The Greater Fool

Your medical team's answer, actually, is the only answer that matters. What we say, as you know, strangers on the internet, should not matter to you at all. But, you do you, I guess. Good luck, Tek

I could not weigh at home for about the first 2.5(ish) years, so that would certainly kill some of you. Once I could, I did it for a couple weeks until I drove myself crazy (not a far trip), then gave it up. Once I stopped my monthly follow-ups, I didn't weigh between annual doctor visits. Still don't. The scale no longer has power over me. I guess when you go through a couple/three years of only weighing monthly you learn it's not the end of the world not to know your EXACT weight. Just keep following your plan, then rest happens on it's own. Oh. Scales lie. There! Good luck, Tek

It's normal. If you didn't lose weight for another couple weeks it would still be normal. Get off the scale, it doesn't make you lose weight faster. See? I didn't do the "scales lie" routine. I can change! Good luck, Tek

This is called "grazing." If we sit and eat a bite of food when room for a bite of food opens up, we can eat quite a bit of food. Change it to include less than appropriate choices (not actually necessary, though) and we can easily get back up to our pre-op weights and more. It is also called "defeating your surgery." Don't do it. Follow the rules, and get up from the table when your rules say to. Don't build on the bad habit. You can do it, you've done it mostly for this long. Good luck, Tek

You can puree virtually anything. Thai Chicken as a favorite, Chicken Alfredo (sans Fettuccini), even did Mongolian BBQ. Pulled pork. Any protein you like, with a whatever little sauce you like for moisture, along with a veggie you like, just pureed. I was eating like a king, if a king ate 2-3 ounces of good food without chewing. Things like mashed potatoes were not in my program, nor were typical refried beans (too much fat, I learned later they make me dump anyhow). Focus on protein first, then veggies. Puree is easy! Good luck, Tek

If you have chronic pain, I would (and did) get myself to a pain management specialist. There are all kinds of new therapies for chronic pain and pain management stays on top of them. I swear by them. Good luck, Tek

I have it on good authority that scales lie. It must be true since I hear myself saying it all the time! Smart scales just have more to lie about. Minimally more to obsess about. Good luck, Tek

As usual, some people who hit the average swear by it, those that don't ridicule it. I hope EVERYONE draws the appropriate message. If it's not clear, statistics are crap. Here is the truth: A certain percentage (50-60%) hit average loss which is also 70-80% of goal. If you hit that and are happy, more power to you. [ETA: When I started, at my weight, I would have killed to hit average. I would have been fine.] If you're not happy with that, the averages need not have power over you. I lost goal and past goal, through little fault of my own, other than binge running. Anyone, through ridiculous acts or normal behavior can beat the averages. Statistics are lies. HUGE lies. I could post my statistics. Yeah, I have them. But I know they are mine, only mine. And may make a lot of people feel like crap: For 2 reasons: 1) I weighed more that most people here, so my monthly losses seem crazy, not so much for me as others (starting higher and lower) beat me. 2nd, I shot past goal because I was running 90+ miles a week. I couldn't eat enough to stop losing weight. What good does it do anyone here to know? None. Do you. No one here lives you. You may lose little or a lot, I think it's a crap shoot. Just don't compare, that is a losing game. Good luck, Tek

There are lies, damned lies, and statistics. You lose at your unique rate. Comparing to others, not matter how great yours are, are disappointing. Good luck, Tek

Any day now... Good luck, Tek

huh. My surgeon said it was because the risk of swallowing it was just too great, however small each patient thinks it may be. Our pouches / new stomachs are the perfect size for a piece of gum to muck it up. And unlike actual food, it doesn't dissolve. When you have to stick a grabber down someone's throat almost weekly, you tell your other patients "just don't chew gum." Good luck, Tek

Well that certainly is making bad situation great. There was a time when I wanted to go to school for my avocation but could never get more than a semester before a new project came up that demanded all my time. I'm too tired now Again, congratulations. Good luck, Tek

Congratulations on your success. Our stories aren't dramatically different. Dammit, I'm still working. Good luck, Tek

I have always enjoyed eating, and still do but differently. While everyone else is eating plates of food, I am focused on bites of food, usually off their plates. It fosters a great sense of sharing and connection. You can eat one bite of the absolutely worst food and a more bites of food that fits into your plan with nary an argument to be had. If it's what everyone wants' to do, you can play. Really, fighting on vacation is a great way to ruin a vacation, especially when you are the cause. You are above living to eat now. But it doesn't mean you can't enjoy eating while you live. Good luck, Tek

