't think through to the logical conclusion that if the cake is okay for them but not for you, maybe that means their body is different from yours, and that actually, it's a lot harder for you, that losing 3 lbs is not the same as losing 30 or 100, and you might require a different approach (and they should keep their mouth shut). Also, given that she's your boyfriend's family, definitely follow Tek's advice on what to say instead of mine. But you can still think it loudly at her.

I'd ask her is she's recently had a stroke or if she's just always been a rude cow (or another c word, if you'd rather). You do not have to justify yourself, explain your reasons, or educate anyone. What you choose to do for your own health is between you and your doctor. If she continues to make unwelcome comments about your personal business, feel free to tell her what you think of her poor taste in clothing, garish eye makeup, or whatever else you'd like to "helpfully" point out as being wrong with her, until she realizes it's no longer open season on fat people.

Wow, can't remember what that's like. Even years ago when I was a "slender" US size 16w, I couldn't find dresses anywhere. I remember going shopping before a coworker's wedding (pre-internet shopping 25 years ago) and I couldn't find a single dress. Not even bad dresses. They all stopped at size 14, and the women's department had work clothing but no fancy stuff. I was literally walking from store to store in downtown Boston with money burning a hole in my wallet and nobody had a dress to sell me. I ended up wearing a cute pink suit from my closet and making do. Thank goodness for the internet! For OP, if you can order from BloomChic, I was very pleased with their plus-size selections (if that size range is still needed for you by then). They have dresses under $40 that are really classy. I bought myself two, a short-sleeve and a long-sleeve, for my cousin's fall wedding and got free shipping. Both are nice dresses for a semi-formal dress code. With surgery coming up next month, I hope the next time I need them, they won't fit!

I am turning 50 in a few months, and I've struggled with my weight most of my life. At 26, my BMI was probably around 30, but I didn't have the health issues so it was just a nuisance to me. I tried dieting and healthy eating for years, but my weight increased steadily in typical yo-yo fashion. Post-pregnancies, I spent my late 30s and early 40s in the 35-39 BMI range and started getting co-morbidities. By the time my BMI hit 40 this past year, I was aching in my feet and joints, had high blood pressure and cholesterol, and was prediabetic. So it's not about weight or appearance at this point but getting control of my health now, while my body can still bounce back and hopefully age more gracefully. I feel like I'm at that tipping point where if I don't act, the next decade will not end well and I will not have a good time of my senior years. This is despite all my best intentions and 7 years of actively going to a weight management doctor. All of that is to say that trying hard and knowing the right things to do rarely leads to success if you are prone to obesity. It's a disease, not a moral failing, no matter what people tell you. Unlike dieting, weight loss surgery provides lasting metabolic changes, as close to a cure as you can get. And you still will have to make all the lifestyle changes you would need to do anyway to lose weight, but they will actually work (instead of spending the next 24 years getting bigger and less healthy like I did). I have posted frequently about what a huge fan I am of Dr. Matthew Weiner's books, YouTube videos, and new podcast. Honestly, his books were life changing for me in terms of my perspective. I highly recommend starting there. He has 3 books, one is called Pound of Cure and gives great, scientifically sound information on what a healthy, set-point lowering way of eating looks like and how to get there. The second is a book that explains exactly how gastric bypass and sleeve surgeries change your metabolism and why they work (it's not just a smaller stomach and eating less!). The third is a cookbook with bariatric friendly recipes and serving sizes for different stages. These books are super fast reads. You can probably get through all three in a week (minus making all the recipes, of course!). With three months to go, my suggestion is get these books and start implementing the diet changes in a deliberate way. Start exercising in a sustainable way, working up to it little by little. See how you feel. Don't do crash diets. Don't start anything, whether food or exercise, you don't think you can basically do 90% of the time for the rest of your life, because there's no such thing as doing it for long enough to lose weight and then getting to "go back to normal." This has to become your new normal, with or without surgery. In three months, if you really aren't sure about the surgery, don't do it. It'll always be there. But know that it's an additional tool that will make the hard work you have to do either way in order to keep your health for the rest of your life more likely to stick. Without it, there's a very high (but not impossible) chance you will not be able to keep your weight in a healthy range.

