alissajs

16 hours ago, blackcatsandbaddecisions said:

Hey this popped up in my feed too, I remember this thread! At the time I was only a few months post op. I’m coming up on two years here, I lost 181 lbs. I weighed in at 153 this morning, so for my height of 5’10 I’m now at a 22 BMI. So at the end of the day I did in fact lose more than 100% of my excess weight, I did not start magically regaining weight at 18 months post op, and all this with a sleeve surgery. Who would have imagined.

Way to go!!!! I just checked (literally never know lol 😂) and I’m 21.5 bmi. My doc actually would be ok with me gaining a few pounds because my caloric intake tends to be low. I have ZERO regrets from the sleeve!!

On 1/16/2021 at 2:16 PM, NYCGirl9269 said:

I would like to see your results post 18 months and then perhaps I'd consider it. Seen too many regains too fast with the sleeve.

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I have no idea why this post popped in my head today but I figured now is as good as any time for my update! 😂 I’m 34 months post op. I’m 125 lbs (from 284). No regain. I think I did ok!

On 4/5/2021 at 11:26 AM, BayougirlMrsS said:

@alissajs Ok, so if i'm reading this correctly, you have been married for just over a year. Is that correct? And if I read between the lines, he did something besides this that is already put your marriage on alert..... Is this correct?

Coming from my POV.... I can see where it could be hurtful what he said. But, like a few have said, women don't have the same POV as men in certain situations. "Most" men can get over things more quickly..... I bet he didn't even realize what he said (not excusing it)..... I, like you, would be going over it in my head again and again. I have a husband now that easily picks up on my feeling (normally written all over my face). My x did not. But he really didn't care either. He was/still is a very self-centered controlling man. If you continue to "let it go".... next thing you know... You will have years of resentment..... till you are planning your husband's death in your head while you lay next to him in bed..... Just saying it could happen.

From experience, this will fester like a boil on a butt..... Eventually, you are going to have to pop it and let the healing begin. It will either go away or take over your entire a$$. If you guys can't handle this, please don't have any kids.... at least not till you had years of therapy....Imagine all the problems you have now x1000000000000..... and now you have another human involved.

I have three children from a previous marriage 😂 A little late for that.

Yes there have been major issues caused by my husbands actions, but it is something we have both chosen to work through. I love this man dearly and while his actions were hurtful, I couldnt NOT (ugh double negative) fight for our marriage because it is truly what I want. Obviously this thread only shows a negative aspect of our relationship, but there is a lot of good in our relationship as well. Otherwise, I wouldnt fight so hard for it.

As for an update, I did bring up the comment in counseling. As well as addressed me being able to come to him with any feelings I might have without him getting defensive.

He listened and apologized profusely for the comment. When he heard it from my POV, he totally got how that would hurt me.

As for those telling me to stop being so sensitive and just get over it, I am happy that you might be able to do that. However, I am allowed to feel however I feel (whether you think that is right, wrong or indifferent) and you dont know the background I come from...just as I dont know your background. Something that hurts you might not hurt me, and vice versa. Thankfully we all have our place in this world. I'm ok with being sensitive at times. Its not always a bad thing

3 minutes ago, lizonaplane said:

I find this offensive and not at all true. We have trained men in this country to be dismissive of women and to treat them as though they are overly emotional. What about a man who "has a bad day" and shoots a whole bunch of people? Or gets drunk and beats his wife and kids? Is that not overly emotional? It's more that men's emotions are considered acceptable and "boys will be boys" whereas women who show emotions are considered "hysterical" and need to be controlled.

OP is entitled to her feelings and what the church ladies and her husband said would hurt me too! They probably weren't thinking about what they were saying, in fact probably saw it as a "compliment" but my grandmother, who loved me soooo much, used to say that I had "such a pretty face" and in her eyes it was a compliment but it hurt so much.

However, OP is facing a difficult situation at home and it's not clear whether the toll of bringing up her feelings is worth it. I would say that she should consider what @catwoman7 said; he may have just been trying not to be confrontational, in which case, maybe he is a little embarrassed about what he said but if he doesn't like to be disagreed with, confronting him could just make him dig his heels in which could lead to more hurt.

I'm so sorry this happened to you @alissajs and I hope your relationship with your husband improves or you find a way to move on.

