StrawartS

Wow. This is better than when I won the 5th grade spelling bee! (G-L-O-C-K-E-N-S-P-I-E-L)

Thanks, Kathy!

Sorry, didn't mean to scare the freshly post-opers. As bad as this experience was, the pain was gone after the vomiting ended. It is my pride that remains wounded after talking so much smack about people who throw up.

I was taking Iron and B12 pills for a few months, and I took them at night with my other pills. After a while, I realized that I was staying awake that way, and I had to start taking them during the day.

Ugh...I have to tell you what I was eating? Didn't you notice how I was cleverly avoiding that?

1. 3 barbeque chicken wings (I think they were breaded in addition to being covered in goop)

2. 2 spicy chicken wings

3. 2 jalapeno poppers (those fried, cream cheese filled gooey bundles of goodness)

4. maybe 4 fried mushrooms

5. margarita, baby!

See, Kathy, you keep blowing my cover! As you all sit here and say "And she wonders why she doesn't lose weight..."

Wow, this accountability thing kind of works. New rule - if you're too embarassed to admit that you ate it, maybe you should just have a carrot instead.

But...in my defense, I've eaten similar consistency foods with no problems before. That's what threw me off about this episode.

Haha...wait, I can't get away with saying how I ate half a pizza and then complaining about not losing any weight? You guys are smarter than I thought.

Ok, I take all the hostility back! I'll take any advice/tough love. I promise the pizza thing doesn't happen every day. It was the beginning of a hard freeze, and I couldn't drive on the black ice, and I didn't have groceries. (Do you buy that excuse? I can't come up with a better one.)

I know I probably need another fill. Even when I eat good food, I have to eat a lot to feel satisfied, or I get hungry again in an hour or two. I'm sure that will pass with a fill, but right now it's easier to blame the damn implant in my body rather than myself.

And, Kathy, the shoes are still sitting quietly by the door. I promise to keep them there.

Oh my goodness, I feel like I'm getting virtual hugs from every direction! I didn't expect such warm reception after my long-winded personal complaint session!

meat tenderizer - what an amazing idea! I'm sure it doesn't taste great, but I can vouch for the fact that the nastiest thing going down is better than a gourmet meal coming back up.

Wow...look how fast I got over that anger. I would have been the last person to think group support works. Thanks again, everybody!

Ok, so it DOES sound crazy! Thank you, Dody! I have to hope that my incident is not what a typical PB is, otherwise...it's just torture! Why are we putting up with this side effect?

Ok, I'm really not trying to sound hostile. I promise. This is the one time that "it's not you, it's me" is really true.

P.S. Since you're probably curious, I'm filled to 2.5 cc in a 4 cc band, and no, I haven't lost a single pound post-op. Thanks for asking.

Oh my god.

I had gone almost 3 months post-banding without what you people so lovingly call a "PB," and let me tell you, those two little words do not do the deed any justice. I kept reading about people throwing up and I wondered what the hell was wrong with you all. I would almost rather die than vomit, as I have a very sensitive gag reflex, and once I get started, I can't stop. I thought you had to be crazy to eat so much or so wrong that it came back up.

Oh, little did I know. Now, I've had the golfball. I get the golfball, in varying intensities, several times a week. I figured it was just first bite syndrome, and it would always pass by walking around or trying to wash it down.

Until last night. I was on the San Antonio River Walk with some friends, and we were having some appetizers and margaritas. All of a sudden, I got the worst golfball ever. No warning. I went to the bathroom to try to walk it off. I paced the bathroom for about 10 minutes, and my mouth was filling up with slime. And then I threw up. It was mostly slime, and only a tiny amount of food. The most impressive part to me was that the slime came out in a 9 inch diameter BUBBLE! Like when you're using that string and wand thing and blowing bubbles! Crazy. If I didn't feel like such total shit I would have examined it more closely.

I thought I was better, and someone was trying to come into the bathroom, so I returned to my seat. I still had pressure in my chest, but nothing too bad. A few minutes later, the excrutiating golfball returned. We got up to leave, and I thought the walk back to the hotel would clear it.

But no. The more I walked, the more painful it became, and my mouth continued to fill with slime. Finally, I couldn't stand it, and I ran into the nearest restaurant to use the bathroom. Or, what I thought was a restaurant. It was actually some sort of bar that was checking IDs. I tried to hurry past the guying yelling "Ma'am!" until he manhandled me. I was at once flattered that I looked younger than 21 and terrified that I might vomit on this lovely young man. I turned to him and urgently whispered "I'm going to vomit. Please let me use your bathroom." If I have learned anything about men, it is that they are most afraid of a crazy bitch...especially a crazy bitch about to throw up.

I found the bathroom and immediately began vomiting. Another HUGE bubble. (Could I make money off this talent?) It is this vomiting session that I now consider the OFFICIAL WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE. It was so painful, both in my chest and my pouch, and not at all PRODUCTIVE, like vomiting before the band was. Little chunks of food were coming up and getting stuck on the back of my tongue, making me gag and heave more.

Eventually, everything that was going to come up did, and I was left sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. And trying to rinse foot long slimes out of my mouth for the next five minutes.

Ok, so if you're still reading, a few observations:

1. Are you fucking kidding me? This has happened to you people more than once? My mom was banded a month before me, and I know that she has had this kind of episode on MANY occassions. I do not comprehend. Last night's situation has scared the pants off of me, and I have been eating VERY carefully today. I can honestly say that I would rather die than go through that again.

2. Are you telling me that I PAID for this? I should start another thread about the GIANT SCAM that is the lapband, but I'll be brief here. This was NOT in the power point presentation. The golfball was NOT ever mentioned to me. The imaginary feeling of fullness that doesn't register with your head was NOT ever acknowledged pre-banding.

3. Productive Burp? How about Excrutiatingly Painful Gagging Sliming Heaving Feels Like You're About to Die Vomitation? (EPGSHFLYADV) Seriously, the acronym is EXCEPTIONALLY deceiving. I had no idea what I was in for.

And, no, I'm not too tight. I've had this fill for a month, and have eaten much worse than I did last night. In fact, I ate half a pizza last week with no problems. Please don't judge me and tell me to eat Protein.< /p>

So, basically, I'm pissed, and I'm getting more pissed as I write this. I'm terrified of ever going through that again, and I'm angry that I was misled. I am convinced that this procedure is entirely experimental and will be contraindicated in about 10 years. And physiologically, it makes no sense. How can my pouch hold half a pizza one day and just a few bites another? I need a scientific explanation beyond "the band is finicky."

I know this isn't the right forum for I Hate My Band discussions, but maybe there are a few others like me lurking. Anybody?

Lisa, ditto on that email. Too bad most of the people who feel the same have already left.