You know I've researched for over a year, spent countless night watching other people's journey, taking class and I still feel as if I fell short. For the first time since my surgery (Jan 22nd) I broke completely down, I knew it was going to be hard but you never realize how truly difficult it is until you go through it. Tomorrow is my birthday and I've been a bit depressed so I got my favorite Indian dish pureed and just couldn't...it made me cry. The struggle of eating and constantly feeling it go to my stomach or swallowing to much air and getting gas, having to count and count and count. Don't forget the Protein, don't forget to hydrate, or your Vitamins. I want to do everything right but I feel like I'm coming up short. I can't stand the taste of any food or Protein Drink, trying to hydrate is a b***h because I keep thinking I'm going slow and end up getting bad cramps from it....and those monstrous bricks they call vitamins make me gag or vomit ugh. I know it'll get better I know this will pass but being in the present and feeling like I'm getting no where is killing me. And the mood swings don't make it any better...I'm incredibly sad or angry all the time. I don't regret this at all I just wish I could make the progress I'm supposed to be making and enjoy it. I've lost 25 pounds since surgery so I'm grateful for that, its just such a long and lonely process since no one around me understands. They say they do but they really don't.... just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
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