Planning on another donut anytime soon? Dumping can last 3-4 hours, depending on how far you went. When the diarrhea works it's way through you are prety much done. Best to just give in and sleep it off. Dumping is great, it teaches you in no uncertain terms that you don't want to eat whatever you ate ever again. Yet... soon enough you will try. You will eventually learn your limits. I'm a big fan of dumping. It has kept me on the almost straight and moderately narrow even all these years later. Good luck, Tek

Early on I recall eggs being just too hard on my stomach and just stayed away from them. Eventually my stomach started giving me the message to go forth and egg and things worked out well. I'm mostly a scrambles egg / omelet sort of guy. It was a while before I could get past one egg but even now two is pushing it. As times moves on food tolerances have moved into a more rational range than early post-op. Good luck, Tek

I'll take 2 chicken and 2 pork. Good luck, Tek

I have found that every phase of drinking is faster. The buzz hits quicker, but doesn't last as long, quickly giving way to the hangover (the headache you woke up with), and by early morning it's like it never happened. Be careful as this can really annoy partners that go through everything at the normal pace and wake with the hangover. So be sensitive and refrain from slamming doors and drawers over much, unless they acted poorly the night before. Good Luck, Tek

I've tried to spend time in the gym but no matter what I do or how I do it it's nothing less than torture. After I lost down to 100 pounds to go I decided to challenge myself with a program similar to C25K found in "the Idiot's guide to running." We were already walking 8-10 miles several times a week so I wasn't starting cold. Once I completed the program I started listening to audio books while I ran. I kept increasing time and distance until I decided on a new challenge: running a marathon. I got another book "Marathon Training for Dummies," changed my shoes, and before I knew it I was running 90+ miles a week. And I joined a gym, yuk. This gym had a running track, so my wife could gym and I could run. I did hit the machines on occasion to help my running, and yep, it was torture. Even running on a treadmill, and I did it more than I wanted, took the joy out of running. I started out the day running. It put a nice glow on the day as I felt I had done something good. It allowed me to ponder what I wanted to achieve that day, I got to spend time listening to a book, or actually a series of books. I never got a "runner's high" but I did feel good having done it. I discovered listening to audio books makes any chore better. Even when I have to do brain dead work at the office listening makes it better. My wife listens to music, how weird is that My main trick is not to do anything that feels like torture. It's impossible to maintain something I dislike, be it exercise, diet, work, or relationships. So, find something you enjoy then add audio books to it. Good luck, Tek

Thank you @SpartanMaker for pointing out things on which I could have been clearer. I know I often go overboard in detail but not so in this case. Hard to believe isn't it? I put plan exercise / movement, such as walking, outside the area we have a choice in experiencing pain or not. I was doing the proscribed walks around the ward for the 3 days I was there. The pain with such activity was more about getting up or sitting down. The actual walking wasn't a problem. In the hospital I had a bed that had to be the work of Satan himself as I found the guest chair far more manageable than the bed. In my mind I was thinking of the frequent bathroom trips, fetching food or drink, or other such "elective" upping and downing. A recliner gets you out of half of the upping and downing, a pillow mountain is nearly as good. On the taping the staples with duct tape I thought I was clear one should avoid applying the tape to the actual staples. Putting petroleum jelly on the staples, or placing gauze on the staples or even duct tape facing sticky side up all work fine. The point is to pull the skin together so that the pulling doesn't land on the staples. I haven't found a medical tape that can actually work as well as duct tape. I did the same thing after my Abdominoplasty (tummy-tuck) when the staples ran vertically identical to WLS post--op, with the extra added bonus of horizontally hip to hip. Normally staples aren't an issue for post-op on Tummy Tucks, but as it turned out they had to rip me open and fix the hemorrhaging. So staples were the choice for scar tissue wasn't the overriding issue. I also had 2 drains this time around. My surgeon actually got a kick out of it when he saw me plastered in duct tape. No staples were pulled in the use of duct tape. But a whole lot of staple line pain that could have been wasn't. I think we generally agree on pain management. Generally it's a bad idea to "tough it out" for a period as getting out of pain is harder than staying out of pain. Narcotics don't work well on acute pain situations (such as staple pain) but does work well on chronic pain (such as staple pain). In other words, narcotics don't work on the surprise, screaming pain caused by movement, but do work on the constant pain that is going on even when you aren't moving. As always talk to your surgeon. Never trust strangers on the internet. Good luck, Tek