Thank you. I know they werent TRYING to be hurtful, but it was. Plain and simple. Should it have? IDK. I cant control the fact that it did though.

2 minutes ago, The Greater Fool said:

OK, every post you make makes things sound worse.

IMHO, get some marriage counseling. You both need to learn how to fight effectively.

I've had insecurities about my weight loss as has my spouse. Inappropriate conversations with the opposite sex almost certainly would have been a bridge to far, though. I'm not sure either of us could get past such betrayal. But, that's us.

"You're supposed to say that" may reveal some of his thinking. "I'm insecure about your weight loss" may be something he's "supposed to say" to excuse something wrong he gets caught doing.

Get professional help.

Men and women are different. Go figure. Sometimes we need help learning HOW to communicate, in a safe space.

Again, good luck.

Thank you. We are in counseling, and have been for some time now. Im not sure we will be able to make it through what he's done, but I cant give up without at least giving it a fighting chance.

15 minutes ago, The Greater Fool said:

I'm a guy.

I don't see this as the hill to die on. This is him dealing with an awkward comment by old acquaintances. We're not always quick on our feet. Take the intended compliments as a win.

From your several comments, it sounds like this is just the most recent of a long line of comments and actions that have bothered you. My take is that he may be feeling insecure and may be why he is defensive about everything. He's the same shlub you married, but you are not becoming very attractive and might want to trade up.

If you and he let the resentments build it won't end well. The rapid changes of weight loss surgery tend to make good relationships better and bad ones worse. You need several conversations where you both can express your concerns and commit to your devotion. Several conversations. Insecurity is quick to build as this situation cranked you up. Reiterate that you both are on the same team.

Communication will help solve this one way or the other. Not communicating can only end one way.

Good luck.

Tek

I think you hit the nail on the head. I know he is insecure about my weight loss. That was the reason he gave when he was caught *behaving inappropriately*

I havent been able to really talk to him about my feelings because our conversations inevitably turn to how he is insecure and what I can do to help him not feel that way, or what I did wrong to MAKE him feel that way.

So it was frustrating when he made a comment to make ME feel insecure, but not feeling like I could communicate that to him.

Y'all are right. I should let it go. It is not worth the headache and potential argument.

16 minutes ago, Tim C said:

From another man...yes you are being bit sensitive. This was hopefully said in jest. Women tend to wear their emotions on their sleeve more than men. OK....Now all you women jump on me with both feet!

Fair enough. I would not joke about people's appearances or their worth based on appearance, but I get that my humor is not the same as everyone's.

6 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

My suggestion would be to have a chat with your husband. It doesn't have to be an argument. Just a conversation.

❤️

I would LOVE to be able to express my feelings and it just be a conversation. Unfortunately, based on experience he doesnt like any time I disagree with his actions and he will make it in to an argument.

4 minutes ago, catwoman7 said:

on the other hand, he probably didn't know how to respond to that, and he didn't want to sound disagreeable or confrontational around people he really didn't know very well. I'd just let it go. I'm sure he just said it because it seemed like the thing to say to smooth over the situation, with a touch of humor at that, and it seemed like an easy way to just get out of the conversation and move on.

He is actually very good friends with these ladies, he used to live there, but I understand what you are saying about him not wanting to be confrontational. It just sucks when he expects me to defend him at all costs when the situation is reversed...which has happened.

My dad always told me that when you cant stop dwelling on what people say about you, you are letting them live rent free in your head. Well...there was a comment made on Sunday that I cant seem to evict!

My husband and I were visiting my inlaws in another state. We attended the church where my FIL is a preacher. We always attend church with them when we visit. Last visit we made was 2 weeks post op, so I had not lost really anything at that point. This was the first time the people at the church have seen me since my extreme weight loss. A lot of people made comments about how great I looked, and that didnt bother me at all. However, two ladies came up to my husband and I, told me I looked so good, then they turned to my husband and said, "looks like you really made out on that deal!" My husband laughed and said, "Yeah my investment really paid off!" For background, we got married two months before my surgery.

I tried to laugh it off in the moment, but I really had to bite back tears. I have never felt that my husband looked at me any differently at 284 or 140. He himself has said that he only saw me, never my weight. He says he loves me regardless.

