Biggamehunter

1 hour ago, AshAsh1 said:

Oh wow. I've followed this post now for awhile, resisting the urge, trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. I even reported a post that I felt was degrading to you. BUT, this is where I draw the line.

Why are you on a BARIATRIC FORUM for patients who gather together who've had BARIATRIC SURGERY, if this is how you feel? I don't think you are going to find the "support" you are looking for, and in the meantime, are vastly offending people left and right. You can't just say that because your wife only had 50lbs to lose, that WLS was a bad idea. Perhaps she's yo-yo'd her whole life with weight, perhaps she's never successfully lost weight, perhaps she has a binge eating, or other eating disorder. Many people have struggles that prevent them from losing or successfully keeping weight off. This surgery is meant to be the last option for people who've exhausted all options. And, you do realize a vast majority of people who have surgery aren't 4-500lbs...... in fact, many are in your wife's category. I can name plenty of users by name that fell in this weight range. We don't come onto this site to give and get advice from closed minded people like you, who, think this is bullsh*t. At this point, please take your concerns and go elsewhere. You could have gotten a wealth of knowledge from this community, but you've just proved that you don't take us seriously anyway. You don't agree with our decisions to have surgery, and don't see it as a "necessity". Therefore, why continue to engage us?

Wow is right. There is some sensitive people on here. So basically all I’ve tried to get out of all this is, is my wife supposed to be this way now or is she capable of doing anything about it. But what I’ve gotten is, you should support it no matter what the outcome and how dare you see it any other way than ours. I’m done here. Y’all need help.

4 hours ago, FluffyChix said:

So glad you mentioned Lyss. Great post, dude.

To the OP, I don't think you're wife bashing or whatever you are accused of doing in this post. (skimming only). I think you are genuinely concerned. I'm sure others have mentioned, that initially due to weight loss in general, but due to quick weight loss in particular, we get to the point toward goal where we do look like melted candles--a bit--at least I'm looking decidedly melty-ish in parts these days. But over the next year, the fat will actually re-distribute and fill out some places.

I'd say if the doc isn't worried, then take comfort from that, and trust your wife. This is clearly important to her. You've no idea of the beasts and battles we have in our heads re: weight, self-esteem, sexuality. We may appear the most confident women in the world and some are! But others of us fight it daily. And it's a big war within.

I think your fear stems from the experience with your aunt. I'm sorry for your loss. It honestly sounds like maybe your aunt's tummy twisted and blood flow got cut off and that's why she went septic.

But, I also think some of this is your seeing your wife for the first time outside the norm--as a skinny wench. And that takes us all time. The body dysmorphia applies to loved ones and friends as well as the bariatric patient. Just for reference, your wife is SMACK in the middle of normal weight for her height. Yay team! I know I'm not planning on stopping until I get to the normal weight zone. There can be a 10-15lb regain around 2-5 years, so there is that as well...

I just think keep on doing your research, stay connected here for support and be supportive of your wife's journey. And it DOES help to talk it out with someone who went to school for therapy rather than us internet whackamoles!

Cheers!

I don’t refer to my wife as a wench ever. I think the people with this surgery care more about being skinny than being “fit”. And I don’t care what some internet scale of proper weight people should be. For the people that are 4-500 pounds I don’t if you get this surgery cause you can’t control yourself but if you’re a woman 250lbs and should be under 200 then you need to do something. Not remove your stomach. I don’t care who that offends. Cause this is bullshit. Not healthy and not a necessity.

2 hours ago, BigViffer said:

Actually, it is impossible to create new muscle tissue when you are eating fewer calories than your body burns. It's kind of a law. (Conservation of mass). If your BMR is 1500 calories and you can only eat 1000 calories, you absolutely cannot create new muscle tissue.

Now you may be able to have the existing muscle tissue live up to it's potential, increase in size comes from blood and Water engorging the tissue. As the muscle is worked, it can hold more. In the case of building new tissue, the above happens as well, but now you literally have more muscle fibers that are holding more blood and Water.

@Biggamehunter - perhaps the forum members suggest you get help because you are so angry and taking it out on strangers on the internet? I don't see this as a your side/their side situation. I have no bias one way or the other. I'm just here to answer a question. If you want help from these people, you need to be more personable. You are not endearing enough to make anyone want to help, only argue.

