The Greater Fool

Hey, that's my shtick! Tek

I disagree with the first 1/3 of your post. As humans we project our experiences and feelings on what we see of others. I asked my wife about this idea that all marriages have abuse and she (and I) totally disagree. We also were up close viewers of our parents marriages and saw nothing close to abuse. Arguments? Boy howdy! But no abuse. The second 1/3 I don't disagree, but have a different take. In physics, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Marriages are not physics, but in some respects like a balance scale. When one side changes the other side must compensate in some way or the scale goes unbalanced. if or when we throw things out of balance we don't know what will happen on either side of the balance. We are often surprised what actually changes and where. The last 1/3. We are notoriously bad at predicting the future. All we can do now is express possibilities. Intentions are slightly better than predictions, but not by much. If we could predict the future accurately all those failed marriages would not have happened. They never did make long marriages. They only ever made marriages. People in the new ones working at them make them long.

Welcome back. Congratulations. Stay on plan. Tek

Welcome. Tek

This is perhaps the wrong forum, you're in the RNY forum. I can't imagine any google search could be better informed than those you've probably done. A 2 hour drive doesn't seem particularly excessive to me. Though, I've commuted that long in SoCal, so not sure I'm a judge. The Lap band forum here seems dead, so not much help there. Good luck, Tek

Not all guys are as open and eloquent as I am Generally, we're idiots. Most of us only have a theoretical idea of how women work. I think I was getting to a point, but I think I lost track... Hey NFL is back! Woohoo! See my other posts. Tek

If my wife approached me this way it would have resulted in a fight about how to properly communicate. Worst case, it would be interpreted as an ultimatum, and we are both proud enough to take the 'or else' option. Which is why we never come close to such. Insecurity is not something you can emotionally manipulate away, unless the goal is to get the insecure person to shut down. I suggest open, honest communication that treats your partner as an equal. Tek PS: I don't actually believe you speak to your partner this way, it was just internet bravado. Or so I hope.

Same with me back when. As bad off as I apparently was, they likely wrote it off as a lost cause. Good Luck, Tek

When my wife and I started walking we did New Balance and were quite content. I forget if we were pointed at a particular model or what but 17 years later it doesn't matter. She still insists on NB. After I decided I was going to continue running I switched to Nike Free. They are much lighter but less support. I've never worn anything else since. When I was doing 90 mile weeks then marathons, I went through a pair every 6 weeks. They are like being barefoot. Tek

I totally get your pain. I can't imagine. Perhaps more accurately, don't want to imagine. If you need to talk, find someone. If you can't find anyone, PM me and I will as often and long as you need. Personally, I accepted that I might die from surgery. The last thing my surgeon said before wheeling me in was "You know you might die in surgery? Do you want to continue?" It never occurred that I might writhe in agony for weeks before I did it. Something pre-ops should definitely ponder. I died during my bog-standard tonsillectomy when I was 4, and my abdomnioplasty when I was 45. Each time I hemorrhaged but I felt no pain. I'm even more thankful now thanks to your story. My thoughts are with you. Tek

I'm a guy, was married 27-28 years when I started toward surgery. My wife was like you, outgoing, social, etc. I am like your husband, introverted, insecure, a curmudgeon. Ok, here we go... I've heard it said "WLS makes good marriages better and bad marriages worse." My wife supported me 100%. But I initiated a similar discussion. Since I was always huge, I couldn't be sure that I wouldn't change. What if I did? We finally decided worrying about it doesn't and won't change anything. Worrying now (then) was wasted energy. I had no intention of allowing WLS to kill my marriage and we had to settle there. It wasn't just one discussion, we had it several times before and after surgery. Each time we reconfirmed our commitments to each other. Unless your husband is typically a jerk to you, I wouldn't count his insecurity against him. It's a fair concern. You both have issues and you love each other. But, once you remove your issues he fears he won't be good enough for the new you. Talk about it. Reassure him in no uncertain terms your feelings and intentions. Each time it comes up. Affirm your feelings toward him. If he is a total jerk, well surgery or not you have some thinking to do. My experience won't help you here. For the record, our marriage got better. My insecurities about the new me didn't blossom, but I'm still insecure. I am still me and I'm still in love with my wife more every day. She reports the same... but I think she's just being nice Good luck Tek

If you are completely following your program, as you seem to be, you are doing it right. Don't change a thing. The scale is lying to you. I should copy and paste. I was too large for any scale but my surgeons'. So I couldn't do to me what you are doing to you. Yet, in month 5 I only lost 8 pounds. Grrrr. My Doc couldn't care less about my weight if I was following my plan and feeling well. For the record, the next month I lost my second largest amount, and I didn't change a thing. I also don't ever weigh myself except at annual physicals. I do what Doc did: I measure how I feel, am I content, am I on program. You know, the important stuff. Numbers on a scale? Not important. There are a ton of things that can result in the scale not moving. By now, you've read about the ones both real and imagined. It doesn't matter. The scale doesn't matter. Don't let the scale do you. You do you. Tek

