ScaredButReady2.0

I’m glad to hear you are doing better but sorry you are still struggling.

I’m working closely with a therapist (for years now) … since my accident, and talking through my decision to take this step (surgery … I’m scheduled for next Tuesday). I also see a separate therapist with my husband.

There are days I feel like both are a waste of time, but usually I feel like it helps and I even look forward to it sometimes. Even sessions when I don’t think are really head on dealing with “things”… usually end up lightening my load and making everything easier to deal with until my next session.

My best therapy advice is find someone you connect with and you enjoy talking to. Sometimes you need to go through more than one, and that’s ok. When you find the right person - it will make all the difference in the world.

Thankfully my therapist is experienced with bariatric / weight loss issues. If he wasn’t, I would reach out to my bariatric program (they have a great therapist in house) or if I wasn’t comfortable with their person, I’d ask them for a referral.

I hope things continue to get better.

How are you doing now? I hope you're better!

I have always enjoyed eating, and still do but differently. While everyone else is eating plates of food, I am focused on bites of food, usually off their plates. It fosters a great sense of sharing and connection.
You can eat one bite of the absolutely worst food and a more bites of food that fits into your plan with nary an argument to be had. If it's what everyone wants' to do, you can play.
Really, fighting on vacation is a great way to ruin a vacation, especially when you are the cause. You are above living to eat now. But it doesn't mean you can't enjoy eating while you live.
Good luck,
Tek

Sorry you are feeling so out of step with your family. Maybe turn meals into a social event for you? you can enjoy the small portions of things at the restaurant and really try to spend the time talking or maybe playing some games around the table? Change it into an advantage for you since you won’t be spending as much time consuming as much. Or go on after meal walks or other low budget adventures.

If there is more to it, I hope you can find the cause and bring it out in the open and deal with what’s upsetting you.

Perhaps just talk to them and have good conversations. Enjoy their company. It isn't about food but being together.

I think you should talk to a therapist or doctor. To cause family disruption just because you can't eat and be this upset suggests other deeper issues, either physically, emotionally or mentally. For example, one of my siblings had anger issues and many times it was due to a chemical imbalance.

Are you in Canada? (Just assuming)
I love Canada!

Just curious where you… there has to be free events going on. Find a festival or something like that? Not sure your kids ages and what not, but there has to be some space in your trip for a variety of activities- not just eating. Sounds like he is being passive aggressive towards you, maybe resenting that you can’t join them in the gluttony.
Sounds rough. Sorry you’re having to deal with this.

So I'm at a restuarant just drove to another county got an airbnb and now at lunch, now what? Everyone is hungry ready to eat. Our drive consisted of bickering and upset feelings mostly led by me. I told my husband we should charter a boat he said that's not in our budget. But they are okay just eating food. I can't eat food anymore so looking for something else to fill the space as I am feeling extremelyoverwhelmed and sad. This surgery is not for people who live on a budget. Not being able to afford an impromptu trip, or excursions or activity outside of eating while on vacation or even while not. Leaves you feelings EMPTY, MISUNDERSTOOD, and SORRY FOR YOURSELF! I absolutely hate this! I hear on a well deserved vacation and can't even enjoy it. I'm doing everything to fight from crying and I feel on the edge. My family relies on Me for the positive ENERGY if I have a meltdown ot was cause so much issues. feelings so helpless

