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CapitolChick

LAP-BAND Patients
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    CapitolChick got a reaction from Bubie1916 in July Butterflies Master Thread   
    In case this is helpful to anyone I have come back to post this.
    I lost weight, but hit a point for some reason that I got really weak and sick of my lapband. At one point I felt as though I was starving and yet couldn't eat anything bc I got stuck all the time. I didn't have a slip..or anything other than I really I just did not have a lifestyle where the band fit in. I wanted a balanced meal. I wanted to not have to deal with this thing day in and day out. I was so tired and no matter how much Vitamins or Protein I took in...I lost muscle, and struggle with nutrition deficiency. Eventually I hit a wall. I couldn't take it anymore..just got sick of the lifestyle. I tend to stress easily and any stress caused constriction that made everything get stuck. This is what my physician thought. I tend to agree. I was already on meds for that too!! ffs..it was too much.
    After a long fought battle to lose what I did I couldn't take it anymore and had my band completely unfilled. I gained all my weight back and realized I had to do it on my own one day at a time.
    My choices were death..get my crap together or be barfing all the time and miserable or even go in for a different surgery..I just couldn't handle it. I'd been through so much fought so hard to try to save myself from dying in the middle of the night due to obesity related causes..I hit rock bottom. I had spend my whole life fighting this it felt..
    So.
    What I learned:
    The band showed me (if just for a minute!!!) that I wanted to live. what it kinda tasted like to be normal in my size!!... to have a new life!!! I wanted what I felt the lucky ones had!! even to be 20 pounds overweight would have been fine. I wanted to not have to see another plus sized store or large online catalog for the rest of my friggen life. The world is not setup for the obese. That there is a whole exciting world out there but it only goes up to XL (if you're lucky).
    So I started to walk forward. On my own. with diet and exercise. 8 yrs later I look back see how much I have gone through - multiple family members deaths, divorce, losing a home, job changes, therapy, various surgeries, and growth.
    I have now lost over 100Lbs and although my life is far from ideal, is so radically different it scares me at times..I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am working on losing 27 pounds and doing more run/walk events. It is fun to work on this. It is fun to learn and research and met others who are into fitness. To learn about food addiction, depression or other soul killing things in our lives.. I get to do so much more now. People who meet me have no idea who I used to be or how large I was.
    I am so much different now. I like myself and know my journey will never end and that thought gives me a big hug feeling. I finally get it.
    So no I don't regret getting the band. It gave me what I needed.. even though it was indirect. My hope is to someday get it out and get a Tummy Tuck but I don't obsess over that and it isn't really the end of the world if it doesn't happen.
    I hope this helps someone else bc it is not a black and white journey for everyone.
    Peace.
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