MimiMarigold

@NovaLuna Its crazy - It seems like we're just expected to grin and bear it. Don't kick up a fuss, expect to be treated badly, expect your needs will not be met. Like when the doctors ask you to undress and wear those crappy paper gowns / shorts / tops and they only come in a size Medium. Like.... Really?

My game plan going forward is to speak up. I'm not embarrassed to ask for what I need.

OK so I'm doing 6 months of pre-surgery insurance mandated medical weight management.
Month 1 visit: Met the doctor, did the weigh in, complained about the chairs that have arms and they brought me a different chair. We talked about the chair throughout the visit and how I did't fit in the chair with arms because it was digging into my legs, squeezing my butt, generally uncomfortable.
Month 2 visit (this last week): They weigh me in, take me to the room, same chairs, same issues. I ask for a different chair, but the nurse says she would have to go to a different department to find one. Essentially, it was inconvenient. I'm like... ... ... Well, I'm not sitting there. So she has me on the table, finishes up with me and I'm waiting for the doctor to show up. Perched on that table like a potato with dangling legs.
So I start pacing around the room like a caged elephant. I consider pulling out the stirrups and laying back on the table, but decide against that. I straighten the frame on the wall, then read the motivational poster. Its about customer service. "Grow your world around your customers and your customers will grown around you"
First of all, why is a motivational poster concerning customer service in a patient room? Seems more appropriate for some back office space. Second, their customer service sucks! The chairs are an issue I've already complained about and now I've been told that my request is too inconvenient to bother. Third, I'm a customer who is seeing this particular doctor specifically because I am NOT trying to "grow" anymore. This lady is trying to lose weight.
So doctor comes in and I'm ready to fight this fight.
I tell her I want a different chair. She's surprised and shocked that they didn't get me one! (Guess who is not surprised even a little.) I say, these chairs are anti-fat and don't work for fat people. Isn't a large part of her business dealing with and seeing fat patients? I mean, most of America is fat people, so chances are you've got fat people coming in and being uncomfortable in these chairs. She bristles when I refer to myself as a "fat person." She says, "Don't say that, don't say you're fat" and she winces and tries to brush it off. I'm like, look lady, I'm fat. It's like, specifically why I see you. It's a requirement that I come and see you before I have this surgery that is ONLY FOR FAT PEOPLE. Like, WTF.
I tell her that this poster is bananas. That they're doing a terrible job with customer service. She tries to swerve that as well - "This isn't my office, I'm not in charge of this, this isn't the only place I see patients, I will email the office manager, etc" I'm like, "You're the one I come to see. If not you, then who? Who do I talk to about this? Can we write this down in my chart that these chairs don't work and I want a chair without arms every time I come in here? Give me the office managers name and email, I will write to them."

My takeaways:
- This doctor is fat-phobic AF
- This office puts any pretty picture in a frame without reading / comprehending the intent of said poster.
- This office does not care about patient comfort.
- I feel really good for speaking up, making a clear argument, not backing down, and eventually getting a chair without arms.
- I feel good about saying all this stuff not only to the doctor, but to the med student who was shadowing her.
- It's hard, but important to make my needs a priority. And I'm sure they talked **** after, but I honestly don't care.
- Basically, this visit was A LOT and weird and I'm still processing it out.

@NovaLuna Its crazy - It seems like we're just expected to grin and bear it. Don't kick up a fuss, expect to be treated badly, expect your needs will not be met. Like when the doctors ask you to undress and wear those crappy paper gowns / shorts / tops and they only come in a size Medium. Like.... Really?

My game plan going forward is to speak up. I'm not embarrassed to ask for what I need.

I'm scheduled for 8/4/2020

Eddy Blaine Brown II

So my surgery is approved for August 17th!!