Sent from my SM-G998U using BariatricPal mobile app

Ok breathe. You slipped but you also now know why there is a staged return to eating - to protect & support your healing tummy.
What you are experiencing is grief & regret. This isn’t uncommon. You’ve been through a pretty major surgery, your hormones have gone haywire, you’ve had to make massive changes to how & what you ate & you can’t have food or alcohol which previously comforted you & gave you pleasure.
This will pass. Before you know it you will be eating solid food again, eating more & eventually you will enjoy a drink again. Yes, your tummy may struggle with certain foods to begin but this improves too. You are really learning how & what to eat all over again & learning what your body needs you to eat. You’ll be trying new foods, new recipes, etc. too.
I still enjoy food & I still eat out (went to a French restaurant last night). I’m just more careful with my food choices & portions usually without issue. I still drink (had a cocktail & a small glass of Grenache) but not as frequently - drink quality not quantity now. I look at food & alcohol differently. That old adage of eating to live not living to eat is true.
I didn’t have any comorbidities either but I knew that if I continued as I was or put on more weight it would be a different story. I was obese & I didn’t want to be. I’m a clothing person & I couldn’t wear the designers I loved anymore. Though not physically limited in any way, my stamina was poor & some things needed more & more effort to do. My weight came on suddenly. I always bounced around but ten years before my surgery I was 59kgs. Six years later I was 91 (damn hormones & menopause). Best decision I made. Remember the reasons you had to have the surgery.
You may find it helpful to meet with a therapist (your team should be able to recommend someone). Many find therapy extremely helpful.

Omg you sound exactly like I did, DID being the important word here. You are going through a grieving process and denial in one of the stages. Don't drink any more alcohol until later down the track. How soon after eating did you drink ? Maybe you didn't wait long enough. Sorry to hear you quit your job was that because of how you are feeling now? I would get some counselling asap it's not an Instant fix but it will help. What you are going through is very normal for some of us and believe it or not it gets better much better. Once it starts to get better it gets better very quickly and you wish the heavy restriction stage lasted a bit longer. Hang in there [emoji173]

Are you on a PPI, or any other meds for acid reflux? Painful or burning throat is a symptom of this. (Also, the vodka *may* have contributed as well…it’s advised to stay away from alcohol to reduce presence or worsening or development of GERD)

I promise it will get better.
I’m 3 . 5 years post op and I eat pretty much whatever I want , just much smaller amounts . I do watch my sugar and carbs intake , I do eat them but only tiny amounts .
I still enjoy going out to eat with my husband and I still love cooking .
Thankfully I have maintained a steady 105 pound weight loss.
Good luck and keep your chin up .
You will come out of this phase soon , honestly.
Try to find a new hobby as soon as you’re up to it .
I discovered spin class 4 times a week and it helps me so much with my mental attitude , and allows the indulgences once in a while

I drank a few sips of ice tea and vodka and now I feel like there a lump in my throat and my stomach hurts! I REGRET THIS Surgery so much... why did I do this I wasn't huge the scale said that but I had a flat stomach big legs, no HBP, no Diabetes, just IBD, AND GERD! WHY I have no identity now. Eating out, at home, drinking gave me so much pleasure. I feel so stupid.

I can't even eat more than 2 bites, I don't want this anymore. I even quit my job.

I hate it here! My throat hurts so weird

Sent from my SM-G998U using BariatricPal mobile app

I start my liquid diet on June 20th. 5 Protein Shakes a day and broth and sugar free liquids. Any tips?

As someone who is 3-ish weeks out from surgery, I completely understand how you feel. I don’t have much of a desire to eat anything or drink anything, because everything gives me heartburn or indigestion. I’m really tired and I miss going out to drink with my friends. The only things I can keep down are Soup and ice pops. Even Water makes be feel a little ick sometimes. I used to be able to drink 64 oz. of water in like a half hour, and now I can barely get down 1/4 of that amount without feeling gross.
I’m going to be patient with myself and say that this takes time. But 4-6 months feels so far away. And when food is a basic thing you need to function, and something you relied heavily on, every day feels like it’s going at a snails pace.
I mean all of this to say that you aren’t alone in this. I know exactly how you feel.

I completely understand the part about enjoying meals with your husband. One of the ways my spouse showed love was through cooking elaborate, delicious meals (which is a big part of the reason I got so big in the first place). I thought that would be taken away from us and would be a source of friction, but three years later we can enjoy a lovely meal together--but my portions are much smaller now!
I will be honest--I had major regrets about having the surgery for the first four to six weeks. I know you said you don't want to hear it, but three years later I'm thrilled I did it, and my only regret is not having done it sooner.

