BlessedMomma91

Thanks for the support, advice, and encouragement from all of you. I haven't decided what I'm going to do from here yet. I'm trying to let my emotions settle before making any drastic decisions. I have a lot to think about. I just wish I could tell myself that his opinion doesn't matter and I wanna do this for me. However, I can't shake it and I'm hurting. I'm drained. However, I did workout this morning before work. I think it's even harder when he is home because I can't even look at him. We are very involved in our church and that is also making things harder because I don't know how to proceed with that in mind either. And my whole family thinks my husband is amazing so I just feel alone.

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you mentioned that he said what he said after an argument. dunno what the argument was about, and it probably doesn't matter, but its pretty typical for one partner to say something hurtful to the other during an argument. not saying its okay by any means, but i would lean towards getting some marriage counselling stat, IF you want to make honest efforts to mend the relationship.
if money is an issue, look into community offerings, maybe even a good book that you BOTH read and practice...the caveat being you BOTH have to go into it with mending in mind.
Barring that, individual counselling just for you would probably be really helpful (kudos for already seeing a bariatic therapist!).
Its hard to navigate life when validation of self is sought or dependent from/on others...one will never be satisfied.
You and you alone is the only requirement to say you are excellent. Know and believe you are and u will be.
Good Luck! [emoji3590]

We've even talked about what he said later on and he is still sticking to his story. So it wasn't just out if anger which hurts more. I'm trying to retrain my mind to do it for me and build my own self confidence and be secure in who I am. However, it's hard when I've been rejected my whole life and now the man that is suppose to love me tells me this. Trying to build myself is causing a little resentment and anger towards him. I just feel depressed and a little lost. Then I'm angry at myself for believing the lies and staying for the last 16 years just because I love him. Then the kids also come into play. Then he asked me today how long am I gonna be depressed for and act like this? Really! I was taking a nap after work because I am exhausted mentally.

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He said he loves you. That is something to work on. Find out what those reasons are. Love is more than just physical attraction because at some point we all will lose it. What then?
Just another view.... but if you find you need more, nothing wrong with that either. Best you can do is not give up on yourself. Not for anyone. {{hugs}}

I agree but that hurt seems to be turning into anger and little resentment. So counseling is a must but I don't know either.

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So sorry to hear that you are with a piece of ****. “Never attracted.” “Emotionally invested”? What the heck. I hope you can look in the mirror and be proud of what you are doing and how far you have come. I hope you can find the strength to know you deserve to be loved and supported the way YOU need. I hope your children can look at you and say damn, my momma is so strong she don’t take **** from anyone. You deserve to be respected and if you have to ask for that then maybe it’s not the right relationship.
[emoji177][emoji175][emoji177]

Thank you. I'm trying...

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I'm so sorry you're going through this, anytime, but it's hitting you harder right now!
First off, I really think you need to talk to a bariatric psychologist because they are neutral. They can help you work through some of these feelings without any judgement.
This is just my opinion, but, I think your husband is already feeling threatened by your weight loss. He's trying to make sure he can keep control of you by complimenting you and then turning around and saying hurtful things to you! No one deserves to be treated like that!
Please talk to someone, you are worth way more than what he's giving you. If you're not happy, your family is going to feel it too. You need to be strong and not let anyone take the joy out of your life!

I see a bairatric psychologist. I see her again in a few weeks but have missed my last few appointments because of my new job. She has already recommended marriage counseling but that's easier said than done. Cost and finding one close to my small town that accepts my insurance is very difficult. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place in terms of my marriage. We have 4 kids so that makes things tougher.

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Hello BlessedMomma, You have had everything fall on you at once and its overwhelming. As we say here ' you have been sh*t on from a great height' You are not being dramatic or shallow. TBH, your husband is a very cruel liar and for what ever the reason he has said, he has used you.
Did you loose weight for him? your children ? or just you? Please say you did this for yourself. Try and eat well and be strong in front of your children. Missing working out for a while is ok if you can eat fairly well. Reach out to family and friends and ask if they can help. You need a shoulder to cry on at the moment. It can be me. Massive hugs

I had thought I did this for me, my kids, and my husband. However, this hurt more than I would like to admit so I think I was doing it more for him than I originally thought. I knew I was off track with my exercise and snacking but didn't realize it started shortly after the argument until yesterday. I mentioned how much it hurt, my loss of motivation, and being off track to him. He said I can't put that on him and he is still working out even though we have marriage issues and other stress. I guess he's right though... I am responsible for my own actions. I just don't think he understands how I feel and to know I'm married to someone who will never make me feel beautiful or confident. I want the compliments and for him to be proud that Im his wife. He is a handsome man and has never dealt with issues like that. I have all these people around me telling me how great I look and all my hardwork is paying off except for the one person that I need to hear it from. He has told me I've lost a lot and look better. But I guess it's still not satisfactory.