Both comments, from the lady AND my husband's reply has been on repeat in my head all week. Who finds that comment appropriate to say to anyone?? I was a catch at my HW and I am no more or less of a catch at my CW. He didnt marry me hoping I would lose weight and look better physically, at least I would certainly HOPE not, seeing as he is overweight himself.

It was inappropriate and hurtful. Normally, I would address my husbands comment with him in private. However, our marriage has been rough (to say the least) lately and I didnt want to start an argument. I know he will tell me that it was a joke, I am being too sensitive and overthinking it. Which...maybe I am but that doesnt make the comments hurt less.

I dont know...I guess i just needed to vent to people that would understand!

On 1/17/2021 at 9:57 PM, NYCGirl9269 said:

I'm just worried because most people I see on here who had the sleeve whicb I'd feel more safer getting, none of them were as heavy as me with as much to lose as me and thats why I want the sleeve but keep pulling back...I'd love to see a woman on here who had the sleeve with a 46 or higher BMI who now has. 20 or 25 bmi. That's all I'd like to see so that I don't go into this always paranoid it won't work enough cus im too big. That's all . My appt with my surgeons January 27th and ultimately he will leave it to me to decide but I just want real testimony from real people who were as big as me . I'm 5'7 293 lbs, and I want to be 150 lbs. If I follow the guidelines they tell you that sleeve will give you a 60-70% excess weight loss, that means I'd be 220. So I don't know why they put 60-70% if so many people lose all of it and it's more common than it says

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Hi. thats me. I had a bmi of 48.7. One year post and i am a BMi of 25.9...and still losing. But you dismissed my success because I havent even hit 18 months (even though that gives me 6 more months to lose, and I am already under my first goal.)

You wanted someone with your stats who succeeded with the sleeve. IM RIGHT HERE!

41 minutes ago, NYCGirl9269 said:

The only good thing I know is with the sleeve the appetite is suppressed better due to the ghrelin being removed, but I see so many sleeves then getting bypass a second round so I rather just get it done right the first time

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Well I never had GERD, and really thats the primary reason for a revision. I may develop it later on, but only 30% of sleevers have this issue.My sleeve was done right, so it definitely isnt an inferior surgery.

30 minutes ago, NYCGirl9269 said:

Whyd you choose the sleeve if you know the weight loss rate is not as much as bypass? Or whyd your doctor recommend it?

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Actually, the weight loss between GB and GS is very very similar at 5 years post op. Because it is so similar and the rate of complications with a sleeve is lower than with a bypass, this is why my doc recommended it.

47 minutes ago, NYCGirl9269 said:

I would like to see your results post 18 months and then perhaps I'd consider it. Seen too many regains too fast with the sleeve.

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Weight regain is not a side effect of the surgery (either one...regains happen with bypass just as often), but rather choices made by the patient. I am still losing. I'm confident in myself and my choices. I will check back in July 😊

I’m one year post op.
5’4
Hw/sw: 284
Cw:152
Gw:160
New goal: 140

I can only answer for myself, but I too flip flopped between the two. My doctor suggested the sleeve for me, and that what I ended up doing. I had a bmi of 47. I am 5'4 and I was 284, now 152.

I am barely over a year out (1/7/20) and I have not only met, but surpassed my goal in 11 months. I have had no issues at all and I am still losing (albeit very slowly now)!

I just celebrated my 1 year (1/7), and I was down 131 pounds on my 1 year (have lost another pound since then). I am below goal and couldnt be happier with my results. I have set a secondary goal that I would love to reach by end of 2021, 140 pounds. If I DONT hit it, I wont be upset, I've already surpassed my original goal, but it would be nice to get there.

Its definitely harder now to stay strict and not stray too far from the post op guidelines, but I operate under the idea that nothing is off limits to me. If its not forbidden, I dont want it as much 😂 I treat myself, but very rarely. I still want to LIVE life, not just struggle through it.

Built Bars for SURE. I love them!!

My husband doesnt understand just how real the body dysmorphia truly is. He think i am fishing for compliments. I REALLY dont see my size in the mirror. I am in size 8 pants and small/medium tops. I honestly didnt see myself as big as I was before surgery either. My brain is messed up.

I knew about the skin issues going in but I always thought "better loose skin than folds of fat"...well yes and no. i hate all the skin.