Since you're so early out from surgery, I can tell you this is normal. Hormones are wacky because this is a MAJOR surgery. The first 2 weeks I couldn't drink very well at all. I was on an all liquid diet for 2 weeks post op and it really hurt to drink. But, and I know you don't want to hear this, but it got better. IT WILL GET BETTER. Once you get to the mushy stage, it'll be Heaven. I'm 6 weeks out, and I can eat normal foods. The trick for me, since I never lost my hunger hormone and don't have restriction, is to stick super close to my bariatric diet. But I can tell you, you will be able to eat normal foods again. Maybe not rice or breads or pasts (or if you do, extremely small amounts), but meats, veggies, etc will definitely be ok. You just gotta get there. I know it's hard, but the end results are so worth it. I've lost 33 pounds in 6 weeks (an average of 5 1/2 pounds per week). And I had a miserable 2 week stall where I actually gained 5 pounds. And since then, once the stall broke, I lost those 5 pounds plus more. So while it's tough right now, make sure you get in your Protein (shakes, protein Water, etc), and make sure you're walking everyday. It really will get better. It took 3 weeks before all of my pain went away, but now I can do whatever I want exercise wise, and I can eat what I want as long as I make sure A) I don't eat portions that are too big I don't graze throughout the day C) I only eat what my stomach can tolerate (lettuce is a no no for me), and D) I stick to 60-80g of protein a day, less than 50g of carbs a day, and less than 50g of fats per day. You'll get there, and you'll look back on how you feel right now and really feel proud of yourself for how far you've come.

Sleevediva you too should be incredibly proud of how far you have come in such a short space of time.
I want to share what I have finally realised after months of saying I have no restriction, I am still getting hungry.
My full feeling is no longer the same feeling it was before surgery at this point it's hard for me to describe how it feels as it can change from day to day sometimes it's just a " I don't feel like eating any more of that". It certainly isn't the hard stop eating or you will explode feeling I thought it would be. Most times it's very subtle and the further away from surgery I am the more subtle it seems to be. Now hunger omg I can get this "my stomach is an empty pit" feeling while I am eating and directly after eating it was the worst, this was happening almost every meal at one point it also happened to my surgery buddy we discovered that if we had a small drink before eating (10 mins ) and a few small sips after eating this helped. we then tried to drink more during the day this also helped so we figured this feeling was thirst related. Head hunger is the hardest to over come my head hunger is triggered by time, you know look at the clock oh its lunchtime and the obvious see something yummy and want it. So now I stop and think does my stomach need food or is it just my head. Most times it's my head my true hungry stomach feeling is a weird growly feeling and if I am honest I eat before I feel real physical hunger most times.
Snacking/ grazing is something that is getting harder to get a hold of as it gets easy to eat and drink food so much easier. [emoji31].
Anyway my point is our full and hungry cues after surgery can be very different to what they were pre surgery we just have to work out what they are for our bodies. I hope this helps.

I had mine May 17th and my hormones have been all over the place. I know exactly how you feel. It’s normal to feel upset and have mixed feelings. A friend of mine that had it told me it happened to her and I would feel that way as well. She was certainly right. It’s a huge adjustment. Give yourself some time. Does your Bariatric Team have support meetings? I know I’m planning on attending some myself. You hang in there. I will certainly be glad to talk to you if you need anything.

You will be fine, I was a mess after my surgery I was convinced I would NEVER eat or drink normally again. How wrong I was. It took me until the 4 month to finally start feeling better, I cried multiple times a day I couldn't go to work I was a mess. I beat myself up for having the surgery it was awful. Keep in mind your hormones are all over the place and you are most likely grieving your old way of eating and drinking and worried about the unknown.. I am here at 11 months out and I can tell you you will feel better, you will feel amazing when you are shopping for new clothes, can walk up a hill without feeling like you are not going to make it, paint your toes nails easily so many things to look forward too. AND you will be able to have that beef stew and a Martini [emoji38]

Im 4 weeks out and questioning whether i should've done this, im experiencing pain when eating in soft phase so am reverting back to Soups for a few days but im also feeling like there is no end to this, ive gone back to work now and honestly that is helping as its moving my focus away from the surgery. I'm not suggesting you do that now as you n body need time to recover but try something like drawing or paint by numbers as distraction, i did needlework (cross stitch) and that really helped too