Hope you and your wife can come to a consensus on what to do next.

I’m not being angry with anyone on here. Sorry if I come off that way. Im oilfield construction. We all come off as abrasive. My wife has gotten used to it. But I’m not really nasty. We just speak our minds.

20 minutes ago, GreenTealael said:

Ok so instead of suggesting weight training which apparently is patronizing, I suggest physical therapy to repair the muscle you believe have atrophied. HOWEVER ONLY A DOCTOR CAN DIAGNOSIS THIS... BTW, I'm in both physical therapy and began to weight train so I'm not suggesting things I haven't tried, and this was after a real problem not something pretend.

I never said you were patronizing me. You most certainly were not. The other people throwing out the personal attacks definitely are. My wife isn’t willing to exercise. I guess I was just looking for someone to show me that it’s going to be ok. But I’m pretty sure I went from having an overweight wife that was beautiful the way she was to have an unhealthily skinny wife with a pretty face. It is what it is. Maybe we’ll make it maybe we won’t. I told her I’m there anyway I’m just not pleased with the way It has made her so skinny. She isn’t happy about parts of it either but if you try to talk about it with her she just gets mad. I’ll delete this thread today at some point.

3 hours ago, BigViffer said:

To be clear though, I am a sleeve patient. There will be some differences in the amounts of food that can be eaten at one time. However, it has been proven that bypass patients can indeed lift weights successfully. The most famous example I can think of is Lyss Remaly:

http://fabulyssfitlife.com

To be fair to the OP though, the first year post op it is next to impossible to build muscle because of the lack of caloric surplus that is necessary to build new muscle. There will be atrophy and loss in size as the body breaks down muscle for the Proteins needed for it to function. If she were lifting weights currently, she would be able to stave off some loss of size, but she would also be increasing the Protein requirements thus breaking down more muscle, etcetera etc..

To the OP, give her time. 10 months is not that long. As long as she is having regular checkups with her surgeon and/or her primary physician to monitor her health, she will be fine.

Finally someone with some backbone. All these people saying I need mental help because I’m worried about my wife looking more sickly by the month are nutz. When my wife had brought up the surgeries I told her about my aunt and she said she wanted the sleeve anyway I was kind of ok with it. But then the day came for it and she had the bypass instead I was ready to knock the docs teeth into his throat. So hell yes I was mad and angry. I have no choice but to give it more time. But whatever. I don’t think these people have the stomach for a real conversation about it cause they obviously are only willing to see it their way. Crazy MFs in here.

5 hours ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

You said you weren’t happy that your wife went forward with this from the beginning. Is it possible that you are unconsciously looking for physical changes in your wife to support that feeling? Maybe even a “I-told-you-so” feeling because you’re not happy with her appearance now or maybe because she proceeded with her surgery despite your feelings?

I’ve come to accept what she has done… I don’t think you’ve accepted it at all. Why were you opposed to her decision to have this done in the first place? Is there something deep inside of you that resents her for having this surgery even though you were opposed to it? (I don’t know you, but some men have a problem with women making their own decisions, including decisions about their own bodies.)

She used to be… she is now… she is starting to look… She also looks like…. These sound like mourning words. You’re in mourning for the body your wife used to have.

I’m starting to worry… Starting? No, you're in full-blown worry mode, except it’s not really worry. I still think it’s mourning for what was.

I’m afraid I’ve lost my wife… Afraid? No, in your mind you’ve lost her. But have you lost her? Really? Your wife is happy. And the doctor’s office doesn’t seem worried.

His office pretty much ignores my concerns… Are you sure that they’re just disagreeing with you and not ignoring you?

This surgery killed my aunt…. WLS is not a murderer with a sawed-off shotgun. Your aunt had a rare and unfortunate complication. I hope you didn’t bring up your aunt's complication as one of the reasons for not wanting your wife to have her surgery. Or did you?

If I come across as terse, it’s only because men tend to understand things better when those things are presented bluntly or in black and white.

Lastly, it’s only been 10 months. Your wife's body is still trying to find a happy balance.

Has your sex life changed? Is that something you’re also unhappy about? (My husband has always enjoyed my big, soft body.)