Now we're in the territory where my surgical experience is meaningful. It seems like time for a colorful expletive. I had an open surgery, so they cut from just below my sternum to just above my pubic area. It took 30 some odd staples to seal me up. I also had a drain. Any movement was very painful. Any tug on the drain made the staple pain desirable. My #1 advice: Don't move. Do you really need to breath? When you simply have to move there are two schools of thought: 1) Move fast; 2) Move slow. Moving fast scrunches all that movement, and all that pain, to one short but intense burst of pain. But then it's done. Moving slow allows you to evade some pain, but the pain you have happens over a longer period of time but can seem to be at a lower intensity. I say mix it up. Keep the pain guessing. Here is the crappy part: Those precious oxycodone won't help the acute pain from moving around. You could be barely conscious but move slightly and the pain shoots right through. Save the pills for when you are achy, oxy does a great job for persistent pain. If you have a recliner go there and live for a while. Getting up and down is much easier when you are starting from a sitting position. If you don't have a recliner, build one on your bed with pillows. Duct Tape. Put duct tape over the staples so they aren't being pulled. You might want to put something non-sticky over the staples, With no skin pulling on the staples, you will have dramatically less pain when you move. Some folks may think surgical / medical tape would be the way to go, after all it's what the Docs use. Notice they didn't use any of those tapes... because they don't work. And sending you home in duct tape would have had people laughing. Trust me: Duct Tape. Things will improve dramatically when you get the staples plucked out. Those first minutes after those staples are gone are heaven. Getting them plucked out is a different story. 2 out of 3 staples say good-bye peacefully and quietly, and just as you relax thinking it's smooth sailing from here, that 3rd staple strikes. Yikes! But then the next 2 convince you that it's back to smooth sailing, when suddenly you're climbing down from the ceiling. But think about just 2-3 minutes from now when all the pain will be gone. This may be a good time for a pill. In no time you will be whining about the stall you started just about the time your staples came out. Good luck, Tek

Can anyone help? I need to know how much protein and calories these microbes add so I can put it in my tracker. Yes, I have a horrible sense of timing. Some would say so of my sense of humor... if I had one at all. I'm sure everyone that uses protein drinks knows that mixing protein drinks too far in advance can likewise open you up to microbial contamination. Be careful out there folks. Good luck, Tek

I didn't mean to completely ignore your mom's situation. But as you stated there is not a whole lot you can do, even if you were next to her 24 hours a day. It's a different world in China. And you're here. You probably are already doing what you can, which realistically isn't much. Being supportive, listening. Being ready to make plans and take action should Mom decide to do something. It's a carpy situation all around. You both feel helpless. Heck, I feel helpless. It's frustrating when you know what mom should do but can't get her to do it. I know I'm telling you stuff you already know because, well, you told us. I guess I just want you to know you've been heard. I wish there were something positive or a silver lining in there somewhere but that's just not the reality of the situation. Sorry I can't be more up or have any advice you haven't heard over and over. Again, take care of yourself first. It sounds heartless. Perhaps it is. Don't let them take you both down. Good luck, Tek

I agree wholeheartedly with @liveaboard15. Such people as your aunt are poison. Tell her that if she wants you dead then she gets her wish: You're dead to her. And never talk to her again. Family doesn't get special rights or privileges to treat you like carp. Cut her out. If she visits go to another room, or 'run an errand.' If other family hound you about 'respect' or 'honoring elders' or push visiting with the aunt remind them that she wants you dead. You're just giving her what she wants: one less niece. Tell them if they keep pushing you into a taxic situation they can be added to the ignore list. Life is to short to spend any of it on your aunt or anyone else that can't treat you with, at a minimum, basic courtesy. You are your first priority. Good luck, Tek

WLS isn't the easy way. It's hard differently. To the OP my suggestion is to keep talking to your hubby / family. You are upsetting the status quo and will be throwing all of your relationships out of balance. Some will become better, some will remain unchanged, and some will get worse. Some may dissolve altogether. Hopefully, after your surgery when it's no longer a choice but rather something with which to live, your hubby and family will jump on board to make the best of the situation. Maybe not. Keep talking, keep informing, keep relating what you hope to get from them even though they don't support the choice. Perhaps show them that in the past you've supported them when you disagreed. Keep the communication going. Enjoy the ride. Good luck, Tek