The Greater Fool

Just curious, how will you discern good advice from bad? Here's how I would do it. Good advice is not what you want to do. Bad advice says go for it. Or, good advice is what the angel on your left shoulder agrees with. Bad is what the demon on your right shoulder wants you to do. My safe advice that I follow almost without exception: What I would do is good, what I wouldn't do is bad. It's worked for me so far.

Judgement free: You will be drinking wine. How bad would it be? Does it matter? Should you do it? Who cares! Enjoy. Or, optionally, don't. If I were you, if I were to drink, I would choose to enjoy it. But I'm crazy that way.

I've never considered using such a card. First, I didn't share my surgery with most family. Nor with co-workers, aside from the CEO. Nor with friends or acquaintances. I certainly am not going to involve random wait staff. Next, I've never seen people that have had any other surgeries or other medical issues have cards printed up as to why the bearer requires special attention. Children's meals are typically fried and/or bland foods. Two good reasons I wouldn't order them. If a restaurant has the same food on the child's meal as on the adults why should I not be able to order the child's meal? I had a surgery that made it physically difficult to eat more than a small volume of food. My spouse chooses small quantities at a meal. We both leave food on the plate. Why should I expect to be allowed the child's meal? I've never had wait staff tell me I couldn't order a smaller* meal. Or just appetizers. Or nothing. * I didn't order smaller senior size meals until I aged into them. On the other had, wait staff gets very concerned when I only eat a few bites of whatever. Bearing in mind that I was a 6'4" 500+ pounds man, so it was pretty shocking for them to place a small volume of food before me, then come back and find it was barely touched. After some back and forth they would finally accept that I enjoyed the food and everything was OK. I don't believe a card would have made a significant difference. The tip, however, always put everyone at ease, and then they were sure I enjoyed the meal.

I'm 18 years post-op. My restriction is still pretty much like it's always been since about 2 months. My plan has been the same since day 1 post op. I was pretty strict about following my plan until the plan became my normal. The only time I get 'full' is when I'm stressed in some way which causes my pouch capacity to reduce. If I'm not paying attention it's not a happy experience. If I'm where you are health-wise when I'm where you are age-wise, I think I'll consider it a job well done. I've had a few transient issues that weren't because of my surgery. But, my surgery didn't help and often added a level of difficulty. Still wouldn't change a thing. Good luck. Tek

More narcotics.

There are strong and weak opinions for and against. There are folks who claim no difference to pre-op and others who claim a vast difference. My experience (RNY) won't matter much for you, so I won't share it. Based on how your question is asked I'm going to assume that you will be doing some social/work drinking after an appropriate healing period. I would suggest experimenting privately at home first so you know how it will affect you. Of course, if you do this social/work drinking daily or weekly, that may be a horse of a different color. Good luck. Tek

Preach it Sister! These 'fixes' are what we called 'crash diets' pre-op. How did they work pre-op for folks? They are STILL crash diets. No good for you short or long term.

Today is 18 years. I have plenty of regrets. None of them are related to my RNY. My weight has fluctuated up and down over the years. I don't really focus on weight anymore. I'm a happy, healthy, active camper.

Caveat: Surgeons have their own ways of doing things so I only am positive about what my Doc did. My Doc used a special tool that created the staple lines and bisected the stomach in one process. Doc said that if the stomach wasn't bisected that staple line failure over time was more common. I asked about reversing RNY and he said that yes, it could be reversed, but it was akin to knocking down a house then rebuilding it again from the rubble. It will work but it won't be pretty and it won't work the same.

Optimally, no. At least according to my surgeon. Such scar tissue attaching would have been an adhesion and undesirable. Nothing is required to hold the stomach in place before surgery or after.

Actually, I think it is this sort of simplified picture that spawns the question. A lot of detail is left out that leaves things "hanging in mid abdomen" as it were. To understand the concept of surgery, we don't really need all the complicated detail. However, the more complete and scaled 'before' picture shows how there is a lot more going on around the stomach, so not much room or direction for things to move about willy-nilly.

I know things DO move around. My heart used to be in my stomach.

First, my apologies for confusing you with another poster. Good thing I didn't call you names . Another message board I participate in spent a lot of time on this case so I am familiar. My mind actually went to this case when "bad day" and killing were mixed. This case has it all: sex workers, race, killing, stupid spokesman. The "excusing tone" the sheriff spokesman used was unacceptable and he was removed from the case because of it. If the point is "men are treated differently" this is an exceptionally poor example since the male killer will be going to prison and the male sheriff was punished because of his tone. If no one had challenged the tone then it would perhaps be a fine example. As it is, not so much.

And where exactly is anyone dismissing this event with "boys will be boys," as you claimed? No one in that article, or in general (aside from disreputable sorts) is excusing what this man did. Not because he "had a bad day." Not because "boys will be boys." This is the claim I took exception to. But, again, I agreed with what I believed your intended claim is. That the same actions by men and women are viewed differently. By both men and women.