Sent from my SM-N975U using BariatricPal mobile app

Unlike many others on this board I absolutely abhor the "abstinence forever, never again" approach with a passion because in too many cases it leads to the exact same problem that made you gain back 160 lbs. People start bingeing on the "forbidden foods" they denied themselves for a long time. That's not unusual and it happened after the diets we used to put ourselves through before WLS.
I personally think it's a huge mistake of treatment teams to hammer the "abstinence forever, never again" mantra into the heads of their patients instead of steering them into the direction to learn to handle these foods in a sensible way because most patients will sooner or later try these "forbidden foods". They're tasty, they are maybe old favorites and (maybe that is the worst trigger) your environment views them as normal foods that can be eaten without feeling like a sinner that has fallen from grace.
So now that the damage is done it's of course a huge and bitter pill to swallow. However, you now know that the approach you tried before didn't work for you. So you can do different and better this time. Yes, you need to cut down on calories but instead of denying yourself all the foods you like, incorporate them within reasonable amounts. Read about "normal eating" (the books of e. g. Geneen Roth or Karen Koenig have a lot to offer), it can help tremendously with emotional eating or strong food cravings.
Do you still have restriction? If so, you still have something to work with and while the road ahead is a long one you can still make your way to a substantial amount of weight loss - but maybe you want to choose a slightly different road this time since the road you travelled before got you back to your starting point in the end, running around in a painful circle.

I'm scheduled for Aug 16, but my 2 previous dates were cancelled, so it's just wait and see at this point. I was upset the first time, but would be okay if it was postponed again for safety reasons.
In my view, this process won't begin with surgery. The journey started when I made a commitment to doing whatever it takes to get the weight off and keep it off, and become healthy and fit, so am concentrating on making the psychological and lifestyle changes that are needed to be successful long-term.
So far I've lost 40 lbs during the wait/delays. I've worked up to walking 10,000 steps/day plus weight training twice a week, and have cut out all caffeine, sugar, processed foods, and animal products. I already feel better and have more energy than I've in years. Looking forward to the additional benefits and accelerated rate of loss and change after surgery, but every day counts and is a step in the right direction.

@INEEDABUDDY No hernia, the results came out all good. But my system did NOT like that drink. Jealous of your 20 minute test, ha ha...

I agree 100%. This is an abusive relationship. Get out of it.

Sorry love but you're in an abusive relationship. Get Out.

That's a HUGE pet peeve for me when they hand you one of those dinky little hospital gowns! I always look at the person like they're the stupidest person in the world. I do try to be polite when requesting a bigger gown though just so that I get my way with little complaint. They once told me to just wear two because they couldn't track down a larger size... I was like "I can't even get the damn thing all the way up my arms and you expect me to wear TWO?!"

Needless to say it took them about 30 minutes to track down a plus size gown so I could do my damn X-Rays lol. It's ridiculous since most women are not tiny and NEED those bigger sized gowns so it's incredibly stupid to seemingly only stock the tiny ass ones that barely anyone fits into!
Sorry lol You found a sore spot there!

I just want to stand and applaud you, MarigoldSky! Way to make your voice heard! Good luck on your journey!

@NovaLuna Its crazy - It seems like we're just expected to grin and bear it. Don't kick up a fuss, expect to be treated badly, expect your needs will not be met. Like when the doctors ask you to undress and wear those crappy paper gowns / shorts / tops and they only come in a size Medium. Like.... Really?

My game plan going forward is to speak up. I'm not embarrassed to ask for what I need.

OK so I'm doing 6 months of pre-surgery insurance mandated medical weight management.
Month 1 visit: Met the doctor, did the weigh in, complained about the chairs that have arms and they brought me a different chair. We talked about the chair throughout the visit and how I did't fit in the chair with arms because it was digging into my legs, squeezing my butt, generally uncomfortable.
Month 2 visit (this last week): They weigh me in, take me to the room, same chairs, same issues. I ask for a different chair, but the nurse says she would have to go to a different department to find one. Essentially, it was inconvenient. I'm like... ... ... Well, I'm not sitting there. So she has me on the table, finishes up with me and I'm waiting for the doctor to show up. Perched on that table like a potato with dangling legs.
So I start pacing around the room like a caged elephant. I consider pulling out the stirrups and laying back on the table, but decide against that. I straighten the frame on the wall, then read the motivational poster. Its about customer service. "Grow your world around your customers and your customers will grown around you"
First of all, why is a motivational poster concerning customer service in a patient room? Seems more appropriate for some back office space. Second, their customer service sucks! The chairs are an issue I've already complained about and now I've been told that my request is too inconvenient to bother. Third, I'm a customer who is seeing this particular doctor specifically because I am NOT trying to "grow" anymore. This lady is trying to lose weight.
So doctor comes in and I'm ready to fight this fight.
I tell her I want a different chair. She's surprised and shocked that they didn't get me one! (Guess who is not surprised even a little.) I say, these chairs are anti-fat and don't work for fat people. Isn't a large part of her business dealing with and seeing fat patients? I mean, most of America is fat people, so chances are you've got fat people coming in and being uncomfortable in these chairs. She bristles when I refer to myself as a "fat person." She says, "Don't say that, don't say you're fat" and she winces and tries to brush it off. I'm like, look lady, I'm fat. It's like, specifically why I see you. It's a requirement that I come and see you before I have this surgery that is ONLY FOR FAT PEOPLE. Like, WTF.
I tell her that this poster is bananas. That they're doing a terrible job with customer service. She tries to swerve that as well - "This isn't my office, I'm not in charge of this, this isn't the only place I see patients, I will email the office manager, etc" I'm like, "You're the one I come to see. If not you, then who? Who do I talk to about this? Can we write this down in my chart that these chairs don't work and I want a chair without arms every time I come in here? Give me the office managers name and email, I will write to them."