There are days I struggle with junk as well, but I try to make sure I only take a bite or two, just to satisfy the craving, then move on. It is such a TOUGH mental struggle!

I am doing well though. I have lost 125 pounds, and I have surpassed my original goal. Now I have decided to try for another 20 pounds. If I get there, great! If not, I'll still be proud of my accomplishments so far. I'm now in a size 10 pant and medium shirt!

On 08/29/2020 at 09:08, WishMeSmaller said:

Burping and pain in your upper abdomen/epigastric region (from gas or???), can be symptoms of GERD. Probably a good idea to contact your PCP or surgeon’s office if symptoms persist.

Do you take anything for GERD now?

I take Prilosec otc every day

On 08/29/2020 at 04:23, GreenTealael said:

It may be food specific if it just started. What were you eating/drinking when it happened?

I would think that too, but I have the same thing I always have at work. Protein Shake mixed with coffee when it started. Then after anything (water, Gatorade, chicken, cheese, etc) it happened.

I’m almost 8 months post op and to this point I have no issues at all. However, starting today any time I eat or drink ANYTHING I get horrendous air bubbles. I spend the next couple hours burping or trying to burp to release the air. I don’t have any feeling of acid but the “bubbles” are very uncomfortable and I have nearly thrown up from the pressure when I burp.
Any ideas what this could possibly be?
I haven’t changed anything. Eating slow. Chewing slow. Not drinking while eating. Literally nothing has changed.

Last year I was diagnosed with mixed hyperlipidemia .Got my labs back for 7 months post op . Cholesterol dropped 48 points and I have no sign of hyperlipidemia! All my labs were normal.

1 hour ago, New&Improved said:

Just saying RNY totally changed my metabolism...

You do realize that the sleeve does this too, right? You tout that bypass is the end all be all...but here I am with my "subpar" surgery, down 105 pounds in 7 months (JUST from surgery, not a lengthy strict pre-op diet like you did, you conveniently leave that part out a lot)

Oh and just for fun...

On 08/06/2020 at 11:31, Ostflicka said:

Hey all it's August! Where are we all at in our journeys- our thread is hella dead 😂🤣 Well I myself don't come check in usually either, except every Tuesday on Weigh In days. Do you all have set weigh in days? I weigh in on surgery day, which was a Tuesday. Sometimes I'll step on the scale but I don't "log" it. I try not to make myself crazy though by putting so much pressure on my numbers.

Life is good for me, this Covid thing has really thrown me into working out though. I hike a lot. I don't work so hiking or biking are the only things I really go out of the house for anymore. It's so nice being smaller for hiking - some of the trails I use to hike when I weighed 300 pounds and I'm like I was amazing for doing it. Because now it's so "easy" I've become one of "those" people who can carry on a conversation while hiking - I just hated those people before 🙄🤦‍♀️

My food intake is still strange. The other day I overate - I kind of knew it too. I didn't listen to myself and was like I can have 2 more bites, well NO - you can not have 2 more bites! Those 2 bites threw me into an awfulness I don't want to repeat. The 2 bites were vegetables, I have such a hard time getting in veggies, because I need my Protein. Anyone having difficulty with finding the balance of still eating veggies?

Anyway would love to know how everyone is doing heading into this 7th month. Are you loving your "new" improved Life?

I’m doing well! I exercise 6 out of 7 days, and that’s so unlike me 😂. I hated exercise before. Don’t love it now, but I do it! Weight is VERY VERY slowly coming off, but still going down so I can’t complain. Inches are coming off. My large shirts are now getting baggy, so I am going out today to buy some mediums 🤯 that still blows my mind.
I went for my 6 month appointment and was told I should be eating more, between 800-1000 calories a day. Still have a big problem reaching that. Most days I can get to 700 but I’ve hit 800 a couple times. I’m getting plenty of Protein, usually 70-80 a day and they want me to get 60. Was also told to start drinking more electrolytes so trying to get more propel and Gatorade zero in. Was having issues getting severely dizzy, and doc thinks it’s from eating too little and not replenishing electrolytes with me working out so often 🤷🏼‍♀️
I’ll tell you, never in my life did I think a doctor would tell me to eat more lol
I have way more energy, which is exciting! I feel good about how I look (in clothes at least) but I would still love to lose another 20-30 pounds.