That's so exciting! I've been at this since early July and I still have over a month to go! I hope the time flies by for both of us.

What does your pre-op diet look like? Mine will be 2 weeks of full liquid, so basically protein shakes, water or sugar free flavored water, decaf coffee and tea, sugar free jello and pudding, sugar free popsicles, broth, skim milk, Greek yogurt, unsweetened applesauce, and cream of tomato soup. I think she said up to 5 shakes per day but I need to clarify at my final dietician appointment on Feb 1. Not gonna lie, I am not looking forward to this part. My previous clinic only did a 2-day liquid diet. But I can survive!

Glad you're back home and recovering!

Yeah, while I work for myself so don't have to deal with coverage or time-off approval, I was somewhat grateful February was the option the doctor gave me. I had already rearranged a lot to accommodate the December date, and when that fell through, it left me scrambling. Turns out the week in February they gave me is pretty ideal, so I'm glad about that, even if the countdown is killing me. Between now and then, my main focus is on getting back to healthy foods after the holidays and developing a better schedule for meals and exercise that will help me be a bit more regular about both.

As long as the higher fat in the cheese doesn't make you feel sick, I would personally rather have a small piece of real cheese than a bigger piece of low-fat or fat-free "cheese". I can handle low-fat or fat-free milk, cottage cheese, yogurt, etc. But cheese is sacred. There's a traditional cheese factory in Vermont, about 2 hours from where I live, with the most amazing cheese I have ever tasted. Right now, I can probably eat a pound of it all on my own over the course of a weekend. I shouldn't. I know this. But I could, so I don't buy it. But after surgery, I think I will. Who cares if it costs $35 a pound if I can only eat maybe an ounce? Go to a local cheesemaker if you have one and buy a really small amount of the most insanely expensive, insanely delicious cheese you can find. That's my advice. If it comes wrapped in plastic, don't bother. You can do better.

I am preop and was just reading through the folder my surgeon's office has given me. There's a section called keeping the weight off where they talk about portions after you've gotten past the honeymoon period. They say that a meal should be 3-4 oz of lean protein with 20-25g protein, 1/2 cup of whole grain or starchy vegetables, and then half of the plate is leafy/non-starchy veg and fruit. The most important part for me was where they said: Sometimes portion sizes increase over time. If you feel you are able to eat more at meals, increase the portion of non-starchy vegetables. I would start there, because I think the tendency as appetite increases is to grab a bigger plate and increase everything proportionally. So now you may be eating 5-6 oz protein and 3/4 to 1 cup of starch or grain. And maybe adding in more sauces, more fats, a piece of bread, some alcohol, juice, some sweet treats, a daily snack. My surgeon's plan emphasizes keeping to 3 meals per day without snacking once you're past the first few weeks where you need to supplement with protein shakes just to meet minimum protein goals. But if you can regularly get 20-25g protein at a meal, plus 1/2 cup starch or grain and some veg/fruit, you don't need to eat more than 3 times per day, 4-6 hours apart. This is something that isn't always made clear. When I started this journey, I was certain that gastric bypass would mean having to eat lots of small meals all throughout the day, which is exactly what I'm being told not to do! But you do need to get at least 64oz of water or more all the time, and you can add as much veg and fruit as you need to feel full. I think that is where I would start in your position. Go back to measuring your meals, setting timers to remind you when your meal times are if you need to, eating only food you prepare yourself and/or know exactly what's in it. Check your cupboards for temptations and get rid of them. Pay attention to the urges you have to do something that isn't part of your plan, because that's probably going to show you the problem areas and help you figure out how to change. And most of all, give yourself a little bit of grace, because this isn't easy (no matter what people try to say). Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep. Get fresh air and exercise. Be kind to yourself.