My takeaways:
- This doctor is fat-phobic AF
- This office puts any pretty picture in a frame without reading / comprehending the intent of said poster.
- This office does not care about patient comfort.
- I feel really good for speaking up, making a clear argument, not backing down, and eventually getting a chair without arms.
- I feel good about saying all this stuff not only to the doctor, but to the med student who was shadowing her.
- It's hard, but important to make my needs a priority. And I'm sure they talked **** after, but I honestly don't care.
- Basically, this visit was A LOT and weird and I'm still processing it out.

OK so I'm doing 6 months of pre-surgery insurance mandated medical weight management.
Month 1 visit: Met the doctor, did the weigh in, complained about the chairs that have arms and they brought me a different chair. We talked about the chair throughout the visit and how I did't fit in the chair with arms because it was digging into my legs, squeezing my butt, generally uncomfortable.
Month 2 visit (this last week): They weigh me in, take me to the room, same chairs, same issues. I ask for a different chair, but the nurse says she would have to go to a different department to find one. Essentially, it was inconvenient. I'm like... ... ... Well, I'm not sitting there. So she has me on the table, finishes up with me and I'm waiting for the doctor to show up. Perched on that table like a potato with dangling legs.
So I start pacing around the room like a caged elephant. I consider pulling out the stirrups and laying back on the table, but decide against that. I straighten the frame on the wall, then read the motivational poster. Its about customer service. "Grow your world around your customers and your customers will grown around you"
First of all, why is a motivational poster concerning customer service in a patient room? Seems more appropriate for some back office space. Second, their customer service sucks! The chairs are an issue I've already complained about and now I've been told that my request is too inconvenient to bother. Third, I'm a customer who is seeing this particular doctor specifically because I am NOT trying to "grow" anymore. This lady is trying to lose weight.
So doctor comes in and I'm ready to fight this fight.
I tell her I want a different chair. She's surprised and shocked that they didn't get me one! (Guess who is not surprised even a little.) I say, these chairs are anti-fat and don't work for fat people. Isn't a large part of her business dealing with and seeing fat patients? I mean, most of America is fat people, so chances are you've got fat people coming in and being uncomfortable in these chairs. She bristles when I refer to myself as a "fat person." She says, "Don't say that, don't say you're fat" and she winces and tries to brush it off. I'm like, look lady, I'm fat. It's like, specifically why I see you. It's a requirement that I come and see you before I have this surgery that is ONLY FOR FAT PEOPLE. Like, WTF.
I tell her that this poster is bananas. That they're doing a terrible job with customer service. She tries to swerve that as well - "This isn't my office, I'm not in charge of this, this isn't the only place I see patients, I will email the office manager, etc" I'm like, "You're the one I come to see. If not you, then who? Who do I talk to about this? Can we write this down in my chart that these chairs don't work and I want a chair without arms every time I come in here? Give me the office managers name and email, I will write to them."

My takeaways:
- This doctor is fat-phobic AF
- This office puts any pretty picture in a frame without reading / comprehending the intent of said poster.
- This office does not care about patient comfort.
- I feel really good for speaking up, making a clear argument, not backing down, and eventually getting a chair without arms.
- I feel good about saying all this stuff not only to the doctor, but to the med student who was shadowing her.
- It's hard, but important to make my needs a priority. And I'm sure they talked **** after, but I honestly don't care.
- Basically, this visit was A LOT and weird and I'm still processing it out.

I'm guessing nerves? It's a huge life change. You're altering a part of your body, forever. You're giving up your current relationship with food, which, for a good portion of us, is hard. Food is comfort. For some, it was their friend (that's what the people on the 600 lb. life show say). It can be fear. We all worry about surgery. While I cried over nervousness before, I had waaaayyyyy more emotional moments after. Happily, most of them are good now (teary-eyed over a new size or number on the scale I haven't seen in forever; not being out of breath or doing something I couldn't for quite some time). You'll go through, and continue to go through a lot. It's ok to let it out and cry. It's healthy! I'm so happy for you, so glad you're date is coming soon.