I'm sorry but I've never heard of a man shooting a bunch of people, or beating his wife and kids dismissed with "boys will be boys." Except in certain religious circles family abuse is hidden because it's in no way acceptable. I believe you over stated your case. But I agree more generally with your premise (and oddly, @TimC's), that men and women generally respond to and are treated differently for the same actions. By both men and women. While there will be changes as society changes, I believe it will always be a part of the human condition. Observing that men and women are one way or another statistically may true in the general but useless when applied to the specific. That's how statistics work. Tek

I'm heartily glad for you. I hope things work out how you want them to. Tek

OK, every post you make makes things sound worse. IMHO, get some marriage counseling. You both need to learn how to fight effectively. I've had insecurities about my weight loss as has my spouse. Inappropriate conversations with the opposite sex almost certainly would have been a bridge to far, though. I'm not sure either of us could get past such betrayal. But, that's us. "You're supposed to say that" may reveal some of his thinking. "I'm insecure about your weight loss" may be something he's "supposed to say" to excuse something wrong he gets caught doing. Get professional help. Men and women are different. Go figure. Sometimes we need help learning HOW to communicate, in a safe space. Again, good luck.

I'm a guy. I don't see this as the hill to die on. This is him dealing with an awkward comment by old acquaintances. We're not always quick on our feet. Take the intended compliments as a win. From your several comments, it sounds like this is just the most recent of a long line of comments and actions that have bothered you. My take is that he may be feeling insecure and may be why he is defensive about everything. He's the same shlub you married, but you are now becoming very attractive and might want to trade up. If you and he let the resentments build it won't end well. The rapid changes of weight loss surgery tend to make good relationships better and bad ones worse. You need several conversations where you both can express your concerns and commit to your devotion. Several conversations. Insecurity is quick to build as this situation cranked you up. Reiterate that you both are on the same team. Communication will help solve this one way or the other. Not communicating can only end one way. Good luck. Tek

"Almost everyone." I might even just go with "many". I had open RNY so I was cut from stem to stern, had a drain for 10 days after. I was in the hospital for 3 days with a bed that was the devil. I sat in the guest chair most of the time. Because of the staples and drain every movement was a new experience in pain. Eating was nearly impossible. I never regretted my choice for an instant.

I dump. It has taught me to careful with sugar and fats. I still have significant restriction. It has taught me to pay attention to how I eat. Malabsorption, check. So I monitor blood work and medication effectiveness. I eat to plan. It is my normal, so don't give it much thought. I'm a deliriously happy camper. There are folks in the exact same place that are miserable. Be sure of your choice and commit to dealing with whatever comes.

My take on coffee is that if folks want to drink it post-op, they will. If they don't, they won't. I've ultimately seen very few converts from one side to the other. I could give or take coffee. Both before surgery and after, I could go months or years without a drop, then go months at a time doing a pot or two a day, then back to nothing in a day. I don't think I've had more than a 5 cups in in the last 5 years. I guess the mood hasn't struck. Don't be like me, if you do it, be moderate. Or not. I don't do anything by halves.

20 years ago you could find similar cards on the internet. I'd wager they are still out there. Back then, there was quite the debate about these cards and the children's menu. Children's menus, on average, are crap. Small fried foods that appeals to kids aren't very nuanced in flavor that adults appreciate. That is a pretty compelling argument right there. As for displaying a card to wait staff... I didn't tell my adult kids or anyone else I had surgery, I'm going to tell a wait staff? I think not. Not everyone is as introspective as me, I get that. The only feedback I got from wait staff was concern that there was an issue with the food. I would explain that the food was terrific but I just had "a procedure," sometimes holding my jaw, sometimes holding my heart, and couldn't really eat right now. I was having that recent "procedure" until they stopped showing concern, mostly because they knew me. I also made sure the tip reflected an amount that would have been good for a complete meal. This perhaps helped them remember me. We were in Las Vegas at the time, so money talks more than cards. Others relished the card. I don't recall experiences of them brandishing the card, but the fact that it persists means folks must use them. Honestly, if you comfort staff and tip well they will be happy enough to look funny the right way. Whatever you decide, have success.

Let's do a mental exercise, if you'll bear with me. Imagine that you put on a backpack with 100 pounds in it, and you wore it all day every day for a month. You're now used to it, if feels almost normal. Now, imagine your energy level when you get rid of the backpack. Imagine NOT having extra energy after that. Your welcome.

My RNY Surgeon said I had pretty severe sleep apnea during the surgery. About a year later when I got to the sleep study, they hooked me up and I was just laying there for 45 minutes when they declared the study was done and I have severe sleep apnea! When I told them I never got to sleep, then began the additional tests and history. I have Central Apnea which is a brain malfunction. It results in pretty severe sleep apnea and less severe apnea when I'm awake. I tried a CPAP with different cannulas but simply couldn't tolerate it. I live with it.

I can't add anything regarding pills that hasn't already been stated. I want to talk about surgery choice. If you have good reasons why you prefer one surgery over the other and your Doc recommends another, then YOU have a choice to make. Doc works for you, not the other way around. This is your body and your innards you are changing. The choice is yours. Think carefully, be sure you understand the risks and benefits of each and choose accordingly.