Please do not interpret anything I’ve said above as lecturing or patronizing because that is not my intent. This is just my take on things from a woman's point of view. Not every woman's point of view. Just mine. We're not all the same, you know.

You sound like a loving and caring husband. No one here wants you to be unhappy, including me. Your wife, I’m sure, doesn’t want you to be unhappy. But guess what? It’s okay to be unhappy sometimes, except you need to figure out if your unhappiness and fears about your wife’s new body are rational or irrational. If they are irrational fears, and you still can’t come to terms with it all, maybe a therapist might help. Maybe joint therapy. And there is, of course, absolutely no shame in that. None.

You’re damn right I brought up my aunt. It would be stupid not to bring that up.

And being a man is to come forward with your problems and not just (keep it to myself) as women think we should. You want to open the man vs women door I’ll oblige but I’d rather not get into that.

We have no more or no less sex than before. Yes I had an issue with the change as anyone would if they marry the certain woman they want and then she decides to be the opposite. I’ve been working on that and my mindset has gotten better. There’s even some things I prefer now over before. The sexual attraction part was a hard hill to climb but I’ve pretty much got that whooped. She lacks the strength to do things that we were able to do before. Well I’ll start at the beginning with that. When we met about 5 years ago she was about 190-200 and stayed around there. She’s 5’8” That was what I had preferred in a woman. She started putting weight on and I never got on her case about it. A woman being 5 8 and 250 isn’t the healthiest and I tried getting her to get some exercise with me. I’m no brad Pitt. But I carry my weight alright. 6’ 260lbs and I bench over 400. But she got into depression and put weight on. I enjoyed parts but I knew she wasn’t happy. I am glad she is happy. And I’m happy for her truly. But there was things she could do when we met that she can’t anymore because she lacks the strength and muscle to do it. I’m no doctor but I do understand how the body works. I’m worried she’s going to lose what muscle she has left. And the aged part. She has noticed her rapid aging and is trying to figure out how to fix it but I’m skeptical since her digestive system is basically straight piped now she’s obviously missing something that is important for that.

So rather than you people patronizing me or any other bullshit prove me wrong. The phrase “she can weight train” is pointless unless you show proof. Cause I can’t find **** on it and the people at the docs office say the same ****. So if you’re reading this and you have a personal story and can show proof rather than just words then come at me. Otherwise you’re just an emaciated person that’s trying to accept yourself and trying to chew on someone with real questions.

I guess I don’t really know what I expected from posting on here. You have to do more than eat Protein to build muscle and she doesn’t get that. I just want my wife back. And how does one with no stomach weight train? If you can’t intake the calories to burn and build then how are you supposed to do any of it?

All she says is that she’s happy and says she’s not dying. She doesn’t care about any of it. My aunt Meghan said she would rather die than be fat and that’s exactly what she got. My wife says the same thing. Todd said that what happened is extremely rare. Todd even tried to argue with me on my aunt death. But anyways. He told me only 5% of women lose 80lbs or more I’ve come to believe that’s a big fat lie. He also said the normally women will put about 20 lbs back in at about the year mark but she’s not starting to gain again. Damn near everything she eats makes her sick. Her legs and arms are twigs with extra skin and some flab. I’m fuckin pissed really. I’m sure I’ll get some replies that I’m just selfish or some bs.

My wife underwent gastric bypass and gal bladder removal 10 months ago. She started at 255lbs and she now fluctuates from 147-155. My main concerns are she used to be fairly strong. Could give me a challenge in a wrestling match. She is now weak AF. She is starting to look emaciated. Her legs have very little muscle and she pretty mutch has only skin and chubs left. She also looks like she has aged about 15-20 years on her face. Dr. Todd in anchorage had her on a fairly strict Protein diet but yet she still lost damn near every bit of muscle she had. I wasn’t happy she went forward with this from the beginning and I’ve come to accept what she had done but I’m starting to worry. This surgery killed my aunt two years after her surgery about 12 years ago when the stomach that was isolated died and turned sepsis and killed her fairly quickly. Im afraid I’ve lost my wife and the nurses and assistants at his office pretty much just ignore my concerns. Any help here would be hot.