Did you know there is a limit to how many vials of blood they can take on a single day at the hospital? Apparently, the limit is 12. Despite combining a few of the 17 different tests ordered by my surgeon, there are still 4 tests remaining that I will have to go back for another time. The phlebotomist just kept shaking her head and wondering out loud what all these doctors are thinking when they order so many tests all at once. Fortunately, it's not a rush. I told the surgeon what had happened and he said I could wait to do the others until the end of the month when I'm back in town for a final meeting with the dietician. (It's about 45-60 minutes without traffic from my house to the hospital.) The barium swallow test lived up to its reputation. Thick grey sludge in a cup. Yuck. But I got to see my heart beating on the video screen, so that was trippy. And the technicians were very funny, so I was kept entertained. The results came back saying I have a minuscule hiatal hernia. Not sure if it will require any fixing. My EKG was normal, but had I realized they would be putting sensors on my legs, too, I would have shaved!

This could be my personal life motto.

I love how supportive you have been of your wife (and am sorry to hear her diabetes remains an issue). I honestly think the relationships that most often fail post-surgery are the ones that are not healthy to begin with. The effects of the weight loss just shine a light on the problems that were already there and being ignored. Society sends the message that being overweight equals being unattractive, that you'll never find a partner unless you're slim, or that you're darn lucky if you do have someone, even if that person treats you poorly, and you'd better put up with it because you won't get anything better. None of that is actually true, of course, but sometimes losing weight is the thing that makes a person realize it and start believing they deserve a happy life. But if a spouse is one of the "good ones," they'll take your advice to heart and end up with an even better relationship. I'm so glad that's what has happened to you and your wife!

Mine is scheduled for February 21! (It was supposed to be December 27, but that was a whole big mess detailed in another post). I met my new surgeon on Tuesday and had my blood work, EKG, and barium swallow yesterday. 7 weeks to go!

So glad you're here! There is so much idiocy in the medical community regarding weight and weight loss. Doctors literally know 95% of people cannot physically lose more than a small amount of their weight and keep it off, but they act like everyone can except you and they can't figure out why you're not doing it. Imagine if they told diabetics they couldn't have insulin until they used their willpower to lower their blood sugar on their own, just to prove they take it seriously. As for your ex partner, I hope on your behalf that certain parts of his anatomy shrivel up and fall off. You deserve better, no matter what weight you are at. It's hard not to internalize that kind of abuse, but remind yourself as often as you need to that he's garbage and did you a favor by taking himself out.

One thing about mental hunger or cravings is that they're almost never strong enough for me to actually get into a car and drive to a store to buy something. The first few weeks, I would end up digging until I found something else to eat, but the fewer options you make available, the more you have to admit to yourself that you're just bored or (as is often my case since I work from home) procrastinating. There have been times I would find myself staring into my pantry and I'd have to ask myself what exactly I thought I would find there. It's all canned beans and pasta sauce now. Generally I just ask myself if I want a snack badly enough to drive to the store for it, and the answer is always no. Oh, and I do all my grocery shopping online for pickup now to minimize the chances of throwing impulse buys into my cart.

With about 5 months ahead of you, I suggest making some changes to your eating now to break yourself of bad habits and get into better ones. For example, I started this journey in July and spent the first month cleaning my cupboards. As I used up unhealthy snack foods, sweets, and processed foods, I opted not to buy more. I replaced the crackers and chips I would snack on with dry roasted, lightly salted nuts. I added a lot of veggies and fruit to my diet every day. The next month, I stopped drinking diet soda and artificial sweeteners and cut way back on sugar. The next month, I stopped buying bread and cut way back on dairy. I bought a few bariatric cookbooks and have been finding recipes to try. I might still have bread, diet soda, dairy, or sweets every so often when I'm out, but I don't keep it in the house, which means I'm avoiding it probably 90% of the time. I also started taking my vitamins so I will be in the habit of taking them every day and not forgetting. Oh, and I got into a good routine with water and trying to remember to take a water bottle with me wherever I go. Changes like that will hopefully go a long way in helping you feel mentally prepared for the changes you have to make post-surgery.