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Hey,

I'm about 6 months out from my sleeve. I've lost about 90lbs from my surgery date. I have been working out and eating my best. However, my life has changed dramatically in the last 2 months. So it was already difficult to find time to workout. I felt like my weight-loss goals were starting to be pushed back for other obligations such as my new job, my kiddos sports schedules, summer break, and such. So finding the motivation at 5am or at 10pm to workout was tough but I was doing it. Then about 2 weeks ago, my husband and I got into an argument. He confesses that he isn't attracted to me and never was. He said he loves me for other reasons and he was emotionally invested before we met in person. We've been together since 2007. I know I should be working out and losing weight for myself and my kids but I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. All my motivation is gone. Why workout if the man you'll be with forever isn't satisfied either way? I feel heartbroken and betrayed. Am I being too dramatic or shallow?

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I'm 32 and had sleeve surgery 6 months ago. I've lost 90lbs since my pre-op class (2 weeks before my surgery). And I have a huge amount of loose skin on my arms, belly, butt, and thighs. My face has adjusted well. So age is not always a factor... genetics, how much u lose, how quickly, and body type factors are most important. I have about the same amount of skin as my 65 year old grandma who had the same surgery 7 years ago and lost about the same. We are close to the same size now. She took collagen and a hair/nails/skin supplements. I didn't take anything extra for my skin or any type of collagen. Just some aveeno for dry skin every now and then.

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Such an inspiration. I'm about 6 months out from surgery and have started training to run a marathon. Some days it is super difficult still. Seeing this post has given me hope that hard works really does pay off. Congrats on all your accomplishments.

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I am about 12 weeks out from the sleeve. I have more variety and fewer restrictions. However, I have noticed I stopped eating slowly. I still use a baby spoon to keep my bites small but stopped timing my bites 1 minute apart like suggested by my team. I think I stopped because I was tired of my food being cold after a few nibbles. Also, I would stop eating not because I was full but because it took so long... I'm a busy mom of 4 kiddos. So I really picked up the pace. I've noticed it's easier to overeat due to delayed hunger signals but I still have never vomited or been in pain. My full signal seems to be pressure in my stomach/chest area.. almost the same signal I had if I overdid it at a buffet before surgery. However this feeling only lasts about 20 mins now versus hours before surgery. My question is why do we eat slow? Is it just to avoid delayed hunger signals? What are the cons of not slowing down?

I'm still pre-weighing my food so I know I'm not eating more than I would if I ate slow. Could I have stretched my sleeve already? I do consistently have the stuffed feeling after eating the last few weeks.

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I heard that the weight lost from surgery day to the 12 week mark is most commonly half of what the patient will lose total by their 1 year mark? For example, if I've lost 30 pounds by my 12 week weigh-in, I will only lose another 30 by my 1 year surgery anniversary. For a total of 60 pounds lost in the first year post-op. How true is this for you guys? Are most of you done losing around the 1 year mark?

I know everyone is different and each situation is unique. I'm just wondering out of curiosity.

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Do you stop eating when you feel your restriction kick in or do you try to stop before you feel it? By waiting for the restriction to quit eating, will you stretch your pouch out? How do you know when to stop before you hit your restriction? Is there signs or do you just eat a certain amount and quit? I'm only 5ish weeks out and still on purees. I'm still learning my new stomach. I believe I get a full feeling/pressure on me chest/esphogis area.

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I had my sleeve on 11/7.

During the strict 2 week preop stage, I was utterly exhausted. My first 5-7 days after surgery I was miserable so my fatigue was the last of my worries. Then I felt fine and had my energy to do normal cleaning and errands. However, I tried the treadmill and after 5 mins I was worn out (I used to walk 3 miles daily pre-surgery). However, this last week, I've been exhausted to the point I have to sit and take a break while cleaning or even showering. I'm not sure why. My bairatric team strongly encourages walking still and will expect regular routine exercising after I get clearance. It's just so difficult to even get normal tasks done without the extra walking. Plus the weather is freezing here.

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thanks… just more annoyed that i had to go through it again… was nasty, still is… only gained 2 lbs from Fluid from the er visit [emoji6] that will flow out in a couple days

Oh no! Not again. Praying! You have really had a tough time. Keep your chin up though.. you have already made so much progress and you'll be back to normal before you know it.

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Okay. That makes me feel better. Thank you. I am on pureed foods until at least Dec 21st.