Sent from my SM-S908E using BariatricPal mobile app

[mention=397017]lizonaplane[/mention] & [mention=396684]ShoppGirl[/mention] are correct. You’ve just had pretty major surgery, your hormones are out of whack, your digestive system has been altered, something you relied on to provide emotional support (food) has been taken away from you, … Give yourself time to heal & recover -physically, mentally & emotionally. And I’m going to say it: it does get better & easier.
The staged return to eating is to support the healing of your tummy. In a few weeks on soft foods you’ll be able to have some of that tender beef stew (just no rice unless it’s cauliflower rice). Yes, it will be a much smaller portion but you’ll be eating more slowly so your family will finish their serve about the same time you likely be finished too.
Think of all the new recipes you & your husband will be able to try or reinvent with alternative ingredients.
I also agree with [mention=397017]lizonaplane[/mention] suggestion to meet with a therapist. Many bariatric patients swear by the support they received through therapy & how it helped change their relationship with food, how they see themselves, etc.
I still drink just not as often & not as much. I say I drink quality (like champagne not sparkling) not quantity now. I often go out to restaurants. French, Italian, Japanese, Greek, etc. fine dining, bistros, cafes. I’m just careful with my menu sections. And I’m not afraid to ask to take leftovers home even in fine dining restaurants (took home duck breast, duck rillette, parsnip purée & baby carrots the other night).

I agree with lizonaplane. If you are early out not only do you have remorse because of the recovery process but your hormones are often going haywire for several months. I was able to eat almost anything by 6 months out and I did on occasion have treats. You will just find that you don’t really have as much desire for the higher calorie foods and when you do eat them you are able to eat a much smaller portion.

How long ago did you have surgery? If it's in the last month or so, what you're feeling is completely normal; many people have "buyer's remorse" after surgery. I sure did! I couldn't eat anything without pain and nothing tasted good for three months or so. By about 4 months out, I started to enjoy eating again. I can eat pretty much anything now at nine months out, though smaller portions. Which is exactly what I wanted. I could eat beef stew with rice (although, I'm not a fan of rice!). I just have to be careful not to eat junk food, which I can eat too much of too easily.
This is a very hard process and I recommend you meet with a bariatric therapist.
My family and I really enjoy going out to eat and trying new foods when we travel. We still do that, I just don't finish everything now. You will still be able to enjoy your husband's cooking. I think I appreciate food more now because I'm actually savoring it, not just inhaling it.
I think it will get better for you.

I am very sad, I can't drink anything without feeling pain. I miss eating a full meal with my family. I don't want to hear I will be better for it, I don't want to hear I'll be happy in the end!!! My Husband and me bond over his cooking (he is an amazing cook) and how great it taste and a Martini or 3 almost every night. He is athletic BTW! All the people I told about this surgery said why are you doing this, you're beautiful, you're not that big! I spent most of my life feeling like an IMPOSTOR in my skin. I feel beautiful some days and some days I felt just unattractive and honestly FAT! I could never say that out loud before.

I am depressed alot but I'm functional and the one thing I could control whether happy or sad was what I wanted to eat! Now I don't even have that anymore. It's been replaced by emptiness, unsatisfactory feeling, pain, and loneliness. God I want that beef stew and white rice it smells amazing and probably tastes 100 times better than that. Instead I have to settle FOR MASSIVE Indegestion and 30 MLs of emptiness! I ABSOLUTELY REGRET THIS SO MUCH!!!

Sent from my SM-G998U using BariatricPal mobile app

I guess each doctor is different, I’m on my week 4 and I’m not allow to eat tortillas. Only crackers. I do eat Protein ( chicken, turkey, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots) all veggies overcook so it can be easier to chew. I seen many people eating beef and pork. With my Doctor I’m not allow to eat beef and pork in 6 months after the surgery. I did bought whole grain tortillas but I’m not going to eat them. I hear the first 3 months are the months you will lose the most weight so I want to take advantage of that and make my surgery and money worth every sacrifice.