I suggest you talk to your Doc/Nut and ask what their exercise program for you would look like. If the gym is really your thing, talk to a trainer. I don't care for exercise for it's own sake. Never did it, never will. As such, I had no reason to research the 'optimal' approaches nor what happens to our bodies while doing it. It seems like MsMockie *HAS* done such research on gym type exercise. My advise to me was: Do what I like, as I won't sustain what I don't. I like walking around doing stuff. I thought being able to run 3 miles would be an interesting challenge. Then I started binge running. It wasn't about exercise, it was about enjoying what I was doing. Good luck. Tek

You are being pedantic. I, however, also messed with your premise. Sorry. Running a mile and walking a mile burn the same 100 (on average) calories. You just burn them a bit quicker the faster you move because you do the distance quicker. Where do those calories being burned come from? First, from any free calories that may be in your digestive system. Once those are unavailable, from fat. Once those become unavailable or your body can't access fat quick enough, muscle, bone, brain. Now that we agree on this, let's reason things out. You go to the gym, stretch, get on your cardio machine for 30 minutes. You totally rock out, 6.0 speed. Cool, you burned, on average, 300 calories. You burned what was available in your system for the last 12 hours. No fat burn. You must do this, what, about 7 times to lose a pound. Look: You were right. Woohoo! I, on the other hand, went outside. Time for a 15 mile run before work. 15 miles = about 1500 (on average) calories. Since i was eating less than 1200 a day, my body had to start converting fat. At some point in my longer runs, I also started converting muscle for energy, which became a problem. So yeah, I burned fat during running. Running on a treadmill is boring. The few times I had to do it I hated it. Running outside, around parks, golf courses, along the beach, listening to audio books, is both educational and fun. Enjoy Tek.

I've got you by a few years still. Get off my lawn! Tek

You kids and your new fangled ideas. Batteries in a scale, what will they think of next. Tek

Even back when insurance was problematic, I got a date which was part of the insurance approval process. Once approved, I got moved to a week earlier. It's SOP. Tek

Sorry, going to be a 'nudge' here: 90 miles a week and 5 marathons beg to differ. From when I started to when I finished the 5th marathon, I dropped 150 pounds, which was about 40 too many. I'm pretty sure it was mostly fat. Less effective exercise is better than no exercise. I hated exercise, so never did any Tek

4 out of 6 posts. You obviously find me fascinating. Pots, kettles. etc. Tek

I do charity work trying to help credulous people that believe the claims companies don't even make. It's thankless work, but I enjoy giving back. Pure intentions mean nothing. The road to hell is paved with pure intentions. I prefer reality, You might try it eventually, it's pretty cool. I'm having fun, are you? [ETA: You must be, you've spent 3 of your 5 posts here on me. Exciting!] Tek

Yes, you sure got me with that one. People always deflect when they can't defend. Now learn where "The Greater Fool" comes from: Who is the greater fool? The fool, or she that argues with the fool? This is my world, you just live in it Enjoy, Tek

If you are indeed doing your plan then the scale is lying to you. You have evidence you are succeeding, don't let the scale screw it up or take it away. Tek

It *IS* amazing, isn't it? You know, there are doctors right now telling idiots they don't need masks. Yeah. Doctors. WOW. Sure, the SAME ingredients (sugar, salt, potasiam) in your product work MAGICALLY 3x better than WATER, but the SAME ingredients in gatoraid don't. Isn't that special. I did the research, I know better. And we both know you didn't do research, or you would have posted it. Instead, you got offended. Boo Hoo. Have your Surgeon explain it to you clearly the difference. In small words. Have him explain exactly the mechanism that causes SUGAR, SALT, and POSOSIUM to hydrate you 3 times more than water. Since that is not even a claim the company makes, it should be interesting. VITAMINS? What the fig are you talking about? The product has no vitamins. I posted the INGREDIENTS! You do understand how labels work, no? Another WOW. Research is my thing. This was easy. Enjoy, Tek

I'm a guy and a bit further out. I was 600+ pounds. Now normal for my height. Before 2003 I was rarely seen in pictures. There were a few situations I couldn't avoid, but being tall I could stand behind everyone else. No solo pictures, no way, no how. Post-op I am still rarely seen in pictures. There are a few situations I couldn't avoid, but being tall I could stand behind everyone else. No solo pictures, no way, no how. In my work world, I've been a consultant for 45 years. I go to a new place, tell them how it needed to be done, I did it, then in 1-5 years when it was done, I moved on. Pre-op, I never went to social engagements, or out with staff. I was there to do a job, that's all. Post-op it's exactly the same. The one place it has changed is just out and about. People no longer bump into walls or poles because they are staring at me. Turnstiles don't freak me out. Restaurant seats don't freak me out. I no longer fear children. Well, I still do, but not as much. I can do physical activities as well as the next person. And, I can DO stuff. Stuff which I never dreamed I had any inclination to do. So, while a lot stays the same, a lot changes. Good luck, Tek

Just so. Tek