Hi @GrungeGrownUp and @MarigoldSky. I just had my second appointment with the nutritionist and it went ok. No pounds lost this month but I did notice a lot about my eating habits and I think that will help with this journey.

I do t have an official date yet but hoping for early August. The coordinator said it’s still to early to schedule the surgery.

Not sure which surgery I will have. Do you know?

Hi guys! I think I’m an August person, too, although I don’t have an official date yet. Just had my second weigh in and I’m down 16 lbs. none of my clothes feel any looser, but that’s more because I only wear black leggings. 😂

FOR REAL - I saw What's Eating Gilbert Grape in my youth and I never let that house fire leave my mind. Its one of the reasons I moved out of the rural California.

First of all use a bigger font us blind old guys can not see it
1. No it is a tool to help you control volume, You have to get your head and mental eating disorder in line, The surgeon gives you the tool and you run the workshop
2. 100 health based, It is only part of the journey and it works look to the bottom left 5m plus lost pounds
3. STOP GOOGLING - i can say this site is 99 percent actual facts - if you follow the guidlines and the journey it works just look at my stats and others
4. This is your decision and screw family and friends - search that topic here - You decide if you want live longer, see your grandkids, be on this earth longer OR die a short life due to obese diseases, be miserable and end up in a URN. If you chose choice two here is a link. You most likely will need to order two
https://www.amazon.com/Cremation-Adults-200lbs-Funeral-Burial/dp/B079121D45/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=2K3RR7PZZWTE5&keywords=urns+for+human+ashes&qid=1582548598&sprefix=urn%2Caps%2C173&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFLRkkzUDhOTUhEN1YmZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTA0MTc3ODQyVlBUUjBNSlFRM05EJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTA1ODAzNDIzVzJDRFVSNkQ1R1YxJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==

Now you do not know me but i am a straight on tell it like it is! Do not take offense to anything above i am trying to make a point. Only you know if you are on the wrong path and only you can do this journey, we all have been in your shoes and we all have hit many speed bumps, But the success rate of WLS is clearly on this site and take advantage of all the experience and information here.
Have a great day

I lost over 200 lbs...
WLS won't cure disordered eating - it resets your metabolism making it less difficult to lose weight, and it limits what you can eat at one sitting. You can get around any surgery and gain the weight back by not following the surgeon's plan and grazing (i.e., snacking mindlessly - outside of planned meals and snacks). For truly disordered eating, you may need to enlist the help of a therapist.

@MarigoldSky
Is Weight Loss Surgery just a medically approved way into disordered eating?
For me, Obesity has been disordered eating. Working with my bariatric team and dietitian has been eye opening. I have a much better relationship with food. A psychological exam is a part of the screening process for bariatirc surgery. Some may be denied surgery until eating disorders are addressed/resolved.
How much of this is health based vs. fat phobia? I'm really struggling to reconcile what is truth and what is fat-panic. Has anyone else had these thoughts?
I guess it depends on your definition of fat phobia and fat panic. Do you base major medical decisions on appearance or what is socially acceptable? Obesity is a treatable disease. The truth is, I care about my health and being around for my family.
I'm five years out from surgery. maintaining weight int he 130's and I'm in the best shape/health of my life. Unfortunately, It took a major health crisis for me to admit my weight was slowly killing me. Weight loss has resolved my health issues. I am off many medications, My A1C is in the non diabetic range, I no longer use a CPAP machine, My mobility and quality of life is improved.
I've only told a few people in my life I'm considering surgery. I want to get really smart about it before I roll out a plan to friends and family. Any hot tips would be great!
Research and decide if this is a good choice for you. Offer friends/family to join you at bariatric appointments/local support group for facts and information. Keep people that are supportive close to you.

