My dad always told me that when you cant stop dwelling on what people say about you, you are letting them live rent free in your head. Well...there was a comment made on Sunday that I cant seem to evict!
My husband and I were visiting my inlaws in another state. We attended the church where my FIL is a preacher. We always attend church with them when we visit. Last visit we made was 2 weeks post op, so I had not lost really anything at that point. This was the first time the people at the church have seen me since my extreme weight loss. A lot of people made comments about how great I looked, and that didnt bother me at all. However, two ladies came up to my husband and I, told me I looked so good, then they turned to my husband and said, "looks like you really made out on that deal!" My husband laughed and said, "Yeah my investment really paid off!" For background, we got married two months before my surgery.
I tried to laugh it off in the moment, but I really had to bite back tears. I have never felt that my husband looked at me any differently at 284 or 140. He himself has said that he only saw me, never my weight. He says he loves me regardless.
Both comments, from the lady AND my husband's reply has been on repeat in my head all week. Who finds that comment appropriate to say to anyone?? I was a catch at my HW and I am no more or less of a catch at my CW. He didnt marry me hoping I would lose weight and look better physically, at least I would certainly HOPE not, seeing as he is overweight himself.
It was inappropriate and hurtful. Normally, I would address my husbands comment with him in private. However, our marriage has been rough (to say the least) lately and I didnt want to start an argument. I know he will tell me that it was a joke, I am being too sensitive and overthinking it. Which...maybe I am but that doesnt make the comments hurt less.
I dont know...I guess i just needed to vent to people that would understand!
Based on what you're telling us here and some of your responses in the comments, I hope y'all decide to seek counseling. Being weary of expressing to your partner how their actions made you feel is not a healthy place to be in a relationship. It only breeds resentment which will just create an even further wedge between you all.
You're not wrong or overly sensitive for feeling how feel. However, not talking to your husband and understanding his intentions will leave you battling with your own conclusions. I really hope y'all can work it out.
Personally, I don't think he meant anything by it even though I do agree that the comment was off putting.
Living Rent Free
in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Posted
Based on what you're telling us here and some of your responses in the comments, I hope y'all decide to seek counseling. Being weary of expressing to your partner how their actions made you feel is not a healthy place to be in a relationship. It only breeds resentment which will just create an even further wedge between you all.
You're not wrong or overly sensitive for feeling how feel. However, not talking to your husband and understanding his intentions will leave you battling with your own conclusions. I really hope y'all can work it out.
Personally, I don't think he meant anything by it even though I do agree that the comment was off putting.