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Hey guys! I had my sleeve on Nov 7th. I'm doing pretty good. Just wondering how many calories you all are eating? I'm getting around 400-500. I feel like that is high especially for such small amounts of food. I eat 3 (2oz) meals of pureed food, 2 Premier Protein shakes (160 calories per shake), and of course my Water.

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17 minutes ago, KimA-GA said:

How are you doing?

I am doing really well. The first week was relentless and I was miserable. I am kinda adjusting to my new normal now. I was allowed to start a very limited selection of soft foods yesterday along with my 2 Protein Shakes. I am still super nervous about it. I can't seem to tell when I'm full. Doc said only 2 tbsp max once a day for now so I stop there (or before that) even though i don't feel any different than before eating it. I'm definitely still learning my body. I am happy with my progress so far. How are you feeling today? Hoping you're still improving. Btw my name is Kim too! 😀

HW: 311

First day of 2wk Pre-op diet: 280

Day of surgery (11/7): 273

Today: 257

Wow! You've really been through the ringer. I admire your positive attitude and pray for you to continue to heal and prosper. I had my sleeve on 11/7. I enjoy following your story. You are doing fantastic.

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I had the sleeve on Nov 7th. Is it normal to have cravings? I still find myself grabbing for things (healthy and not healthy) just to realize nope I can't eat food right now. Of course, I am following my docs instructions and have only had Protein Shakes, Water, Popsicles, and diluted "cream of" Soups. I swear sometimes I am actually hungry but my team says there is no way. It's so hard to tell between the two hungers. How do you?

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Just wanted to update: My intestines were just taking their time to wake up after anesthesia. I could not get rid of the gas so there was a crazy amount of pressure on my stomach and insides. Friday night, things finally started moving (5 days after surgery). I felt like a new woman on Saturday. Limited nausea and pain. Today, I'm still doing well except for spasms after drinking fluids (still on all fluids). Doc said they normally go away after a week or so but of course my body is holding on. I'm also trying to navigate diarrhea and Constipation.

My doc, office staff, hospital staff, church, family, and husband (And of course you all) have been amazing supports. I pray I continue to improve and can say I no longer regret the surgery (eventhough I'm still super early into the post op process).

Thank you all for your kind words and letting me know I'm not alone. You've all truly been a blessing. [emoji173]

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I had my sleeve on Monday. They kept at the hospital 2 nights for nausea and pain. I am now home but still have constant nausea even though I'm on 3 different nausea meds and terrible gas pains (I'm on 2 meds for that as well). I am always up walkng. I keep dry heaving and actually threw up stomach acid last night. I regret doing this surgery so badly. I can't sleep due to the nausea and pain either. Anyone else go through this?

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4 minutes ago, ShoppGirl said:

Are you doing shakes. It could be the shakes causing the heartburn and all that?? Maybe try a different brand of shake. In terms of it getting easier it does for almost everyone. Most of us (with the exception of a small few) lose our hunger hormones post surgery so we only have to fight with head hunger which is usually a little easier to ignore. If you do continue to fight head hunger and it’s difficult for you, some people find it helpful to work with a bariatric therapist to get to the bottom of the cravings and learn different ways to cope with them.

Yep, 2 shakes a day and then 1 meal from the list of acceptable meats/veggie in very small portions. I am using the nectar chocolate Protein Powder in milk. I am continuing to see my bariatric therapist that my bariatric center had me go to for my evaluation. She's amazing. I'm so glad to hear that it normally gets better for most. This week has been tough. I don't know how people do it for longer than 2 weeks or even stricter diets pre-op.

I'm 6 days into my 2 week pre-op diet. Surgery is the 7th. I didn't expect the pre-op diet to be so difficult. The first 4 days were absolutely horrible and had me rethinking everything. It's tolerable now. But my question is since starting it, I've had heartburn, indigestion, burping, and nausea. Anyone else experience this?

The hunger pains were terrible the first few days but have gotten better but definitely still there. I'm getting about 550-700 calories a day as required with the diet guidelines. I had a few days where I felt sorry for myself because I couldn't have the food my family is eating (I still have to feed hubby and 4 kiddos) but told myself that is same the food that made me this way. I had to morn my unhealthy relationship with food for a few days. It was crazy because I kept reaching for food or getting ready to plan to go out to eat out of habit until I was like wait, I can't have that.

Please tell me this gets better after surgery when the diet is even more strict? It's the hunger pains, cravings, and indigestion that needs to go.

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11/7 for my sleeve

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I'm having my sleeve on Nov 7th!!! This pre-op diet is killing me right now.. I'm only 3 days into it.

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