I had surgery 2 weeks ago. Before I even considered the surgery, my PCP mentioned it to me. I then began a 6 month journey preparing for the surgery. I was very lucky, because the hospital I went through (Brigham & Women's in Boston) has an excellent process. I had 2 meetings with the nutritionists in a group, and 3 one on ones. I had an hour long interview with a psychologist who specializes in bariatric surgery. I met with my surgeon 3 times. B & W has a whole lot of on-line resources.
I also did my own research. I read all the medical information on the success rate of sleeve v. bypass, side effects, etc.
I did a lot of research on what my eating would look like after the surgery. I encourage you to, also. While the amount of food and calories you eat during the phase when you are losing the weight very rapidly is an extremely low number, once you transition to maintenance you will eat more calories, which will also take into account your activity level. You will work closely with a nutritionist to find the right way to eat in maintenance. It is not "medically approved disordered eating", in fact it is the way healthy weight people eat naturally.

I did this for my health, but I am not dishonest enough to suggest I don't also look forward to being thinner. I am 61, married for over 35 years in November, and a well established professional woman in my community, so I am pretty comfortable in my own skin, but not feeling uncomfortable sitting in a booth or in an airplane seat, or just being able to shop in non-plus size sections are things I look forward to. I don't think, however, that I came to this decision based upon fat phobia. If you are asking if the medical community offers this surgery as a result of fat phobia the answer is "no". Most people on here have one or more co-morbidities, including diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. I have avoided those, but I have pretty arthritic knees, and the extra weight keeps me from being able to walk any distance or enjoy the things I want to. You are undoubtedly aware of the health risks of morbid obesity, which are absolutely based in science. You don't see a lot of 300 pounds 80 year olds.
I want to echo everything @TheAngryMeow said, above, about this being a tool, on a journey. There are lots of support groups for bariatric surgery patients, and that may be a good place for you to start. This is the opposite of easy, it is quite difficult. I am hoping and I believe it will be worth it in the long run, as I want to enjoy my future grandchildren and get to travel with my husband as we approach and get into our retirement years.
I took a very different approach to telling people about this; I have been transparent and honest with mostly everyone, except for people who I only know professionally, I have merely told them I was taking a short medical leave. If they were rude or bold enough to ask, I told them. But everyone in my office knows, my friends and family, my neighbors, and many people who I consider friendly acquaintances. I decided I am treating a disease, obesity. I felt and feel uncomfortable at times about this, but only one person (my SIL) gave me much pushback. Most people seemed genuinely interested and wished me the best of luck; some people complimented me on taking this step to be healthy. The more often I tell people the less uncomfortable I feel. I did not want to have people think I was dying when they see me after a mysterious "medical leave". And, it has been my experience that lying, even through omission, has never been a healthy decision for me. But everyone should make their own decisions about their medical care, including how much to share with others, and what other should have information shared with them.
Good luck to you!

However, I don't think

I'm still pre-op, but my surgery is Tuesday - so maybe I will magically come up with better answers after. Just based off of what I know and think now though, I can try and answer some of your questions.
1. Weight loss surgery has been described to me as a "tool" - Just as a diet is a tool, it's all about how you use it. Sometimes certain tools are not meant for certain jobs. You can't use a philips on a flat head screw. So think of weight loss surgery as a tool to help you lose weight. You have to still do the work, it just helps you along. Once you have the surgery, it's not over. It's just beginning. You will still have to overcome the food addictions, binging, or "cravings". Many people (myself included) have struggled with the psychology behind it. It's tough, and that's why pretty much everyone has to go through a psych eval to figure out if they are ready for such a huge commitment. Even then, there's no telling. If you are still unsure, I'd recommend a bariatric psychiatrist. I see one.
2. If you are doing this surgery because you are scared or have a "phobia" of weight, then I personally don't think you will succeed. You have to go into a mindset of "I'm doing this to better myself, one way or another". I first told myself, "I can't wait to no longer be fat!" now I try to tell myself, "I can't wait to be healthy". It's crazy how you change verbage and change your thought process.
3. Again, you have to think of this as a journey to wellness and wholeness. Not as a way to escape from being overweight or "fat". You are still a human being right now, with all the worth in the world. Being skinny, doesn't change that. Come to the realization that you are a whole person, right in this given moment.
4. I initially only told close family. Not even friends. I was ashamed because there is still a stigma attached to the surgery. Over time, I finally "came out" to my friends and even strangers! I was proud of the decision to get healthy and I didn't mind sharing it with the world. The only people who would have a problem with it, are probably not the people you want to support you anyways. I don't go to the mountain tops to scream it, but when I tell people that I'm having surgery, I have no problem filling them in when they ask, "Oh what kind?"
If you have any more questions, you are more than welcome to message me directly and I can try and provide some guidance and reassurance! You deserve to feel confident about your decision. Good luck! 👍