Stina537

3 hours ago, GradyCat said:

Oh goodness, you're in a difficult situation. How do you put up with his negativity? I'm so sorry you're going through this. So as to the surgery, it's just a tool. Having surgery doesn't make you weak and obviously if you could have done it on your own, you would have, but you need this tool, like the rest of us here do, millions of us around the world. Obesity is real and a b***h, if you'll pardon my language. But you're very strong for realizing that you need to do something about it and you'll put in a lot of hard work after WLS to keep the weight off and follow the program, so don't let him make you feel that it's the weak way out. Talk to your counselor at the surgeon's office, there should be one provided with your program, and tell them about your lack of support so they can assist you. We're here in these forums to support and encourage you as well. Do what's best for YOU!

I don't think he wants to keep me fat to "keep me down". I thibk he doesn't want to deal/ see a cpap machine or have to help me after surgery or go through all that. He just thinks if you eat less and workout then I should lose weight. He sees the surgery as an extra ordeal he will have to deal with. I would divorce now but there are other factors at play that I don't want to get into whether fat or skinny I stand up for myself. I will be seeking out a counselor for additional support.

2 minutes ago, Deb9386 said:

It sounds as if he's being really horrible to you and that must be hard. But you've made the decision to go ahead with wls and while it's difficult without support at home, you can definitely do it.

My extended family is really supportive, which helps a lot.

3 hours ago, GradyCat said:

Oh goodness, you're in a difficult situation. How do you put up with his negativity? I'm so sorry you're going through this. So as to the surgery, it's just a tool. Having surgery doesn't make you weak and obviously if you could have done it on your own, you would have, but you need this tool, like the rest of us here do, millions of us around the world. Obesity is real and a b***h, if you'll pardon my language. But you're very strong for realizing that you need to do something about it and you'll put in a lot of hard work after WLS to keep the weight off and follow the program, so don't let him make you feel that it's the weak way out. Talk to your counselor at the surgeon's office, there should be one provided with your program, and tell them about your lack of support so they can assist you. We're here in these forums to support and encourage you as well. Do what's best for YOU!

I am seeking out my own counseling so I cope with the random spurts of assholeness. He is naturally slim and never knew what the struggle of someone who has been overweight their entire life. His culture is by default rude. For example his sister has lupus and is on medication that makes her swollen, when they talk he calls her fat and you hear his mom and brothers chiming in the same rude comment. I just ignore him but do not allow him to think it is okay here so he keeps his comments to himself most of the time...

4 hours ago, LaoDaBeirut said:

I'm really sorry to hear this. To be honest this really doesn't sound healthy and possibly abusive. Do you have anyone else you can stay with?

Do the surgery for YOU. You deserve to live a happy and healthy, long life.

Unfortunately, that is not an option. I am not giving up my home and he isn't from this country. All his family is abroad. He says his BS sparingly. I just need somewhere to vent my frustration...

3 minutes ago, Hop_Scotch said:

I am sorry you are not getting the support you need from him. Almost sounds like emotional abuse to me. Do you think you (as in he and you) would benefit from marriage counselling? If he chooses not to go, I suspect you'd still get a lot out of it. I hope you are able to be assertive with him when he is beng rude and hurtful.

He comes from a culture where saying mean things is the norm and wouldn't go to counseling because they see that as something negative. I have been assertive with him and he doesn't say anything to me about it anymore. But what has been said has been said.

I am 36 and going through the pre-operation approval phase. Everything has been delayed due to covid. But I am almost at the point of scheduling surgery. I have been diagnosed with moderate sleep apnea and just received my cpap machine. My husband doesn't support my decision because he feels I should have taken my weight issues more serious when I was younger or started dating him and just lose weight naturally. He is from a different culture and very rude about this. It hurts because he will say mean things, like he doesn't know why he married a fat woman and that doesn't help when this is a very emotional process. I am doing this for me and so that I can live a better life and be there for my daughter. When he saw the cpap machine he became so rude and disgusted by the fact that I have to use this machine. I don't care what he thinks or says because I will divorce him if this continues. But it hurts for him to be so mean when I am trying to do something to better myself.